This Divorce rate surprised me.

[JEFF247]

I would have thought 2nd or 3rd marriages would be much more successful. I thought we would have learned something from first mistake.

"Some facts about the divorce rates in Canada

Almost 75% of Canadian divorces are being initiated by women.

One year after separation or divorce, 50% of children of divorced or separated families never see their fathers again.

First marriages have about a 50% chance of ending in divorce , that risk becomes greater with each successive marriage (about 72% for second, and about 85% for third marriages)."

http://www.divorcerate.org/divorce-rates-in-canada.html

It's pretty much the same stats for the US. Does this sound right to you? What am I missing?

 

[djk]

All the more reason why we need to throw out common law marriage.

 

[fuji]

I would have thought 2nd or 3rd marriages would be much more successful. I thought we would have learned something from first mistake.

It doesn't surprise me: People who failed at making one relationship work are less likely to succeed in any relationship. The people who are good at making a relationship work don't get divorced the first time.

This is something our society has lost in my opinion:

Once upon a time people were simply expected to do whatever it took to make a marriage work. Hell, they even made successes out of arranged marriages to complete strangers--that must take some getting used to. Now these days people have incredibly high expectations for what their partner should be doing for them, but very little willingness to put in the effort required to meet their partners own high expectations. They wind up jumping ship out of their marriage based on the flimsiest of reasons.

My wife and I work hard at making things work out, it's not always easy, but in my opinion highly worthwhile. Then I look around at the people around me and I see them tossing away what seem to me to be perfectly viable relationships over the stupidest things, and later on, they bitch about not being able to land a good relationship and so on. Well if you didn't want to be alone and lonely maybe you should have fucking paid a bit more attention to your SO.

 

[blackrock13]

It doesn't surprise me: People who failed at making one relationship work are less likely to succeed in any relationship. The people who are good at making a relationship work don't get divorced the first time.

This is something our society has lost in my opinion:

Once upon a time people were simply expected to do whatever it took to make a marriage work. Hell, they even made successes out of arranged marriages to complete strangers--that must take some getting used to. Now these days people have incredibly high expectations for what their partner should be doing for them, but very little willingness to put in the effort required to meet their partners own high expectations. They wind up jumping ship out of their marriage based on the flimsiest of reasons.

My wife and I work hard at making things work out, it's not always easy, but in my opinion highly worthwhile. Then I look around at the people around me and I see them tossing away what seem to me to be perfectly viable relationships over the stupidest things, and later on, they bitch about not being able to land a good relationship and so on. Well if you didn't want to be alone and lonely maybe you should have fucking paid a bit more attention to your SO.

This ought to be good.

 

[djk]

This ought to be good.

You read my mind. Isn't this the guy who sleeps around on his wife without her knowledge? Then he claims he works hard at his marriage?

 

[Cycleguy007]

I should probably let this slide since I just got my ass handed to me by a 16 yr old scotch in another thread... but...

HUH?????

My wife and I work hard at making things work out, it's not always easy, but in my opinion highly worthwhile. Then I look around at the people around me and I see them tossing away what seem to me to be perfectly viable relationships over the stupidest things, and later on, they bitch about not being able to land a good relationship and so on. Well if you didn't want to be alone and lonely maybe you should have fucking paid a bit more attention to your SO.

 

[Big Sleazy]

I should probably let this slide since I just got my ass handed to me by a 16 yr old scotch in another thread... but...

HUH?????

What Fuji is saying is that marriage is probably the hardest thing you'll ever do in your life. If your going to make it work. I only found that out after my first marriage. It's like having a baby. You don't know what it's like until you have one. Nobody knows when there starting out just how hard it is to have a successful, happy, fullfilling relationship. And trust me. Getting old alone is brutal.

BS

 

[fuji]

Isn't this the guy who sleeps around on his wife without her knowledge? Then he claims he works hard at his marriage?

Yes.

I'll bet you dollars to donuts that I am not the only person on this escort review board who sleeps around without his wife's knowledge, and also works hard on his successful marriage.

 

[gramage]

Once you learn that you can quit, quitting again is easier.

I think there's some truth to this, though I think "quit" is a loaded term for leaving a failed relationship. Divorce doesn't happen when a relationship fails, a relationship fails, and THEN you file for divorce IF you're willing to go through all that hell to get out of a situation that you'll never be happy in. It's hard to decide to do that, but once you've done it the next time the relationship fails your more prepared to go through that.

The thing that confuses me is why people get married so many times. You'd think once you've learned "happily ever after" is harder then you thought as a kid you wouldn't put yourself in such a difficult/painful situation again.

 

[Toke]

Yes.

I'll bet you dollars to donuts that I am not the only person on this escort review board who sleeps around without his wife's knowledge, and also works hard on his successful marriage.

I'm not married, so it may be hard to know, but I think what people are saying is that your definition of 'successful marriage' may not fit theirs. Especially if she doesn't know.

 

[blackrock13]

I'm not married, so it may be hard to know, but I think what people are saying is that your definition of 'successful marriage' may not fit theirs. Especially if she doesn't know.

It goes further than that. Fuji cheats on his wife, has had a girlfriend and a mistress at the same time and is proud of it. So much so that he claims he's classy because of it. Check his tag out, 'Womanizing Slimball'. Cheating, having a fling, a one-nighter, taking Vegas for everything its offers at a convention, or going the distance at a stag is one thing, but justifying it as a badge of honour and a measure of class goes beyond. That's what make Fuji's comments in post #4 absolute farce. We all see it, but he'll never admit to it on this BB

 

[Toke]

It goes further than that. Fuji cheats on his wife, has had a girlfriend and a mistress and is proud of it. So much so that he claims he's classy because of it. Check his tag out, 'Womanizing Slimball'. Cheating, having fling, a one-nighter, taking Vegas for everything its offers at a convention, or going the distance at a stag is one thing, but justifying it as a badge of honour and a measure of class goes beyond. That's what make Fuji's comments in post #4 an absolute farce. We all see it , but he'll never admit to it on this BB

Don't really 'know him' that well, but I'd be curious to find out how 'successful' his marriage was if she knew all of what you/he says. He mentioned something about paying attention and the wants and needs one's spouse, which is where my confusion originated. However, IF his wife was okay with it (e.g. open relationship), then his statement is true. If not, it's just a paradox.

Actually, I'm not surprised about the data presented by the OP. People (men and women) have so much choice and the agency to 'trade-in' what they don't like, in terms of consumer goods and services, I am not at all surprised that this goes with SOs as well.

 

[fuji]

It goes further than that. Fuji cheats on his wife, has had a girlfriend and a mistress at the same time and is proud of it. So much so that he claims he's classy because of it. Check his tag out, 'Womanizing Slimball'. Cheating, having a fling, a one-nighter, taking Vegas for everything its offers at a convention, or going the distance at a stag is one thing, but justifying it as a badge of honour and a measure of class goes beyond.

Yup, all that, and I go the extra mile to make sure my wife feels that she's #1 in my life, accepted despite her faults, loved the way she wants to be, and supported by me in the things she wants to do with her life.

(I no longer have both the GF and the mistress, btw, I ditched the mistress awhile back.)

 

[fuji]

Don't really 'know him' that well, but I'd be curious to find out how 'successful' his marriage was if she knew all of what you/he says.

I have enough class not to get caught, obviously.

 

[blackrock13]

Yup, all that, and I go the extra mile to make sure my wife feels that she's #1 in my life, accepted despite her faults, loved the way she wants to be, and supported by me in the things she wants to do with her life.

(I no longer have both the GF and the mistress, btw, I ditched the mistress awhile back.)

I could be wrong, but wasn't it the girlfriend you ditched.

We haven't anything new updates on your best friends girl either. You still doing her or is the thrill gone there as well.

 

[Major Major]

I would have thought 2nd or 3rd marriages would be much more successful. I thought we would have learned something from first mistake.

"Some facts about the divorce rates in Canada

Almost 75% of Canadian divorces are being initiated by women.

One year after separation or divorce, 50% of children of divorced or separated families never see their fathers again.

First marriages have about a 50% chance of ending in divorce , that risk becomes greater with each successive marriage (about 72% for second, and about 85% for third marriages)."

http://www.divorcerate.org/divorce-rates-in-canada.html

It's pretty much the same stats for the US. Does this sound right to you? What am I missing?

Sounds right to me... why does this surprise you?

Most Divorces initiated by women?....yeah I can definitely see that.

After separation half the kids never see their dad again?...yeah.....this society puts no importance on being a dad...the men accept it and the women could care less

Increased divorce rates on subsequent unions?... yeah....it gets easier everytime because you know the deal and you know you'll be just fine afterwards

 

[fuji]

I could be wrong, but wasn't it the girlfriend you ditched.

No, the mistress.

We haven't anything new updates on your best friends girl either. You still doing her or is the thrill gone there as well.

Never was. I posed that as a hypothetical, "would you if you were 100% sure you'd never be caught" thought experiment on why cheating is considered acceptable when done to your spouse, but not when done to your friend. Your spouse should be closer to you than your friend.

 

[Cycleguy007]

It goes further than that. Fuji cheats on his wife, has had a girlfriend and a mistress at the same time and is proud of it. So much so that he claims he's classy because of it. Check his tag out, 'Womanizing Slimball'. Cheating, having a fling, a one-nighter, taking Vegas for everything its offers at a convention, or going the distance at a stag is one thing, but justifying it as a badge of honour and a measure of class goes beyond. That's what make Fuji's comments in post #4 absolute farce. We all see it, but he'll never admit to it on this BB

You forgot about wanting to sleep with his best friend's wife (provided he wouldn't get caught...)

Don't really 'know him' that well, but I'd be curious to find out how 'successful' his marriage was if she knew all of what you/he says. He mentioned something about paying attention and the wants and needs one's spouse, which is where my confusion originated. However, IF his wife was okay with it (e.g. open relationship), then his statement is true. If not, it's just a paradox.

That's what I keep asking... But like Blackrock says... we'll never know.

 

[blackrock13]

No, the mistress.

Never was. I posed that as a hypothetical, "would you if you were 100% sure you'd never be caught" thought experiment on why cheating is considered acceptable when done to your spouse, but not when done to your friend. Your spouse should be closer to you than your friend.

I wonder how hypothetical it really is/was. You may not have done the deed, but Ya Wanna! Your best friends girl, FFS. I'm guessing your just not 100% sure he wouldn't find out.

Not wanting to be accused of a hi-jack, multiple marriages is one way for the ladies to plump up your retirement funds. Before the ladies on this BB jump all over me, how many men do you know who are getting alimony? The courts don't offer that too often so it's pretty much a one way street.

 

[fuji]

I'm guessing your just not 100% sure he wouldn't find out.

Correct.