Is my friend in trouble??

[LIM]

I feel sorry for the him tho, since there isn't a relationship at all. The girl just wanted to get her Canadian citizenship and he is being used.

This may not be entirely true. She may have been fine with the on-again-off-again relationship they had but you must keep in mind that the girl would probably have been under alot of pressure from her family and friends in China to either get married, get into Canada, or both. Even though the culture is slowly changing in China regarding relationships, the tradition of no casual dating only marriage is still quite strong.

LIM

 

[Fred Zed]

Can't you see the obvious? The OP is "his friend"

I feel sorry for the him tho, since there isn't a relationship at all. The girl just wanted to get her Canadian citizenship and he is being used.

And she can leave him the very day she gets her papers. If he calls immigration they will blame him for it. They will not cancel her papers.

There was a documentary about foreign brides on W5 a while back. Very informative:
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNe...rriage_protest_090423/20090423?hub=TopStories

 

[new36jack]

...+1...

+1......

 

[El Mariachi]

+1

Why is he covering all her expenses if he cant commit to her ?

something is messed that he would sponser her and not commit .

Exactly, makes no sense to me

 

[VikkiBlue]

Your friend is obviously a sweetheart...most guys would have told her to go take a hike.
He has no commitment to this woman and when her VISA runs out...that's life.
I have a feeling that she might get over here and see how great life is and change her tune...perhaps a suggestion that your friend "protect himself" if he is ever seduced by this woman might be helpful.

He sounds like a great guy...such a shame North American women don't appreciate a kind heart or the men with kind hearts don't want to be treated like the princes that they are

 

[Cassini]

Okay, here is my friend's logic: If he had agreed to marry her, bring her to Canada, then she tell him to f... off, then he would have been pissed for being a chump.
On the other hand, if she gets to Canada by herself, they live together, things go well, and he feels that she is not using him, then he will take the next step towards commitment. If they don't get along, he tells her to f.....off, end of story...

I agree. It would be stupid to sponsor her immigration to Canada via a marriage VISA.

Those VISAs make divorce look cheap.

 

[teched]

I know a couple of guys who have married ladies from the Philippines and brought them to Canada. There we issues outside of the sex. I don't know if a lady from China will operate the same way, but I would watch if she starts making friends with other Chinese ladies/couples and his apartment could start to get crowded. In time my buddy felt out of place as he was not part of the group. In his case they were nice enough to him but it ended in divorce and she got the condo.

Again, I don't know if the same will happen in your buddy's case, but he should be aware. On the other hand, maybe there's something to be said about an apartment full on Chinese ladies.....LOL

 

[VikkiBlue]

^^^^ Yep....good point.
I think this fella is really fond of this gal...
I have a friend in HK right now who feels like a prisoner due to the fact that he married...she refuses to allow him to return to CDA and keeps his son as a pawn.
No sex either...he hits the massage bars.

 

[5hummer]

Is he that lonely???

He's screwed if he has feelings for her ...

 

[laser47]

He's only in trouble if he complicates the situation by involving himself with her beyond the parameters currently established.
Although, I can relate to his situation because I have spent a lot of time over the last year or so on a live webcam site. The Eastern European & Russian girls on this site especially are incredibly beautiful and some can be very friendly and charming.
I have even spent some time searching on Expedia or Travelocity about travel packages to Russia. I have tried to tell myself that if she is a no-show for any meeting arrangements then I still have a tour of Moscow or St Petersburg to fall back on. Rationalization is a brother to denial.
I say this not to hijack the thread but to show how easy it is to get caught up in the romance and intrigue of these types of situations.

 

[keepmovingforward]

So here is the lowdown:
- friend meets girl in China
- they have a long distance relationship, on and off, for past 5 years
- she asks him to marry her so she can come to Canada
- he declines but is willing to have her come to Canada and live with him, at his expense, provided she
finds her own way here.
- she applies for student visa and will be starting university course this summer
- they will be living together but she has set a "no sex" condition since he won't commit to her
- sleeping arrangements will be separate rooms
- while she is in Canada, he will be paying all of her living expenses

So is my friend screwed ????

bruce

ur friend is a dumbass

 

[Kirkland]

Bruce, you sure know a lot, and you sure can answer all these questions rather quickly. I'm sorry to say, but i don't think there's any "friend" that's actually involved. I'm sorry brother, but this girl is playing you like a fool. You're now supporting someone for no reason, she is neither your girlfriend, or your family, but you're paying for all her living expenses. Women are cunning creatures, and is the ultimate downfall of any man. Bruce, i realize you are a nice guy, and trying to help this girl, but draw the line where it needs to be drawn.

 

[ogrovni]

So here is the lowdown:
- friend meets girl in China
- they have a long distance relationship, on and off, for past 5 years
- she asks him to marry her so she can come to Canada
- he declines but is willing to have her come to Canada and live with him, at his expense, provided she
finds her own way here.
- she applies for student visa and will be starting university course this summer
- they will be living together but she has set a "no sex" condition since he won't commit to her
- sleeping arrangements will be separate rooms
- while she is in Canada, he will be paying all of her living expenses

So is my friend screwed ????

bruce

your friend is an idiot.

just saying.

sorry

my opinion.

you asked.

cheers.

 

[theycallmebruce]

Bruce, you sure know a lot, and you sure can answer all these questions rather quickly. I'm sorry to say, but i don't think there's any "friend" that's actually involved. I'm sorry brother, but this girl is playing you like a fool. You're now supporting someone for no reason, she is neither your girlfriend, or your family, but you're paying for all her living expenses. Women are cunning creatures, and is the ultimate downfall of any man. Bruce, i realize you are a nice guy, and trying to help this girl, but draw the line where it needs to be drawn.

Kirkland, thanks for your words of wisdom. Rest assured, my "friend" is not me, but I do appreciate you looking out for me.

 

[King Midas]

Okay, here is my friend's logic: If he had agreed to marry her, bring her to Canada, then she tell him to f... off, then he would have been pissed for being a chump.
On the other hand, if she gets to Canada by herself, they live together, things go well, and he feels that she is not using him, then he will take the next step towards commitment. If they don't get along, he tells her to f.....off, end of story...

bruce

So ... if they don't get along he's going to throw her out, leave her stranded and waste her tuition money? Nice guy .....

 

[CapitalGuy]

None of us can really offer sound advice until we see some pictures of the girl.

 

[Thousand]

Here is my silly advice:

Get the girl to live with you for just a month. You need to do this to see if you are compatible with her. Tell her this as well, and let her know you are serious about making this work in the long run.

You need to be honest with yourself and ask yourself what do you expect from this relationship and if you think you can live with her for a long duration.

The bottom line is that how she feel about you has to be the same as how you feel about her.

In simple manswer, fuck her when she is with you. If she doesn't put out, move on!

Thousand

 

[theycallmebruce]

So ... if they don't get along he's going to throw her out, leave her stranded and waste her tuition money? Nice guy .....

No. His back up plan, if they don't get along, will be to have her stay at the University student's dorm. He will pay for it until she finishes the first semester (one year). After that, she will be on her own.
bruce

 

[theycallmebruce]

You really can't. The best that you can do (or any of us could do in your place) is to give sound neutral advice such as see a Lawyer and discuss asset protection, and be a sounding board for your friend. As I previously mentioned attempting to say you are making a mistake will in all likelyhood merely get him p.o.'d at you.

Our friendship goes back many years (highschool, university etc). I would never discourage him from doing anything but at the same time, I need him to understand the financial and emotional risks that he is undertaking. I told him that he has my support. Thanks for the advice Aardvark..

 

[afterhours]

Our friendship goes back many years (highschool, university etc). I would never discourage him from doing anything but at the same time, I need him to understand the financial and emotional risks that he is undertaking. I told him that he has my support. Thanks for the advice Aardvark..

that got me thinking about when is the time to part ways with people who were your friends in the past but now demonstrate such a serious flaws (e.g. abnormal level of stupidity) that you begin to worry whether you should be friends with them.

I mean, not everybody can afford to keep all his childhood friends as the main character from Entourage does. Being friends with idiots is costly.