Yogi Berra Quotes

[Ref]

Shack posted one of Yogi's quotes in another thread which led me to google some more.

What a fucking character he was!

Yogi Berra's second claim to fame is for being one of the most quoted figures in the sports world. He is credited with coining the deceptively simplistic observation, "It ain't over till it's over." But he's also known for his flubs. Here is a collection of the most notorious of these.

"This is like deja vu all over again."

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.

"I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.

"I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.

"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."

"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.

"Glen Cove." -- Referring to Glenn Close on a movie review television show.

Once, Yogi's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?" Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

"Do you mean now?" -- When asked for the time.

"I take a two hour nap, from one o'clock to four."

"If you come to a fork in the road, take it."

"You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough in the second half you give what's left."

"90% of the putts that are short don't go in."

"I made a wrong mistake."

"Texas has a lot of electrical votes." -- During an election campaign, after George Bush stated that Texas was important to the election.

"Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." -- After being told he looked cool.

"I always thought that record would stand until it was broken."

"Yeah, but we're making great time!" -- In reply to "Hey Yogi, I think we're lost."

"If the fans don't come out to the ball park, you can't stop them."

"Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel."

"It's never happened in the World Series competition, and it still hasn't."

"How long have you known me, Jack? And you still don't know how to spell my name." -- Upon receiving a check from Jack Buck made out to "bearer."

"I'd say he's done more than that." -- When asked if first baseman Don Mattingly had exceeded expectations for the current season.

"The other teams could make trouble for us if they win."

"He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light." -- On the acquisition of fleet Ricky Henderson.

"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."

"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

"I didn't really say everything I said."

 

[Cinema Face]

"Hey hey, Booboo! Let's go get those picnic baskets!"

"Hello Mr. Ranger Sir."

Opps! Sorry. Wrong Yogi

 

[Speedo]

Get a load of these -- actual comments made by Padres' play-by-play announcer Jerry Coleman during his broadcasts:

"I've made a couple of mistakes I'd like to do over."

"A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on."

"McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back."

"Hi folks, I'm Gerry Gross!"

"There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base."

"If Pete Rose brings the Reds in first, they ought to bronze him and put him in cement."

"It's off the leg and into the left field of Doug Rader."

"It's a base hit on the error by Roberts."

"Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin."

"Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on the part of Willie McC ... well, not on McCovey's part either."

"Grubb goes back, back... He's under the warning track and makes the play."

"Bob Davis has his hair differently this year, short with curls like Randy Jones wears. I think you call it a Frisbee."

At Royals Stadium: "The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri"

"They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe."

"They've taken the foot off Johnny Grubb. Uh, they've taken the shoe off Johnny Grubb."

"Jesus Alou is in the on-deck circus."

"From the way Denny's shaking his head, he's either got an injured shoulder or a gnat in his eye."

"Ozzie makes a leaping, diving stop, shovels to Fernando and everybody drops everything."

"There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number."

"Johnny Grubb slides into second with a standup double."

"Turner pulls into second with a sun-blown double."

"Edwards missed getting Stearns at third base by an eyeball."

"All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air."

"Davis fouls out to third in fair territory."

"There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul."

"The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five."

Upon hearing Glenn Beckert's planned retirement: "Well, I hope before Glenn goes, he'll come up here so we can give him a big hug and a kiss, because that's the kind of guy he is."

"And it's a long drive down the line to centerfield."

"That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple."

"Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening."

"Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1."

"Last night's homer was Willie Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500."

"The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No, wait a minute. It's ball one. Low and outside."

"That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures."

"Well, it looks like the all-star balloting is about over, especially in the National and American Leagues."

"The Padres, after winning the first game of the doubleheader, are ahead here in the top of the fifth and hoping for a split."

"Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down."

"At the end of six innings of play, it's Montreal 5, Expos 3."

"There's a hard shot to LeMaster, he throws Madlock into the dugout."

"Tony Taylor was one of the first acquisitions that the Phillies made when they reconstructed their team. They got him from Philadelphia."

"Mike Caldwell, the Padres' right-handed southpaw, will pitch tonight."

"McCovey swings and misses, and its fouled back"

"Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight."

"The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston."

"Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?"

"Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen."

"I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodgers series."

"National League umpires wear inside chest protesters."

"The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another keg in the Cubs' coffin."

"Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Gary Matthews of the homers hit Braves in that game."

"Gaylord Perry and Willie McCovey should know each other like a book. They've been ex-teammates for years now."

"And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4."

"Sanguillen is totally unpredictable to pitch to because he's so unpredictable."

"Ron Guidry is not very big, maybe 140 pounds, but he has an arm like a lion."

"The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th century."

"Pete Rose has three-thousand hits and 3,014 overall."

"There's two heads to every coin."

"Billy Almon has all of his in-laws and outlaws here this afternoon."

"If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did."

"On the mound is Randy Jones, the left-hander with the Karl Marx hairdo."

"Over the course of a season, a miscue will cost you more than a good play."

"The game in St. Louis has been halted in the fourth inning because of rain. I'll bet they have the jacuzzis going there."

"Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot."

"If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck."

"He can be lethal death."

"Sometimes, big trees grow out of acorns. I think I heard that from a squirrel."

"Gonzo leaps like a giraffe and grabs it."

"Hats off to drug abusers everywhere."

"That noise in my earphones knocked my nose off and I had to pick it up and find it."

"Whenever you get an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. OK, here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon."

"Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500."

"You didn't have to say it was gone. It was gone before it got outta here. It was going that fast."

"He many not be hurt as much as he really is."

"Kent Abbott is in the on-deck circuit."

"Those numbers with Tony (Gwynn) are so often and so interesting."

"Many people think the Cards at the end of the wire will cross the finish line first."

"Even though the ball was doubled, they got it anyway."

"Finley is going over to get a new piece of bat."

"You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it."

"At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria."

"Tony Gwynn, the fat batter behind Finley, is waiting."

"Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to."

"I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him."

"The ballgame is over...in this inning."

"The Cards lead the Dodgers 4-2 after one inning and that one hasn't even started."

"The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0."

"Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6"."

"That was like swatting June bugs off a fly."

"I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider."

"What a great hitch to pit!"

"Trailing 5-1, the Padres added an insurance run in the eighth inning."

"That home run ties it up, 1-0."

"Turner was like a pencil. He bent around that pitch!"

"The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!"

"Montefusco bare-hands it and throws him out. That grounder will make you a traveling salesman in a hurry!"

"Gene Richards swings, the ball bounces foul and hits him in the head. No harm done."

"When you lose your hands, you can't play baseball."

"That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do."

"Renko has just about had it. Pretty soon somebody will come out of the dugout with a fork and get him."

"You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in."

"Ozzie Smith is out there roaming around like glass."

"I like to use big words so people will think I know what I'm talking about."

"Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has."

"Sunday is Senior Citizens' Day. And if you want to become a senior citizen, just call the Padre ticket office."

"Rick Miller hit only one home run last year, and that's like hitting none."

"I've never seen a game like this. Every game this year has been like this."

"When Guante started, they thought he'd be like popcorn, one of the most popular things around."

"Zane Smith is a guy who can shut you out as well as look at you."

"DeShaies is like a clock out there. Every other pitch goes one way or the other."

"Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4."

"Boros is not with the team today because he's attending his daughter's funeral. Oh, wait, it's her wedding."

"Templeton is as hot as you can be and still walk!"
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