Do you regret getting married or having children

[penelopebloom]

my mom told us she regretted having us and i don't blame her at all. we have an amazing relationship and i share everything with her and i know she loves me a lot - but she had to raise me and my sister pretty much single-handedly while my dad was off getting his business off the ground and travelling back between china and canada. and then he ended up leaving her anyway. and i know i did not make it easy for her, being as rebellious as i was in my tweens and teens. and my sister is still a total bitch to her to this day. she sacrificed so much for us when she could have been off living her life to the fullest.

kids are definitely overrated - there are so many other ways to find fulfillment in life. i'm sure it's difficult for some people to imagine what life would be like without their kids but that's only because they exist and you've already formed a bond with them. but if you never have them in the first place, you have nothing to regret.

i have zero desire to bring kids into this world so i can't really understand other peoples' need to do so. i think it's probably driven by self-interest, like everything else - a selfish, perhaps biologically-driven desire to replicate your own genes. my good friend is trying to have a kid with her husband and she just had a second miscarriage, and i feel really bad for her cuz i know she really wants one. and i think it would be fun to come over and play with her baby once she has one. but that's about it. just the idea of a foreign being growing inside my body makes me feel weird. and then having to push it out thru my vagina?? if it was men who had to get pregnant and be burdened down for nine months, maybe i'd be more amenable to the idea.

 

[Polaris]

my mom told us she regretted having us and i don't blame her at all. we have an amazing relationship and i share everything with her and i know she loves me a lot - but

She does not mean that.

This is just a guilt trip to make sure the kids do not forget about mom in the future in her old age.

If mom really regretted having you ... you're a daughter ... I mean the obvious would have happened ... you would have been given away for adoption!

Since that did not happen, and mom gave it her all in raising her family, no regrets at all. You kids are her pride and joy.

This is something kind of typical a Chinese parent would say, to lay it on thick onto the kids. Chinese life is a burden. But you still fulfill your duty and do your best. If you do that, then it is all worth it.

Just make sure the kids are there for support in old age. So you got to lay it on thick! LoL!

When you have kids, you will understand that too, maybe use the same line likr everybody else does. LOL!

Give a hug to mom.

 

[onthebottom]

How many kids do you recommend is ideal?

I don’t think there is a simple answer to that question. I have two, boy and a girl.

 

[simba_one]

Dawn I'm sure your mom is super proud that she has you for a daughter. If you were my daughter I know I'd be.

 

[superstar_88]

my mom told us she regretted having us and i don't blame her at all. we have an amazing relationship and i share everything with her and i know she loves me a lot - but she had to raise me and my sister pretty much single-handedly while my dad was off getting his business off the ground and travelling back between china and canada. and then he ended up leaving her anyway. and i know i did not make it easy for her, being as rebellious as i was in my tweens and teens. and my sister is still a total bitch to her to this day. she sacrificed so much for us when she could have been off living her life to the fullest.

kids are definitely overrated - there are so many other ways to find fulfillment in life. i'm sure it's difficult for some people to imagine what life would be like without their kids but that's only because they exist and you've already formed a bond with them. but if you never have them in the first place, you have nothing to regret.

i have zero desire to bring kids into this world so i can't really understand other peoples' need to do so. i think it's probably driven by self-interest, like everything else - a selfish, perhaps biologically-driven desire to replicate your own genes. my good friend is trying to have a kid with her husband and she just had a second miscarriage, and i feel really bad for her cuz i know she really wants one. and i think it would be fun to come over and play with her baby once she has one. but that's about it. just the idea of a foreign being growing inside my body makes me feel weird. and then having to push it out thru my vagina?? if it was men who had to get pregnant and be burdened down for nine months, maybe i'd be more amenable to the idea.

OnTheBottom feels sorry for you.

 

[steve bettman]

I'd like to see the answers by date of the childs birth, im guessing they will look a lot different based on when the kids were born, gen Z parents being more likely to say they have regrets.

 

[multimedia]

I'd like to see the answers by date of the childs birth, im guessing they will look a lot different based on when the kids were born, gen Z parents being more likely to say they have regrets.

I'd say GenZ will push it off further than Millennials have been. It was the Gen Xers that were going crazy with having kids early and divorces. Though they don't mention it, but I've gotta think many regretted having kids with the person they did.

 

[Smallcock]

You always have to consider that things won't go as planned with kids too. I know several people that had kids with disorders that require special care for life. Raising "normal" kids is hard enough. Imagine the commitment and sacrifice for a special needs child.

Then you have to think about the possibility of your spouse dying in an accident or by disease leaving you to raise kids alone. A woman I knew from elementary school had a husband that recently died in his mid 40s due to sudden heart failure. Nobody could have predicted he had a bad heart. They have 3 kids.

These are only things to consider after the realization that your odds of successful marriage is 50% and your parents/family may disapprove and disown you because your spouse is the wrong color.

 

[Denmae]

Keep in mind it takes two for marriages to work. You will find problems on both sides of the coin. Women and Men both are to be blamed for failure in their marriages. The biggest problem I find is the lack of communication. Marriages with kids can be beautiful, but takes a lot of work. You have to decide for yourself if it's worth it for you. But don't blame one side or the other. You have to find the right person that you can communicate openly and honestly with (no judgments). You both have to be understanding of each other.

Well said

 

[icespot]

I was engaged to be married to my college sweet heart, when she fell in love with a co-worker. She dumped my ass, I left the apartment we shared on Monday, he moved in on Tuesday that hurt like a bitch. With time I met my ex-wife, she is super awesome woman, and I told her I didn't want to have any children. Because, it was hard getting over my previous relationship, and if we had kids and the same thing happen, it would be devastating.

Lucky for me one day she came to me and told me she was pregnant, at the time I was pro abortion and that was my first thought, but I kept it to myself. The pregnancy was a great experience to share with my ex-wife, and the moment I met the little fucker I was hooked on having more kids. I don't think there is anything more special in this world, and there is no better gift that life will give you.

There will always be up and downs, but the ups makes up for all the downs. I have accomplished many goals in my life that have made me proud, but nothing compares to the day I saw my 4 years old up on stage for the Christmas pageant. Then came his kindergarten graduation, I was just so extremely happy, I don't think there is anything better, then they surprise you and it gets even better. The best hockey game you will go to is your Childs first house league game. It just keeps on going and going.

Like Kid_Kuh stated it takes two to make a marriage work or fail, but when it works, God you will have heaven on earth. Also, when it doesn't depending on the person you picked, the break up can be friendly, my ex-wife always comes to the family reunions with her new husband, and he is a pretty good step dad to my kids, and they both love my new kids from my present marriage It's like we are a bigger and better family, and I love it.

So the short answer, you have a small chance of failure, but the reward is well worth the risk.

 

[voldomort]

@koreanjames I'm in the 35 to 45 age range.

That's why I was curious. I'm at an age that having children the window may be closing. But, I haven't found someone I can trust to marry and not clean me out with a divorce the first sign of trouble. I think my biggest regret will be not having kids.

There is no such thing as a sure thing with marriage, but the kids are the best part by far.

 

[Maximus Decimus]

No I don't regret anything, my wife and I had awesome times together.
But I did promise myself I'd only do it once.
She blessed me with a beautiful daughter, that lives with me.
It also was my daughter's choice to live with me, my ex wasn't to fond about that, but that's the way it turned out, she is still with me to this day. Don't get me
Wrong I still have a good relationship with my ex. We respect each
Other and we both love our Daughter.

 

[Smallcock]

I was engaged to be married to my college sweet heart, when she fell in love with a co-worker. She dumped my ass, I left the apartment we shared on Monday, he moved in on Tuesday that hurt like a bitch. With time I met my ex-wife, she is super awesome woman, and I told her I didn't want to have any children. Because, it was hard getting over my previous relationship, and if we had kids and the same thing happen, it would be devastating.

.

She didn't fall in love with him. That's Hollywood romance stuff that isn't real. He simply had more to offer her than you did. A woman wants stability, compensation for sex, and a life with more resources, and chooses a mate accordingly.

Women aren't romantic. Men are.

 

[Hungry101]

Having kids are the best thing that I ever did. They are grown now. I used to worry if I could keep my job long enough to get them through grade school and then it was through the University and then it was long enough to see them become financially independent, and pay for weddings, etc. There is always something. I'm about 90% done with all of this and I wish I would of had another. This is what has kept me motivated. The other motivation is this hobby. I continue to work hard so that I may have the opportunity to travel the globe and occasionally visit escorts. The escorts provide short term gratification while the families well being is more long term.

They are both important but to the escorts I am just a very good customer. To my kids I am dad. There is nothing better than this.

 

[Smallcock]

Having kids are the best thing that I ever did. They are grown now. I used to worry if I could keep my job long enough to get them through grade school and then it was through the University and then it was long enough to see them become financially independent, and pay for weddings, etc. There is always something. I'm about 90% done with all of this and I wish I would of had another. This is what has kept me motivated. The other motivation is this hobby. I continue to work hard so that I may have the opportunity to travel the globe and occasionally visit escorts. The escorts provide short term gratification while the families well being is more long term.

They are both important but to the escorts I am just a very good customer. To my kids I am dad. There is nothing better than this.

Did you pay for your kid's university tuition and wedding?

 

[nomos]

Having kids is one of the most rewarding experiences this life has to offer and one of the highest joys to experience and see them grow, develop and understand and reach for their potential. You have a lot of influence on them and how they develop, and realizing that precious relationship and how much it can affect the rest of your life by affecting theirs really puts your life and meaning into perspective. Once my kids grow up and are self sustaining I will have accomplished my last remaining goal in life and come full circle. Already got the degrees, already got the career now it’s realizing the impact you have on others and the purpose. Knowing this makes all the problems go away and helps deal with any obstacle life throws your way. I tried the selfish life however I find greater rewards putting others ahead of my own, and I think my kids are a key part if this.

I completely agree. IMHO I find that it is better to have kids when you are a bit older too simply because by then you tend to have more patience, are more knowledgeable about child development, and understand what the important things in life are.

 

[nomos]

@dawnlee

Did I strike a nerve? Do you see yourself as one of the low-quality women I mentioned or have met and is that why you lashed out calling me low quality? I wasn't directing my posting at anyone just curious what others thought.

Listen a while back when I lost my father and posted on here for some support healing from that loss I remember you gave me some great advice and I appreciated it. From your response it seems it triggered you and that's ok. Maybe you had a bad day or it's that time of the month so I'll give you a pass.

As I said, I am not against marriage but I do see a lot of low quality women here and I blame it on this new wave of feminism that has brainwashed them. For the record the first two waves of feminism I totally understand. But this recent one is fucked up. You may not agree and that's fine. It's my experience it's my opinion and this is a space for discussion hopefully without insult.

Of course you don't know me but in fact i have lots to offer, I have a good job, went to school got the degrees, speak more than two languages (a couple I've learnt for fun as an adult), have travelled , enjoy read, I have volunteered, no debt, take care of my family (I lost my father a while back and help take care of my mother). So I think I have many good qualities to offer but I'm not getting into a marriage if I'm not sure it's a good fit because divorce is too expensive, the personal and financial hit for a man is massive and for the kids even worse.

I don't disagree with you there are a few good women still out there that is true but they get over shadowed by the bad ones. I have more than one friend who are high quality men did everything right and the women ran away at the first sign of trouble and now they are dealing with difficult divorces.

Seeing this, I have not attempted to date for a few years now and especially after losing my father and adjusting to that new normal. Like I said so many bad quality women especially on-line that I am tired of it for now. Perhaps I'll meet someone good while not looking doing activities I enjoy but for now I'm good doing my own thing and scratching the itch through the hobby when I have to. Who knows maybe tomorrow I'll stumble into one of the few good ones left in this city and I'll write about that here.

Which brings up another good question. What would you consider a low quality woman ?

For me the biggest thing is someone with lack of family values, addictions, a lack of curiosity love of learning. I don't care if the person is not degreed. My grandmother didn't go to university and she's super smart and curious. Materialistic too. Things come and go I'm more about experiences and building memories.

I think there are a lot of "low quality" guys out there also. I am in my 40's and judging by the conversations, and priorities that I hear and see younger men out there having I am surprised there are women in the world who can tolerate their presence for more than 5 minutes. They seem to me as very insecure individuals who love to brag about how much money they make, all the things they have done, all the deals that they have in the making and all the stuff they have. In the meantime, the woman is sitting there in front of them waiting to be asked about her life, what excites her, what her aspirations are, what makes her tick and about her family.

I think it is all about what your priorities are and the type of people with whom you surround yourself. I have quite a few good looking female friends (with great bodies too) in their 30's who are smart, independent, loyal, have careers, want a family, but cannot seem to meet decent guys. One of them was in a long time relationship with a dude who had an MBA who acted like he knew everything, who thought he was the most savvy businessman on the planet, and would monopolize every conversation but most of her friends could not tolerate the idiot. In the end, she left him, which we all supported. I bet you this guy now thinks that she was after his money and that he got a bad deal out of the relationship. I can tell you in all honesty this guy is lucky if his own mother can stand him let alone another woman.

I think that unless you have done some sophisticated survey on a huge sample of the female population it is hard to say that there are more "low quality" women that good ones out there. Personally, I think that with a few exceptions social media has been a total fucking disaster for human relationships. We chat but we do not communicate. We look at the individual in front of us but we do not see the person behind it. We go out for dinner with someone because we have not seen them in a long time but we spend most of the time looking at our phone reading the latest posting someone just wrote on their page. We take concepts that have meaning behind them and we strip it off and turn them into trends.

 

[jackal2006]

@nomos. Great posting. I completely agree. Like there are low quality women there are low quality men. I too ask myself how some guys managed to get a women seeing how they are.

Isn't there a saying like attracts like?

Seeing how people are becoming in this city is why I've stopped dating. Not sure I'll try again while I live here time will tell. In the meantime I try to enjoy my life in the best way possible.

 

[superstar_88]

Use to be we used the phone to actually call and talk to someone. And would have to get home to find out who called.

 

[Sophia Sinclair]

I have more than one friend who are high quality men did everything right and the women ran away at the first sign of trouble and now they are dealing with difficult divorces.

Here's the thing. For the most part we don't know what goes on behind closed doors and you don't really get someone until you live with them or have been friends with them for quite some time. What appears to you, from a somewhat outsider view IMO, to be a high quality man may not be the reality in a female to male relationship. It really depends on what one's looking for in a SO or what ones needs are and that can change over time. I remember as a small child looking up at my dad chatting with one of the neighbours at our cottage and thinking, "Who is this congenial man because it sure isn't the one we live with?". I was too young to surmise if the neighbour suspected that my father was putting on a good face or if they thought he was truly this happy, friendly guy, which he could be from time to time. We all like to think that we understand our friends inside out and that we're the best judges of character, but sometimes that just isn't the case or we're blinded. You may be basing this on what they and they alone tell you. There's two sides to every story and the actuality of the situation usually lies somewhere in the middle. Remember, you're great friend may not be that amazing in someone else's eyes.