wedding gift

[gdurham]

A friend of mine who just turned 40 is getting married in a few weeks. The cerimony is at city hall and there is a dinner afterwards. I assume the couple is paying for dinner but wouldn't be surprised if they were not...my friend is a piece of work lol. The wedding invitations say nothing in terms of where they are registered or what they would like in the way of a gift.

I must admit I am on the fence in terms of giving him a gift. Since moving away from my home town 13 yrs ago I have seen this person probably less than 10 times. We don't talk really keep in touch. The wedding is on a friday afternoon and the invitiations went out a month ago - so having to take the time off work and arrange for babysitters etc has kind of been a pain in the ass. I remember at my wedding he left no gift and actually caused some minor damage at the hall that he did not cover. I know that last point is not really relevant to my decision to give a gift.

At 40 yrs old he has been in the work force for quite some time and has already established himself in terms of having a home etc. I know if I were to get married at this stage in my life I would not expect a gift.

Is it proper etiquette to always give a gift?

 

[pusher69]

10 contact occasions in the last 10+ years for me is considered a lost friend and time to move on. Add to this only a month notice, personally I would pass on going to any trouble.

If you do go and leave a gift... $150-200 person is the norm if you are a working professional and the reception is in a banquet hall.

OP, are you even sure there is a reception after the wedding? or he only needs a witness..lol.

Options:
A. Give $50 per person if he is making you pay for dinner.
B. Save the cash for something more enjoyable and sit this one out...after all another handfull of contacts over the next x-years is not going to eat at you..right?

 

[james t kirk]

If you go - you give a gift, regardless of whether or not he's 40.

But given your lack of contact, it's your call whether or not you attend or not. But if you do attend, a gift is in order.

Cash is an entirely appropriate gift in my opinion.

 

[TRossi]

Is it proper etiquette to always give a gift?

Yes. Regardless of how old they are, or what 'stage' they are in their lives, they thought about sharing their special day with you. Unless they specifically state that they do not want gifts to be given (some newfangled couples do), then you should always expect to give one.

You are correct however, that given their 'stage' in their lives, they probably do not need the 'usual' wedding household-type gifts (ie not registered). I don't think anyone actually 'needs' any gift that is given, so I tend to give things that signify their new life as a couple. Try here: http://www.spencediamonds.com/blog/top-10-unique-wedding-gift-ideas. Personally, I will never give money (unless they ask for money towards something in particular) as I feel that it's rather impersonal. Again, they thought of sharing their day with you, the least you could do is give their gift a little thought.

What happened at your wedding and whether or not he gave a gift is not relevant as to whether you should give a gift or not.

 

[james t kirk]

Personally, I will never give money (unless they ask for money towards something in particular) as I feel that it's rather impersonal. Again, they thought of sharing their day with you, the least you could do is give their gift a little thought.

It's funny, with my White Russian background, anything other than cash raised eyebrows.

Ditto with my Serbian friends. Cash is king, and nothing but.

 

[fmahovalich]

YOU WIMPS.

I say go.....enjoy the ceremony....grab a bite to eat....say a few hellos to him and old friends....drink at the free bar and then leave.
That night he will never know you did not drop off an envelope.

NO NEED FOR A GIFT......AND YOU WILL FINALLY END THE SHERADE!

Dont look back.....after all he COST you money at your wedding and left NO GIFT!

Make a statement..and move on. Now if you wuss out and get a gift, throw a couple 20's in a dollar store card.

he will get the message.

 

[John Henry]

I must admit I am on the fence in terms of giving him a gift. Since moving away from my home town 13 yrs ago I have seen this person probably less than 10 times. We don't talk really keep in touch. The wedding is on a Friday afternoon and the invitations went out a month ago - so having to take the time off work and arrange for babysitters etc has kind of been a pain in the ass. I remember at my wedding he left no gift and actually caused some minor damage at the hall that he did not cover. I know that last point is not really relevant to my decision to give a gift.

Is it proper etiquette to always give a gift?

Since you aren't close friends he probably invited you because he has no one else . Have seen this in the past where one lady has given out many invites to people on her side but the guy has really no one . This can be kind of embarrassing for the guy so he invites a few people that he knows to prop up his side .

He didn't have any problem in not giving you a gift so just return the favour . He wasn't worrying about proper etiquette then so why should you now . He's 40 so what could he possibly need ?

If you decide to give him a gift then just don't make it cash . Cash is the best gift that he could possibly receive . Give him something that says " Pay Back Time " .

 

[Ms.FemmeFatale]

Is it proper etiquette to always give a gift?

I am sorry but I am confused as why you are thinking about bring a gift?

I can't get past the part where you are actually going to the wedding. I would be simply RSVPing No.

 

[gdurham]

we were very close friends for a long time up until about 13 yrs ago. he is a very self centered person and even though I live 45 mins away it is too far to visit, even on occaisions such as the birth of my children. he just never grew up I guess. he asked me to 'stand up for him' at the cermony which I believe is just act as a witness for the paperwork.

there will be about 30 people at the dinner. the venue looks OK. I think they are just keeping it small and spending thier money on a couple weeks in the carribean.

I am pretty sure I am just going to give him some money to help cover the cost of the dinner.

 

[james t kirk]

I am pretty sure I am just going to give him some money to help cover the cost of the dinner.

Don't go.

Do what your gut tells you. If you don't want to go, and it sounds like you don't. Don't go.

 

[Don Draper]

Just because the groom was a bust as a guest, it doesn't mean YOU have to be.

Have some class and rise above it. Go to the wedding and enjoy. No one is keeping a balance sheet.

A nice timepiece for the coffee table and a C note in an envelope then enjoy the rest of the night.

 

[big apple]

agreed with don!!

 

[exploration]

agree with don as well

this friend as you say is a work of art. if you know, others know. Dont stoop down to his level.

imo, go if you truly want to be part of his special day. if you go, then bring a gift.

they way i was brought up is 'treat others like you want to be treated yourself'.