Why do you hobby? Dilemmas while starting out?

[philonius]

Probably the most surprising aspect of it, though, is that there’s almost no temptation to hit on “inappropriate” women in normal life. We’ll never see a study on it because of the stigma, but I’d bet that hobbyists have far fewer workplace issues with female colleagues. There’s just too much to lose, and it’s too easy to redirect your affections.

That's a weird side-effect, and I can buy it (can't confirm, haven't worked in a corporate setting for over a decade), but here's one I've noticed:
My confidence seems to go through the roof in the days surrounding a session and I'm calmer and can deal with crises much better. Probably linked to what you're saying too, actually, since I feel like I have no pressures on me I can't handle and that I'm making smarter moves as a result.

 

[Patron]

That's a weird side-effect, and I can buy it (can't confirm, haven't worked in a corporate setting for over a decade), but here's one I've noticed:
My confidence seems to go through the roof in the days surrounding a session and I'm calmer and can deal with crises much better. Probably linked to what you're saying too, actually, since I feel like I have no pressures on me I can't handle and that I'm making smarter moves as a result.

I think I understand the side effect.

This activity is based upon the premise that 80 percent of guys want to fuck 20 percent of the women.

A percentage of that 20 percent of women sell sex in hourly increments. Thank God for them.

Some guys find The One and are very happy throughout their life with her. And of course that is wonderful.

Society and the movie/film industry tells everyone to do a never-ending search for The One, even though the 80/20 rule is hard math that most guys won’t find The One.

Most guys don’t participate in this activity even though it would make them happier. There is a degree of Acceptance involved. Society doesn’t approve. If they are single, they just accept that sex with beautiful women isn’t going to be a big part of their life. If they are unhappily married (at least when it comes to sex), they just accept that sex is infrequent and occurs with someone they are no longer attracted to.

While this activity attracts guys unwilling to accept that fate, i.e., guys who want to fuck girls in that top 20 percent throughout their life, a lot of Johns do hit an level of Acceptance mode, too. He is using the money he earns to fuck beautiful women selling sex, often in no small part due to lack of success in courting “civilian” women in that top 20 percent category, so why invite the potential to destroy his opportunity to earning ability by hitting on women he meets through work, which is very risky in the “me too” era?

 

[kherg007]

I'm old enough that I got to hang around w Bill Shakespeare a couple of centuries ago. He was a two pot screamer but fair dinkum could he write. I asked him this question and here's his response:

To hobby, or not to hobby; that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the loins to suffer
the bulge and stiffies of outrageous blue balls,
or to take your dick against a palm of fingers,
and by wanking end them? To bone: to fuck;
no more; and yet to ring and ask her to end
the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
that flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
devoutly to be wish'd. To chat, then bone;
To bone; perchance to anal: ay, there's always a rub;
For in that single shot on goal what dreams may come
when we have emptied out our dusty wallet,
must give us pause: there's the respect
that makes calamity of so long life;
for who would bear the whips and scorns of being outed,
the lady's advert, the proud man's responding,
the pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
the insolence of their office and the spurns
that patient merit of the ex co-worker takes,
when he himself might flash a heap of 50s and arrive
with a bare bodkin? Who would shower first,
and grunt and sweat on top of a weary bed...

Hope that helps. Lol

 

[fruesh]

Hey guys!

Overthinker's post incoming - read at your own peril!

When Caeser was ordered to disband his army and return to Rome where the political machinations of his foes awaited, he instead turned south and marched on Rome. He paused and reflected before crossing the Rubicon. “Even yet we may draw back; but once let us pass this little bridge, and nothing is left but to fight it out with arms.”

Those who enter this world and probably faced with a similar dilemma. It may be a small step/interaction but it can stay with you for a very long time/forever and alter things in your life. Once it is attempted, it is done - "Alea iacta est" (The die is cast).

Why did you get into this? Has this changed the way you view yourself and connect with yourself?

To put this in perspective, this isn't about the lovely ladies or the business/act of escorting (takes a lot of fortitude and courage), but about your perception of yourself - having paid to win the momentary affection of someone you place value in as "special" (attractive + all the other stories/expectations that you've built up around it) and subsequent question around self worth - that you've reached a point in life where you are making a decision like this for whatever reasons just/unjust. It may go against your belief set/conditioning that you've held so far, much like Caeser. Maybe you realized the previously held set of views were limited and the this experience expanded that? I understand the responses may be biased towards those who continue hobbying (ergo are active on the forum vs someone who did it once and left forever). I'm interested in responses of how this changed you and the impact it has had.

Hey! New here too and I am in the same boat as you. I am still on the fence. Whats holding me back is that Im afraid that once I go, I may want more as I am a virgin in my 20s. Also afraid that it may affect future relationships where I see this as an option and easy way out or at least have less qualms about it when things get rough. I do have high expectations for my future partner but at the same time I feel that once I go, it would be unfair to hold the same expectations when I have taken an easy way out.

Would love to hear from people that have been in a similar situation of your thoughts.

 

[kherg007]

Hey! New here too and I am in the same boat as you. I am still on the fence. Whats holding me back is that Im afraid that once I go, I may want more as I am a virgin in my 20s. Also afraid that it may affect future relationships where I see this as an option and easy way out or at least have less qualms about it when things get rough. I do have high expectations for my future partner but at the same time I feel that once I go, it would be unfair to hold the same expectations when I have taken an easy way out.

Would love to hear from people that have been in a similar situation of your thoughts.

I think you're thinking correctly here. Spot on.
Try the true love first. If that fails, come back. It's too addictive otherwise, and I don't think trying to go for whatever your wallet can handle to monogamy will be tough.
Good luck!

 

[Useful Idiot]

Quite simply, there was a tension between unfulfilled needs and my own sense of morality, loyalty. My wife and I grew apart, but stayed together to run a business. After 8 years of celibacy and no intimacy I got offered a happy ending while getting a massage in Chinatown, which I accepted. It was far from a good experience, but it was the beginning of a whole new life, one that I do not regret. It did feel like a "crossing the Rubicon" event. Here I am in my sixties enjoying the best sex of my life. For me though, intimacy is a bigger need. Touching, kissing, holding hands, caring and being cared for. I was not expecting to find that in the hobby, it has been a delightful surprise. And intimacy is so synergistic with good sex, especially in a friendship that grows over time. I continue to be surprised. God bless the Pleasers! I would have stayed true to my wife without sex if there had still been intimacy. I know that some clients do not even have sex with SPs, they just enjoy the company of a friendly and sexy woman who is kind to them.

 

[Patron]

I think you're thinking correctly here. Spot on.
Try the true love first. If that fails, come back. It's too addictive otherwise, and I don't think trying to go for whatever your wallet can handle to monogamy will be tough.
Good luck!

The Virgin post may be a troll post, but unless a guy wants kids, aren’t you just dooming the poor guy with the “true love” model?

I mean it it almost the standard on John message boards:

Boy spends much time and effort finding beautiful woman who is his true love.

Boy works very hard at job, makes good money.

Girl begins spending boy’s money, starting “lifestyle creep”.

Girl loses interest in sex with boy. Girl does not lose interest in boy‘s money or wanting him to make more money.

Boy loses interest in girl. Boy wants really good pussy. Boy is amazed at how much control girl has over his financial life.

Boy feels trapped and has to come up with strategies to have enough money to buy good pussy.

I do wonder how many high earning men wish they had never gotten married and spend time calculating just how much sex they could have purchased if they had not gotten married.

Lifestyle creep is almost always driven by the lower-earning spouse. It affects people at high income levels.

https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/four-10-workers-earning-more-151047299.html

Personally I think, unless you really want kids, that trying to find “True Love” is a colossal waste of time and future spending power.

Never a popular opinion, but I think it is the sad truth. Look at all the threads about doing this while married without getting caught.

 

[kherg007]

The Virgin post may be a troll post, but unless a guy wants kids, aren’t you just dooming the poor guy with the “true love” model?

I mean it it almost the standard on John message boards:

Boy spends much time and effort finding beautiful woman who is his true love.

Boy works very hard at job, makes good money.

Girl begins spending boy’s money, starting “lifestyle creep”.

Girl loses interest in sex with boy. Girl does not lose interest in boy‘s money or wanting him to make more money.

Boy loses interest in girl. Boy wants really good pussy. Boy is amazed at how much control girl has over his financial life.

Boy feels trapped and has to come up with strategies to have enough money to buy good pussy.

I do wonder how many high earning men wish they had never gotten married and spend time calculating just how much sex they could have purchased if they had not gotten married.

Lifestyle creep is almost always driven by the lower-earning spouse. It affects people at high income levels.

https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/four-10-workers-earning-more-151047299.html

Personally I think, unless you really want kids, that trying to find “True Love” is a colossal waste of time and future spending power.

Never a popular opinion, but I think it is the sad truth. Look at all the threads about doing this while married without getting caught.

What i mean by true love is shorthand for trying real relationships not the kayfabe ones. And yes, i agree for those who'd like to have a family etc some day. If someone blames women for their troubles with women, then what the heck the fantasy relationship is likely better.
But once someone gets used to the fantasy my fear is they'll not be able to work through the inevitable rough patches of real relationships. Thus one can go from a real relationship type person to a "professional" relationship type person, but I fear it does not work in the other direction. Yet, I never did try to do the latter.
I did do this in the former, and I'm not sure i can go back to a real relationship. Anyhow, my three cents.

 

[bggolfingmaniac]

The Virgin post may be a troll post, but unless a guy wants kids, aren’t you just dooming the poor guy with the “true love” model?

I mean it it almost the standard on John message boards:

Boy spends much time and effort finding beautiful woman who is his true love.

Boy works very hard at job, makes good money.

Girl begins spending boy’s money, starting “lifestyle creep”.

Girl loses interest in sex with boy. Girl does not lose interest in boy‘s money or wanting him to make more money.

Boy loses interest in girl. Boy wants really good pussy. Boy is amazed at how much control girl has over his financial life.

Boy feels trapped and has to come up with strategies to have enough money to buy good pussy.

I do wonder how many high earning men wish they had never gotten married and spend time calculating just how much sex they could have purchased if they had not gotten married.

Lifestyle creep is almost always driven by the lower-earning spouse. It affects people at high income levels.

https://www.yahoo.com/finance/news/four-10-workers-earning-more-151047299.html

Personally I think, unless you really want kids, that trying to find “True Love” is a colossal waste of time and future spending power.

Never a popular opinion, but I think it is the sad truth. Look at all the threads about doing this while married without getting caught.

I thank god I got through my divorce without my ex ordering a forensic audit of my finances. All those large cash withdraws over 2 years would have been basically impossible to explain.

 

[Patron]

I thank god I got through my divorce without my ex ordering a forensic audit of my finances. All those large cash withdraws over 2 years would have been basically impossible to explain.

If you were spending money you earned, not money that she earned, it is bizarre that society and the legal system would require you to justify those expenses.

 

[fruesh]

What i mean by true love is shorthand for trying real relationships not the kayfabe ones. And yes, i agree for those who'd like to have a family etc some day. If someone blames women for their troubles with women, then what the heck the fantasy relationship is likely better.
But once someone gets used to the fantasy my fear is they'll not be able to work through the inevitable rough patches of real relationships. Thus one can go from a real relationship type person to a "professional" relationship type person, but I fear it does not work in the other direction. Yet, I never did try to do the latter.
I did do this in the former, and I'm not sure i can go back to a real relationship. Anyhow, my three cents.

Thank you for your advice, you have spelled out exactly what I was worried/thinking about.

 

[ogibowt]

i have a little bit of a different background..my 1st marriage was ok for awhile, but it fizzled out for a number of reasons.....but she never knew i was picking up street walkers for quick bj,s....the reason was for the thrill of it...the adrenalin rush of being in a quasi dangerous situation was too tempting....getting blown was just a by product....i screwed up the 2nd marriage because of infidelities with civvies...make no mistake ..i was a jerk and an asshole...yep screwed it up and lost the most beautiful woman i ever laid eyes on....and while cheating i still found time to get served by street walkers..primarily from the Lakeshore strip, known for its seedy Motels....nowadays all condos.....after the marriage ended i didn,t want to date and i got tired of quickie blowjobs....i felt that rush of excitement going through the Ads from Now Magazine and finally partook,,,,got familiar with Terb and got interested in spending time after learning about the GFE aspects of spending an hour or so with women half my age...after a few years, got boredd of it and gave up seeing Ecsorts along time ago....but i still enjoy Terb
Summing up,,, i was in love with the adventure, the adrenalin rush and that nervous thrill of spending time with avaiable women with no strings attached....now im an old guy, very content with an understated, quiet , calm ,lifestyle..lol... im like a neutered cat. with a girlfriend in a platonic relationship...and im ok wth it

 

[Hipjdog]

I got into this because I was 23, not getting laid very much, and horny as fuck.

I came across Eros Toronto and then eventually TERB. I never in an million years thought I would be
someone who pays for it, but I've had a lot of incredible moments and very few bad ones. I never
cared much for booze, drugs or gambling, but was I willing to shell out to get a woman on her
knees in front of me? Yes I was.

Like a lot of life experiences it didn't really change me all that much. I've gone to bed with a lot
beautiful women in this city and it was incredibly fun. There are some moments with these girls
that are etched in my memory forever.

Obviously, I am not particularly proud of being in this hobby, but I'm not deeply ashamed, either.
It's a human need, and I treat the women I see with respect. Eventually I'll be gone, so at least
I had fun in the meantime.

 

[GeeBee]

Quite simply, there was a tension between unfulfilled needs and my own sense of morality, loyalty. My wife and I grew apart, but stayed together to run a business. After 8 years of celibacy and no intimacy I got offered a happy ending while getting a massage in Chinatown, which I accepted. It was far from a good experience, but it was the beginning of a whole new life, one that I do not regret. It did feel like a "crossing the Rubicon" event. Here I am in my sixties enjoying the best sex of my life. For me though, intimacy is a bigger need. Touching, kissing, holding hands, caring and being cared for. I was not expecting to find that in the hobby, it has been a delightful surprise. And intimacy is so synergistic with good sex, especially in a friendship that grows over time. I continue to be surprised. God bless the Pleasers! I would have stayed true to my wife without sex if there had still been intimacy. I know that some clients do not even have sex with SPs, they just enjoy the company of a friendly and sexy woman who is kind to them.

This is 100% me as well. One experience started a whole new secret life, and I’m having the best sex I’ve ever had decades later than most guys. But I totally understand how some clients just want the company of an attractive and personable younger woman. It is the worlds best therapy.

 

[The Options Menu]

I thank god I got through my divorce without my ex ordering a forensic audit of my finances. All those large cash withdraws over 2 years would have been basically impossible to explain.

You went through a phase where you liked to play the slots. Explains the money and why you were out. The ex would still be angry, but less angry than if you said escorts, lol.

 

[Ol' Dirty Bastard]

All those large cash withdraws over 2 years would have been basically impossible to explain.

Drugs and gambling. Keep it simple.