Monogamy is bullshit

[Scarey]

it took me until the age of 30 to finally accept that monogamy is bullshit. In fact, the very idea makes absolutely no sense at all to me and the idea is terrifying.
Now being in the hobby world and seeing a number of lovely married men, i realized just how much monogamy does not work and that many women (and men) are in complete denile that this is something even humanly possible.
From what i have analyzed in my experiences both in and out of the hobby world, majority of people cheat and if they are not already cheating, then they are in one hell of a torturous relationship where they are either in denile about sexuality or have lost interest in sex altogether... Or maybe they just play the skin flute to keep their sanity, (my guess is that this is probably very true).
Hobbying in my opinion is not cheating, but is simply a release for those stuck in such mongamous relationships. I can honestly say that if my man went and paid for a service, i would find that a hell of a lot less threatening than if he were to be screwing someone from work.i have come to understand that most married gents who hobby probably feel the same way.
I often wish the wives of these gents would see the value in having more sexually open relationships. But i often wonder, if their wives and girlfriends were more open, could these men handle it?

What are your thoughts?

i'll fuck to that!!!!!!!! ............hear!!......hear!!!!!

 

[rhuarc29]

It may be technically cheating, but hobbying isn't a love affair but a release for the frustration of a lack of sex. I know a guy who's wife found porn on his computer and she was very pissed off (even called the priest). One might argue that she's not doing enough for him as a wife. (He doesn't hobby).

That may be so. Still a selfish excuse.

 

[asterwald]

That may be so. Still a selfish excuse.

Wives use sex to control men. Thats why they hate porn and escorts. And men dont fall in love with the person they screw, we dont even need to know the persons name. We just gotta get off. Its not the same between genders. When a woman cheats, she is emotionally involved and will eventually file for divorce.

 

[oil&gas]

Monogamy may be total BS but polygamy is even
worse. At least monogamy is not a criminal offense.

 

[katcalla]

I'm following the Catholic Church's marketing strategy -I heard their book is a bestseller now -got a bulk order of Ryan's "Sex at dawn" and Taormino's "Opening Up" to just give away to anyone curious

 

[oftenrong69]

I would guess that for many married women the issue is totally one of the loss of trust and respect, and for many married men it is the excitement of taking a risk, the way we might choose to ski the black diamond runs or jump out of an airplane with a parachute.
I arrive at this conclusion as I was once asked an interesting 2part question by a psychologist - "what are you NOT getting in your marriage that you feel you have to find outside of the marriage." "Why Could you not discuss this with your wife"
That marriage is over... There were actually a lot of answers to the second part ?

 

[rhuarc29]

Wives use sex to control men. Thats why they hate porn and escorts. And men dont fall in love with the person they screw, we dont even need to know the persons name. We just gotta get off. Its not the same between genders. When a woman cheats, she is emotionally involved and will eventually file for divorce.

That may be so as well. But again, it's a selfish excuse. You are risking someone else's happiness after your swore to be faithful, in order to meet your own wants. Maybe it's somewhat justified, but that doesn't absolve the betrayal.

 

[**Sophie**]

Call me old fashioned but Im a subscriber to monogamy and wouldn't have it any other way. But that's just me

 

[Boss Nass]

Monogamy is a social construct, there is no scientific evidence that Homo sapiens is naturally monogamous. Like many other animals we practice serial monogamy. We hitch up, mate, then the male stays around long enough to defend and provide for is mate and progeny, and once he is satisfied that ll is going well, he moves on, as does the woman.

 

[rld]

Monogamy is a social construct, there is no scientific evidence that Homo sapiens is naturally monogamous. Like many other animals we practice serial monogamy. We hitch up, mate, then the male stays around long enough to defend and provide for is mate and progeny, and once he is satisfied that ll is going well, he moves on, as does the woman.

I think you really simplify the scientific evidence in the area. Many top evolutionary biologists and much of the current evidence points to homo sapiens being monogomous, as does anthropology. There are of course exceptions, but the vast majority of cultures we know about were based around monogamy, with males having multiple wives statistically in second place.

The key factors from an evolutionary perspective are our low fecundity, and ridiculously long period of parental dependence. There is more detail but that is the important parts.

Whether or not it is "right" for someone is (to my mind) a private decision for each individual to make, but to say that science does not support it is just plain wrong.

In fact, if you believe at all in the concept of evolution or natural selection applying to social structures (and some people don't) the fact that some form of marriage is dominant in all cultures around the world suggests that it had (or even still has) great competitive value.

 

[Titalian]

"Sex at dawn"

I would never deny that feeling, I've lived it, its the ultimate !! But I wonder if the book has any suggestions, when it suddenly stops :frusty:

 

[Vermeer27]

Monagamy is like anything else in life, if you work hard enough at it you can make it work. If you don't give a shit then it probably won't. If you already think it's bullshit, then it defintely won't work for you. I've met a few proponents of open relationships who eventually found themselves so in love with someone that they wanted to leave the swinging lifestyle behind, but the person they loved didn't want to be exclusive. The real problem with relationships is not monogamy or lack thereof, it's the painful fact that almost all relationships are unequal: one person is always more invested in the relationship than the other. This sucks, but it's the rule not the exception.

 

[oral.com]

Brilliantly insightful. Thank you.

 

[Titalian]

Monagamy is like anything else in life, if you work hard enough at it you can make it work. If you don't give a shit then it probably won't. If you already think it's bullshit, then it defintely won't work for you. I've met a few proponents of open relationships who eventually found themselves so in love with someone that they wanted to leave the swinging lifestyle behind, but the person they loved didn't want to be exclusive. The real problem with relationships is not monogamy or lack thereof, it's the painful fact that almost all relationships are unequal: one person is always more invested in the relationship than the other. This sucks, but it's the rule not the exception.

Or maybe, the more proper word would be "dependant" JMT

 

[VirginJohn]

I must take issue with your statement bolded by me.

What if the guy has tons of money such that it makes no difference in lifestyle or retirement? Is a marriage simply defined by matrimonial wealth? What if he practices safe sex in his hobbying?

A man can gamble the family wealth, and that isn't cheating.

If you're going to talk about cheating, it is perhaps best defined by being dishonest but sometimes, honesty is not the best policy. There are mitigating circumstances. (I'm not married but I can't say that I would cheat myself).

I don't think there is such a thing as 100% safe sex because there is always a risk of catching something if body fluids come into contact with other body fluids. Even if you wear a condom on there is no guarantee that the condom may not accidentally come off or some fluids may find their way. Chances are, most guys hobbying probably have some STDs already, but they may not be serious ones like HIV or herpes.

In terms of wealth, we can assume that the majority of hobbiests are not wealthy so that argument doesn't really fly. If someone gambles his family wealth it's still not spending it on another woman that you are supposed to provide for. At the least, I can argue that a gambler is expecting to win and improve his lot for his family but is under a delusion or is in not the right frame of mind. I'm sure there are other bad ways to spend money as well.

 

[VirginJohn]

You seem to be pointing your finger at men, which is not the truth !! Women also cheat.

I am not pointing my finger at anyone. I'm a man myself and I know that marriage is usually a bad deal for us. It was for me at least....it is such a bad deal that I'm going to petition for an annulment from my ex-wife of 3 months (never lived together). If I had a chance to cheat on her during the marriage, or even use an escort, based on the way it ended, I would say go on right ahead, and actually encourage myself to do so if I could go back into the past.

My assumption is that it may not be easy for men, especially in long marriages just to "get a refund" and cancel the contract and move-on like that, so, yeah, you have cheating. But if you know a marriage will end badly anyway, or what all women are hors anyways.

But I doubt if someone is on a happy marriage and really loves their wife to the point they can share their soul with her they will want to cheat or do something low like seeing an escort behind her back.

 

[Barca]

Didn't read the entire thread, just the first post and can't say I agree. Whenever any two people enter into a relationship, there is bilateral agreement of acceptable behaviour. Deviating from that agreement is cheating, period. If there is a prior understanding of sexual openness in the relationship, then sure I can see an argument that it's not cheating. But if no such understanding exists, then it's cheating.

 

[Titalian]

I am not pointing my finger at anyone. I'm a man myself and I know that marriage is usually a bad deal for us. It was for me at least....it is such a bad deal that I'm going to petition for an annulment from my ex-wife of 3 months (never lived together). If I had a chance to cheat on her during the marriage, or even use an escort, based on the way it ended, I would say go on right ahead, and actually encourage myself to do so if I could go back into the past.

My assumption is that it may not be easy for men, especially in long marriages just to "get a refund" and cancel the contract and move-on like that, so, yeah, you have cheating. But if you know a marriage will end badly anyway, or what all women are hors anyways.

But I doubt if someone is on a happy marriage and really loves their wife to the point they can share their soul with her they will want to cheat or do something low like seeing an escort behind her back.

You don't get it do you. There are men out there that truly love their wives but yet cheat, there are documentaries
On this subject !! What planet are you on. And here you are pissed off at your wife because it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to be. Hello !!! There are two people here, with two different opinions on the relationship. My god is this so hard to understand!!!

 

[asterwald]

I do think monogamy IS the basis of civilization however. And is the best for children. Men are more productive if they have a family to support. And cultures where monogamy is not the norm tend to be violent. You see it in the States with the black community. Family is probably the building block of civilization.

If you look at the rise of civilizations, you will see farming and families as the most noticeable factors.

I also think women and children tend to lose out in a strict non monogamous society. They need protection more then men do (we are talking hunter gatherers here). Men also have longer fertility windows; older men will still want the young things. Also It was the women who were nine months pregnant and needed someone to being the food for the children and her.

Of course nowadays you got the government and its borrowed money. but back in the day this was not the case.

Also since women naturally tend to flock to the higher status males, you will have a large underclass of men who will have no vested interests in the society and things could get violent. I believe the middle east is suffering from this.

Both monogamy and civilization are unnatural.

 

[whobee]

Monogamy is a social construct, there is no scientific evidence that Homo sapiens is naturally monogamous. Like many other animals we practice serial monogamy. We hitch up, mate, then the male stays around long enough to defend and provide for is mate and progeny, and once he is satisfied that ll is going well, he moves on, as does the woman.

People who believe that shouldn't get involved in that kind of relationship. Once you do your agreeing to be bound by the principles of a monogamous relationship.

"Not technically cheating" = cheating.

Marriage isn't for everyone - that much is very true.