I am doing the right thing?

[playtc]

I figure I'll get all sorts of hate but I have to ask the question.

Long story short, my marriage is sexually dead and we are separated. I won't tell you how long it has been but let's say I'm ashamed to even anonymously post it. Let's just say longer than one year.

Forget the sad story. Let's not go there.

I have not even approached this kind of thing before and what I want to know is that is this something I will regret later on. Will I look back and say, what was I thinking and doing? Was this worth it?

I can always turn back. But I'm at a cross roads now.

Anyone have any input? Haters aside, please be reasonable, I'm not disrespecting this or anyone involved. I personally think this thing should be legalized.

 

[uchual]

Personally, I don't think that you'll have any regrets about taking the plunge into the hobby. This does not mean that all will be peachy. Some experiences are great, some others not so much.

In my case, I guess I'm lucky because I'm married to a very sexual lady with whom we share an open relationship. She has her flings, I have mine. All is good as long as basic rules on engament are fulfilled (safe sex, being discreet, etc.). So, I've had the chance to experience encounters with quite a few SPs, short term friends with benefits and so forth. All I can say is that, in terms of regrets, I usually do so more the times that I didn't go ahead and tried, and not the times that I've actually done it.

 

[yomero5]

My advice to you is to forget about escorts, and to look for a new girlfriend/companion.

 

[oldjones]

You've assumed a whole lotta possible hate that's got you very bothered about your reaction and ours, but never actually said in simple words what anyone would be reacting to.

We can read between the lines for ourselves, but you should really ponder why you're so afraid of a reaction you say you cannot predict. Likewise ponder why you seem to want to overcome that fear, when fear is meant to keep us from danger. Until you can say, "Fool that I am, this is what I want to do, and no consequences I have imagined are enough to stop me", you'd be best to stick to what you know and are comfortable with.

If you decide you're just suffering from a sort of stage fright, there is really only one cure. Pick a reputable place, and/or provider — that's what reviews are for — without fretting about whether it or she is the best. They've had first-timers before, and they didn't get that reputation by treating them or anyone badly. If you want a gentle ease in, go to strip club and tell yourself it's for the drinks (Do NOT drink alcohol and drive!) and the sightseeing, while you sort out the adrenalin and other stuff going on inside. A Massage place can work sorta the same, especially the ones where reviewers discuss the actual massage, and again only good can come from telling them you are a first timer.

What you should not do is worry about what anyone but you thinks about you. It's one of the reasons there is such a thing as commercial sex. You are a customer: As long as you are ordinarily clean, decent and polite and pay the rate, you are just fine. You don't have to impress, or meet anyone's expectations; that's on them. As is any embarrassment that might arise, because they're the professionals.

You did mention the law; you should also think about medical consequences, and inform yourself about both. Check the C36 thread at the top of this Forum for the state of our disTERBed opinions since Harper's law made purchasing sex illegal, but selling it OK. Inform yourself about STDs, always shower thoroughly before and after, never argue with providers who want condoms used, and stick with reputable, reviewed providers.

Have fun.

 

[|2 /-\ | /|/]

Yeah welcome to the club. Married 15 years with the dead marriage for about 10 years. Participating in this hobby did help tame the urge and keep my mind sane and focused. Now that there is so much uncertainty because of C36 I decided its not worth the risk. So presently am in a place that feels like purgatory. Can’t allow myself to actually cheat with civies because of my principle, can’t see the industry girls because of the high risk it will fuck up my life because kids depend on me and c36, and can’t get laid at home. So I just wait it out and see what gives first. Don’t want to divorce because of the kids but if she brings it up will 100% support her. I don’t want to bring it up because despite our mistakes I believe in trying to make it work.

Many of the guys who hobby from here are in a committed relationship. Many of us don’t have a moral dilemma with it. It actually helps in many ways in a sex dead marriage. Many have an issue with the risk and consequences because of C36 and keep lurking on the sidelines.

This is quite common what you are going through.

 

[kherg007]

This was a good and bad decision.

Good, cuz if you got back together again you haven't messed w some other woman's feelings. And you can definitely punch above your weight!

Bad....cuz not just cost but addiction. To be able to see the ad of a beautiful provider and be able to play scrabble w her as long as you got manners, hygiene, and wallet...hard to stop. Not sure what effect it will have on a return to civilian dating, outside of feeling like ya always gotta shower right before the rodeo-do-do....

 

[HobbyHorse]

Beware...
By which I mean: be aware that you will probably end up squandering a small fortune.
The biggest catch to this "hobby" (apart from possible health impacts; don't believe those who say BBBJs are completely safe) is that, once started, it is never-ending. There are seemingly an infinite number of attractive women out there. Many are nice people, the sex is great, and you will want to see them repeatedly.
If you'd rather have a boat or a nice car, stay away. If your needs absolutely require it then dig in, but know that it will end up costing you mucho dinero.
Also, it will impact whatever straight relationship you end up in, and not necessarily in a constructive way.
Been there. Done that.

 

[playtc]

Thanks for all your input. I didn't know about C36 and how it is now criminal.

I can imagine that there would be expense involved. Having to punch above your weight would be a fantasy come true.

At the end of the day, it's mainly loneliness. But I understand that this isn't what the forum is about.

 

[J.A. Prufrock]

I can relate to you. Our stories are similar.
My wife and I separated several years ago after a 19-year marriage that became untenable the last few years. Her decision, not mine. I wanted to try to make it work. She was adamant it would not and left with the kids. I was devastated. Depression sunk in. I went several years without so much as kissing a woman, in part because I was still holding out hope for a reconciliation.
But we all have needs and I really missed the soft caress and warm embrace of a woman, as corny as that may sound. I would see couples holding hands in public and become envious. After a few years of living alone I relinquished the false hope that we would get back together and decided it was time to start living life again. By that time, I was 51 (I'm now 54), and looking back, I feel I wasted a lot of good years alone. I believe I'm a good person, and I have a big heart with a lot to offer. I'm physically fit, well-groomed, with impeccable hygiene.
I have not dated. Have no interest in a relationship. Don't want the noise and the drama and risks of being screwed over again. And I don't want to do the work involved in finding that person. But, I admit my attitude might change if I meet someone I feel is right for me.
That's why I satisfy my needs my mongering. My friends and family have no idea I do this and it will remain my little secret. I offer no apologies and feel no guilt. If I did start to feel guilty, I would ask myself "Would you rather be miserable, angry and frustrated being alone the rest of your life?"
I'm not going to advise you want to do, that's a decision you need to make on your own, considering many factors and doing much research on boards such as this. But if you opt to join the p4p world, I concur with the advice oldjones provided: Take it slow, one step at a time. That's what I did.
1. I went to a strip club in Canada and got a couple of private dances (first time in several years I groped and sucked on a woman's breasts).
2. I got a massage with no extras in metro Detroit (loved getting a table shower from an attractive young lady and the feeling of having her rub and caress my entire body, except for my privates).
3. I got a two-way massage with a HE in GTA. Fabulous feeling of caressing and massaging a beautiful young gal from head to toe, getting her off with my hand and her do likewise to me in the shower.
4. I got a handjob from an SP in Tijuana. Nice, but came away with the feeling of "I could have done that myself."
5. I performed DATY on a stripper/SP at the fabulous Club Hong Kong in Tijuana. I was real hesitant to do this, but couldn't help myself because this was always one of my favorite things to do and I loved it. It really is an adult Disneyland.
6. I got a BBBJ from an MP in GTA.
This is as far as I've gone, and I'll probably stick to two-way erotic massages for now (planning on another excursion in GTA this weekend), since I prefer more of a GFE experience than a wham-bam fuck. But who says you can't have both? I expect to eventually start seeing some of the gorgeous young (or even older) SPs in GTA once I reach the next level of comfort in my journey to happiness.
Wishing you the best.

 

[itd131]

My advice to you is to forget about escorts, and to look for a new girlfriend/companion.

+1, very good advice.

To the OP, there is a lot of good advice in this thread. I think a lot of us got here from being in a similar situation to you so don't think you will get too much hate on this board.

My biggest piece of advice is to take your time and don't rush into anything. Don't dip your toe into this game until you are sure it's what you want. You say that you can always turn back. This isn't true. In my experience, once you start down this road, you won't turn back easily and may soon find that you can't.

Seeing escorts won't fix your marriage, it's just a nice diversion. In the end, the problems you have at home will still be there until you deal with them so do that first if you can.

Is this something you will regret later on? Yes, possibly it is. Not knowing much about your situation it's impossible to say for sure. Give yourself more time to think things through.

Here's another thread you may want to read:
https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?643034-My-marriage-falling-apart-any-escort-recommendations

 

[Smallcock]

Thanks for all your input. I didn't know about C36 and how it is now criminal.

I can imagine that there would be expense involved. Having to punch above your weight would be a fantasy come true.

At the end of the day, it's mainly loneliness. But I understand that this isn't what the forum is about.

This hobby won't cure your loneliness. It won't make a dent in it... you will pay a fortune trying to cure loneliness by seeing escorts with nothing to show for it. Based on what I've read on this forum over many years, lots of men have fallen into that trap. This hobby is strictly for releasing sexual tension. It's for fleeting physical gratification and nothing more. You seem like the type better suited for a new mainstream relationship.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

Scratching my head at all the negativity towards an activity we all signed up to here. Still waiting for a downside to this "hobby" not even close to finding one. so just quit and get off the forum if you feel so against it. What are you doing here? To the OP. No friggin regrets. it's great.met some of the best women ever by seeing sp's.

 

[kherg007]

Scratching my head at all the negativity towards an activity we all signed up to here. Still waiting for a downside to this "hobby" not even close to finding one. so just quit and get off the forum if you feel so against it. What are you doing here? To the OP. No friggin regrets. it's great.met some of the best women ever by seeing sp's.

The addiction and financials definitely the downside. But i will say it helped my psychological issues more quickly than therapy did. Starting w those trips to Naughty Nuru, onto the truly wonderful ladies I've met since. They do bring me joy, I sleep better, and my life is better for having met these ladies. But I also don't mistake it for a real SO style relationship.

 

[Robert Mugabe]

The addiction and financials definitely the downside. But i will say it helped my psychological issues more quickly than therapy did. Starting w those trips to Naughty Nuru, onto the truly wonderful ladies I've met since. They do bring me joy, I sleep better, and my life is better for having met these ladies. But I also don't mistake it for a real SO style relationship.

you are not meant to mistake it for a real SO relationship. It doesn't come with the restrictions and limitations of an SO. The financial side of it is way cheaper than paying for psychological therapy. Because of this "hobby" I am relaxed and happy and don't obsess about the women I can't have, and don't feel I am missing out all the time. Finally at my advanced stage in life I have a rockin sex life. As much as I want, when I want, with a couple of steady regulars who don't break the bank.

 

[richaceg]

I will be honest with you, you are in a better position to do whatever the fuck you want...I know a guy who's happily married...wife looks really good and takes care of him and family...and he still do it...The guy brings in good money, doesn't gamble doesn't drink...this is his outlet...

 

[autumn96]

I figure I'll get all sorts of hate but I have to ask the question.

Long story short, my marriage is sexually dead and we are separated. I won't tell you how long it has been but let's say I'm ashamed to even anonymously post it. Let's just say longer than one year.

Forget the sad story. Let's not go there.

I have not even approached this kind of thing before and what I want to know is that is this something I will regret later on. Will I look back and say, what was I thinking and doing? Was this worth it?

I can always turn back. But I'm at a cross roads now.

Anyone have any input? Haters aside, please be reasonable, I'm not disrespecting this or anyone involved. I personally think this thing should be legalized.

I've been hobbying for four years now. Not as long as some guys here but long enough (and frequently enough) to be able to speak on the experience. I have regrets in some regards, such as how I let it control my life when I first started. It's like opening pandora's box and realizing you can bang some of the most attractive women you've ever seen, and that's bound to cause you to go overboard a little.

Yeah, thinking about all the money I've spent does sting a little. But overall I have a hard time regretting getting involved.

 

[mynameisearl11]

You're over thinking. You sounded like you need to HAVE SEX,asap. Take care of the urge first and worry about the consequence if they even came.
No Sex is your issue today. Why are you even worry about what happen tomorrow? You might not even waking up tomorrow!
The fact is that you're already here you are more than half way making up your mind to have sex with escorts.

 

[Ginomore]

It’s much more expensive to have a wife or girlfriend than to see an sp.
As long as you don’t hobby every day of course.

 

[playtc]

I guess at this point, I'm just gathering advice on what to do first.

Once I have it all down, that's when I man up and do it, or leave this behind.

Thanks guys. I've received some good advice for a first time. I appreciate the messages.

The thought of having a beautiful, young woman. Wow.

 

[playtc]

+1, very good advice.

To the OP, there is a lot of good advice in this thread. I think a lot of us got here from being in a similar situation to you so don't think you will get too much hate on this board.

My biggest piece of advice is to take your time and don't rush into anything. Don't dip your toe into this game until you are sure it's what you want. You say that you can always turn back. This isn't true. In my experience, once you start down this road, you won't turn back easily and may soon find that you can't.

Seeing escorts won't fix your marriage, it's just a nice diversion. In the end, the problems you have at home will still be there until you deal with them so do that first if you can.

Is this something you will regret later on? Yes, possibly it is. Not knowing much about your situation it's impossible to say for sure. Give yourself more time to think things through.

Here's another thread you may want to read:
https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?643034-My-marriage-falling-apart-any-escort-recommendations

This is a really good thread... Thank you.