Why is the Single Man the one expected to change his life?

[yolosohobby]

:thumb: lol

I travel a lot and have plenty of experience. The thread i am referring to is in the international section, titled My Week In Habana. The post that i find interesting is #80. This particular instantaneous walk away by Don was after knowing this young lady and showing her a 5 star time from a prior trip, bragging big time to the TERB community about it, obviously communicating with her from here, having her positioned at a designated location when he arrived for his next trip, showering her with gifts etc... all the moves of a player.

Then he immediately breaks off all interaction with her because she dared to share the gifts he had given her with her friends, whom she had the courtesy and respect to invite to meet this generous man. Now Ive been to Habana several times. Ive given gifts to lots of people, men, women and children, including ladies with whom I've had intimate times. It is obviously also customary for them to share with their family and friends to a degree that we wouldn't contemplate here. Ive seen it over and over again.

Narcissist? Misogynist? Heartless player?? just sayin there is a pattern of this harsh behaviour from Don expressed vividly, with a lot of braggadocio and fancy affect . The young lady characterized in this thread making the fatal mistake of speaking the words "when you move in.." is just another young lady who dared fall prey to his elaborate encounters and self serving generosity. i personally find it disgusting, even moreso in third world countries, to treat ladies with such little respect. They get hurt by these confusing-to-them actions and i'm sure Don has left a trail of scars on some very pretty girls. There has to be a gentler way to let them down if things don't work out. Dignity and self esteem are difficult enough in this world to achieve, i wont applaud someone who has plenty of power and resources and who uses these benefits to serially strip women with less of this critical element of their humanity.

 

[canada-man]

The courts and legal system are so screwed up in Canada that you have to be insane to get married these days. Especially considering the divorce rate and that fact that many Canadian women are self absorbed gold diggers. North America has over 70% of the worlds lawyers and 90% of the lawsuits.

I would not be too surprised if she calls in a few weeks to let you know she's pregnant. lol

the only men that stereotype women as gold diggers are usually angry single and lonely and cannot attract women.



http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_country_in_the_world_has_most_lawyers_per_capita

FYI the U.S.A only has half the world's lawyers on a per capita basis


Country Lawyers Population People/Lawyer
US: Lawyers: 1,143,358 Pop: 303MM P/L:265
Brazil: Lawyers: 571,360 Pop: 186MM P/L: 326
New Zealand: Lawyers: 10,523 Pop: 4MM P/L 391
Spain Lawyers:114,143 Pop: 45MM P/L:395
Italy Lawyers:121,380 Pop: 59MM P/L:488
UK Lawyers:151,043 Pop: 61MM P/L401
Germany Lawyers:138,679 Pop: 82MM P/L: 593
France Lawyers:45,686 Pop: 64MM P/L: 1,403
Among the Top 7 "lawyerly countries" listed above, the US has about 50% of the lawyers, with 37 percent of the population of this group.
There is a myth that the US has seventy percent of the world's lawyers, but the numbers above show that this is wrong.

 

[bobistheowl]

Picture a world where every restaurant meal is free, you can watch tv all day, all your clothes are free, etc. It is hard for men to imagine this, but this is the world of a wife.

This is why Barbie has 7,000 outfits, and Ken has no genitalia.

 

[GPIDEAL]

I travel a lot and have plenty of experience. The thread i am referring to is in the international section, titled My Week In Habana. The post that i find interesting is #80. This particular instantaneous walk away by Don was after knowing this young lady and showing her a 5 star time from a prior trip, bragging big time to the TERB community about it, obviously communicating with her from here, having her positioned at a designated location when he arrived for his next trip, showering her with gifts etc... all the moves of a player.

Then he immediately breaks off all interaction with her because she dared to share the gifts he had given her with her friends, whom she had the courtesy and respect to invite to meet this generous man. Now Ive been to Habana several times. Ive given gifts to lots of people, men, women and children, including ladies with whom I've had intimate times. It is obviously also customary for them to share with their family and friends to a degree that we wouldn't contemplate here. Ive seen it over and over again.

Narcissist? Misogynist? Heartless player?? just sayin there is a pattern of this harsh behaviour from Don expressed vividly, with a lot of braggadocio and fancy affect . The young lady characterized in this thread making the fatal mistake of speaking the words "when you move in.." is just another young lady who dared fall prey to his elaborate encounters and self serving generosity. i personally find it disgusting, even moreso in third world countries, to treat ladies with such little respect. They get hurt by these confusing-to-them actions and i'm sure Don has left a trail of scars on some very pretty girls. There has to be a gentler way to let them down if things don't work out. Dignity and self esteem are difficult enough in this world to achieve, i wont applaud someone who has plenty of power and resources and who uses these benefits to serially strip women with less of this critical element of their humanity.

My thumbs up was more of a confirmation of what does happen as opposed to applauding what may be perceived as the manipulation or exploitation of poverty-stricken, attractive young women in Cuba.

I hobby with compassion & generosity, at the expense of not being with the hottest, if a gal has a good attitude and is polite, or if I've seen her before & it's hard to say no just for the sake of diversity.

Your POV is appreciated.

In Senor Draper's account herein this thread, she scared him off with that surprising comment even though he was honest with her throughout their liaisons. He was clearly upset. Could he have let her off more gently? I suppose so.

 

[GPIDEAL]

LOL. Yes, the Holy Grail. Maybe you will find out, I sure hope so. Most of us will have to settle. I also think that the older, more experienced we are, the more we expect, and that may be the issue in this story. She wanted more from the relationship, and finally brought it up. She may not have brought it up in the way Don expected her to, if she ever did so. Can we really expect another free human being from always reacting exactly how we expect them to?

Lol. You said it. The Holy Grail. Nothing is perfect, especially if you've chosen someone who can be a great mother but not Sasha Grey. Compromises are made. I salute all the attached men who compromise with their S.O.'s for enduring relationships.

 

[bobistheowl]

I travel a lot and have plenty of experience. The thread i am referring to is in the international section, titled My Week In Habana. The post that i find interesting is #80. This particular instantaneous walk away by Don was after knowing this young lady and showing her a 5 star time from a prior trip, bragging big time to the TERB community about it, obviously communicating with her from here, having her positioned at a designated location when he arrived for his next trip, showering her with gifts etc... all the moves of a player.

Then he immediately breaks off all interaction with her because she dared to share the gifts he had given her with her friends, whom she had the courtesy and respect to invite to meet this generous man. Now Ive been to Habana several times. Ive given gifts to lots of people, men, women and children, including ladies with whom I've had intimate times. It is obviously also customary for them to share with their family and friends to a degree that we wouldn't contemplate here. Ive seen it over and over again.

Narcissist? Misogynist? Heartless player?? just sayin there is a pattern of this harsh behaviour from Don expressed vividly, with a lot of braggadocio and fancy affect . The young lady characterized in this thread making the fatal mistake of speaking the words "when you move in.." is just another young lady who dared fall prey to his elaborate encounters and self serving generosity. i personally find it disgusting, even moreso in third world countries, to treat ladies with such little respect. They get hurt by these confusing-to-them actions and i'm sure Don has left a trail of scars on some very pretty girls. There has to be a gentler way to let them down if things don't work out. Dignity and self esteem are difficult enough in this world to achieve, i wont applaud someone who has plenty of power and resources and who uses these benefits to serially strip women with less of this critical element of their humanity.

I disagree. When two people have different goals for the same relationship, it's going to end eventually, and the longer it lasts, the more likely it is to end badly. If Don had tried to keep the FWB relationship after rejecting the ofter of cohabitatition, she would probably have interpreted his No as not now. Sometimes you resign in a game of chess, even though it would take 20 moves to actually lose.

 

[GPIDEAL]

I disagree. When two people have different goals for the same relationship, it's going to end eventually, and the longer it lasts, the more likely it is to end badly. If Don had tried to keep the FWB relationship after rejecting the ofter of cohabitatition, she would probably have interpreted his No as not now. Sometimes you resign in a game of chess, even though it would take 20 moves to actually lose.

Well put.

I re-read Don's original post. I think after she made the suggestion, it just ruined the mood for the rest of the evening. It had to end right there. I may take a page from his handbook as I'm interested in dating a woman but not sure about a LTR with her. I'm too single right now.

 

[james t kirk]

How about 65, living in a basement, all your money having gone to an ex-wife (who hates you) and 50% of your current income also going to her?

Personally, if marriage meant a woman paying my bills, then I would get married in a second. It is never a mystery to me why women always push men into marriage.

Sorry brother, I feel your pain.

You have absolutely nailed the main reason that a great many men are gun-shy to ever get married.

If I ever do get married, I will have a marriage contract that stipulates up front, we both leave with what we came with, we split everything we bought together 50 50 when were married, but no alimony, no support (kids excepted) and no anything.

Conversely, she gets the same agreement from me.

If she won't sign, no marriage.

 

[james t kirk]

I would agree with you, and add that the love of my life should be open-minded, be a whore in the bedroom, and enjoy adventure and possible swinging. Of course, kissing, cuddling and snuggling is allowed too.

I agree completely.

I would add (from experience) easy going and easy to get along with.

 

[freedom3]

Sorry brother, I feel your pain.

You have absolutely nailed the main reason that a great many men are gun-shy to ever get married.

If I ever do get married, I will have a marriage contract that stipulates up front, we both leave with what we came with, we split everything we bought together 50 50 when were married, but no alimony, no support (kids excepted) and no anything.

Conversely, she gets the same agreement from me.

If she won't sign, no marriage.

I appreciate your comments, but I wasn't talking about me. I am 42 and never been married. Not getting married has been one of the few times that I managed to think something through and avoid a disaster.

I was responding to the poster who gave one version of what happens if you don't get married. I was trying to give a version of what happens if you do get married.

 

[freedom3]

the only men that stereotype women as gold diggers are usually angry single and lonely and cannot attract women.

Gold digging is a different concept. Personally, I think very few women are gold diggers.

What I am referring to is the natural tendency for a woman to think that a man will one day come along and pay all the bills. The woman in Don Draper's story wasn't a gold digger. She genuinely liked him and assumed that evolution would take its natural course.

 

[afterhours]

the only men that stereotype women as gold diggers are usually angry single and lonely and cannot attract women.



http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_country_in_the_world_has_most_lawyers_per_capita

FYI the U.S.A only has half the world's lawyers on a per capita basis


Country Lawyers Population People/Lawyer
US: Lawyers: 1,143,358 Pop: 303MM P/L:265
Brazil: Lawyers: 571,360 Pop: 186MM P/L: 326
New Zealand: Lawyers: 10,523 Pop: 4MM P/L 391
Spain Lawyers:114,143 Pop: 45MM P/L:395
Italy Lawyers:121,380 Pop: 59MM P/L:488
UK Lawyers:151,043 Pop: 61MM P/L401
Germany Lawyers:138,679 Pop: 82MM P/L: 593
France Lawyers:45,686 Pop: 64MM P/L: 1,403
Among the Top 7 "lawyerly countries" listed above, the US has about 50% of the lawyers, with 37 percent of the population of this group.
There is a myth that the US has seventy percent of the world's lawyers, but the numbers above show that this is wrong.

It's not per capita if its fifty percent of the worlds lawyers

 

[Belladonna]

Why do you think I disagree about that? I said it was ingrained in women that a man would pay their bills.

I'm sorry, but it really bothers me when women are all generalized as being this way. I'm sure it also bothers the other 12% of the population in my shoes...women who are the sole breadwinners of their families. My spouse stays at home, cooks, cleans, and takes care of my son (from my previous marriage) while I work and pay the bills. And I am in no rush to change that.

When I was with my ex husband, the reason I got into this business was to pay the bills while he was in school. when he finished and started his apprenticeship, I didnt quit work and sit at home on my ass expecting him to pay my way through life. I continued to work and we split the bills equally. When we split, yes we agreed that he would pay me child suport, but at the same time he kept the house, the car and most of our belongings. I took the necessities needed for myself and my son and he got the rest.

Sure, women (myself included) are happy to have a man who is willing to SHARE the financial burdens of running a household, but do not generalize us all as lazy gold diggers who are happy to take you for everything you are worth.

 

[freedom3]

I'm sorry, but it really bothers me when women are all generalized as being this way. My spouse stays at home, cooks, cleans, and takes care of my son (from my previous marriage) while I work and pay the bills. And I am in no rush to change that.

When I was with my ex husband, the reason I got into this business was to pay the bills while he was in school. when he finished and started his apprenticeship, I didnt quit work and sit at home on my ass expecting him to pay my way through life. I continued to work and we split the bills equally. When we split, yes we agreed that he would pay me child suport, but at the same time he kept the house, the car and most of our belongings. I took the necessities needed for myself and my son and he got the rest.

Sure, women (myself included) are happy to have a man who is willing to SHARE the financial burdens of running a household, but do not generalize us all as lazy gold diggers who are happy to take you for everything you are worth.

I know there are exceptions, but if you ask around, you will see that most women are being supported by men or, if they aren't being supported by a man, then they would like to be.

For example, you can watch at a restaurant and see what happens when the bill comes to a table with a man and woman. You might see a woman pay, but you would be sitting there a long time before it happened. My date once paid (it was my birthday) and the waitress was very startled and said, very genuinely, "oh, usually the man pays".

It's like the myth: you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. If you judge a book by its cover, 9 times out of 10 you will be right.

It is great that you are an exception. If you find any other exceptions, I am single.

 

[afterhours]

I'm sorry, but it really bothers me when women are all generalized as being this way. My spouse stays at home, cooks, cleans, and takes care of my son (from my previous marriage) while I work and pay the bills. And I am in no rush to change that.

Your spouse must be real proud of herself.

 

[Belladonna]

Your spouse must be real proud of herself.

Himself, but either way...As much as he would like to financially contribute to the household, we came to the agreement that until my son is in school full time, this was the best arrangement. I make a fair bit more than he did, and I would prefer to have someone I know and trust watch my son instead of putting him in daycare. Once my son is in school we will be back to a two income house. I wouldnt be so quick to judge without knowing all the facts first.

 

[Belladonna]

if they aren't being supported by a man, then they would like to be.

well of course they wond like to be LOL I have yet to meet a person, man or woman, that wouldnt allow someone to take care of them financially. That is not a gender specific wish LOL

 

[afterhours]

Himself, but either way...As much as he would like to financially contribute to the household, we came to the agreement that until my son is in school full time, this was the best arrangement. I make a fair bit more than he did, and I would prefer to have someone I know and trust watch my son instead of putting him in daycare. Once my son is in school we will be back to a two income house. I wouldnt be so quick to judge without knowing all the facts first.

I'm trying very hard not to judge but you are citing as an example a man who lives with presumably a sex worker and works as her maid and a babysitter. If i were him I'd consider suicide to be a good way out. I'm sorry but I don't know how else to look at it.

 

[freedom3]

well of course they wond like to be LOL I have yet to meet a person, man or woman, that wouldnt allow someone to take care of them financially. That is not a gender specific wish LOL

It is gender specific. Most men would rather work than be supported. It is shocking to me as well.

 

[Belladonna]

I'm trying very hard not to judge but you are citing as an example a man who lives with presumably a sex worker and works as her maid and a babysitter. If i were him I'd consider suicide to be a good way out. I'm sorry but I don't know how else to look at it.

and is your reasoning strictly because I'm "presumably a sex worker"? Would your outlook be different if I.was a doctor, or lawyer, or a typical everyday working class person?