Can an SP ask for fidelity from a BF?

[Wizard Merlin]

If money is the psychological barrier, then you both get to delve in the hobby.

For him to be completely faithful while you fuck and suck at will, is just completely preposterous. Regardless of what you claim, you do enjoy the sex with your clients some or most of the time. It's only fair that your S/O gets to have the same.

 

[GPIDEAL]

Any relationship is about respect. If we are talking about a serious relationship, where two people trust each other to be 100% open about their thoughts and feelings, then there are no hard fast rules. The intimate nature of an SPs work certainly causes some initial hesitation in a partner, but that's not to say that it can't work provided they are open with each other about the details.

This whole thought that SPs can't distinguish between a client and SO is ridiculous.

Would I personally be willing to be monogamous to my partner if she is working as an SP? That really depends on just how open we are with each other and if we can find common ground with how she handles her business. It has to be a two way street. Ill change my ways to avoid offending her but there has to be a willingness to do the same for me. I have made decisions in my career to make less money in order to be happier in my personal life and SPs can do the same thing. The industry can be very profitable, but lets be honest, most SPs make far more money than the average single woman. Making subtle changes to the way they handle their business may mean a slight reduction in income, but to me it's not the "job" that causes some concern as much as the details as to how she handles herself and her clients.

Great answer!

Discretion or perhaps tactfulness is key (what Jennifer alludes to as 'protecting' the other in a relationship by avoiding details), but I would prefer (and perhaps everyone does), if it's open and honest, but it means being mature, strong, and empathetic.

Another observation of mine is that with SPs that I'm close to (particularly GFEs), they are shy or uncomfortable to discuss details with others (even if they can talk dirty to you), because they're afraid to make you feel jealous or turn you off since they don't want to lose you as a customer, especially if you're a good one or regular. That's totally understandable (but I insist on dirty stories as I will want them more, lol!).

BTW, I like this definition of EMPATHY:

em·pa·thy   /ˈɛmpəθi/ Show Spelled[em-puh-thee] Show IPA
noun

1. the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.

 

[GPIDEAL]

If money is the psychological barrier, then you both get to delve in the hobby.

For him to be completely faithful while you fuck and suck at will, is just completely preposterous. Regardless of what you claim, you do enjoy the sex with your clients some or most of the time. It's only fair that your S/O gets to have the same.

I've told one gal that I'd stop hobbying (or agree to be faithful), if she threw me a bone so to speak. At least let's visit a swingers club, or see another female SP together, or maybe have her act like a PS in a MFM 3sum by bringing another guy (and for some guys, even a GB might be a turn on). Point is, he's not cheating but doing things with her knowledge and in her company.

This way, there's less chance for sexual frustration on the part of the faithful partner. It keeps that urge to cheat out of his system.

 

[GPIDEAL]

Can't agree more with that statement. We often talk on these boards about how men and women both feel the drive for variety in their sex lives at one time or another. But as I have started dating again, I have realized that trying to limit your emotions to just one person is not a natural feeling. I find myself emotionally involved with different women for different reasons. I don't see it as a competition and don't hide the fact that I see other women. I think I bring something to their lives and know they bring something to mine.

Is it possible that I will find one woman that makes me forget about the others, at least emotionally, I hope so, but until then, I don't lie about how I'm living my life and those women who can accept it seem to be comfortable with how things work between us. Is it "love", who knows, but I do care about them and treat them with respect, so it's more than just sex.

Well, Hugh Hefner and other sex therapists have said that monogamy might not be so natural, even for us homo sapiens.

 

[Firestick]

My personal experience - I was "involved" with an sp for a few months. I obviously knew what she did for a job and was able to put that aside for a time while we enjoyed each other as BF and GF. When in a relationship I am completely faithful. We went out on dates, went shopping (fuck I spent a lot of $$ on her), walked the beach even took a mini-vacation together. It was all good until she said she needed an open relationship and wanted to have casual/civi sex with other men. Tthat's when it struck me that SHE could never be faithful in the way I needed it and things fizzled out from there.

So to answer to OP's question. I don't think it is too much to ask you BF to be faithful.

 

[Jennifer_]

The common thread in these two opinions is that both are a case of "me me me".

... so tell me how it is wrong to find certain traits in a partner to be important.

If a man is attracted to women with blonde hair, is he selfish if he gravitates to blondes?
If a woman likes a man who will open doors for her and treat her like a lady, is she selfish to gravitate towards chivalrous men?
If I am attracted to men who I believe will be faithful towards me and accept my profession, I am not being selfish - I am being honest with myself in terms of what I believe will make me happy. I'm not forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do or accept anything they don't want to accept - if a man can't handle my job or can't accept my desire for him to be faithful, we're simply not a match.

What would be selfish is if we were making the decision for our partners or potential partners by hiding what we do. I made that mistake long ago and got caught. I was selfish and I deserved to get dumped (.... and I sure did lol).

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

Aaaaaaand this is why I asked the question. lol
I completely understand that what I asked seems to be unreasonable and selfish, the point is I don't want to be unreasonable and selfish if I ever do enter into a relationship. At this point I have chosen not to because I do not feel right about asking for something that I cannot give at this point in time. Yes I enjoy my work but if I had other means of income I would not be doing it. If someone I was in a relationship with asked me to give up my job and he was in a position to support me then of course I would give it up. That's what people in a comitted relationship do, right?
I am fascinated with the range of response and opinions regarding this topic. It has been a real eye opener and has given me food for thought. Keep them coming.

 

[oldjones]

[HR][/HR]I was speaking with a friend a while back and we were discussing what each of us expected from a relationship,,,,bf, etc. One of my requirements was faithfulness.…edit… I do not object to casual one time sex with someone of convenience providing he is open with me about it, but for him to actively seek out another woman? That would hurt me a lot.
Anyways,,,,,,what are your thoughts?
__________________

Sounds like his casual, one-time sex neatly balances your professional encounters, and what you're talking about when you say faithfulness is the emotional commitment of trust and love, not bedroom athletics.

Sounds balanced and fair to me.

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

Sounds like his casual, one-time sex neatly balances your professional encounters, and what you're talking about when you say faithfulness is the emotional commitment of trust and love, not bedroom athletics.

Sounds balanced and fair to me.

Exactly !!!!!!

 

[Hurricane Hank]

... so tell me how it is wrong to find certain traits in a partner to be important.

If a man is attracted to women with blonde hair, is he selfish if he gravitates to blondes?
If a woman likes a man who will open doors for her and treat her like a lady, is she selfish to gravitate towards chivalrous men?
If I am attracted to men who I believe will be faithful towards me and accept my profession, I am not being selfish - I am being honest with myself in terms of what I believe will make me happy. I'm not forcing anyone to do anything they don't want to do or accept anything they don't want to accept - if a man can't handle my job or can't accept my desire for him to be faithful, we're simply not a match.

What would be selfish is if we were making the decision for our partners or potential partners by hiding what we do. I made that mistake long ago and got caught. I was selfish and I deserved to get dumped (.... and I sure did lol).

Okay Jenn, we'll give it a try. I will continue to open doors for you, go down the stairs first, and up the stairs last, and always walk closest to traffic. My only "cheating" will be pay for play. You don't have to know about it.
You be you, sexy as hell. But do we have to talk about your day at work? Is that something you need from me?

 

[rhuarc29]

I agree with you too, but until she doesn't want someone's money, I guess she's not truly or full-out cheating, although the line may have been crossed - it's a blurry line nevertheless. Guess it's an occupational hazard. Then again, IF she has a spouse who is understanding, shares in the fruits of her labour (just as she may with his), then he may feel some consolation that she has a good clientele.

This may be a topic for another thread, but I believe you can love more than one person, perhaps though in varying degrees.

I guess that depends on your definition of cheating, which usually refers to sleeping with someone other than your SO. I'm sure we all make a distinction between, say, a man who cheats on his wife with someone he doesn't love, but loves to fuck and a man who cheats on his wife with someone he loves and plans on carrying on a relationship with. And yet we classify both as cheating. An SP engages in the same activity as the first man in that example; although, aside from maybe enjoying the fuck, she also enjoys the money.

I'm sure there are men out there who believe that distinction is very important, and are willing to allow some leniency when it comes to being in a relationship with an SP. I'm not that kind of man. I can be supportive for a time, but if an SP wanted a long-term relationship with me...she would have to find another line of work. If she wouldn't give that up, I'd respect that. But I don't think it's hard to understand why I couldn't accept such a situation continuing.

 

[GPIDEAL]

I guess that depends on your definition of cheating, which usually refers to sleeping with someone other than your SO. I'm sure we all make a distinction between, say, a man who cheats on his wife with someone he doesn't love, but loves to fuck and a man who cheats on his wife with someone he loves and plans on carrying on a relationship with. And yet we classify both as cheating. An SP engages in the same activity as the first man in that example; although, aside from maybe enjoying the fuck, she also enjoys the money.

I'm sure there are men out there who believe that distinction is very important, and are willing to allow some leniency when it comes to being in a relationship with an SP. I'm not that kind of man. I can be supportive for a time, but if an SP wanted a long-term relationship with me...she would have to find another line of work. If she wouldn't give that up, I'd respect that. But I don't think it's hard to understand why I couldn't accept such a situation continuing.

Cheating in the ordinary sense means sleeping with someone other than your S.O. (and even lesser acts of infidelity), but in unusual relations such as between SP and her BF, cheating would amount to not being honest & open about her job. As long as he knows that she will sleep with other men or give them a happy ending for compensation, then it isn't cheating, even if she likes some clients.

In each of your examples, someone is doing something behind the S.O.'s back without their consent or knowledge. That's cheating, if it's supposed to be a closed relationship.

For an SP who is open about her profession, she's not having another relationship behind his back, for her real relationship with her BF entails intimacy beyond the sex, such as intellectual, spiritual, and personal including family/friends aspects.

 

[Charley LaRoux]

Hmmmm... Do hobbyists expect their wives/SOs to be faithful?

I myself am all about openness, honesty and non-monogamy... but I know that I tend to be the odd one out in this predominantly "monogamous" society. It's too bad that there is so much pressure to have a (perceived) monogamous relationship in today's society.

 

[GPIDEAL]

As Captain Kirk said ..... "You may ask...."
All things considered I would expect that any man who would accept that type of arrangement would be a unique type of individual. I know that I am not morally evolved to accept it.

I once accidentally went to a Christmas Party that was being held by and Agency. (I owned the bar) One of the girls and I were chatting and she told me that her boyfriend who was there was also a "pro". Seemed to work for them. I had to ask though:"If you two fuck who pays?"

Don't you know that the guy always pays?

 

[Scooter Brown]

This whole reasoning of SPs being allowed to see dozens of customers because it's just their job, while applying completely opposite standards that require their SOs to be faithful makes me wonder about a hypothetical situation with a professional hit-man. He can kill people because it's her job, that's okay. If non-professional kills someone, that it's illegal. How does that sound? Of course, many SPs/MPAs living in their irrational world will say it's different.

To answer to the OPs question, if my opinion matters at all: You are asking for too much from your partner. The only way to deal with reality is to face with it: don't expect something you don't provide yourself, regardless of whether you get money for it or not, or you will likely end up grossly disappointed. Having dual standards is one of the main reasons for failure of relationships.

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

Aaaaaaand this is why I asked the question. lol
I completely understand that what I asked seems to be unreasonable and selfish, the point is I don't want to be unreasonable and selfish if I ever do enter into a relationship. At this point I have chosen not to because I do not feel right about asking for something that I cannot give at this point in time. Yes I enjoy my work but if I had other means of income I would not be doing it. If someone I was in a relationship with asked me to give up my job and he was in a position to support me then of course I would give it up. That's what people in a comitted relationship do, right?
I am fascinated with the range of response and opinions regarding this topic. It has been a real eye opener and has given me food for thought. Keep them coming.

No. At least in my opinion, and you may not like the rest of my opinion on the matter either.

You want a committed relationship, great! Support yourself, he can support himself and you can both equally bring something to the table.

What you have written reads to me like you are waiting for a guy who is going to open his wallet big enough for you and then you will be faithful to him, or he can have other men open their wallets to you but then he has to share. Even if it is "just a job". Screams gold digger, lazy, entitled, and delusional to me if I am being completely honest.

Sorry but that is how I read it and as a woman, I can say that I was a little put off by that. If I was an SP, I would be single by choice. As soon as I found a BF, I would quit {without him asking and knowing my SP history as honesty is huge to me} and get that "other means of income" through another job.

But again, that is me. Now I could have misread what you were meaning so here is hoping I did read it wrong.

 

[GPIDEAL]

This whole reasoning of SPs being allowed to see dozens of customers because it's just their job, while applying completely opposite standards that require their SOs to be faithful makes me wonder about a hypothetical situation with a professional hit-man. He can kill people because it's her job, that's okay. If non-professional kills someone, that it's illegal. How does that sound? Of course, many SPs/MPAs living in their irrational world will say it's different.

To answer to the OPs question, if my opinion matters at all: You are asking for too much from your partner. The only way to deal with reality is to face with it: don't expect something you don't provide yourself, regardless of whether you get money for it or not, or you will likely end up grossly disappointed. Having dual standards is one of the main reasons for failure of relationships.

Scooter, your analogy doesn't work (for one thing, both deeds are illegal, regardless if you're a hitman or not).

There's nothing wrong with an SP expecting infidelity from her sole love interest because she's not in love with her paying customers that she only sees for a relatively short session compared to the full-time relationship she has with her BF or SO. She's not forcing someone to a double-standard. She just wants someone who can understand that it's only her job. Whether she finds someone who is comfortable with that arrangement is another matter.

 

[bazokajoe]

[HR][/HR]I was speaking with a friend a while back and we were discussing what each of us expected from a relationship,,,,bf, etc. One of my requirements was faithfulness. She said she was surprised considering what I do.
Is this a common feeling?
My thoughts are that what I do is my job. Sex with a client is completely different than having sex with someone I care about. I do not see it as being the same in any way, yes the act is the same but the passion and feelings are not. It is not the same as seeing someone smoking hot and going out of my way to seduce them. Yes some of my clients are sizzling hot and wonderfully talented and I enjoy my time with them very much. However, they came to me,,,,,I did not go after them, it is a business transaction however enjoyable it may be and however well we may get along, even though I do consider some of my clients as friends we don't 'hang out' or talk to each other outside of the bedroom. It does not compare to a relationship, that warmth, that intimacy, that 'can't get you out of my mind' feeling, the giddiness and butterflies and overwhelming desire for him/her. Knowing that he/she is thinking of you just as much, wanting to just lay together, holding each other.......well, you get my drift. lol
So, am I unreasonable for feeling that any boyfriend/lover of mine should be faithful? I do not object to casual one time sex with someone of convenience providing he is open with me about it, but for him to actively seek out another woman? That would hurt me a lot.
Anyways,,,,,,what are your thoughts?
__________________

Well,I am going to assume that if he has a buisness transaction with a women thats fine with you?
I am not judging ,but whats good for the goose is good for the gander?

 

[GPIDEAL]

No. At least in my opinion, and you may not like the rest of my opinion on the matter either.

You want a committed relationship, great! Support yourself, he can support himself and you can both equally bring something to the table.

What you have written reads to me like you are waiting for a guy who is going to open his wallet big enough for you and then you will be faithful to him, or he can have other men open their wallets to you but then he has to share. Even if it is "just a job". Screams gold digger, lazy, entitled, and delusional to me if I am being completely honest.

Sorry but that is how I read it and as a woman, I can say that I was a little put off by that. If I was an SP, I would be single by choice. As soon as I found a BF, I would quit {without him asking and knowing my SP history as honesty is huge to me} and get that "other means of income" through another job.

But again, that is me. Now I could have misread what you were meaning so here is hoping I did read it wrong.

Assuming she enjoys the money and free time that her job affords her and doesn't want to quit, what do you think about an SP asking or expecting that her BF be faithful while she continues to ply her trade?

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

Assuming she enjoys the money and free time that her job affords her and doesn't want to quit, what do you think about an SP asking or expecting that her BF be faithful while she continues to ply her trade?

I think it is up to the people in the relationship and what they make of it. I am not against women working in this industry and having BF`s. I am not against men enjoying this hobby while having an SO either.

I have been in a relationship for a few years where he got to go play with other women, and I remained faithful. That was my choice and he was honest and as open as I wanted him to be about those other women. Sometimes, like Jen, I didn't want to know. I liked being ignorant about it. Other times I wanted to know and he would tell me. That is what we decided would work for us. I think every relationship is different. No relationship needs to follow the rules "society" says a relationship should be like.

As others have said, you can ask. Doesn't mean it will happen. However, I know I am a perfect example of being able to be faithful, while having a partner continue to exchange in sex with others. It worked fine for us and can work for others.

Hope that made sense and answered your question.