Spouse Solo Vacactions?

[asuran]

We only know about her from the little paragraph that OP has given us so it's not much to go on. So can't judge how well or not the relationship dynamics is.

My take is, as long as the issue is not something that will cause problems to the family then it's a non-issue.
Considering this is terb, and we all have had our "fun" I think it's ok for her to have her own "fun" as well, whatever that is.

However I do think OP may need to pay more attention to her and see if she is going thru something mentally, physically or simply just distraught about something.

 

[MuffDiver]

I was stressed from work. She just started a new job after I supported her for 2 years. I complained I needed a vacation, she said why not. Next day I confirmed she was serious and she said yes, so I booked a month in a tropical location on the other side of the world. At that point, I realized how great my life could bet. Two months after I returned home, I left her. Got legally separated, then divorced and never looked back. Going on vacation alone made me realize what I was missing and how much happier I could be living MY life. Of course not having children makes this a much easier move to make.

 

[jalimon]

10 years with almost no sex is a very long time. That should have been discussed before. I mean the OP is here on this board so probably having fun on the side. Why would his wife cannot do the same? Let her go and have her fun.

 

[amazing age]

Well, Jalimon, it's not the same thing. As men, we play around just for fun. As was pointed out above, it does not mean we are unhappy at home. When women step out, they're shopping. Men like to collect women, women like to trade up their men. Men are polygynous, women are hypergamous. It has ever been so. And let me point out, before all our Terbie white knights start whining at me, that I am not advancing this as a moral position or argument. Anybody can play around or not, as they wish. It's merely a statement that men and women have different starting points and agendas.

 

[New World]

The part in bold would raise my radar.

You haven't had sex with her in 10 years. Well, there's a pile of questions there. Like do you think that she's still a sexual woman, just not with you? (Be honest.) Because if she is, she's definitely seeing someone else (male or female). If she's always been a dud sexually, well, could go either way frankly. Have you let yourself go? Put on a lot of weight, don't give a fuck about your appearance or how you dress or personal hygiene? Has she?

Another question would be, "how's the rest of your relationship?". If it's warm and friendly and you feel like you both love each other, just no sex, well, that's better than we're just roommates who put up with each other and there is no love lost. I get back to the part in bold above where she just walked away from you and went to bed. The implication is that she harbours contempt for you and contempt is more often the cause for marital breakups than anything else, including adultery. The old saying, "familiarity breeds contempt" is very true.

If I were you, I would be doing some detective work trying to figure out what she is up to. If nothing else, knowledge is power.

And if you find out that there is someone else, well, then you need to protect yourself in all sorts of ways - records, financial, information, etc.

And finally, I need not remind you that you are not faithful to her. She may know. Of course, hobbying is purely transactional and men who hobby usually have 0 interest in leaving their wives. Women on the other hand have affairs with boyfriends and it usually will lead to a marital breakup. (They lose perspective and let's face it, affairs are exciting.) Something like 2 thirds of all marital breakups are initiated by women. But I wish I had a dime for every time I've seen a woman leave her faithful but boring husband of many years in the mistaken notion that the other guy is going to marry her and they will live happily ever after. Most times, the guy isn't really interested in that kind of a deal and the new and exciting relationship goes off the rails pretty quickly.

80% of all breakups/divorces are initiated by women

 

[Tomoreno]

When she says "I want to go alone on a vacation" - you say "Let me drive you to the airport".
If she comes back and says "I'm moving out" - you say "I'll help you move"

You may stay for kids, but they're not blind and learn by example. If both parents live in a loveless, no passion relationship, kids will pick up on that and model own lives same way.

Those who want to be with us - will be with us. Those contemplating life change will do so eventually or be miserable indefinitely.

 

[jalimon]

Well, Jalimon, it's not the same thing. As men, we play around just for fun. As was pointed out above, it does not mean we are unhappy at home. When women step out, they're shopping. Men like to collect women, women like to trade up their men. Men are polygynous, women are hypergamous. It has ever been so. And let me point out, before all our Terbie white knights start whining at me, that I am not advancing this as a moral position or argument. Anybody can play around or not, as they wish. It's merely a statement that men and women have different starting points and agendas.

Very interesting. I know what you say is most probably the way it is (without generalizing too much). But should we stick to it or break from it?

Myself I was in the same situation. 2 kids. A girlfriend (was not married) that took a yearly solo vacation (did not care one iota what she did in those vacations). After 3-4 year without much sex I said it's enough. We will go each our way and we would do it without a single fight. All it cost me was money because I left her a bigger share of the house. But that was an investment getting my life back. I then tried having other girlfriend but it kids I found it too complicated. So I saw a shit load of escort and sb girl

I just could not handle a sexless relation. I do not know how others can (probably seeing escort indeed....) but for me it's a no go. Life is too short.

 

[GameBoy27]

10 years with almost no sex is a very long time. That should have been discussed before. I mean the OP is here on this board so probably having fun on the side. Why would his wife cannot do the same? Let her go and have her fun.

Maybe the OP's upset that his wife only has to pay for the trip. All the sex will be free. A friend of ours went on a trip by herself. She had been in a sexless marriage with one kid for years as well. You could tell they weren't going to be together for a long time. She told me she fucked 5 different guys, some of them a few times on a 1 week vacation to the Dominican. I said that's all? She's such a lovely slut. My wife and I had a couple threesomes with her and I've fucked her many times over the years. Plus, I lost count of the number of times she gave me a BBBJTCCIMSW. She's a champ! lol

 

[Robert Mugabe]

Anyone else have a spouse that goes on solo vacations (or go on solo vacations themselves)?

Mine brought it up out of the blue... I asked if everything was alright and why as it seemed odd all of a sudden to want to go specifically alone without either a friend or family member... Her response was only "Why the Hell not?"... No elaboration, etc. She left the discussion and went to bed. I sort of feel that some discussion is required as it is a new occurrence in our sexless relationship. There is a safety factor as well...

She goes on short vacations already with either a family member or GFs now. Day outings, etc. frequently as well. I don't care as I'll look after the kids. She works 3.5 days per week at a low-stress job and the kids are looked after privately (for the most part) during the day.

I'm a set Butterflies free type of guy, but I know this solo trip would raise concerns from both our families.

Just curious. Maybe this is very popular?

Is she going to Mombassa?

 

[Goodoer]

Lots of fun posts guys! I've done my best to edit everything together.

HISTORY
I'm sure I've written this before... I joined TERB and met her just after. We hit it off, moved in together and got married. She had more partners than me, but her relationships didn't last long. I had a few long-term relationships that just couldn't work out. Sex life was great during dating, dropped a smidge when we moved in together, a bit more when we got married....

Sex Life
By the time we had our second kid, we were having sex less than 5x per year (I know the exact date my 2nd kid was conceived as it was the only time we had sex that year). That was the 10+ years ago. In 2020, we had sex 3 times. So far in 2021, I got a BJ (she's always had skills).

I'm always good-to-go. She never makes a move to initiate. My advances are rejected (ego shattering when considering my other relationships).

The Looks Department

Have you let yourself go? Put on a lot of weight, don't give a fuck about your appearance or how you dress or personal hygiene? Has she?

We've both aged as Time is real. She's still pretty and I'm as handsome as ever. We both could shave a few pounds off and COVID has been a bitch. That could be a common comment. Both of us could find other partners (obviously her much easier than me).

The Relationship

...Accept the reality, guys: when the sex is over, the relationship is over. Get your ducks in a row, you are about to be replaced.

Not sure about that one... We're high functioning. Could probably fool most. We've gone years together that when evaluated from the outside could be deemed a success.

Like do you think that she's still a sexual woman, just not with you? (Be honest.)

I'm so not sure... If she is still sexual, she's hiding it.

Another question would be, "how's the rest of your relationship?". If it's warm and friendly and you feel like you both love each other, just no sex, well, that's better than we're just roommates who put up with each other and there is no love lost.

I think we're in this stage.

I get back to the part ... where she just walked away from you and went to bed. The implication is that she harbours contempt for you and contempt is more often the cause for marital breakups than anything else, including adultery. The old saying, "familiarity breeds contempt" is very true.

That's interesting...

CHEATING
Before I caved and started seeing SPs we discussed and fought over the lack of sex for years. I think I made a huge effort to be rational, etc. I earnestly asked why or if she wanted to see other people, etc. Trusting her, her response was that she just did not want sex as much...

That should have been discussed before.

Oh, did we ever discuss! So many times. Anger, tears, etc. We're in a weird twilight zone of no discussion...

...but between spouses sex is a normal and necessary component.

100% agree. One of my main points with her.

Opportunities
I love the posts from TERBites. With my wife's schedule, she has and would have had ample opportunities to see other guys. There is no way I could track her, etc. If she has seen other dudes, her skills at hiding it are impressive CIA-Level shit. Reading the Internet, if she's cheating, I should expect an upswing in her sex drive... That has been a steady "no".

What's fair is fair?
This type of question has always bothered me...

I mean the OP is here on this board so probably having fun on the side. Why would his wife cannot do the same? Let her go and have her fun.

It took a very long time before I got fed up with spankin' it and being a monk...

And finally, I need not remind you that you are not faithful to her. She may know.

Quite possible... I haven't done much if anything during these COVID times...

My personal belief is that she's still into chicks... Either a lot or a bit; I'm unsure... She's had lesbian experiences before we met. I know her spank-bank material on PornHub has been chicks primarily. "It's always been that way!" was her exclamation after a heated fight over the lack of intimacy...

Again, I had asked for her to be honest if she'd like to hook-up with women (as I cannot offer that experience) and asked if she wanted to see other guys (if that was what she needed)... My honest comment to her was that I'd be more "hurt" if she wanted to see guys as she's given me next-to-none feedback or shown any desire.

In my case, I feel that I made an effort to understand and figure things out. I think I afforded her leeway to explore and explain. Her response was that she was not into sex. I should trust her in that comment...

Years pass and I finally succumbed to some married women (they started it) and then to SPs when my career change (for the betterment of my family) was really stressing me out...

WHAT'S MY MAIN CONCERN?
I'm concerned about two things: Mental and Marriage/Family/Kids

Mental

However I do think OP may need to pay more attention to her and see if she is going thru something mentally, physically or simply just distraught about something.

Exactly. Is she depressed? The last thing I want is for something bad to happen. It would shatter my kids.

Marriage/Family/Kids

If I were you, I would be doing some detective work trying to figure out what she is up to. If nothing else, knowledge is power.

Like I said... CIA skills if she's actually up to something...

I've watched a buddy (honestly great guy) get fucked over royally in divorce. She pulled the trigger and is out for blood. His relationship with his kid is in tatters as the mother is feeding him lies. As a father, that has been scary to see. Money is just being burned...

Other worries I have is if she decides to cash out of the house and move to the East Coast... Assuming she'd be granted custody, I'd lose my career following. How do I keep my kids local in the GTA (i.e. Injunction)?

Her parents are divorced (and experienced)... My side of the family are all happily married for decades... (They'd freak out if I told them my wife is going for a solo vacation).

MISCELLANEOUS

Is she going to Mombassa?

Jesus Christ! Why travel for BBC? (I've liked watched "Blacked" porn on PornHub. Good quality videos. I like the contrast).

 

[poker]

Goodoer wrote:
"I know her spank-bank material on PornHub has been chicks primarily. "It's always been that way!" was her exclamation after a heated fight over the lack of intimacy..."


If she watches porn, and has spank material, then yes, she is still sexual. If she has things she is or isn't into, then she is still sexual.

Trust your gut. If something feels off it probably is. Anytime a behavior changes, there is usually a reason for it... while that does not automatically make it nafarious, you should still be concerned.

And I agree also with what Kirk said... dropping a bomb about vacationing alone, and walking away from a discussion about is a red flag for me.

 

[frankcastle]

Is she going to fuck someone else? Maybe.

Whats certain is she is changing the parameters of the relationship.

Unless you want to find out more leave it alone.

You say you are worried about her wellness......

Clearly she is taking care of her wellness by going on this trip.

She is fine. Remember while this may seem sudden this was 10 years in the making.

After 10 years the writing is on the wall. Who knows maybe you guys will be platonic friends with an open relstionship.

If you want to stay together for the kids then play it cool and dont ask questions.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

Ten years in a sexless marriage isn't unusual. Seems to be a rule of thumb.

 

[Male4Strapon]

Other worries I have is if she decides to cash out of the house and move to the East Coast... Assuming she'd be granted custody, I'd lose my career following. How do I keep my kids local in the GTA (i.e. Injunction)?

I do not know the laws but I used to know a guy whose wife was given custody of the kids but she had to remain within the same city as the father. She was dying to move but said she couldn't unless the father chose to as well or gave her permission to which he refused.
I don't know if that was their own negotiated agreement but I just assumed it was his from his parental rights.
I would look into that if you're worried. I can't imagine that she would have to right to simply take the kids and leave town. Divorced dads don't have many rights it seems but this seems an obvious one that they should have.

 

[Goodoer]

Is she going to fuck someone else? Maybe.

Whats certain is she is changing the parameters of the relationship.

Unless you want to find out more leave it alone.

You say you are worried about her wellness......

Clearly she is taking care of her wellness by going on this trip.

She is fine. Remember while this may seem sudden this was 10 years in the making.

After 10 years the writing is on the wall. Who knows maybe you guys will be platonic friends with an open relationship.

If you want to stay together for the kids then play it cool and dont ask questions.

I'm 100% with you on this post. While I realize that no man can compete with a woman for access to sex/partners, I am frustrated that I'm unable to drive the agenda or change the parameters. If I act (or acted earlier), I'm the bad guy. If I wait, I'm the loser? I am a competitive person, but with wisdom I realize that win-win situations are ideal. With all the discussions/fighting, I don't see that happening. I feel handcuffed and I'm not used to that. I guess that's my problem...

I come up "aces" in most aspects of my life: Kids, Work, Friends, Sports, etc... Sex-life with the wife is a hard "zero". I never would have seen that coming. As soon as she ate the Wedding Cake, it was over...

I'll always remember a line of hers while fighting over our sex life: "Well.. You were duped!" (She's a super happy person, but when things get heated, her comments/defense mechanisms are to ramp up to Scorched Earth).

Ten years in a sexless marriage isn't unusual. Seems to be a rule of thumb.

OMG! That is me!
I've never seen that set. Thanks for sharing!

 

[doggyorcg]

This brings back memories for me. About 8 years ago through work I met a married woman she was a complete smoke show and a teacher. She and I had instant chemistry! At the time we both lived in Pickering. We use to meet at Starbucks for what she use to refer to as flirt session. We eventually hooked up for some fun! Crazy thing is her husband had some serious suspicions... He actually came to my office one day to introduce himself. Her husband and I never had any type of issues but he did suspect we were f#%$ing.

Truth is female hypergamy is live and well. Trust your gut feeling its probably correct.

WTF is wrong with you? Are you so messed up you have to go after a married woman? Do you enjoy being a home wrecker? With so many women around you have to pick a woman that is married??

I don’t know about you, but I would not feel good hurting a guy I had no beef with. What did he do to you? Or is it an ego boost to take what some guy already has. Sure she is going to cheat, but do you have to be the POS that she cheated with. And still you brag about your sociopathic escapades her on this forum. Jesus! Grow a pair of balls and hunt fair game like a real man. Don’t go after the lame ones.

 

[TeeJay]

WTF is wrong with you? Are you so messed up you have to go after a married woman? Do you enjoy being a home wrecker? With so many women around you have to pick a woman that is married??

I don’t know about you, but I would not feel good hurting a guy I had no beef with. What did he do to you? Or is it an ego boost to take what some guy already has. Sure she is going to cheat, but do you have to be the POS that she cheated with. And still you brag about your sociopathic escapades her on this forum. Jesus! Grow a pair of balls and hunt fair game like a real man. Don’t go after the lame ones.

The fact the woman is married is a non issue
Many of them are fairly easy to crack
Seriously have you ever even asked them beforehand?

 

[WetSeeker]

Maybe the OP's upset that his wife only has to pay for the trip. All the sex will be free. A friend of ours went on a trip by herself. She had been in a sexless marriage with one kid for years as well. You could tell they weren't going to be together for a long time. She told me she fucked 5 different guys, some of them a few times on a 1 week vacation to the Dominican. I said that's all? She's such a lovely slut. My wife and I had a couple threesomes with her and I've fucked her many times over the years. Plus, I lost count of the number of times she gave me a BBBJTCCIMSW. She's a champ! lol

She sounds amazing! Lucky for you ! She probably is living her authentic life now, why not, fuck and get off and have fun. For women like that it is easy. She can literally have a different man every day of the week. Good for her.

 

[doggyorcg]

The fact the woman is married is a non issue
Many of them are fairly easy to crack
Seriously have you ever even asked them beforehand?

Many many times. I just don’t go there.

I think it is rich when a married woman says to me she is separated. She thinks that the legal definition of “separated” gives her a free pass.

When I ask, “does he still live in the city?” To which she replies, “oh, we still live in the same house.” WTF. And she actually believes this is ok.

 

[TeeJay]

Many many times. I just don’t go there.

I think it is rich when a married woman says to me she is separated. She thinks that the legal definition of “separated” gives her a free pass.

When I ask, “does he still live in the city?” To which she replies, “oh, we still live in the same house.” WTF. And she actually believes this is ok.

Separated means it is over as far as I am concerned

When I say married I mean actually sleeping with someone while they sleep with someone else
Maybe even at her place while he is at work

But seriously if a woman is willing to cheat there really is no reason to respect that relationship (or try to hold onto it)
Either accept you are in an open marriage or cut your losses and move on