Who here has done it? Specifically, men who had no kids of their own? I know this is generally considered stupid and a no-no around here. But we are in the real world which is less than ideal, and I am wondering if this is something that could ever work out. Anyone here married a woman with a child from a previous relationship, what are your thoughts on the subject?
Becoming a stepdad?
- Thread starter desert monk
- Start date
Any relationship scenario will have pros and cons. It really depends on what you are looking for in life.
- If the kids are past the age of 5 you avoid the baby phase.
- You get to be a kid again doing fun stuff with them.
There are a lot of not so great things that are too numerous to list, however some key things to keep in mind:
- If the kids real father is an asshole it may not be worth the hassle
- If the kids had a bad home prior to you coming on the scene there will be baggage
- The kids may never like you
You will get a lot of opinions so my suggestion is if it makes you happy, then go for it. If you have doubts, then avoid it.
- If the kids are past the age of 5 you avoid the baby phase.
- You get to be a kid again doing fun stuff with them.
There are a lot of not so great things that are too numerous to list, however some key things to keep in mind:
- If the kids real father is an asshole it may not be worth the hassle
- If the kids had a bad home prior to you coming on the scene there will be baggage
- The kids may never like you
You will get a lot of opinions so my suggestion is if it makes you happy, then go for it. If you have doubts, then avoid it.
Any smart man would have doubts. I already know it's difficult from experience dating a woman with a kid... But, I'm just getting to the point where I wonder if it's even possible to find an attractive woman without kids.
I just want a woman to be my life partner and companion, someone who will stick it out through good times and bad.
You will have to understand that "your" new woman will always put her kids before you. Of course that's also true if you are the father, but in that case they are your kids too, so it's easier to take.
I came very close to becoming a step dad myself, when I was in my twenties. I backed off and hooked up with another girlfriend instead, who was divorced, no kids. We raised kids of our own, and now have grandchildren. Sorry, Monk, I haven't really answered your question, but the whole idea gives me a bad feeling....FWIW
I came very close to becoming a step dad myself, when I was in my twenties. I backed off and hooked up with another girlfriend instead, who was divorced, no kids. We raised kids of our own, and now have grandchildren. Sorry, Monk, I haven't really answered your question, but the whole idea gives me a bad feeling....FWIW
I know a guy who went from the east coast of Canada to the west coast of the US for a girl he met online about 20 years ago. Her kids absolutely killed the relationship because they couldn't stand him. To be fair, he was kinda stupid and annoying so really it was predictable. I was in another province when it happened so I wasn't in the position to give advice.
Also you are paying to raise some other dude's bastards. Unless it's Alyson Hannigan one would be crazy to do that or totally lacking in self esteem and with an abundance of self loathing.
Also the girl you are with has a record of failed relationships, at least one, and in the rare case where it wasn't her fault, she makes bad decisions in dudes and will probably revert back to form once she finds you too boring.
Single mothers will bitch and moan about this attitude, to which I respond, you should have fucked a better guy... or gotten an abortion/adoption. Your bratlings are not my fault nor will I make them my responsibility and anyone who expects guys to line up for that is entitled with a capital E.
Also you are paying to raise some other dude's bastards. Unless it's Alyson Hannigan one would be crazy to do that or totally lacking in self esteem and with an abundance of self loathing.
Also the girl you are with has a record of failed relationships, at least one, and in the rare case where it wasn't her fault, she makes bad decisions in dudes and will probably revert back to form once she finds you too boring.
Single mothers will bitch and moan about this attitude, to which I respond, you should have fucked a better guy... or gotten an abortion/adoption. Your bratlings are not my fault nor will I make them my responsibility and anyone who expects guys to line up for that is entitled with a capital E.
According to my extensive research on Pornhub, this can really spice up your love life.
it is financially not in your best interest to do so. you can be on the hook for child support even when the kids are not yours. the legal system will work against you as its about the best interest of the kids. this does not include your interests.
there are many reasons which do not support a relationship with a woman with children but to me the above is the number one reason.
there are many reasons which do not support a relationship with a woman with children but to me the above is the number one reason.
My late cousin was in an abusive relationship and left with her 2 young daughters. She met a guy who was never married with no kids. They were together the rest of their lives(about 45 years) and her girls worshiped their stepfather. He did everything he could to help them. They passed away about 1 year apart from each other a few years ago. Together in life, together in the after life. I wish the same happiness for you desert monk.
I did. Raised a kid from a year old who’s now 32. One of the best things I have ever done.
It's a dice roll. It's inspiring to hear from the last 2 posters.
My sister had 3 early teen / pre teens and tried to have a relationship w a new guy and the kids made his life hell and drove him away. They were too possessive of their mom and had a lot of baggage from life w their drunk asshole dad.
And yes. Even if you're just step-dad for a year or so and the kid hates you, you will pay child support for him / her. That's how the law is set up.
My sister had 3 early teen / pre teens and tried to have a relationship w a new guy and the kids made his life hell and drove him away. They were too possessive of their mom and had a lot of baggage from life w their drunk asshole dad.
And yes. Even if you're just step-dad for a year or so and the kid hates you, you will pay child support for him / her. That's how the law is set up.
I actually broke up with a woman who has an 11 year old son. I’m contemplating trying to get back with her. I do really care about his mom, it’s just easy to get overwhelmed by anxiety about the situation. It doesn’t help when you have a very negative family and people in your life who think the worst of every women. Yeah the laws are retarded obviously, but does it have to be that big of a deal? I’m 38, and I don’t see how I will ever find anyone who has what I want with no kids at this point. The whole “just date 25 year olds” strategy doesn’t work out well in real life.
That's the other thing, stadistically the children of single parents don't end up doing very well on average. Exceptions rules yadda yadda but odds are you are setting yourself for drama you just don't need.
If you really want children, they should be yours and raised in a stable environment.
If you really want children, they should be yours and raised in a stable environment.
First of all, don't think negative. Fear has a way of manifesting itself in the strangest ways.
Second, a child isn't an accessory to a woman. He/she is another person who you'd have to build a relationship with. A bond with a child can be a wonderful experience in your life.
A friend of mine was in a relationship with a woman who abused alcohol. She has a son who my friend essentially raised til he was a teenager. My buddy couldn't handle a drunk woman anymore and split. They never married so kid isn't really a stepson, but their bond was strong. Kid is in his 30's now, still adores my friend and is in constant communication with him.
Another buddy of mine met a young woman in her 30's who was unhappy in her marriage and couldn't have kids with her husband. She decided to divorce and build a new life with my friend. Fast-forward few years later, they have kids and a wonderful family.
Nothing in this life is set in stone. Do what feels right, but don't be a dum dum.
