Spouse Solo Vacactions?

[Goodoer]

Anyone else have a spouse that goes on solo vacations (or go on solo vacations themselves)?

Mine brought it up out of the blue... I asked if everything was alright and why as it seemed odd all of a sudden to want to go specifically alone without either a friend or family member... Her response was only "Why the Hell not?"... No elaboration, etc. She left the discussion and went to bed. I sort of feel that some discussion is required as it is a new occurrence in our sexless relationship. There is a safety factor as well...

She goes on short vacations already with either a family member or GFs now. Day outings, etc. frequently as well. I don't care as I'll look after the kids. She works 3.5 days per week at a low-stress job and the kids are looked after privately (for the most part) during the day.

I'm a set Butterflies free type of guy, but I know this solo trip would raise concerns from both our families.

Just curious. Maybe this is very popular?

 

[y2kmark]

Yes, I have had that happen, increased hobby opportunities considerably...

 

[Jenesis]

I would alone trip but I am highly independent. Admittedly, most are not like me.


However being stuck at home with a spouse and kids during lock may make someone want to go alone.

 

[amazing age]

She's not going alone, my friend. She's meeting another fellow at the airport. The "sexless relationship" bit is the clue. Accept the reality, guys: when the sex is over, the relationship is over. Get your ducks in a row, you are about to be replaced.

 

[Goodoer]

She's not going alone, my friend. She's meeting another fellow at the airport. The "sexless relationship" bit is the clue. Accept the reality, guys: when the sex is over, the relationship is over. Get your ducks in a row, you are about to be replaced.

Just for clarity: it has been 10+ solid years with next to zero sex…. That is not a new factor.

The only new factor is the alone part. She would have had easy and ample time to hook-up with other people.

 

[amazing age]

Well, O.K, Goodoer. 10 years? I have no idea what to say to this, except why on earth are you still with this woman? (Perhaps she has only now decided that it's time for her to move on. I am sure she is going on a shopping trip). Anyway, the situation sounds truly awful, and I hope you are able to resolve it soon. Best of luck!

 

[Goodoer]

Well, O.K, Goodoer. 10 years? I have no idea what to say to this, except why on earth are you still with this woman? It sounds awful. Best of luck!

Kids really. They worship her. I wouldn’t wreck that. SPs have taken the edge off (the lack of action during COVID has been rough).

 

[y2kmark]

She's not going alone, my friend. She's meeting another fellow at the airport. The "sexless relationship" bit is the clue. Accept the reality, guys: when the sex is over, the relationship is over. Get your ducks in a row, you are about to be replaced.

Hope I never get that cynical. It's entirely possible to have or to move to a close and loving relationship without a lot of spooge...

 

[amazing age]

Well, kids, yeah. I get that. Mine are grown, thankfully, and have families of their own. Good luck to you.
A note to Y2K: yes there are "close and loving relationships" between men and women that don't involve sex; hopefully that's what you have with your mother and sister, but between spouses sex is a normal and necessary component. It's hardly cynical of me to recognize this very basic reality.

 

[Butler1000]

I go to Vegas every year. And have gone alone or with a friend. She has gone off with friends as well. Its no biggee.

Where is she going? If its a resort known for action you may have a problem. If its Niagara rehion for a few days or up to a cottage then its alone time. If you can check the browser history and type things like "vacation to" in her google to see what comes up.

Also what she packs. Thats a tell.

 

[james t kirk]

Mine brought it up out of the blue... I asked if everything was alright and why as it seemed odd all of a sudden to want to go specifically alone without either a friend or family member... Her response was only "Why the Hell not?"... No elaboration, etc. She left the discussion and went to bed. I sort of feel that some discussion is required as it is a new occurrence in our sexless relationship. There is a safety factor as well...

The part in bold would raise my radar.

You haven't had sex with her in 10 years. Well, there's a pile of questions there. Like do you think that she's still a sexual woman, just not with you? (Be honest.) Because if she is, she's definitely seeing someone else (male or female). If she's always been a dud sexually, well, could go either way frankly. Have you let yourself go? Put on a lot of weight, don't give a fuck about your appearance or how you dress or personal hygiene? Has she?

Another question would be, "how's the rest of your relationship?". If it's warm and friendly and you feel like you both love each other, just no sex, well, that's better than we're just roommates who put up with each other and there is no love lost. I get back to the part in bold above where she just walked away from you and went to bed. The implication is that she harbours contempt for you and contempt is more often the cause for marital breakups than anything else, including adultery. The old saying, "familiarity breeds contempt" is very true.

If I were you, I would be doing some detective work trying to figure out what she is up to. If nothing else, knowledge is power.

And if you find out that there is someone else, well, then you need to protect yourself in all sorts of ways - records, financial, information, etc.

And finally, I need not remind you that you are not faithful to her. She may know. Of course, hobbying is purely transactional and men who hobby usually have 0 interest in leaving their wives. Women on the other hand have affairs with boyfriends and it usually will lead to a marital breakup. (They lose perspective and let's face it, affairs are exciting.) Something like 2 thirds of all marital breakups are initiated by women. But I wish I had a dime for every time I've seen a woman leave her faithful but boring husband of many years in the mistaken notion that the other guy is going to marry her and they will live happily ever after. Most times, the guy isn't really interested in that kind of a deal and the new and exciting relationship goes off the rails pretty quickly.

 

[VIPhunter]

If you're interested in rekindling your sexual relationship, vacation is the ideal time to do so.

It would bother me very much, and I would suggest (respectfully) that the marriage may be nearing an end point.

 

[multimedia]

She's not going alone, my friend. She's meeting another fellow at the airport. The "sexless relationship" bit is the clue. Accept the reality, guys: when the sex is over, the relationship is over. Get your ducks in a row, you are about to be replaced.

Not at the airport... at the actual resort they're going to 'coincidentally' run into each there. Or the airport at the destination. Last thing she wants is to be caught on camera somewhere with him.

 

[multimedia]

If I were you, I would be doing some detective work trying to figure out what she is up to. If nothing else, knowledge is power.

And if you find out that there is someone else, well, then you need to protect yourself in all sorts of ways - records, financial, information, etc.

And finally, I need not remind you that you are not faithful to her. She may know. Of course, hobbying is purely transactional and men who hobby usually have 0 interest in leaving their wives. Women on the other hand have affairs with boyfriends and it usually will lead to a marital breakup. (They lose perspective and let's face it, affairs are exciting.) Something like 2 thirds of all marital breakups are initiated by women. But I wish I had a dime for every time I've seen a woman leave her faithful but boring husband of many years in the mistaken notion that the other guy is going to marry her and they will live happily ever after. Most times, the guy isn't really interested in that kind of a deal and the new and exciting relationship goes off the rails pretty quickly.

I think the information about getting ready for divorce is most crucial. Basically if she's implicated as the reason, she's at a disadvantage when it comes to the divorce process.

Basically don't run interference, give her a false sense of security and support, and dig in (if that's what you want). Otherwise, the more you pry, beg, etc. the more angry she'll become, and you could be seen as being party to this instigation.

If you don't want to go down that 'snooping' route, and don't want to confront even more, when she returns, be on a vacation of your own (with the children?) or plan your own vacation and just say you're off one day.

 

[New World]

Anyone else have a spouse that goes on solo vacations (or go on solo vacations themselves)?

Mine brought it up out of the blue... I asked if everything was alright and why as it seemed odd all of a sudden to want to go specifically alone without either a friend or family member... Her response was only "Why the Hell not?"... No elaboration, etc. She left the discussion and went to bed. I sort of feel that some discussion is required as it is a new occurrence in our sexless relationship. There is a safety factor as well...

She goes on short vacations already with either a family member or GFs now. Day outings, etc. frequently as well. I don't care as I'll look after the kids. She works 3.5 days per week at a low-stress job and the kids are looked after privately (for the most part) during the day.

I'm a set Butterflies free type of guy, but I know this solo trip would raise concerns from both our families.

Just curious. Maybe this is very popular?

This brings back memories for me. About 8 years ago through work I met a married woman she was a complete smoke show and a teacher. She and I had instant chemistry! At the time we both lived in Pickering. We use to meet at Starbucks for what she use to refer to as flirt session. We eventually hooked up for some fun! Crazy thing is her husband had some serious suspicions... He actually came to my office one day to introduce himself. Her husband and I never had any type of issues but he did suspect we were f#%$ing.

Truth is female hypergamy is live and well. Trust your gut feeling its probably correct.

 

[Scorpio1971]

Anyone else have a spouse that goes on solo vacations (or go on solo vacations themselves)?

Mine brought it up out of the blue... I asked if everything was alright and why as it seemed odd all of a sudden to want to go specifically alone without either a friend or family member... Her response was only "Why the Hell not?"... No elaboration, etc. She left the discussion and went to bed. I sort of feel that some discussion is required as it is a new occurrence in our sexless relationship. There is a safety factor as well...

She goes on short vacations already with either a family member or GFs now. Day outings, etc. frequently as well. I don't care as I'll look after the kids. She works 3.5 days per week at a low-stress job and the kids are looked after privately (for the most part) during the day.

I'm a set Butterflies free type of guy, but I know this solo trip would raise concerns from both our families.

Just curious. Maybe this is very popular?

Yup but she might be someone else behind your back and is not saying anything

 

[GameBoy27]

Just for clarity: it has been 10+ solid years with next to zero sex…. That is not a new factor.

I understand there's kids involved, but little to no sex with the one you live with? That's insane. And yes, she's banging someone else, as are you from time to time. If it makes her happy, let her go on her dirty vacation. I don't see what the problem is. Certainly you can't be jealous.

 

[Male4Strapon]

While I do have some of the same suspicions some have expressed, if she wants to fuck around she can do it without a getaway.
The refusal to elaborate is what is most alarming to me.

I would suggest you just accept it, give her your blessing and tell her you think it's such a great idea that you want to do the same and take a solo trip in the near future too.
However you should tell her that you're concerned about her and while you fully support her need to get away alone, is there anything specific that she wants to get away from? Is it job stress, issues with friends or family that she would normally travel with? Fake this concern if you have to but pry a little more into her motivation to go on a solo trip.

I do agree though that skepticism is understandable and maybe you should check in to your rights just in case a separation might be on the horizon.

 

[TeeJay]

If you have an open marriage I am sure it is quite common

 

[amazing age]

Gameboy: The crux of the problem is found in something that James T. Kirk pointed out (something I should have picked up on, too). She left the discussion and went to bed. This woman obviously has nothing but contempt for the original poster. (How demoralizing must it be for him to have to live with that. ). Still, it's his call, and he seems to be able to deal with it. I know I could not.