Should a wife take your last name when you get hitched? And why?

[Jenesis]

I'll consider changing my name if she gets down on one knee and gives me a ring.

The ring for the name seems to be a big theme with you guys. Is that because of the price tag involved?

PS - I am going to take this argument to the woman‘s board and see what they think about that trade off, keep their name but don’t get the big engagement ring. See how that goes over. LOL

 

[Jenesis]

Maybe I'm biased, but when I see a married couple and the woman still uses her original last name, I'm skeptical about her level of commitment to her husband.

Really? A name means that much huh?

Not saying anything against you or that opinion, but just trying to wrap my head around that much feeling to a name. It just doesn’t compute with me that way. I would never think that a name is the same as commitment.

 

[Brill]

There are a lot of traditions we are slowly ditching.
Or should.
The idea of a bride needing to be a virgin, the idea of marriage being a tax benefit, being okay to rape your wife, taking his last name because she’s now his property.

 

[canada-man]

The tradition of a wife taking her husband’s last name at marriage is not found in the Bible. In Bible times, most people did not even have last names. Women were often identified by where they lived (e.g., Mary Magdalene, Luke 8:2), by their children (e.g., Mary the mother of James and Joseph, Matthew 27:56), or by their husband (e.g., Mary the wife of Clopas, John 19:25).

 

[Born2Star]

I’m married. My wife didn’t change her last name. I have been called Mr. <Her last name> many times, including when my kid was born.

I don’t mind. Never concerned nor bothered me. Marriage is about respecting each other’s choice, not about what’s written on some document.

I know of several female friends by multiple lastnames over the year. One of them has four due to three marriages plus her own name. She insisted doing that every time. I find it stupid and unnecessary.

 

[Charlie_]

Yes, so the whole family can have the same last name and be referred to as a group, for example, "let's have the Jetsons over for dinner on Saturday", instead of, George, Judy and Elroy Jetson, plus Jane Watson.

 

[Goodoer]

I have to admit that it would bug the shit out of me if my wife didn't take my name... Would I have went through with it? Not sure... My divorced MIL vocally opposed in the beginning, but the wife said she would. I felt honoured.

Kids absolutely get the Dad's name... Just cut our balls off if that is supposed to change.

My wife got a nice ring. She doesn't wear it and I'm cool with that. (I don't wear mine as it doesn't fit at all).

 

[onomatopoeia]

Women in Quebec keep their surnames when they marry.

I always thought that made sense, and I think sons born in wedlock should be given their father's surname, and daughters should get their mothers'. Currently families with half siblings and step siblings are common, so it wouldn't be unusual for a brother and sister to have different surnames, even if they have the same biological parents.

I think hyphenated last names for couples who are NOT Royal peers sound pretentious. Would YOU want to be Zack Bartkowski-Nguyễn?

 

[Mr.Know-It-All]

My wife got a nice ring. She doesn't wear it

Why not?

 

[Jenesis]

Yes, so the whole family can have the same last name and be referred to as a group, for example, "let's have the Jetsons over for dinner on Saturday", instead of, George, Judy and Elroy Jetson, plus Jane Watson.

A double hyphenated last name would solve that. That means the name has to also change his last name to include hers. I think that is more then fair. Both family lines get to further their line and it is equal for both partners

I have to admit that it would bug the shit out of me if my wife didn't take my name... Would I have went through with it? Not sure... My divorced MIL vocally opposed in the beginning, but the wife said she would. I felt honoured.

Kids absolutely get the Dad's name... Just cut our balls off if that is supposed to change.

My wife got a nice ring. She doesn't wear it and I'm cool with that. (I don't wear mine as it doesn't fit at all).

Why do kids get the fathers last name? Why do you get rights to that? What makes fathers so special? The woman carry’s the child, creates the life started inside her, labours the child, cares for the child outside the womb, feeds the child from her own body, loses her body in the process, but the man who shot a sperm that landed, gets the last name? LOL. That is funny.

 

[Jenesis]

Personally I think that a woman "should" do whatever she wants to do and whatever she feels comfortable with. My wife did take my last name but it wouldn't have bothered me if she didn't. In fact before we married I told her several time that she didn't have to. The idea that taking the last name means commitment strikes me as a sign of a man who lacks self-esteem and self-confidence. If the woman wasn't committed she wouldn't go through the process of making a legal commitment.

In any event the tradition of a woman taking a man's last name upon marriage varies from culture to culture. In Quebec it's actually not been allowed since the early 1980's.

This is what I am trying to figure out and have asked if it is emotional security for the man but no man wants to answer that. I think the words emotional and security both make a man nervous to admit so put them both together and I guess I see why no man will answer that question.

 

[Jenesis]

"No man"? What am I - a loaf of bread?

No!!! I meant no other man. Because I was already talking to you directly, no man would mean no other man that was here

I got learn how to talk properly apparently because that is not proper English. If this post doesn’t have a spelling mistake be happy and run while your ahead.

 

[curr3n_c1000]

Maybe I'm biased, but when I see a married couple and the woman still uses her original last name, I'm skeptical about her level of commitment to her husband.

These women have ex-boyfriends they still truly love, but you have a better job, an apartment and stability.

Some women straight up don't even like you, but understand they need a partner for the social image.

You have to test women to see what their true motives are, read the signs and act accordingly.

 

[curr3n_c1000]

The ring for the name seems to be a big theme with you guys. Is that because of the price tag involved?

PS - I am going to take this argument to the woman‘s board and see what they think about that trade off, keep their name but don’t get the big engagement ring. See how that goes over. LOL

You tell me!!! Men aren't buying the ring for ourselves. If women don't want the ring, let us know.

But as I said, it's the commitment. It's an act of commitment.

 

[Mr.Know-It-All]

These women have ex-boyfriends they still truly love, but you have a better job, an apartment and stability.

Some women straight up don't even like you, but understand they need a partner for the social image.

You have to test women to see what their true motives are, read the signs and act accordingly.

Sort of like the SB's on social media that take pics of their great adventures and dinner dates, but never include who the date is (who is paying for it all)? A small but potentially significant way of dissociating from the person you're with?

Perhaps the name change has to have additional context in order to decipher signs of commitment issues:

1) No name change

2) Doesn't wear wedding ring

3) Hangs out with ex's as "just friends"

After all, she should do whatever she wants and what makes her feel comfortable. Anything less means you're insecure.

 

[luvdog]

PS - I am going to take this argument to the woman‘s board and see what they think about that trade off, keep their name but don’t get the big engagement ring. See how that goes over. LOL

Let us know what the results are.

LD

 

[Charlie_]

A double hyphenated last name would solve that. That means the name has to also change his last name to include hers. I think that is more then fair. Both family lines get to further their line and it is equal for both partners

Double-barreled names are new names and would only make things more complicated. If Judy Watson-Jetson marries John Smith-Jones, George and Jane Watson-Jetson would be the proud grandparents of Anne Watson-Jetson-Smith-Jones!!!! I pity their great grand children when they have to fill out forms!

 

[Jenesis]

Double-barreled names are new names and would only make things more complicated. If Judy Watson-Jetson marries John Smith-Jones, George and Jane Watson-Jetson would be the proud grandparents of Anne Watson-Jetson-Smith-Jones!!!! I pity their great grand children when they have to fill out forms!

Nah. Each child who then becomes a parent can take one of the hyphenated names and re-hyphenate with the new spouse. Easy enough.

Seems men would have a hard time giving up their name while expecting the same of women.

 

[Charlie_]

Nah. Each child who then becomes a parent can take one of the hyphenated names and re-hyphenate with the new spouse. Easy enough.

Seems men would have a hard time giving up their name while expecting the same of women.

So if you don't keep all the hyphenated names, some names will get lost, ending their family tree. Hyphenated names are a silly idea.

 

[explorerzip]

You tell me!!! Men aren't buying the ring for ourselves. If women don't want the ring, let us know.

But as I said, it's the commitment. It's an act of commitment.

I never understood why some ladies want an expensive diamond ring. They're easy to lose, damage and could be stolen. Then there's the environmental / ethical aspect of mining diamonds. You have no real way of telling if those diamonds came out of a war zone or were mined by kid. Nothing wrong with a cubic zirconia ring that looks basically the same. When my parents got married, my dad bought mom a simple platinum ring with no stones on it. They're celebrating 50 years soon and the rings have lasted all that time. Though, they have been repaired a few times as the metal warped over time.

Take the same money you'd spend on a ring and go on a nice vacation. The memories are worth much more than any ring.