Frequent cancellations by a regular

[dvidi76]

Hi, over the past few months i've been seeing a indy SP regulary, over the past few weeks she has been cancelling me a few hours before our appointment, this past week she has done it 3 times in a row.
on the last time, it kind of got to me, so i texted her this: "cancelling right before a meeting is not really a good feeling for me, just so you know, thats all. I know its my problem, and not your fault, but I just wanted to be open about it", she replied a few hours later: "I don't know what to really answer to you". I understood later on and no point making a big deal of it i thought, so i just said "its ok nothing really to say, hope your doing well"
but next day I made a point to apologize a bit for my reaction and asked her when I could see her again. but its been 2 days and no reply.

I just wanted to know someones opinion on this, did I do something really wrong here?

 

[gibarian]

I wouldn't say you did anything wrong, but I would say you did something unnecessary that has complicated your situation. Scolding people you have a personal relationship is never a good way to improve it. If you're experiencing something like a pattern of cancellations it's up to you to decide whether its worth dealing with, or not. It would be totally reasonable for you to want to cut ties with someone who breaks plans frequently. But you took the high maintenance route instead, and now it's awkward.

Also, I find that when people tell stories on this board they often leave out extremely relevant information. Were you given reasons for the cancellations? Were these dates 30-minute same day bookings, or 6-hour events you planned a month ago?

I'd say you have two good options; if you want to continue to see this person, drop the convo. Let the issue lie, and don't be needy. You say you've apologized -- if it was a genuine apology, then you don't need to hear anything back. That's the natural endpoint of the discussion until you want to meet again.

Or, if you don't want to deal with the cancellations and the potential awkwardness that has been created, choose to stop seeing this person.

The worst thing you can do is to pester them for a reaction. If they don't want to reply, accept it.

 

[dvidi76]

I wouldn't say you did anything wrong, but I would say you did something unnecessary that has complicated your situation. Scolding people you have a personal relationship is never a good way to improve it. If you're experiencing something like a pattern of cancellations it's up to you to decide whether its worth dealing with, or not. It would be totally reasonable for you to want to cut ties with someone who breaks plans frequently. But you took the high maintenance route instead, and now it's awkward.

Also, I find that when people tell stories on this board they often leave out extremely relevant information. Were you given reasons for the cancellations? Were these dates 30-minute same day bookings, or 6-hour events you planned a month ago?

I'd say you have two good options; if you want to continue to see this person, drop the convo. Let the issue lie, and don't be needy. You say you've apologized -- if it was a genuine apology, then you don't need to hear anything back. That's the natural endpoint of the discussion until you want to meet again.

Or, if you don't want to deal with the cancellations and the potential awkwardness that has been created, choose to stop seeing this person.

The worst thing you can do is to pester them for a reaction. If they don't want to reply, accept it.

oh I didn't think what I said was scolding, I was just expressing my feelings out of frustration at the time. But, i did apologize the very next day saying that it was stupid to create drama over it and sorry about it, wont happen again.

these are usually 2 hour meetings planned a few days advance. some times even the day before. I would get these dumb excuses like 2 hours before the meeting on the same day... things like "something important came up can we do another day" or "i forgot I had an appointment this afternoon, i can't make it today"...its happen so often shes like re using the excuses.

anyways, I thought about it and wanted to continue, thats why I apologized the next day. and I tried to set another meeting, but she hasnt replied to it its been 2 days, so now I am wondering like, is she mad over this or what? usually she replied after few hours..

 

[downbound123]

You have done everything that you felt you needed to do. The ball is in her court now and if she doesn't reply then you have your answer and just let it go.

 

[gibarian]

oh I didn't think what I said was scolding, I was just expressing my feelings out of frustration at the time. But, i did apologize the very next day saying that it was stupid to create drama over it and sorry about it, wont happen again.

these are usually 2 hour meetings planned a few days advance. some times even the day before. I would get these dumb excuses like 2 hours before the meeting on the same day... things like "something important came up can we do another day" or "i forgot I had an appointment this afternoon, i can't make it today"...its happen so often shes like re using the excuses.

anyways, I thought about it and wanted to continue, thats why I apologized the next day. and I tried to set another meeting, but she hasnt replied to it its been 2 days, so now I am wondering like, is she mad over this or what? usually she replied after few hours..

Damn, that sucks. If we were talking about short, last minute appointments I'd be like "that's the risk you take not planning ahead," but cancelling multiple appointments made 24+ hours ahead of time is pretty lame.

For what it's worth, sometimes people do things like this when they intentionally want to break ties with someone, but don't want to take a confrontational approach. ie. they start cancelling plans, avoiding replies, and hope that the other person takes the hint. It happens in and out of the industry. To an outside observer who doesn't know the length/quality of your interactions with this person, it kinds of seems like that might be what's happening here.

 

[dvidi76]

Damn, that sucks. If we were talking about short, last minute appointments I'd be like "that's the risk you take not planning ahead," but cancelling multiple appointments made 24+ hours ahead of time is pretty lame.

For what it's worth, sometimes people do things like this when they intentionally want to break ties with someone, but don't want to take a confrontational approach. ie. they start cancelling plans, avoiding replies, and hope that the other person takes the hint. It happens in and out of the industry. To an outside observer who doesn't know the length/quality of your interactions with this person, it kinds of seems like that might be what's happening here.

I've been seeing her regularly for over 14 months now actually. Something worse than this happened a few months ago after a bit of a problem but she ended up replying after a few days, but I didn't think this little issue would be that much of a problem.

Maybe that could be the case, but she is a very direct person, she is not shy and I believe she would have been direct on this one for sure, she just said "I don't know what to say". but just before that message she actually said, she would try to see me the next day, I just didn't confirm it and when I tried to the next day, ive had no reply.
I just think she's busy and making me wait on purpose, she has that type of character...

 

[Narrok]

That must happen a lot in the industry, say where a client frequents the same sp over and over. I’m sure it happens where a client falls in love with and SP or get jelous at the thought of an SP they frequent seeing other clients.

I can’t imagine how SP’s handle situations like that. It must be really tough. Tough for both sides really.

 

[ottawa_cuck]

You care, she doesn't.
The relationship is not balanced.

To balance it, you should care less.

 

[Nesbot]

You care, she doesn't.
The relationship is not balanced.

To balance it, you should care less.

I agree. OP, you sound sort of attached. She has distanced herself from you. You need to move on from her. Texting an appology to her for HER cancelling on YOU? C'mon man.

 

[KTDoy]

It's no different that your golf buddy suddenly not available and always busy on the weekend. Find someone else to play with and move on!

 

[solo223]

keep in mind she's an SP and you client....you can expect this even if you've seen her a few times. Shit happens or sometimes it's just BS...but it remains a purely business transaction for the most part.

 

[gmaximus]

Maybe she's not well or maybe she knows you're a sure thing and have you as Plan B, C or......
3 cancelations in a week and you're still waiting for her reply? She should be the one apologizing and offering a discount on your next booking.
You need to have atleast 3 good back up options if one becomes unavailable. They should be well reviewed and reliable too.

The next time she messages you with her availability, tell her thanks but you already booked someone else and might see her if you find time.

Don't come across as needy. Women don't like it and SWs will find it creepy.
This is a hobby, treat it as a hobby. Don't ever get attached to someone you're paying for their company.

 

[Meaning]

You did something completely unnecessary given the situation. SP/client relationship is transactional so unsure what result you were seeking when referring to your "feeling".

In these situations, I ask myself am I happy with the service I'm receiving. If the answer is yes, I will continue with said SP. If not, I move on. You went about it entirely the wrong way.

 

[dvidi76]

You did something completely unnecessary given the situation. SP/client relationship is transactional so unsure what result you were seeking when referring to your "feeling".

In these situations, I ask myself am I happy with the service I'm receiving. If the answer is yes, I will continue with said SP. If not, I move on. You went about it entirely the wrong way.

what I meant by "not really a good feeling" is a nicer way of saying that "I thought I would be having sex in a few hours and now I know I am not and it sucks big time for me, because I was expecting it and I am stuck with this urge for the whole day." but I couldn't put it that way i guess so I just said its not a good feeling. Does that make any sense?

the last thing she said was "I don't know what to really answer to you". Im not sure if I understand what that means, i guess she had no idea what to say about me saying that its not a good feeling being cancelled, so just said she didnt know what to say, when she could have just apologized for the cancel and be done with it, its like she has to be always right even when wrong.

 

[ottawa_cuck]

SP deal with so many guys emotional stuff daily and their phones are always blowing up, they are numb to our urges and feelings. If you tell your feelings to SP, you're gonna be fucked. Game over.

It's up to you to manage your urges and feelings. Don't reveal this stuff to SP. Do you ever hear them talk about their feelings for you? No!

It sucks to plan a date 3x and cancel. It has happened to me and I learned that when a date is planned, it's just a plan, no guarantee. I remind my crazy urges it's always 50/50 something can go wrong. In your case I would not message her at all until she messaged back for a date. If she never texts back, well there's your answer.

 

[ottawa_cuck]

Replace SP with RMT. You wouldn't catch feelings for an RMT right? An RMT wouldn't want to be with a client who has feelings for them right? If an RMT cancels 3x I definitely won't book her a 4th time. This is how you gotta view this hobby.

 

[StillROAMing]

It's time you find someone else who will appreciate you as a regular client, and you are not the one who made it awkward. All good things come to an end.

 

[Cryptologic]

it is a business. you pay for a service transaction. pretty sure the providers will agree. if either party can't agree a time to meet after several tries, time to take a short break

also you seem quite attached to this provider. not a healthy sign imho. time to try somebody else. variety is good

 

[itd131]

You've got some good feedback here. Bottom line - move on.

 

[dvidi76]

SP deal with so many guys emotional stuff daily and their phones are always blowing up, they are numb to our urges and feelings. If you tell your feelings to SP, you're gonna be fucked. Game over.

It's up to you to manage your urges and feelings. Don't reveal this stuff to SP. Do you ever hear them talk about their feelings for you? No!

It sucks to plan a date 3x and cancel. It has happened to me and I learned that when a date is planned, it's just a plan, no guarantee. I remind my crazy urges it's always 50/50 something can go wrong. In your case I would not message her at all until she messaged back for a date. If she never texts back, well there's your answer.

now that I think about it, I just used the wrong word to say in the message, it has nothing to do with feelings I was not implying that i have feelings. i just said "its a bad feeling to be cancel last minute". it would have been better to just say "it just sucks to be cancel last minute, thats all". now I understand I shouldnt have said anything, it was a heat of the moment kinda thing and I did apologize after for the drama to her.

moreover, I actually had this conversation with her during a meeting a few weeks ago, and she knows what I am talking about, since she even said this to me: "look, I know you dont like being cancelled, I know youre excited to see me and all that, I get it, i get it...but thats what it is"