Dating Advice for TERB members
- Thread starter Knuckle Ball
- Start date
I am sure there is a tiny percent who watch out of base amusement. Those guys might be fun to date 
From my bullshit advice column on another board, with minor changes, fictitiously authored by "Brooklyn Mob Illuminati Bob".
Q: Bob, how can an average guy of modest means get some civvie tail, without using up all of his party money? - All of them, TERB
That's really simple. It's a four step process.
1) Learn how to dance: If you're out in public, you're judging women you don't know by how they look, how they're dressed, and by their level of intoxication, just like every guy. You can't have a conversation anywhere where there's music playing, because the music is too loud for that. It's intentional; if people could talk to each other, they would buy fewer drinks. The ladies, on the other hand, will be judging you by how you're groomed, and how you dance. Most guys fuck just about as well as they dance, good or bad, and good grooming tends to indicate good hygiene, so if she's just looking for a piece herself, that's the sort of things she'll notice, and if she can smell you from across the room, you've already been ruled out, even if you smell good. You show me a guy who has to pay for it, (as opposed to one who chooses variety), and I'll show you a guy who can't dance. The other guy knows how to dance; he just likes multiple partners.
2) It's all in the fingertips: If you get to the sit down conversation stage, you can tell if you ever have any chance of getting any by how they react to a light touch, with intent, such as moving some of their hair away from their eyes, or simply touching the back of their hand. If they recoil, or go for the pepper spray, you either acted too soon, or you peaked at the last chapter. It ain't gonna happen, ever, so best to concede defeat, and begin to show disinterest, before looking to bow out with some dignity. Don't pine for what you ain't gonna get; it wastes your time and resources, and hers. Try again with someone else.
If she is responsive to your light touches, interpret that as a sign of preliminary interest, but don't get too cocky, just jet. You've just made the first cut, but you ain't played a down of game yet. Don't be in too much of a hurry. The more you push the pace, the more she'll think you're in a hurry to tell the boys all about her. Whatever you could do this time, you can do next time, plus a little more, if you weren't a total dick. Women expect men to be a bit of a dick. If they aren't at all, they get suspicious. If you're too much of a dick, they figure you're worse than this most of the time, and you can only be on your good behavior for so long. Wait them out, but not too long, or you'll get friend zoned. A woman will indicate her level of interest through visible perspiration.
3) Enjoy your vices in moderation, but this applies most to self abuse. When you use your hand too much, you lose the perspective; you come to only want what you don't think you deserve, 'cause you've always got the fall back position. Leave it alone for a while. If you have to, tie a plastic bag around your 'go to' hand while in the privacy of your own home, or wear one of those fake casts on your arm; they'll be going on sale the week after Hallowe'en. If you must, use your 'off hand', or the 'go to' hand with the bag or cast on it, and you'll get the job done, but you won't enjoy it half as much. Challenge yourself! Put ten bucks in a jar for every day you can hold out. If that's only ten days or so, check Leo's List for what you can get for a C Note, and that should give you a second wind.
If you can go a month, you will have enough saved to buy an hour with a top provider, in which case, you should look for the MSOG abbreviation in her menu, as you'll probably pop the first one quickly. This is assuming that you want to work your way up to a healthy relationship in steps, otherwise you can test the waters with your three hundred bucks, enough for the two or three dates it would take most civvie women who are in to you to put out. You would be surprised at how good many of those ladies you've so casually dismissed will look to you, when you ain't busted a nut in a month. It's like beer goggles, only sober, or gettin' out after doin' some 'soft time', for white collar.
4) Get fit: You don't want a fattie, and neither does she. Find an hour, everyday, to walk. In warm weather months try to do this near sundown, or in the morning, when it ain't too hot, but do it year round. You'll actually lose weight faster walking in the winter, because the extra clothing will make you sweat more, and you'll use more calories just maintaining your body temperature. The faster you walk, the less you'll need to wear. It's just like with women; lose weight in winter, maintain it in summer, only you don't have to gain all of it back in the pre holiday season.
Q: Wow, where did you learn all that?
A: Back in the day, it was posted on every desk, in every office.
Q: Where? I've worked in a cubicle for decades, and I've never seen that before.
A: Ain't you never read the instructions on the bottle of liquid paper?
Shake Well. Touch On. Apply Sparingly. Thin with Liquid Paper (TM) Thinner. What did you think they meant? Did none of youse pay attention to nothin'? Plus, you could get a decent buzz, if you sniffed the bottle without shakin' it first.
Q: Bob, how can an average guy of modest means get some civvie tail, without using up all of his party money? - All of them, TERB
That's really simple. It's a four step process.
1) Learn how to dance: If you're out in public, you're judging women you don't know by how they look, how they're dressed, and by their level of intoxication, just like every guy. You can't have a conversation anywhere where there's music playing, because the music is too loud for that. It's intentional; if people could talk to each other, they would buy fewer drinks. The ladies, on the other hand, will be judging you by how you're groomed, and how you dance. Most guys fuck just about as well as they dance, good or bad, and good grooming tends to indicate good hygiene, so if she's just looking for a piece herself, that's the sort of things she'll notice, and if she can smell you from across the room, you've already been ruled out, even if you smell good. You show me a guy who has to pay for it, (as opposed to one who chooses variety), and I'll show you a guy who can't dance. The other guy knows how to dance; he just likes multiple partners.
2) It's all in the fingertips: If you get to the sit down conversation stage, you can tell if you ever have any chance of getting any by how they react to a light touch, with intent, such as moving some of their hair away from their eyes, or simply touching the back of their hand. If they recoil, or go for the pepper spray, you either acted too soon, or you peaked at the last chapter. It ain't gonna happen, ever, so best to concede defeat, and begin to show disinterest, before looking to bow out with some dignity. Don't pine for what you ain't gonna get; it wastes your time and resources, and hers. Try again with someone else.
If she is responsive to your light touches, interpret that as a sign of preliminary interest, but don't get too cocky, just jet. You've just made the first cut, but you ain't played a down of game yet. Don't be in too much of a hurry. The more you push the pace, the more she'll think you're in a hurry to tell the boys all about her. Whatever you could do this time, you can do next time, plus a little more, if you weren't a total dick. Women expect men to be a bit of a dick. If they aren't at all, they get suspicious. If you're too much of a dick, they figure you're worse than this most of the time, and you can only be on your good behavior for so long. Wait them out, but not too long, or you'll get friend zoned. A woman will indicate her level of interest through visible perspiration.
3) Enjoy your vices in moderation, but this applies most to self abuse. When you use your hand too much, you lose the perspective; you come to only want what you don't think you deserve, 'cause you've always got the fall back position. Leave it alone for a while. If you have to, tie a plastic bag around your 'go to' hand while in the privacy of your own home, or wear one of those fake casts on your arm; they'll be going on sale the week after Hallowe'en. If you must, use your 'off hand', or the 'go to' hand with the bag or cast on it, and you'll get the job done, but you won't enjoy it half as much. Challenge yourself! Put ten bucks in a jar for every day you can hold out. If that's only ten days or so, check Leo's List for what you can get for a C Note, and that should give you a second wind.
If you can go a month, you will have enough saved to buy an hour with a top provider, in which case, you should look for the MSOG abbreviation in her menu, as you'll probably pop the first one quickly. This is assuming that you want to work your way up to a healthy relationship in steps, otherwise you can test the waters with your three hundred bucks, enough for the two or three dates it would take most civvie women who are in to you to put out. You would be surprised at how good many of those ladies you've so casually dismissed will look to you, when you ain't busted a nut in a month. It's like beer goggles, only sober, or gettin' out after doin' some 'soft time', for white collar.
4) Get fit: You don't want a fattie, and neither does she. Find an hour, everyday, to walk. In warm weather months try to do this near sundown, or in the morning, when it ain't too hot, but do it year round. You'll actually lose weight faster walking in the winter, because the extra clothing will make you sweat more, and you'll use more calories just maintaining your body temperature. The faster you walk, the less you'll need to wear. It's just like with women; lose weight in winter, maintain it in summer, only you don't have to gain all of it back in the pre holiday season.
Q: Wow, where did you learn all that?
A: Back in the day, it was posted on every desk, in every office.
Q: Where? I've worked in a cubicle for decades, and I've never seen that before.
A: Ain't you never read the instructions on the bottle of liquid paper?
Shake Well. Touch On. Apply Sparingly. Thin with Liquid Paper (TM) Thinner. What did you think they meant? Did none of youse pay attention to nothin'? Plus, you could get a decent buzz, if you sniffed the bottle without shakin' it first.
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I'm sure a lot of guys here watch 'amuse' out of basement.I am sure there is a tiny percent who watch out of base amusement. Those guys might be fun to date
I am sure there is a tiny percent who watch out of base amusement. Those guys might be fun to date
I listen to Joe Rogan. Smartest meat head out there.
She can go fuck herself. I'm a man and fucking proud of it.
She can go fuck herself. I'm a man and fucking proud of it.
I don't see where she said not to be proud of being a man but thanks for sharing with the class. LOL
Here is my advice.
Don't date. Stay single and be happy.
Don't date. Stay single and be happy.
And where did say she said it. It was a personal statement among the cancel culture of being a man and not some bearded top knot plaid wesri g sissy simp who pretends to be one.
But thanks for sharing your thoughts with the class.
