People have been free with their advice but not one person said it was easy.
For those that have suffered depression
- Thread starter vTHEvDUKEv
- Start date
This is horrible advice.
Don't listen to the chemical imbalance bullshit????
Bi-polar - which is manic depressive is a chemical imbalance. It is genetic. It is not the only mental health issue that is like this. There is not a fucking thing you can do about it if you don't start to balance the chemicals properly in your brain. You can then start with CBT or other therapy methods to help with the other underlying factors.
As for weed - for some yes, it will cause more anxiety and depression. For others it will help it. It also depends on the strains you smoke, the type of anxiety and depression you have, other medications you may be taken, etc
I hope you don't give out other advice as Willy-billy as you did here. You are taking about other people's lives. If you don't know shit, don't say shit.
Well, some people forget that they are going to die. They act as if they are going to be living forever.
You want details? I think there are two ways to think about that.
If everyone is going to die, why suffer for years and then die anyway, compared to dying now and ending all the misery?
If everyone is going to die, why not try to enjoy life, go do bunch of hookers and cocaine?
You've totally over simplified the situation. We all know we're going to die, but there's that internal instinct to live a bit longer so we can keep enjoying the things in life we enjoy. When those things are taken away from you for various reasons (job loss, health, etc), internal conflict begins on why you should keep fighting to stay alive. That's the complicated part about it, and that's when depression sets in.
Maybe there are people out there that view it the same way you do which is very black and white, but many people just aren't wired that way and it's much more complicated.
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For sure.
Nobody here is claiming to be a doctor. So for anyone belittling any of our suggestions, hey man, we're just chiming in with things that we do which are fun.
If someone can't get out of bed and doesn't want to do anything all day, it seems like you have a serious case. But as some of us have mentioned, I still believe talking to someone is the best thing to do no matter how much you want to stay in bed all day. Phone or text someone from bed.
I've had guys I know going through tough ass divorces. Not saying they are suicidal, but you can tell they are totally bummed out and even worse bring those emotions to work. So it drags down many of us. But they are willing to air out frustrations, and friends will sit there and hear you out. Good friends will sit there, hear you out and agree with you to make you feel better, regardless of whether they actually agree with you.... that's because it's always a one-sided story (let's face it.... how can it be that every person venting is 100% right, and the other person is always 100% at fault?). But if they are your friend, they'll listen and say things to make it better even though you may not know it or secretly disagree.
As for the internet, avoid all news sites since most stories are negative.... crime, bombings, etc.....
Instead, read up things that are positive or neutral..... sports, music, fact sites (who usually post interesting and fun facts), etc..... Just about everyone is a sports or music fan in some sort..... read up on the history of the sports team, or how the band formed and got named. Always interesting stuff.
Wikipedia is the best!
I don't think anyone here doesn't appreciate the advice or the sediments, and certainly not belittling suggestions, but if you looked at the OP's original post, pretty clear he was talking about severe cases of depression. This is about the 6th battle I've personally had with severe depression, and it's a lot different than being "bummed out". It's not a matter of "not wanting to get out of bed all day", your to scared to get out of bed. So all I'm saying is "go the gym and exercise" is way to big of leap for people in that state. I think texting or talking to someone is a little more reasonable.
I will echo what BBL said here; I don't think anyone means to belittle the suggestions. Speaking for myself, I think it should be noted and appreciated when people are willing to talk about this issue, regardless of whether or not they have direct personal experience with depression or other mental illness. Silence is epidemic and any time someone breaks with that, it is a good thing.
But there is an enormous problem in our culture. We have created a society in which the pressure to be happy, positive and successful is overwhelming. How often are we told that we should surround ourselves with positive things and people and avoid the negative? How often do people use social media to present everything as wonderful and idyllic? How often are we bombarded with advertisements of people smiling and laughing? Be happy. Be positive. Be successful. Happy, positive, successful. When you are struggling with depression and have a complete disconnect from those kinds of feelings, this pressure can be suffocating. Ironically, there is plenty of evidence that depression is rampant in our society, but there is so much stigma that it is rarely acknowledged. I was recently speaking with the parents of a teen going through a bad depression, and both of them expressed how much they wanted their son to be happy. I suggested to them (while making it clear that I could not speak for their son) that their wish was of course absolutely natural, but while it was important to continue to show their care, it was likely they were unwittingly putting a lot of pressure on him to feel better, and that his inability to grant their wish was likely adding to the sense of disappointment and worsening his depression. So I think one reason I (and perhaps others here) would balk at suggestions of doing things to make us feel better is that I've already tried many such things, but I don't feel better. When you do things that "should" make you feel better but don't, it can actually make you feel a lot worse. It is a complicated problem with no easy solution. In some cases, no solution at all.
I try not to judge another person's experience or to place suffering into some kind of hierarchy. That being said, it is very common for someone in a depression to feel that no one understands what they are going through. And from one point of view, that's very true. I don't think anyone ever really understands the experience of another. Even for myself, I've gone through periods of time in my life with and without depression, and in the times without it is very difficult to understand what depression feels like despite my history, because it's not present for me at that time. The mind simply isn't working that way and doesn't comprehend it. But again, our culture doesn't do much to help with this. I've encountered some truly asinine responses. A few years ago I dated a woman for a little while, thought there might be some possibility of a future, and decided to share a little of this. Her response was to compare me to her friend who had lost an arm but was still happy and successful--as if I wasn't dealing with a "real" problem and had no reason to have had difficulty--and end the relationship in 30 seconds flat. The kicker was this woman was a pediatrician, whom one would think would be as compassionate a health care worker as one could find. Last year I had a therapist and was talking to him about the overwhelming anxiety that I had been constantly feeling for months, and he said he knew how I felt because he had the flu and was jet lagged from travel a few days before. The notion that the two were comparable was one of the dumbest things I'd ever heard. This was my therapist. I could describe far more experiences like this than I actually have time to write.
So, yes, the feeling that people don't "get it" has plenty of evidence. And there is no blame for that, because as I said, if your mind isn't in that place, there's no reason for you to get it. There's no reason someone could understand the pervasive sadness, helplessness, hopelessness, despair, guilt, shame, emptiness, pain, joylessness, anger, rage, hate, self-loathing, futility, uncontrollability, instability, disconnection, loneliness and complete sense of isolation.
Not long ago I heard an explanation of why people commit suicide that resonated for me. Sometimes people have been known to jump from the window of a burning building from an upper story, down to a certain death. Those watching below don't understand why, and tell them not to do it. But the person didn't jump because the fall suddenly became attractive to them. It's because the fear of the fire around them overpowered the fear of jumping. Given the "choice" between burning alive and falling to your death, you pick the fall. I don't say this as a way to insult anyone, to diminish or discount anyone's struggles, or because it is necessarily the truth, but when someone compares depression to being "bummed out" it can feel to the depressed individual that people say they understand burning alive because they once burned their hand on a hot stove.
So to wrap back to where I began, talking about this is a good thing. People showing a willingness to address this is a good thing. I've encountered far too much silence in my life, and that hurts as much as anything. But talking about it is also a very difficult process that is often met with some highly problematic responses. For myself, if I talk about this, I'm not looking for anyone to fix anything for me, but just looking for some small measure of understanding of what I'm dealing with.
Your whole post was insightful and really resonated with me, but this particularly stood out.
Have you tried medication? Mental illnesses can set in later in life and it's not as simple as a chemical imbalance. It usually plays just a part of the problem. Here's an article that summarises what is understood about the causes of depression at the moment. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression Think about going to a psychiatrist(covered by ohip) and giving medication a try. It's not the solve all but can help relieve the really bad lows.
I see what you guys and gals are saying.... if you take just one suggestion on its own. It might not work. In fact probably wont work.
But when we are talking about something as important as a persons life i believe it is worth it to try and tick as many boxes as possible.
If the OP had heart disease or diabetes we wouldnt limit advice to just the top suggestion and rule out other options.
But when we are talking about something as important as a persons life i believe it is worth it to try and tick as many boxes as possible.
If the OP had heart disease or diabetes we wouldnt limit advice to just the top suggestion and rule out other options.
I know that I don't mean to imply the suggestions you gave earlier shouldn't be given or shouldn't be tried. They are good suggestions, and some of the same things have helped me at times. I thought your presentation of it was very good, and if they are within someone's capacity to try then they may well be valuable.
But I also very much understand the frustration that BBL expressed earlier when hearing suggestions about what to do. They can, at times, be interpreted as trivializing the issue. And the power of depression is that it destroys your ability to manage your own care.
I have suffered depression only once. It was the worst time of my life. I had a bad construction accident years before that caused a concussion. I was in the hospital and was in and out of consciousness all day. Concussions can cause serious depression years later. There are many athletes from pro football and wrestling that have ended their lives due to constant concussions. The depression happened four years after the accident. In my case the depression was so debilitating that I was hospitalized for my own welfare. I was literally committed; they took away my belt etc for my own protection. I wanted to end my life. I researched ways to do this on the net. In the end I never attempted to take my life because I knew there must be a way out. My depression was so bad that I could not sleep and I was hearing voices and seeing bizarre images. If you would have told me that this could happen to a person I would have never believed it. It was pure hell; you can't imagine if you have never had it. I did not want to get out of bed in the morning. I finally had to start to take anti depressants and deal with the cause of the depression. I took anti depressants for about half a year and have not taken them since. I made some changes in my life and have not been depressed again. I have been close to the start of depression but know the signs and take steps when this occurs. Yes I have been to hell and back and eight years later I am alive and well. If I can inspire one person to have hope then my post will have done it's job. If anyone wishes to PM, please feel free. And Black Booty Lover we have agreed to disagree in the past as gentlemen; I wish you all the best, please PM if you wish.
That sounds awful and I agree. Everybody’s experience is different and terrible in its own right.
It is very important to be able to share experiences to give one perspective. Often times you want to do nothing but sometimes anything to end that feeling. Sometimes the easiest thing is just to talk.
Talk.
I’ve been deeply involved personally as my once vibrant SO is now just a shell of herself. Is there any support for me trying to deal with this without understanding? Seems to be sparse except keep offering love and support.
It wears me out not knowig what I will expect when I get home from work each day.
It wears me out not knowig what I will expect when I get home from work each day.
Thank you brother. I'm going to repeat what I've replied in a bunch a PM's I received.
I find it ironic that so many people out there would judge us being on a board/community that they would consider immoral, yet the amount of support I've had on this board and people reaching out to me goes to show what a great community we actually are. I've been very humbled by how many PM's or words of encouragement I've had in threads.
Honestly, just hearing people's stories like yours, and people's encouragement has been very helpful for me.
Thank You.
What about going to see a professional yourself? Not for medications but to be able to talk about what you're going through dealing with your SOs illness. You deserve to take care of yourself as well!!
Why do you want support for yourself when she is the one who is suffering? If she was a 'vibrant' lady and happy going person earlier in your marriage,she can be cured for whatever ailments she is having right now. But,she can only get better with your love and support as you mentioned. How? Try not to have a negative vibes when you come home from work. As if you are not looking to go home because you know what you are facing from her condition every night. Confront the challenge with love. Bring home flowers or buy her new outfits or whatever. Don't afraid to give out your hands and tell her that you like to listen to her stories. You need to be a good listener and be more aware of what caused her to change for the worse. I don't know if you have children,you might like to share household chores after dinner or weekends. If you are looking for a motivation to do all of this to help out your wife,it is SEX. When she is better mentally she feels good about herself. Good mood from her will turn into more regular sex for you. Trust me I am speaking from experience. Bottom line is please focus on her NOT on you. You are fine but you let her condition affecting you! Stay strong and stay positive.
When someone is taking care of someone with an illness, they need support as well. It is extremely hard and draining to care for someone who is ill and can lead to depression in the care giver. So they need to make sure they take care of themselves as well. It's not all about the person with the illness.
Also, saying she can be cured is an empty promise. Mental illness can set in later in life and it could possibly be something she has to manage the rest of her life. This depressive episode will most likely lift eventually but she may have to deal with/manage future episodes and work at keeping them at bay.
