Hobbying As A Couple - The Good And The Bad

[hockeyguy19]

I am definitely in the minority on this forum as all my hobbying is done together with my wife. I guess I am pretty lucky in that it has been a fairly positive experience with little issues or hang ups. My wife and I began about 9 years ago and we roughly get together with couple friendly SP's around once every two to three months.

It was a mutual desire to explore this and she is the one who often initiates making arrangements.

When realized that there are two types of sex that we have. A more intimate loving type of sex between the two of us, and what we call the 'fun sex' between us and an SP.

So far, it has all worked out. There is no jealousy and we are both allowed to explore what we desire with hardly any limits or restrictions. Once the night is over, we go back to our normal lives, almost like it didn't even happen. The only time a particular experience is brought up is if we talk about it during sex as dirty talk.

I am very curious about others out there who hobby or hobbyed as a couple and what their experiences are/were like and if it was positive or negative.

I know that good things don't last forever which is why any insight or sharing of experiences might be helpful in trying to determining not only the longevity of such an arrangement, but the viability as well.

 

[LPoet]

This could be the shortest thread on Terb if people like me didn’t comment with our envy and congratulations on having such a healthy relationship with your wife. I hobby because my wife had a medical issue that impacted our sexual intimacy and I keep it secret because of the way she would interpret, “Honey, let’s occasionally bring another woman to our bed”. So I applaud your marriage.

I don’t want to derail your thread so I think the most detrimental thing would be withholding intimate details. Neither of you can harbour stronger feelings for the SP than the spouse. Is time with the SP allowed without the spouse? Would you be willing to allow a male SP into the bedroom? The best thing about bringing an SP into the bedroom is that your marriage must be rock solid. A huge barometer of the health and strength of a marriage.

You have all my envy for the rest of the year.

 

[Goodoer]

I am definitely in the minority on this forum as all my hobbying is done together with my wife. I guess I am pretty lucky in that it has been a fairly positive experience with little issues or hang ups. My wife and I began about 9 years ago and we roughly get together with couple friendly SP's around once every two to three months.

It was a mutual desire to explore this and she is the one who often initiates making arrangements.

When realized that there are two types of sex that we have. A more intimate loving type of sex between the two of us, and what we call the 'fun sex' between us and an SP.

So far, it has all worked out. There is no jealousy and we are both allowed to explore what we desire with hardly any limits or restrictions. Once the night is over, we go back to our normal lives, almost like it didn't even happen. The only time a particular experience is brought up is if we talk about it during sex as dirty talk.

I am very curious about others out there who hobby or hobbyed as a couple and what their experiences are/were like and if it was positive or negative.

I know that good things don't last forever which is why any insight or sharing of experiences might be helpful in trying to determining not only the longevity of such an arrangement, but the viability as well.

Congratulations! This is awesome. I’ll add my name to the list if jealous TERBites. Hobbyists and SPs can compartmentalize sex encounters. Probably similar to Swingers.

I’m also curious as to whether the SP is always a female or does you wife get the fun of two dudes every now and then?

 

[Sonic Temple]

You are one lucky bastard mate - you and your wife seem to have a great relationship!

 

[GeeBee]

This could be the shortest thread on Terb if people like me didn’t comment with our envy and congratulations on having such a healthy relationship with your wife. I hobby because my wife had a medical issue that impacted our sexual intimacy and I keep it secret because of the way she would interpret, “Honey, let’s occasionally bring another woman to our bed”. So I applaud your marriage.

I don’t want to derail your thread so I think the most detrimental thing would be withholding intimate details. Neither of you can harbour stronger feelings for the SP than the spouse. Is time with the SP allowed without the spouse? Would you be willing to allow a male SP into the bedroom? The best thing about bringing an SP into the bedroom is that your marriage must be rock solid. A huge barometer of the health and strength of a marriage.

You have all my envy for the rest of the year.

I’m in the same position with my SO, so this kind of lifestyle is never going to happen, thus I’ll add my jealousy and respect to the thread. Do you only see SP’s who specifically advertise as couple friendly? The SP would need to be fully bisexual and into your wife as much as shes into you.

Well done sir!!

 

[Goodoer]

I have no experience, but the only thing I can think of to maintain this situation is that you have to be fair. The wife would need to get her desires met too (bisexual chick or another guy).

 

[hockeyguy19]

This could be the shortest thread on Terb if people like me didn’t comment with our envy and congratulations on having such a healthy relationship with your wife. I hobby because my wife had a medical issue that impacted our sexual intimacy and I keep it secret because of the way she would interpret, “Honey, let’s occasionally bring another woman to our bed”. So I applaud your marriage.

I don’t want to derail your thread so I think the most detrimental thing would be withholding intimate details. Neither of you can harbour stronger feelings for the SP than the spouse. Is time with the SP allowed without the spouse? Would you be willing to allow a male SP into the bedroom? The best thing about bringing an SP into the bedroom is that your marriage must be rock solid. A huge barometer of the health and strength of a marriage.

You have all my envy for the rest of the year.

Thanks for the response.

I really believe our marriage is rock solid. We do not keep feelings or desires from each other. If something occurred during one of our encounters that may be an issue, then we discuss it and make sure it doesn't happen again. There were actually only two such instances I can recall and both happened during our very first attempt at this so we moved past it pretty quickly. Both didn't seem like much but to her it was a big deal. The first was when my wife went to freshen up at the beginning and the SP and myself were left alone. She immediately started kissing me and we were in full make out mode when my wife walked out. She later said that she would like it if we waited for her next time (completely understood). The second thing that happened was after we were done and lying there in bed, the SP cuddled up beside me and I unintentionally began stroking her leg. Again, doesn't seem like much but to my wife, a big no-no.

What I learned after our first time was one very important lesson. ALWAYS make sure that I treat my wife like she is the hottest person in the room (which she really is anyway) and ensure that the main focus is ALWAYS her. Doing this has what made us thrive and enjoy ourselves and have fun.

I would never think about seeing an SP without her just because she is really cool about it. I really think that I enjoy myself more with 3 of us than with only me and the SP.

And yes, we have brought a male SP into our bed as well, but for me, it was more of a voyeur thing as I really enjoy watching my wife pleasure other men as well. Sometimes it has been a MFM but, and it may sound weird, I would rather watch. I never get jealous no matter how into it she is. We see this as just fun and nothing more. Call me a cuck, I guess.

And one time, the the female SP brought a male friend which was also a lot of fun.

 

[hockeyguy19]

I’m in the same position with my SO, so this kind of lifestyle is never going to happen, thus I’ll add my jealousy and respect to the thread. Do you only see SP’s who specifically advertise as couple friendly? The SP would need to be fully bisexual and into your wife as much as shes into you.

Well done sir!!

Actually, you brought up a very important point. It is imperative that you find an SP that is truly couple friendly and knows how to deal with the dynamic of the situation. There are, as we found out, lot of SP's that advertise that they see couples as well but many do not know how to properly handle the situation. We see a couple of regulars who are very good at it and understand their limitations with the situation. One will always ask my wife first if she can go down on me or if she can fuck me. I find that she asks my wife for permission pretty hot as well.

Finding the perfect one takes a lot of research, reading reviews, following their social media to see what kind of person they are, etc. She would need to be very much into my wife or it wont work and my wife needs to be very much into her. That is why when I am looking for the right person, I make sure that it is someone that my wife would be attracted to, not just me. So you need to know your wife's type.

 

[Goodoer]

@hockeyguy19 Sounds like you have a great arrangement. Seeing SPs is probably a better idea than an “open marriage” with civilians.

 

[superman12]

I am definitely in the minority on this forum as all my hobbying is done together with my wife. I guess I am pretty lucky in that it has been a fairly positive experience with little issues or hang ups. My wife and I began about 9 years ago and we roughly get together with couple friendly SP's around once every two to three months.

It was a mutual desire to explore this and she is the one who often initiates making arrangements.

When realized that there are two types of sex that we have. A more intimate loving type of sex between the two of us, and what we call the 'fun sex' between us and an SP.

So far, it has all worked out. There is no jealousy and we are both allowed to explore what we desire with hardly any limits or restrictions. Once the night is over, we go back to our normal lives, almost like it didn't even happen. The only time a particular experience is brought up is if we talk about it during sex as dirty talk.

I am very curious about others out there who hobby or hobbyed as a couple and what their experiences are/were like and if it was positive or negative.

I know that good things don't last forever which is why any insight or sharing of experiences might be helpful in trying to determining not only the longevity of such an arrangement, but the viability as well.

Now thats what you call a great and healthy marriage! Good on you and the wife for having such an open and rock solid relationship. Thats something hard to find so cherish it. As for me if i want to stay married and not end up divorced this is a subject i would not dare broach with my wife lol

 

[hockeyguy19]

@hockeyguy19 Sounds like you have a great arrangement. Seeing SPs is probably a better idea than an “open marriage” with civilians.

100%. We knew from the beginning that it was better to treat this as a 'business arrangement' to avoid any emotions or feelings that could arise from such as arrangement.

We also have a couple that we are close friends with that were aware of our arrangement and often broached the subject of trying this with us. I gave them a hard and definite 'no' as it would of been almost a certainty that it would of ended in a disaster.

 

[LPoet]

I think there is a lot to learn from this thread. Obviously, the most important ingredient is honesty. You can’t possibly anticipate everything that has the potential to go wrong. Case in point, Hockeyguy’s wife most likely didn’t realize that starting without her would rub her the wrong way, but when it happened she didn’t keep it to herself.

Back to the thread, the pros and cons would be a lengthy list made up mostly of cons. You completely run the risk of loosing everything and that long list is made up primarily of stuff to destroy your relationship and what you have in your marriage. As far as I can tell, extreme honesty is the only way to mitigate the potential for something to go wrong. Getting a third sex partner into the bedroom is a wonderful way to go. I’ve had a few threesomes when I was younger, but none once I got married. It can be a huge boost to your ego to please two women at the same time and being on the receiving end of two women is amazing. My hat is off to you HG. I think you definitely won the Stanley Cup,

 

[Cholla]

100%. We knew from the beginning that it was better to treat this as a 'business arrangement' to avoid any emotions or feelings that could arise from such as arrangement.

We also have a couple that we are close friends with that were aware of our arrangement and often broached the subject of trying this with us. I gave them a hard and definite 'no' as it would of been almost a certainty that it would of ended in a disaster.

Very exciting experience!!! But I am just wondering why are you certain that it would be a disaster?

 

[hockeyguy19]

I think there is a lot to learn from this thread. Obviously, the most important ingredient is honesty. You can’t possibly anticipate everything that has the potential to go wrong. Case in point, Hockeyguy’s wife most likely didn’t realize that starting without her would rub her the wrong way, but when it happened she didn’t keep it to herself.

Back to the thread, the pros and cons would be a lengthy list made up mostly of cons. You completely run the risk of loosing everything and that long list is made up primarily of stuff to destroy your relationship and what you have in your marriage. As far as I can tell, extreme honesty is the only way to mitigate the potential for something to go wrong. Getting a third sex partner into the bedroom is a wonderful way to go. I’ve had a few threesomes when I was younger, but none once I got married. It can be a huge boost to your ego to please two women at the same time and being on the receiving end of two women is amazing. My hat is off to you HG. I think you definitely won the Stanley Cup,

Appreciate your insight. Nice way of putting it with winning the Stanley Cup.

You definitely hit the nail on the head with the need for honesty. We learned that quickly and realized how important it is. If there is anything that we want or do not want during a session, we usually talk about it beforehand.

 

[hockeyguy19]

Very exciting experience!!! But I am just wondering why are you certain that it would be a disaster?

We were pretty certain because the other couple looked at it as a way to jump start a fairly stagnant sex life that they admitted they had. My wife and I believe we have a very strong, healthy, and great sex life, even just the two of us, so adding a third was a fun enhancement. Thinking that this is going to fix something that is broken, to us, is the wrong way to look at it and approach it. That is why we believed it was going to be a very negative experience for them. And we are saying this even though both the other husband and wife are very attractive people and fun with other aspects of life.

 

[Cholla]

We were pretty certain because the other couple looked at it as a way to jump start a fairly stagnant sex life that they admitted they had. My wife and I believe we have a very strong, healthy, and great sex life, even just the two of us, so adding a third was a fun enhancement. Thinking that this is going to fix something that is broken, to us, is the wrong way to look at it and approach it. That is why we believed it was going to be a very negative experience for them. And we are saying this even though both the other husband and wife are very attractive people and fun with other aspects of life.

Thank you! Very clear and makes sense. Maybe I am an "old-fashioned guy" (I am not), but I think that having someone - not an SP - might be a good way to explore even kinkier things. Because trust allows to explore lots of unknown things.

 

[krealtarron]

Thanks for the response.

I really believe our marriage is rock solid. We do not keep feelings or desires from each other. If something occurred during one of our encounters that may be an issue, then we discuss it and make sure it doesn't happen again. There were actually only two such instances I can recall and both happened during our very first attempt at this so we moved past it pretty quickly. Both didn't seem like much but to her it was a big deal. The first was when my wife went to freshen up at the beginning and the SP and myself were left alone. She immediately started kissing me and we were in full make out mode when my wife walked out. She later said that she would like it if we waited for her next time (completely understood). The second thing that happened was after we were done and lying there in bed, the SP cuddled up beside me and I unintentionally began stroking her leg. Again, doesn't seem like much but to my wife, a big no-no.

What I learned after our first time was one very important lesson. ALWAYS make sure that I treat my wife like she is the hottest person in the room (which she really is anyway) and ensure that the main focus is ALWAYS her. Doing this has what made us thrive and enjoy ourselves and have fun.

I would never think about seeing an SP without her just because she is really cool about it. I really think that I enjoy myself more with 3 of us than with only me and the SP.

And yes, we have brought a male SP into our bed as well, but for me, it was more of a voyeur thing as I really enjoy watching my wife pleasure other men as well. Sometimes it has been a MFM but, and it may sound weird, I would rather watch. I never get jealous no matter how into it she is. We see this as just fun and nothing more. Call me a cuck, I guess.

And one time, the the female SP brought a male friend which was also a lot of fun.

If you are into watching a male provider with your wife, then check out this guy Cuiogeo on fetlife.

He does make porn etc, but he seems like a guy who can satisfy your fantasies and he has the aesthetics to boot.

 

[hockeyguy19]

If you are into watching a male provider with your wife, then check out this guy Cuiogeo on fetlife.

He does make porn etc, but he seems like a guy who can satisfy your fantasies and he has the aesthetics to boot.

Wow. To be honest, he would definitely fit the bill. That is almost exactly what she would love, the look, the roughness and domination. Too bad he's out of Cincinnati. If this guy was in the GTA it would be a no brainer.

 

[Kurt]

I am definitely in the minority on this forum as all my hobbying is done together with my wife. I guess I am pretty lucky in that it has been a fairly positive experience with little issues or hang ups. My wife and I began about 9 years ago and we roughly get together with couple friendly SP's around once every two to three months.

It was a mutual desire to explore this and she is the one who often initiates making arrangements.

When realized that there are two types of sex that we have. A more intimate loving type of sex between the two of us, and what we call the 'fun sex' between us and an SP.

So far, it has all worked out. There is no jealousy and we are both allowed to explore what we desire with hardly any limits or restrictions. Once the night is over, we go back to our normal lives, almost like it didn't even happen. The only time a particular experience is brought up is if we talk about it during sex as dirty talk.

I am very curious about others out there who hobby or hobbyed as a couple and what their experiences are/were like and if it was positive or negative.

I know that good things don't last forever which is why any insight or sharing of experiences might be helpful in trying to determining not only the longevity of such an arrangement, but the viability as well.

I think its a great that you communicate with you wife and plan these things out - my GF likes to explore her bi-sexual side and we've been to a MP and saw an SP once. She has a GF who is lesbian who has helped her explore this side - it's all about talking and making sure everyone is comfortable. When we went to the MP - it was all about her and there was very little interaction between me and the MPA but when we saw the SP my girlfriend was instructing us on what she want and it was hot.

 

[hockeyguy19]

I think its a great that you communicate with you wife and plan these things out - my GF likes to explore her bi-sexual side and we've been to a MP and saw an SP once. She has a GF who is lesbian who has helped her explore this side - it's all about talking and making sure everyone is comfortable. When we went to the MP - it was all about her and there was very little interaction between me and the MPA but when we saw the SP my girlfriend was instructing us on what she want and it was hot.

Sounds like we are both pretty lucky. We also tried the MP thing and was pretty hot as well, even with the limits. Your GF having the lesbian friend is pretty cool as well. My wife's first lesbian experience was with her best friend in high school and it went on for about a month. Unfortunately, they no longer remain in touch but I've seen pics, and it's really too bad they lost touch.