Sorry to hear about your issues. I get it…. Since it’s Spring, let me explain something to you in gardening terms.
Our lives are gardens. The good and the bad. The pretty flowers…. The so-so shrubs…. And the ugliness. The weeds!
Sometimes the weeds in our lives take over… so we use tools like “the power of positive thinking” and run the mower over the weeds, and for a little bit, the garden looks great! But after a little while, those weeds grow back (often pretty fast too), and we are right back to our chaotic garden again.
Everything in your life is rooted in something. From your politics, to your fav sports team, to your favourite whiskey. Maybe your dad hated Pierre Trudeau, loved the Blue Jays, and took you fishing up north a few times, and got drunk every Sat night and beat the shit out of you and your mom. Maybe dad told you he loved you…. Maybe dad told you that you were useless, and would always be a fucking idiot. All these things leave deep roots in our lives.
These are all “roots” in our lives. The good, bad, and even the mundane. You can’t fix the past…. But you can deal with it, and learn to manage how it affects you. Identify the weeds in you life. Self Confidence. Substance abuse. Abusing others. Figure out how that root got there…. And dig it out once and for all.
For example… MorningS in my house when the kids were little used to be hell. The kids never wanted to get out of bed, we’re chronically late for school… and I would scream at them like a lunatic often making the crazy threats that young parents make.
Then one day I kind of sat back and said “this is nuts”. It had to change. So the next morning I simply walked upstairs to kids bedrooms, said “good morning, I’m making waffles” and walked downstairs. They got up, got dressed, and had breakfast, and got to school on time with no issue.
I didn’t fix the past…. I just dealt with it. Changed it. Mornings were better after that. I wasn’t reliving my mom screaming at me every morning any more.
There is a reason you don’t have confidence to talk to girls. It’s also an easy fix. Truth is, girls like to be talked too. They actually love the attention. Figure out how that root got there. Examine how you were treated by mom and dad. How you were treated in school. Examine if it made sense. Should kids be picked on like that? No? Well, how should you have been treated.
Kids need to be build like a house. Solid foundations of Love. Support. Encouragement. Skill development (sports, or art, or dance, or music). Do you have that foundation? If not, figure out how to repair it. Counselling is great.
anyways…. When you weed the garden, don’t just cut the weeds off from the top. If you don’t get the root, the problems grow back.