Sometimes things don't go as planned, sometimes things go worse than planned, and sometimes, things get fucked up to the point where there can be no salvaging anything at all. This is what happened to me last night.
The evening started off well enough. I planned a dinner for the boys before we went out to the bar. We usually do this about once a month or so, each time at a different friends house. Our boys night out so to speak. For dinner I decided to do Mexican. I cooked a big pot of chili, roasted red peppers, nachos with all the fixin's, home made burritos and hot tamales. To top it off, a couple buckets of Corona on ice and Caba Wabo tequila shooters. The dinner was absolutely fantastic, and needless to say, the buddies were impressed.
We go to this bar in Oshawa, (not my favorite place, but we wanted to try something different), and started drinking furiously. It felt really good, as I have not had a great drunk on in several months now. About halfway through the night, my friend sees a group of ladies, some of whom he worked with. So the party continues, this time with female companionship. Things were going good for me, I mean really good. I had taken a liking to one of the young ladies (I'm in my late 30's, she in her early 20's), and her to me. Shit, this was working out fantastically, I mean fucking brilliantly. A couple of drinks later, the two of us decide to go back to my place to continue the party there.
As she walks in, I apologize for the mess that was left from dinner, and explained that it was my turn to cook dinner for the night, and all that bullshit. She is quite impressed by my cooking, and we chat a bit about it. I find out that she is in culinary school, which works out even better, as we now have something more in common. (Cooking is one of my passions). A couple more Corona's and a couple of tequila's and I make my move. Awesome, she is going for it. This is going to be one of those nights to remember.
We move to the living room where the making out continues. I slowly undress her and enjoy her soft mounds. Damn, I forgot totally what it was like to pick up a young hottie at a bar. Thing are going better than I could have ever imagined. After a few minutes of her kissing my chest, I ask if she would like to go to the bedroom. We are both naked and the making out continues on the bed. She slowly works her way under the covers to start with one of the best BBBJ's I have ever encountered. My toes were curling, and I was holding off for all I was worth.
Me: God, that is great, come on up here for a minute.
Her: No, I don't like talking when my mouth is full, I'm having fun too
Me: Really, come on up here.
Her: I don't care if you come, we have all night.
That is when it happened.
I lost all control. I gave her the biggest dutch oven the city of Oshawa has ever seen. It would not stop, the toxic gasses just kept coming, they wouldn't let up. The build up of the beans, peppers, and beer could no longer be controlled. It was like a fucking nuclear attack.
She rips the blankets off the bed, lets out this ear curdling scream that sounded like it was from a horror movie. Fuck, she looked like she had rabies. I have never seen anything quite like it. Arms flailing, legs kicking, body in convulsions. Me in complete shock. Fuck!!! Fuck!!!. I can't believe this is happening to me. One last deep breath from her then it starts. The uncontrolable puking. She puked on me, on my bed, on my night table, on the floor, on herself. The smell of rancid fart and puke lingering in the air, I lose it. I start puking uncontrollably. On her, on me, on the bed. FUCK!!!
She runs to the washroom, I'm in the bedroom absolutely mortified not knowing what the fuck to do. I hear crying. Do I go find her? What the fuck do I say? How does one apologize for this? Yup, I'm fucked. I try to clean myself off the best I can with a bath towel, and to the washroom I go to smooth things over the best I can. I tell her to grab a shower, and I'll be back in a few minutes. I head back to the bedroom to start cleaning the mess.
A few minutes later I hear the shower stop and her go to the living room to grab her clothes. Is now a good time to talk to her? Maybe it would be better if I showered first? During this 30 second contemplation, I hear the front door open then close. Yup, she's gone.
Fucking Mexican food.
Oh, and by the way, this story is not fictional.
The evening started off well enough. I planned a dinner for the boys before we went out to the bar. We usually do this about once a month or so, each time at a different friends house. Our boys night out so to speak. For dinner I decided to do Mexican. I cooked a big pot of chili, roasted red peppers, nachos with all the fixin's, home made burritos and hot tamales. To top it off, a couple buckets of Corona on ice and Caba Wabo tequila shooters. The dinner was absolutely fantastic, and needless to say, the buddies were impressed.
We go to this bar in Oshawa, (not my favorite place, but we wanted to try something different), and started drinking furiously. It felt really good, as I have not had a great drunk on in several months now. About halfway through the night, my friend sees a group of ladies, some of whom he worked with. So the party continues, this time with female companionship. Things were going good for me, I mean really good. I had taken a liking to one of the young ladies (I'm in my late 30's, she in her early 20's), and her to me. Shit, this was working out fantastically, I mean fucking brilliantly. A couple of drinks later, the two of us decide to go back to my place to continue the party there.
As she walks in, I apologize for the mess that was left from dinner, and explained that it was my turn to cook dinner for the night, and all that bullshit. She is quite impressed by my cooking, and we chat a bit about it. I find out that she is in culinary school, which works out even better, as we now have something more in common. (Cooking is one of my passions). A couple more Corona's and a couple of tequila's and I make my move. Awesome, she is going for it. This is going to be one of those nights to remember.
We move to the living room where the making out continues. I slowly undress her and enjoy her soft mounds. Damn, I forgot totally what it was like to pick up a young hottie at a bar. Thing are going better than I could have ever imagined. After a few minutes of her kissing my chest, I ask if she would like to go to the bedroom. We are both naked and the making out continues on the bed. She slowly works her way under the covers to start with one of the best BBBJ's I have ever encountered. My toes were curling, and I was holding off for all I was worth.
Me: God, that is great, come on up here for a minute.
Her: No, I don't like talking when my mouth is full, I'm having fun too
Me: Really, come on up here.
Her: I don't care if you come, we have all night.
That is when it happened.
I lost all control. I gave her the biggest dutch oven the city of Oshawa has ever seen. It would not stop, the toxic gasses just kept coming, they wouldn't let up. The build up of the beans, peppers, and beer could no longer be controlled. It was like a fucking nuclear attack.
She rips the blankets off the bed, lets out this ear curdling scream that sounded like it was from a horror movie. Fuck, she looked like she had rabies. I have never seen anything quite like it. Arms flailing, legs kicking, body in convulsions. Me in complete shock. Fuck!!! Fuck!!!. I can't believe this is happening to me. One last deep breath from her then it starts. The uncontrolable puking. She puked on me, on my bed, on my night table, on the floor, on herself. The smell of rancid fart and puke lingering in the air, I lose it. I start puking uncontrollably. On her, on me, on the bed. FUCK!!!
She runs to the washroom, I'm in the bedroom absolutely mortified not knowing what the fuck to do. I hear crying. Do I go find her? What the fuck do I say? How does one apologize for this? Yup, I'm fucked. I try to clean myself off the best I can with a bath towel, and to the washroom I go to smooth things over the best I can. I tell her to grab a shower, and I'll be back in a few minutes. I head back to the bedroom to start cleaning the mess.
A few minutes later I hear the shower stop and her go to the living room to grab her clothes. Is now a good time to talk to her? Maybe it would be better if I showered first? During this 30 second contemplation, I hear the front door open then close. Yup, she's gone.
Fucking Mexican food.
Oh, and by the way, this story is not fictional.
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