Addiction help

[GusTheRussianBarber]

Any tip/suggestion to get out of this addiction?

I can relate to your anxiety. I was caught... it was not easy. More power to you.

First piece of advice? Stop thinking of it as an addiction. It is a choice. It might be a choice you've conditioned yourself to see as an addiction, or it may be a choice you're scared to give up, or it may be a choice that fate has led you to, but it is a choice. You can stop.

I worked the Sex Addicts Anonymous program for years. It's worth looking into. If you or anyone else have questions about it, DM me. It's not a silver bullet insta-fix, but has helped a lot of people who put in the time and effort to make it work.

Since then, I've also been working on writing a book to help folks trying to break the cycle. It's particularly intended for people who find the religious context of traditional 12-step programs challenging. For those interested in this, also DM me.

 

[Notcumming]

Keeping & seeing only one escort while going into debt is not smart. A friend did something like this years ago and was about 20K in debt. He then went cold turkey until he cleared his debt. And in your situation with a family you won't be able to hide your debt forever. Just quit cold turkey and whenever the urge hits think of you family and then grab your wife and bang her instead.

LTO_3

LOVE THIS I will do my best to stick to it

 

[The Oracle]

Ozempic is for weight loss.

You could try reading the link he put up...Just sayin.

 

[Shaquille Oatmeal]

You could try reading the link he put up...Just sayin.

I did.
But OP is addicted to booking providers.
What does Ozempic have to do with it?
PS: The loss of appetite is how Ozempic works, by reducing blood sugar and slowing gastric emptying and may be that had a secondary effect on alcohol consumption due to feeling full all the time. But Ozempic would be the wrong drug for alcohol addiction as well.

 

[The Oracle]

I did.
But OP is addicted to booking providers.
What does Ozempic have to do with it?
PS: The loss of appetite is how Ozempic works, by reducing blood sugar and slowing gastric emptying and may be that had a secondary effect on alcohol consumption due to feeling full all the time. But Ozempic would be the wrong drug for alcohol addiction as well.

'' GLP-1 RAs appear to blunt the reward mechanism, the dopamine rush that comes with a reward, say researchers like Mansur. That could change how people feel desire, pleasure and motivation. ''

 

[Shaquille Oatmeal]

'' GLP-1 RAs appear to blunt the reward mechanism, the dopamine rush that comes with a reward, say researchers like Mansur. That could change how people feel desire, pleasure and motivation. ''

In relation to drinking, smoking etc.,
A big stretch to say that it will help with booking providers.

 

[The Oracle]

In relation to drinking, smoking etc.,
A big stretch to say that it will help with booking providers.

You don't think he is addicted to the dopamine rush of the experience?

 

[Shaquille Oatmeal]

You don't think he is addicted to the dopamine rush of the experience?

I don’t think it’s accurate to reduce this kind of compulsive behavior to just a dopamine rush.
There may be deeper emotional, psychological, and situational factors at play.
Ozempic is a metabolic drug - its main effects are on blood sugar, gastric emptying, and weight.
If the OP doesn’t medically need it for those reasons, taking it for a behavioural issue like sex addiction would be inappropriate and potentially risky.
Group therapy or counseling would be a much safer and more effective approach.

 

[HEYHEY]

Clearly your family isn't everything for you if you are coming here asking for advice. If it was, you would of stopped your addiction. You want to know how to stop? Tell your wife about your addiction and work through it together with her. If she leaves, well, then you learn the lesson and, will likely, have more motivation to stop this "addiction". I had a neighbor who was addicted to smoking for years and years. Didn't matter what people told him, he just wouldn't stopped. Then one day he stopped. You want to know why? He got lung cancer and had to get one of his lungs removed. He died about a year after surgery. You can either wait for the cancer to hit you to decide to stop (and hope to make it out the other end) or just take responsibility today.

Yaaaa don't listen to this guy lol
You'll nuke your marriage if you tell your wife. Then she'll take you to the cleaners during divorce and you'll rarely get to see your kid.

My advice, don't get caught while finding a way out. Also, don't be silly, wrap your willy lol that covers the safety aspect of it

 

[IamGroot]

How did you come to that conclusion? Hard times are often the best reality check and learning experience. And anyone who's had to suffer the consequences of their choices knows that. My post makes that very clear. The OP hasn't had to suffer the consequences of his choices, and thus, likely not very motivated to stop his addiction (because if he was, he wouldn't be posting here).

You're wondering how I came to this conclusion, but you're not disputing it. If there ever was a giveaway.

Secondly, you view everything in a spectrum of black and white, right and wrong. This is the thinking of a single person. There's an absolute in your point of view. You are free. Choices you make define you.

People in a relationship understand there are multiple variables, 50 shades of gray etc.

One can have a wife, while wanting a pussy on the side, without burning down a kingdom. Shared property, mortgage, obligations, investments... Kids in a relationship is another variable. And variables keep coming, right and left.

 

[MatureMan]

You're wondering how I came to this conclusion, but you're not disputing it. If there ever was a giveaway.

Secondly, you view everything in a spectrum of black and white, right and wrong. This is the thinking of a single person. There's an absolute in your point of view. You are free. Choices you make define you.

People in a relationship understand there are multiple variables, 50 shades of gray etc.

One can have a wife, while wanting a pussy on the side, without burning down a kingdom. Shared property, mortgage, obligations, investments... Kids in a relationship is another variable. And variables keep coming, right and left.

I think men who see SPs in a regular basis do it because it fills a void in their lives. Marriage burn out , work stress, family stress, lack of sex at home , many other reasons. I think that most men who do this are actually unhappy with their life. Then there the ease factor, Make a call, get laid, done. The ease of it feeds the addiction. It’s clearly a challenge but it has to start with challenging yourself to fix the personal and psychological issue you’re going through. Easier said than done I get it, but you have to find the inner strength and discipline to change , grow and evolve.

 

[Climberx]

Yaaaa don't listen to this guy lol
You'll nuke your marriage if you tell your wife. Then she'll take you to the cleaners during divorce and you'll rarely get to see your kid.

My advice, don't get caught while finding a way out. Also, don't be silly, wrap your willy lol that covers the safety aspect of it

If he really has a good relationship with his wife/family, they will help them work through it. If he doesn't, he's probably with the wrong person if he can't have these kinds of conversations with. His question was how to stop this "addiction" and hobby, not how to have a perfect relationship. If he's serious about his addiction, my post still stands. I've known recovering alcoholics and drug addicts which, but for the help from a loved one, would not have overcome said addiction. My post sounds harsh but that's because it's supposed to be. He's asking strangers on a sex forum a question to an answer he already knows but won't take action on. Take some damn responsibility or face the consequences.

 

[Climberx]

You're wondering how I came to this conclusion, but you're not disputing it. If there ever was a giveaway.

Secondly, you view everything in a spectrum of black and white, right and wrong. This is the thinking of a single person. There's an absolute in your point of view. You are free. Choices you make define you.

People in a relationship understand there are multiple variables, 50 shades of gray etc.

One can have a wife, while wanting a pussy on the side, without burning down a kingdom. Shared property, mortgage, obligations, investments... Kids in a relationship is another variable. And variables keep coming, right and left.

Based on your responses, I'm going to assume you are in the younger age bracket. Wait 10 years and revisit.

 

[xix]

From what I heard a few stories from some people.

1.
One guy jumped in bed to help promote other employees. It seemed wife had her own psychic and she knew/knows what husband does, so at her work place she would jump in bed - not necessarily for a promotion just revenge or vindictive. Now she has her won side guy.

2.
Real estate agent - these guys do it often - in bed with several lady of hours, wife knows but can't get him to talk about it openly.

In the end it's OP choice. This is not Alcohol where family can help you. This is breaking a sacred bow. So youtube video on how to stop.

 

[massman]

Coming to terb and asking for help in how to control sec addiction is a bit like going to a bar to find help for your drinking problem, so as others have said, first delete your account, and all similar accounts. Get help, a therapist or SA group. As they say, take it one day at a time. Wake up each day and decide that you will not see a SP, MPA, won’t log in to TERB, won’t look at porn etc. Go day by day, and it will eventually get easier, but never will be “easy”.
Good luck my friend.

 

[Jenesis]

If he really has a good relationship with his wife/family, they will help them work through it. If he doesn't, he's probably with the wrong person if he can't have these kinds of conversations with. His question was how to stop this "addiction" and hobby, not how to have a perfect relationship. If he's serious about his addiction, my post still stands. I've known recovering alcoholics and drug addicts which, but for the help from a loved one, would not have overcome said addiction. My post sounds harsh but that's because it's supposed to be. He's asking strangers on a sex forum a question to an answer he already knows but won't take action on. Take some damn responsibility or face the consequences.

I get what you are trying to say and part of it is right, but most women are not going to stick around and help an addiction to escorts like they would alcohol or drugs. There are additional layers to it. The cheating, the STD risk, the family money spent on another woman. It is different. It hits women differently.

I agree, he is making a choice. It is not an “addiction“. He has to come to the hard truth, but telling the wife is not the best answer here. It will only cause a whole other level of problems.

Now if the reason he is seeing escorts is because he and his wife do not have sex or are not sexually compatible, then he has others issues as well that he has to work out in order to stop. He has to figure out the “why” of it before he can work on stopping it.

 

[Climberx]

I get what you are trying to say and part of it is right, but most women are not going to stick around and help an addiction to escorts like they would alcohol or drugs. There are additional layers to it. The cheating, the STD risk, the family money spent on another woman. It is different. It hits women differently.

I agree, he is making a choice. It is not an “addiction“. He has to come to the hard truth, but telling the wife is not the best answer here. It will only cause a whole other level of problems.

Now if the reason he is seeing escorts is because he and his wife do not have sex or are not sexually compatible, then he has others issues as well that he has to work out in order to stop. He has to figure out the “why” of it before he can work on stopping it.

I've known lots of people who have navigated relationships where one person cheats. There is light at the other side of the tunnel. We rarely hear of the relationships where people fought hard to keep it together, despite the challenges that arose. It's only the break-ups we hear of, which sometimes involve cheating. If he doesn't tell his wife and she eventually finds out, the consequences are going to be different than if he comes clean, acknowledges he has a problem and wants to work with her to move on from it. His mistakes, as I pointed out, was coming here asking for advice. Many people's previous relationships here were not good, and so do not represent a good sample size to be asking for advice from. It's clear that he hasn't been able to kick the habit alone. He needs someone to keep in accountable, and his family is a potential avenue for doing so as they are already invested. The biggest fear he will have to get over is the million potential ways his wife could respond to being honest. If he wants to go to the sex addiction equivalent of AA, than so be, but based on his post, that doesn't sound like something that will work.

 

[Jenesis]

I've known lots of people who have navigated relationships where one person cheats. There is light at the other side of the tunnel. We rarely hear of the relationships where people fought hard to keep it together, despite the challenges that arose. It's only the break-ups we hear of, which sometimes involve cheating. If he doesn't tell his wife and she eventually finds out, the consequences are going to be different than if he comes clean, acknowledges he has a problem and wants to work with her to move on from it. His mistakes, as I pointed out, was coming here asking for advice. Many people's previous relationships here were not good, and so do not represent a good sample size to be asking for advice from. It's clear that he hasn't been able to kick the habit alone. He needs someone to keep in accountable, and his family is a potential avenue for doing so as they are already invested. The biggest fear he will have to get over is the million potential ways his wife could respond to being honest. If he wants to go to the sex addiction equivalent of AA, than so be, but based on his post, that doesn't sound like something that will work.

But this is not just cheating. This is paying for sex. I’m telling you, as woman, it is a different game when it comes to paying for sex. It is just different. It is usually more painful. Just like having a one night stand style of cheating hurts less then having a long term affair which hurts less then having a separate life with a second family. There are layers.

Clearly you are set in your opinion, So I am not going to go back and forth, but I think my opinion from a woman’s POV should carry some weight here. Women do not respond well to cheating but they respond even less well to actually paying for sex.

 

[IamGroot]

But this is not just cheating. This is paying for sex. I’m telling you, as woman, it is a different game when it comes to paying for sex. It is just different. It is usually more painful. Just like having a one night stand style of cheating hurts less then having a long term affair which hurts less then having a separate life with a second family. There are layers.

Clearly you are set in your opinion, So I am not going to go back and forth, but I think my opinion from a woman’s POV should carry some weight here. Women do not respond well to cheating but they respond even less well to actually paying for sex.

Can you elaborate on this? How can paying for sex be more painful than cheating while being emotionally involved with another?

 

[Climberx]

But this is not just cheating. This is paying for sex. I’m telling you, as woman, it is a different game when it comes to paying for sex. It is just different. It is usually more painful. Just like having a one night stand style of cheating hurts less then having a long term affair which hurts less then having a separate life with a second family. There are layers.

Clearly you are set in your opinion, So I am not going to go back and forth, but I think my opinion from a woman’s POV should carry some weight here. Women do not respond well to cheating but they respond even less well to actually paying for sex.

Most people aren't going to respond well. In a perfect world, he wouldn't have been paying for sex outside of marriage, but he's not in that situation. Telling her will create wounds which he will need to be prepared to deal with. This isn't the first time someone has made a post like this in the past. In most cases, either the person can't break the addiction and keeps seeing escorts secretly or they eventually get caught. He's been incapable of breaking the habit behind her back. He's just going to have to think long and hard how he wants to approach that situation. It won't be rainbows and butterflies, but taking responsibility for his actions is a starting point. If he wants to pussy out of having to deal with the situation, so be it, but the conflict will only continue to multiply.