I know a handful of guys in this situation. There must be quite a few, as the number of single adults (never married/divorced and widowed) is set to (or already has) eclipse the married population for the first time ever. I've got 10 years to go, but some guys make being a confirmed bachelor sound iike a living death if you don't have a really strong family/friends network outside of that. I don't understand why spinsters get the "sex and the city" or "cougar" image, but with men, it doesn't seem to be as cool for men in our culture to be single into middle age+
how many here are single with no kids at 40+
- Thread starter desert monk
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Really depends on the guy. If you're a lonely social outcast then yeah, you'll be viewed with pity. But if you embrace the bachelor/playboy lifestyle, you'll just laugh at the suckers who have to go home to their fat wife and pain-in-the-ass kids while you do what you want, when you want, with who you want.
Remember that the people who look down on bachelors are either the women who despise what it stands for (i.e., not being "trapped" by a woman) or the guys who are secretly envious of the freedom they don't have.
All that being said, if you can't stand being alone at times then being a bachelor probably isn't for you.
Remember that the people who look down on bachelors are either the women who despise what it stands for (i.e., not being "trapped" by a woman) or the guys who are secretly envious of the freedom they don't have.
All that being said, if you can't stand being alone at times then being a bachelor probably isn't for you.
"Alone but never lonely, that's how I like to be."
It's very common now, it's not a stigma especially in the city. But don't close your mind to meeting someone you would enjoy living with.
It's very common now, it's not a stigma especially in the city. But don't close your mind to meeting someone you would enjoy living with.
The other day I was walking on Bloor and this 45ish year old guy dressed like a younger club going dude old eye fucked the hell out of a hot 20ish year old girl he walked by. Then I heard the girl and her friends go on laughing about "that gross old guy checked me out ewwwwwww".
At 50+ I remain an independent agent. Lots of thoughts on this, but I always start with: why be married, unless you have the perfect partner?
So you're "not alone" when you die? That only works out for one person in every couple, even if it lasts to that point. A lot of folks find that they end up dropped when the going gets rough.
So you have someone to take care of you when you're old and feeble? There are ways to put off feebledom until the last few months, with work and reasonable luck.
So you have someone to carry on your name after you die? Who cares, I'll be on to my next lifetime. Other than that, who needs to be worried about the near future for youth? Kids are home forever for those with young ones today.
So you look like a "normal" person, for social purposes? I prefer to ignore the normals... why would I want to be one?
I could go on. If I had the perfect partner, I'd go for that. It is always a gamble whether that will work out... and I haven't met any one who made me want to take that gamble. I can't imagine how I would survive coming home to someone who has come to depend on me when I no longer get a charge out of the situation. Most of the marriages I have watched over time have either exploded with considerable collateral damage, or survive on life support at the expense of a real life.
I'm probably a little unusual, I can go for weeks without speaking to people, though I have good friends whom I love. I just enjoy my life a lot as it is, and I value my moment-to-moment freedom immensely. I enjoy my obsessive hobbies, I ride a bike every day, I play music, I listen to music, I read a lot, I have cats who keep the home homey, I know how to connect to people when I need to. I can explore my philosophy without undue interference.
Above all I can attempt to live an authentic life, fully addressing the call of my interests and drives. My married friends have schedules determined by others, from the time they get up in the morning through to death. I have to go to work, but I enjoy that, and then after, I crash through the door, run across a field shedding my clothing, laughing madly as I disappear into the sunset. Then I eat exactly what I want.
A life with a perfect partner MIGHT be better than that, but it is pretty good as it is.
So you're "not alone" when you die? That only works out for one person in every couple, even if it lasts to that point. A lot of folks find that they end up dropped when the going gets rough.
So you have someone to take care of you when you're old and feeble? There are ways to put off feebledom until the last few months, with work and reasonable luck.
So you have someone to carry on your name after you die? Who cares, I'll be on to my next lifetime. Other than that, who needs to be worried about the near future for youth? Kids are home forever for those with young ones today.
So you look like a "normal" person, for social purposes? I prefer to ignore the normals... why would I want to be one?
I could go on. If I had the perfect partner, I'd go for that. It is always a gamble whether that will work out... and I haven't met any one who made me want to take that gamble. I can't imagine how I would survive coming home to someone who has come to depend on me when I no longer get a charge out of the situation. Most of the marriages I have watched over time have either exploded with considerable collateral damage, or survive on life support at the expense of a real life.
I'm probably a little unusual, I can go for weeks without speaking to people, though I have good friends whom I love. I just enjoy my life a lot as it is, and I value my moment-to-moment freedom immensely. I enjoy my obsessive hobbies, I ride a bike every day, I play music, I listen to music, I read a lot, I have cats who keep the home homey, I know how to connect to people when I need to. I can explore my philosophy without undue interference.
Above all I can attempt to live an authentic life, fully addressing the call of my interests and drives. My married friends have schedules determined by others, from the time they get up in the morning through to death. I have to go to work, but I enjoy that, and then after, I crash through the door, run across a field shedding my clothing, laughing madly as I disappear into the sunset. Then I eat exactly what I want.
A life with a perfect partner MIGHT be better than that, but it is pretty good as it is.
Hell Yes!
Brothers, I wouldn't have it any other way. I adore my freedom, lifestyle and serenity.
I don't try to pretend I'm some 'Club going Dude' or anything else. I'm a Cufflinks and Cognac kind of male and the two most recent involvements (23 and 27 years old, respectively) love the ambiance of being out with a man who can order in another language, knows his wines and can discuss both Puccini and 'Imagine Dragons'. The easiest thing to be is simply yourself. Let the women (and world) you like gravitate to that or just leave it alone. Never force an issue.
You make a choice at one point in your life: Do I go with what societal conditioning expects of me or do I go with what I want out of my life?
I made my choice and not only do I have no regrets, I also cherish it immensely!
Brothers, I wouldn't have it any other way. I adore my freedom, lifestyle and serenity.
I don't try to pretend I'm some 'Club going Dude' or anything else. I'm a Cufflinks and Cognac kind of male and the two most recent involvements (23 and 27 years old, respectively) love the ambiance of being out with a man who can order in another language, knows his wines and can discuss both Puccini and 'Imagine Dragons'. The easiest thing to be is simply yourself. Let the women (and world) you like gravitate to that or just leave it alone. Never force an issue.
You make a choice at one point in your life: Do I go with what societal conditioning expects of me or do I go with what I want out of my life?
I made my choice and not only do I have no regrets, I also cherish it immensely!
They were within their rights to laugh at him. Trying to be someone other than yourself is always pathetic. Age is only part of the issue here, it is the eye-fucking as well. They'd probably laugh at the gross punk or little boy or whatever other unpleasant vibe they feel being radiated by whomever they perceive as eye-fucking them.
I find that i get lots of nice smiles from young women whom I look at, because I am actually appreciating them, not consuming them with greedy eyes.
90% of what Staggerspool said applies to me also. One thing I would like to add is that you'll feel a lot different at 50 than 30 about being single (in a good way). The whole fear of being alone thing fades over time. It's a curse, and one that leads to a lot of bad relationships/marriages (not to mention custody battles etc). I've been lucky enough to avoid any major problems in that area.
I agree with your added point. It is true that I didn't feel this way 20 years ago. But age helps, if you have used the time to figure out what you really want.
when I see people in their 20's getting married I keep thinking what a bad decision that was esp for the guy. the likelihood is your marraige is going to go south and you've wasted the prime of your life. Besides that I don;t believe in monogamy. my philosophy is invest, work out, eat healthy, stay young and decide to settle down in your 40's minimum with a girl whos at least 10 years younger. Or just don't get married, if I didnt want kids I wouldnt even get married.
I'm almost 40 and now more than ever I'm glad I'm single. I like doing things on my own terms, not to mention as Charlie Sheen said it best "I don't pay prostitutes for sex. I pay them to leave"
I hate this quote. It's so overused and cliche. And trust me, nobody believe you.
another thing about marraige is your wife runs your shit ! every married man I know is controlled by his wife, so obviously this means that if you want your marraige to go as smoothly as possible you have to give into her which is complete bs. There is a way to change this though, you can be the boss but it has to start right from the beginning of your relationship,she has to love you more than you love her, you need to be in the typical womans position
I got married because I wanted to - nothing to do with pressure about being alone and YES I thought I had met the right partner...it didn't work out but I have my sons and enjoy my life with my 'new' (a few years now) SO.
And in case you're wondering: I'm on this site because I got hooked when getting separated/divorced a few years ago and enjoy the threads (don't partake when with an SO).
And in case you're wondering: I'm on this site because I got hooked when getting separated/divorced a few years ago and enjoy the threads (don't partake when with an SO).
I'm mid-40s and still single, certainly not actively looking for a "life partner". At my workplace of about 25 people there are at least half a dozen in a similar age group ro me who have gone through separation or divorce, and pretty much all of them tell me that I am smart to stay single.
What's the going divorce rate these days, still around 50%? If someone said to you, "cross that street, but there is a 50% chance that you will get hit by a bus", would you do it?? LOL
What's the going divorce rate these days, still around 50%? If someone said to you, "cross that street, but there is a 50% chance that you will get hit by a bus", would you do it?? LOL
Although I'm alone, I wouldn't write off relationships. I have several happily married friends and their wives are terrific broads to know. But it's not for me.
Women often make a guy a better man, they certainly make the world a more civilized place to live in.
Women often make a guy a better man, they certainly make the world a more civilized place to live in.
