I do not entirely agree with the term demean. Just let her know that she can be replaced (we can all be replaced). I agree with do not ever look up to her. It's the old saw- treat her like a rock star and she will treat you like a fan. Or treat her like a queen or princess (which is uglier) and she will treat you like a commoner- unless you make it clear to her that you are the king. I have told my sweetie many times that the queen is the most powerful piece on the board. But the job of the queen is to serve and protect the king. She has not had a job for many years, it was her decision, and I did not object. Her job is to take care of me. You will not do heroic things to keep her. Make her do the work. Show appreciation when she does. You should do some of the work, but not more than she does. Her job is to please you- especially if you are the one who pays the bills. You will get shit tested, it's her way of satisfying herself that you will not take her shit- also like a child who likes to see what they can get away with. But if your words should always match your actions, then she (and others) will see that you're a stand up guy, and the shit testing will become much less. Only occasionally will she continue to shit test you. She wants to know that you are still worth the work she is doing for your benefit. If she starts to think you are not 'all that,' - just a big talker, for instance, you can kiss the relationship good bye. Your words and your actions should always be congruent. And have a walk away point, and make sure she knows what it is, and if you have taught her that your actions are congruent with your words, you really will walk if she crosses the line.
What were the reason(s) for your breakup(s)?
- Thread starter thirdcup
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dude, just getting her to fuck you is much simpler. Just treating her like trash gets the job done. Not keeping them!
Eeks that sounds like psychological abuse. If you have to do that better off splitting.
Thats a classic borderline move JTK! The big scene and storming out of the party is another.
I dated a BPD (luckily it took 2 weeks to figure it out and end it, back in my postgrad uni days) but she bought tickets for a college football game for me and 3 mates as a present to me. I asked her to come to the game w me 3 times, she said no, you have fun w your friends. Ok took her up on it and when I rang her after the game to say thanks she screamed how insensitive and selfish I was how dare I leave her to sit around her apartment...it was fucking surreal. Broke up with by the end of the phone call. Then she came back crying, apologising, but I said sorry this just won't work out. Then letters, more crying, then the massive disinformation campaign to all the fellow female postgrad students how insincere, lothario, love em and leave em, dishonest, and truly evil old kherg was and they should all stay clear of me. Did not know that until a second female colleague said "you know, you're such a nice guy, you're not what i heard you were". After probing why she said that, realised BPD girl was out poisoning the well.
Reckless spending & feelings of emptiness.
My stepmother was very good at reckless spending, most probably to fill her feelings of emptiness.
Many years ago, she spent herself into oblivion. So much that she received a note from one of the large credit card companies that said something like you have until the end of the month, or week, to pay off your entire debt. If you do not, we will charge you with fraud.
To her, money was a renewable resource, and also according to her, the well would never run dry. Pops left her a very large bequest, she could have lived the rest of her days VERY comfortably. I happened to bump into her at a well known office supply store long after we parted company. I discovered she was sharing a basement apt. Responsibility & accountability was just not her thing.
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I acknowledge this is somewhat off topic, but I have one more thing to say about folks (who are mostly women) with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Do not try to reason with them. The only thing they understand is consequences. Give them one warning regarding what is not acceptable, and if they do not heed it, then take action, without apology, and do not look back.
Again, I learned this the hard way with my stepmother.
Do not try to reason with them. The only thing they understand is consequences. Give them one warning regarding what is not acceptable, and if they do not heed it, then take action, without apology, and do not look back.
Again, I learned this the hard way with my stepmother.
"she says Oh it's that time of the month." "Ok, your mouth isn't bleeding is it?" lol
They can't hide it more than three months and the first time we all thought the same. What the fuck did I get myself into. I remember the first time, I didn't want to go to a party, so she went to the kitchen and cut the tip off from two of her fingers.
I called a buddy who was a cop and he told me she was a border line, and pretty much I was fucked, because if the ambulance showed up, for sure I was going to jail although I had nothing to do with it
Luckily I was able to stop the bleeding and took her to her Doctor the next day and he knew what she was like, but fuck she only got more creative after that.
www.shrink4men.com
True some of it does sound like incels lol, particularly when sweeping judgments are made on 'women' as if they are all the same. Or that you have to treat them like a POS for them to respect you. To me sounds so abusive and cruel. If a mate of mine had that belief about women i would not be friends w him because if you are abusive and cruel you're an arse.
However, the BPD stuff is legit. It is a major issue and hazard. But luckily not common. But if you've dated one you never forget and it's scarring.
so dumping a woman who is lying, manipulative, and wasting your time and moving to to better women is being an incel?
Men can be BPD. - ( my spelling mistake)-
Once a woman used the term Lancelot Syndrome on group of men. We looked at her and she had to explain to us what it meant to them. Something like Nurse ( Florence ) Nightingale issue. King Arthur dumps the BPS and Lancelot picks them up.
I know guy who goes through 2-6 woman a year. The women dump him, less then 4- 8 weeks, he really doesn't work. Something about manager material he believes he is.
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I'm not sure but I've narrowed it down to:
- She finally got the prescription glasses she needed
- Apparently my new girlfriend's snoring was too loud
- I couldn't convince her that her new STD must have come from a doorknob
- Apparently my old Corolla wasn't as fast as her new boyfriend's Maserati
- Her concept of me getting out of the house involved a job
Do you see SPs starting a thread bashing all their exes? Even all these "BPD" women around, (that seem to be so incredibly high in abundance according to all you Doctors), I bet they would probably have some things to say about you guys too. This whole thread comes off as whining, blaming, and narcissistic.
I suspect the women weren't the problem in most of these breakups. Or at the very least, were not the ONLY problem. .
I suspect the women weren't the problem in most of these breakups. Or at the very least, were not the ONLY problem. .
Right? I do agree women can be abusive too, no denying that. But, I certainly wont start abusing new men in my life because of a bad experience with another dude. I've dated men with serious mental illness, and never in a billion years would I lump all men in with them.
Maybe I should be more kind, because there seems to be a lot of trauma here that hasn't been dealt with. But meh. I strongly believe people are accountabile for their actions, and that includes getting help after a toxic relationship.
Maybe I should be more kind, because there seems to be a lot of trauma here that hasn't been dealt with. But meh. I strongly believe people are accountabile for their actions, and that includes getting help after a toxic relationship.
