What should i do?

[pritty_kitten]

Well i havent started a thread in a long time....Not many odd stories to tell....let me just start by saying hello to you guys and gals on the board.

Should an MPA or SP disclose what she does to earn a living if she starts seeing someone? Should she wait until things progress or be upfront and honest from the start?

Thoughts?

 

[Terminator2000]

Give it three months. Then tell him. If he asks why didn't you tell him. Say you wanted to enjoy his company and whether or not he decided to leave you. At least you had that special time together.

 

[hunter001]

What have you done it the past?

 

[RTRD]

You should tell him...

Well i havent started a thread in a long time....Not many odd stories to tell....let me just start by saying hello to you guys and gals on the board.

Should an MPA or SP disclose what she does to earn a living if she starts seeing someone? Should she wait until things progress or be upfront and honest from the start?

Thoughts?

...as soon as you suspect things are going to be more than a single roll in the hay.

If you were / are an SP - He deserves to know that before he has sex with you, but there really isn't a way to do that delicately - and besides, I would assume the first time (and several times there after) sex will be protected.

If you were / are an MPA - He deserves to know before he develops feelings.

Put it like this...when would you want to know something about someone you were dating that would immediately and directly impact if you want to continue seeing them? Like...if a guy was married? Don't care if he is just tonight jockey in the saddle right? But...if you are going to keep seeing him, you'd want to know...even if you were going to keep seeing him. it is the sort of thing you'd want to know, and you'd feel like he was being deceptive if he had not told you.

People can play all sorts of bullshit games about how being a sex worker is just a job. You know what? It isn't to people who who do not partake in the sex trade. So...it isn't about "judgement"...some people would say it is perfectly ok to date married men if you aren't looking to get married or disrupt their situation at home...do we judge them?

If the guy bolts...then you probably didn't want to be dating him in the first place. If he stays...then the truth is out and you no longer have that hanging over your head.

Anyone who sees this differently is just lying to themselves....or someone else.

 

[magicmanofmassage]

If you don't disclose it real early, then you will have some major trust issues to deal with. That trust may never come.

 

[papasmerf]

Well i havent started a thread in a long time....Not many odd stories to tell....let me just start by saying hello to you guys and gals on the board.

Should an MPA or SP disclose what she does to earn a living if she starts seeing someone? Should she wait until things progress or be upfront and honest from the start?

Thoughts?

Here is the deal........A terb member might see this as a small thing but civilians will not

 

[lusciouslin33]

My problem is that I lay it all out on the table right away..scares a lot of guys off.
I figure, I want someone to make an informed decision in regards to whther they want to go forward or not.
It hasn't worked for me yet though.lol.
IMO, someday, some way, some where, will be someone that accepts me wholeheartedly, regardless of what I chose to do BEFORE we got together.
Key word , BEFORE.
I, personally could not date someone while hobbying.

 

[Meister]

Here is the deal........A terb member might see this as a small thing but civilians will not

Wait a minute, you make me sound like some alien species, kinda like a sub-human bladerunner.
I'm a civilian too.

 

[LancsLad]

Wait a minute, you make me sound like some alien species, kinda like a sub-human bladerunner.
I'm a civilian too.

You may have BEEN a civilian, but when you stood by that open door on a cold winters day you were drafted.

 

[tboy]

Here is the deal........A terb member might see this as a small thing but civilians will not

Funny you say that PS because I recently had this same discussion with someone. I basically said "at least if you date a customer you never have to worry about them finding out about your past...."

In this sense at least it is logical to be interested in dating a customer....

I for one would tell him as soon as (as stated) it starts to be something more than casual.....

 

[jazzpig]

Well i havent started a thread in a long time....Not many odd stories to tell....let me just start by saying hello to you guys and gals on the board.

Should an MPA or SP disclose what she does to earn a living if she starts seeing someone? Should she wait until things progress or be upfront and honest from the start?

Thoughts?

It's very tricky. No real definitive answer. Depends on the type of guy he is. Unfortunately, like most tough decisions, you will realize that the best approach (and even that may end badly) will only reveal itself once you've made a move and it has played itself out.

I will say this. If you decide to tell him, tell him early on. If you tell him after he's fallen in love with you, you may feel there's a better chance of staying together, but he may feel torn apart between what he feels for you and what his insecurities may be. This will escalate in many different ways and infect your relationship in a terrible way. He will need the emotional freedom to assess it properly.
If he is open minded enough to accept it is in the past, the real issue may be whether he is convinced that it is truely and completely behind you. If you tell him, you must have the courage to be completely honest about it (I don't mean moment- by-moment details). Honesty and trust moving forward is paramount.

I could go on, but you get the picture.
PM me if you want.

 

[TQM]

Don't tell him.

I totally disagree with the view that you somehow must make a "confession." I don't believe it will be healthy for either of you.

Nobody tells their significant other everything about every aspect of their life before they met. It's one thing to tell a significant other about previous relationships, but it's another to tell him/her about the details of those special moments where you spent the day fucking in every position.

Such news would undoubtedly hurt him. In return, even if he stayed with you it would be something in the back of his mind all the time and would resurface when you argue. There's absolutely no good to come out of such a confession.

The other, deeper issue is continuing in the profession. While I'm arguing not to tell him of your business, I'd also argue that going forward, if you want the relationship to work, you have to respect him - not by "showing" him you respect him, but by respecting him whether he knows it or not (and he should do the same to you). It's somewhat unlikely that a guy would approve of "his" girl in such a profession - even if he's a guy who'd use a professional. Double standard or not, going forward the first and foremost principle of a relationship is mutual respect. In my opinion this puts you in a position where you have to make a choice.

 

[blackdog]

Tell him now. Before he finds out by accident. That does happen, believe me. He may bolt or he may appriecate the honesty. Hopefully the latter. Good luck.

 

[skypilot]

I would say let him know as soon as you realize it is more than a one or two night stand.
Being in the sex industry makes you different than the norm. You are going to have to expect it to affect your life.
Personally I would date an MPA, but not an SP or Dancer; although I say that now but if the situation arose it might be different in reality.
And also I am a long time hobbiest and am somewhat jaded to the scene.

Now here is a question for you. I like massage parlors. If I were dating you would you have any problem if I continued to go to massage parlors? How about the one you work at?

 

[Robio]

Before it gets serious

You should let them know before the third date

Well i havent started a thread in a long time....Not many odd stories to tell....let me just start by saying hello to you guys and gals on the board.

Should an MPA or SP disclose what she does to earn a living if she starts seeing someone? Should she wait until things progress or be upfront and honest from the start?

Thoughts?

 

[pritty_kitten]

I would say let him know as soon as you realize it is more than a one or two night stand.
Being in the sex industry makes you different than the norm. You are going to have to expect it to affect your life.
Personally I would date an MPA, but not an SP or Dancer; although I say that now but if the situation arose it might be different in reality.
And also I am a long time hobbiest and am somewhat jaded to the scene.

Now here is a question for you. I like massage parlors. If I were dating you would you have any problem if I continued to go to massage parlors? How about the one you work at?

Well I obviously wouldnt love the fact that he went to an MP, but i dont think it would make or break the relationship....

This is why i have hesitated to date anyone and have been pretty single for the last four years. I am retiring this year though, and thats why im curious as to the dating scene. I will probably tell him, just not in the first few dates, i just want to see if i even like him.

Sometimes its just fun to have normal interaction with a guy, and i cant remember the last time i went on a proper date with anyone.

Im also wondering how i will be around men, and how different my perspective of them will be when i have "straight Job".

 

[xarir]

If it were me, I'd want to know fairly early on. I'd say that by the 3rd or so date I should have a fairly decent idea about a lady's past, present and future at least to the point that I'd know if I want to go out with her any more. If she wasn't willing to disclose an MP / SP past by 3rd date, I would feel that a lack of trust issue was present and I would be very inclined to not proceed any further.

I'm not saying that one needs to know every detail of a person's past. But major things need to be disclosed to build trust.

I also agree with papasmerf on this one - civilians will likely view an MP / SP past with surprise and possibly distrust.

 

[5andman]

You should see how / if there is a relationship brewing. If you're at a point with the relationship where you are both communicating well. If so, than disclose.

 

[sp free]

isn't "what do you do" first date material?

 

[papasmerf]

isn't "what do you do" first date material?

Correct and a lie there becomes a bhuge issue when the truth comes out.