What Do You Do In This Situation?

[Troops]

What do you do when you have to take a dump and you are stuck in bumper to bumper traffic? Besides the obvious of clenching your butt cheeks or lighting up a cigarette, is there anything you can do to make that feeling of 'almost about to crap your pants' go away?

I've had a few close calls where i had to drive on the shoulder of the highway with my highbeams blinking on and off to make the cars in front of me think i was a cop coming through.

If a cop was to try and stop me.......i would not stop for him/her. I would go to the nearest public bathroom take care of my business and come back out with my hands in the air so i can be cuffed and arrested. I'd rather risk a hefty fine than to crap my pants.

Any suggestions to aleviate the pain in rush hour traffic?

 

[Goober Mcfly]

...and subdave crosses the line once again...

 

[train]

Get some help SD . I'm not sure electro-shock therapy is enough though .

 

[Troops]

Serious question guys.

 

[submissivedave]

SHIT !!! My ingenious advice got deleted !!!

That was my Ph.D thesis and was gonna be published by the Cambridge University Press, you know how prestigeous that is ?!?!?! LOL

And yes, that was my serious answer, Sir Troops ...

 

[Shallow Throat]

Depends

 

[papasmerf]

Didn't you parents ever tell you to try to go before yu leave??

 

[Berlin]

Hmm... I am interested in what SMdave's advise was, but anyway

Here is what you can do :


Take continuous deep breath, until pressure diminishes at the shit hole.

Your body will shiver slightly, you will have cold sweat, and your legs will feel weak.

This is all normal, stay focus on the road and on the breathing, now breathe deeply.

But ,your shit hole will still be very tempted to release everything, all the while; again, it is normal.
Just remember ,this internal fight between you and your shit hole is on going until you reach the safe house.
So keep focusing and don't stop the breathing.

Focus, breathe deep, and repeat.

This should be able to put you through hell without crapping your pants for 20 minutes.

Just a word of caution: even when you already feel that you are taking control of your shit hole and the situation , you must not
and I stress, must not recall any rediculously stupid posts by Alien.
This kind of recollection will definitely induce hysterical laughter, and agitaion on your shit hole muscle,
thus risking spewing pooh in your pants, socks, shoes and car seat, and cabin.

Best of luck.

 

[Quirt]

messy situation

Makes you think to don the old "depends" before venturing into heavy traffic.

 

[Berlin]

PC muscle excercises ? Please explain, ricahrgl.

 

[Gerald]

I saw some Butt Plugs for sale at the Stage Shop.......

 

[Berlin]

Trying to hold your crap is one thing, but butt plugs ?

.....mmmm..... that can be dangerously distracting.

 

[TheNiteHwk]

Empty Tuna Cans...

What do you do when you have to take a dump and you are stuck in bumper to bumper traffic?
Any suggestions to aleviate the pain in rush hour traffic?

This is exactly why I use to keep empty tuna cans under my seat.

 

[SirLickheralot]

Tuna cans, LOL. You must have tiny turds. If you had to take a multiple can dump was it awkward changing cans.