Wedding gift question?
- Thread starter BallzDeep
- Start date
Well, I used to give what I figured the cost of me attending was plus some extra. Therefore if two are going, yes give more.
For the record however if someone was throwing a big lavish affair with horse drawn carriages, ice sculptures, cheesy wedding singers etc I didn't give any extra, IMO that's just excess. I was at a greek wedding once and during the "first dance" the crowd gathered around and threw cash at the couple while mom ran around snagging it off the floor...it was the tackiest display I ever saw.....(coupled with the fact that the marriage only lasted 1 1/2 yrs lol)
As "thoughtless" as cash is, practically speaking it is a lot better than some olive shaped condiment dish (if you watched the sopranos you'd know what I mean lol).
For the record however if someone was throwing a big lavish affair with horse drawn carriages, ice sculptures, cheesy wedding singers etc I didn't give any extra, IMO that's just excess. I was at a greek wedding once and during the "first dance" the crowd gathered around and threw cash at the couple while mom ran around snagging it off the floor...it was the tackiest display I ever saw.....(coupled with the fact that the marriage only lasted 1 1/2 yrs lol)
As "thoughtless" as cash is, practically speaking it is a lot better than some olive shaped condiment dish (if you watched the sopranos you'd know what I mean lol).
500$ asn, man you run with a different crown than me, if someone wants to have a big lavish wedding and invite me, that's their problem, but I'm not helping to pay for it.
I'm thinking 100 tops, also if someone gave me 500$ cash for a wedding gift, in good conscience I don't think I would accept all of it.
I'm thinking 100 tops, also if someone gave me 500$ cash for a wedding gift, in good conscience I don't think I would accept all of it.
I figure a decent reception with open bar will cost at least $100 so I will give $200 per person.
I know I am a guest but I just don't think it is practical for everybody to bring trinkets and stick the couple and/or the parents with a bill for tens of thousands of dollars.
People would be much more selective on who they invite if this were typical.
Unless there is a gift registry, give cash.
I know I am a guest but I just don't think it is practical for everybody to bring trinkets and stick the couple and/or the parents with a bill for tens of thousands of dollars.
People would be much more selective on who they invite if this were typical.
Unless there is a gift registry, give cash.
I wholeheartedly disagree, if my son or daughter or I was to get married, I would never expect guests to help pay for it. Inviting people based on their wealth, actually I know a couple that would do that, so maybe it's not that uncommon.Malibook said:
I agree, however, the amount depends on the relationship of the person getting married to you and what you can afford.BallzDeep said:
YMMV.
Ask the person getting married if they are sign up on a gift list at the local stores like the Bay. Many are, this way you can look at the list and see what hasn't been bought yet and take it from there.
My BROTHER-IN-LAW GOT MARRIED ABOUT FIVE YEARS AFTER MY WIFE AND I. HE ASKED TO BORROW OUR GUEST LIST BECAUSE MY WIFE KEPT GOOD RECORDS OF ADDRESSES AND WHAT THEY GAVE. My side and my friends tened to give more cash and more of it. He goes through the list"who are this people can we invite them." He was serious. Him and his wife looked at this wedding as an investment. They only registeried for very expensive things with stores with good return policies. "Somebody" let it slip to some of the cousins, so we all gave Tim Horton mugs with cash in it. Every time I go over (which is not very often) I ask for a coffee and say "what no Timmie's cup"
Read my post again as clearly you did not comprehend my point.BallzDeep said:
I was speaking for myself from the perspective of a guest.
If I was getting married, I would be prepared to pay for the whole thing myself with each guest free to give as much or as little as they want.
I would not expect either parents to pay for anything although they would be free to pitch in as they see fit.
My other point is that it is not bright to give a gift that is not on a gift registry unless you know the couple personally very well.
I don't think weddings are supposed to be huge money making operations but they shouldn't have to cost a young couple and/or their parents an arm and a leg either.
Much of it is cultural.
I have been to very modest weddings at a home where the presents were very modest and fine. They almost flipped when they saw my $200.
I went to a Chinese wedding where my friends didn't even know half of the people there.
They were just friends of the parents who came for dinner and to leave some cash.
Right after dinner there was a mass exodus of around 200 people.
I am sure my $200 was a drop in the bucket that the 2 cops were guarding.
$$$
I have seven weddings this year (3 which require airfare to attend)
Yes, I’m fucked. Two down five to go.
I made an early decision to give $300 each time regardless of whose life ending experience I’m attending. Not lavish, but not cheap.
Gavin
I have seven weddings this year (3 which require airfare to attend)
Yes, I’m fucked. Two down five to go.
I made an early decision to give $300 each time regardless of whose life ending experience I’m attending. Not lavish, but not cheap.
Gavin
More fun with some insight into the culture. Wether it's feast, breaking plates, wedding couple as Mr. T wannabe, it's all fun.tersey said:
If you give cash, make sure it's trusted family member/wedding party/helper. Nothing more embassing than misplaced wedding card or cash.
I helped out in more weddings than I can recall. If you're bring a large gift, be considerate drop it off at the couple's home beforehand.
Enjoy the wedding dances, easiest way to meet hotties. There's some truth to the movie Wedding crushers.
This cash thing is so tacky in my opinion and typical of today's society. No thought put into it, just send cash. That said, I've been to 11 weddings and it depends who the couple is in relation to me. For my brother's wedding, I bought them round trip first class ticket vouchers and 1 week voucher at 5-star hotel in the Italian Riviera. For a colleague who isn't not close at all (to me) and who I see only at work, I bought them a $50 item off their registry list. I don't expect any couple to expect their guests to pay any part of their wedding. That's just rude.
Well the wedding's over, he was an old friend I rarely see, gave 80$, nice wedding, not over the top, we're just regular white folk.
One thing I noticed the chemistry and body language between the two wasn't great, especially from the bride, seemd a little distant, maybe jitters. I know this through years of rejection. hahaha
One thing I noticed the chemistry and body language between the two wasn't great, especially from the bride, seemd a little distant, maybe jitters. I know this through years of rejection. hahaha
Well rama, I would say that with a handle like yours, you might be more in tune with the original concept of a wedding reception. It is my understanding that the gifts are a way of the guests helping the new couple set up their new home together. Since times have changed and many people no longer enter into a wedding with nothing (hence they already have many pots, pans, cleaning supplies, linen, dishes etc) is it better to give them something they already have two of? Or give them money to help set up their household?
As for a gift voucher, how the heck is that different than cash? The only thing you did was limit how they spend it. As for the vouchers and gift card: companies LOVE people like you because about 60% never use them so the company has basically took your money and printed a piece of paper worth about 12 cents. I believe the cash cards that you can buy from various retailers have had their expiry date removed due to a change in the laws. For a while there the cards were good only for a year from date of purchase which is basically the company saying: here, give me your money but if you don't spend it when I say you should, it's MINE.....
As for first class tickets to italy: what if they don't want to ever GO? Then you've basically thrown your money out the window. If this is the case you could have bought them an expired can of tuna and it would have had the same value.
I know one of the many couples whose wedding I attended really needed a car but didn't come out and say it. So a group of us got together and put in a little more than usual and all put it in one big card with a picture of a nice compact car. Now if a couple needs a car, or a stove, or a fridge, how is a airplane ticket going to help them?
OH, one more thing on this topic: I used to work in an office and they were always coming around to collect for something. Someone was pregnant, getting married, whatever. I know this one girl who got married, divorced and then was engaged again within 18 months and when they came around again collecting I said simply: Here's a quarter, have her call a marriage counsellor.....In fact, of the 10 or 12 I attended over a 4 yr period 10 of them didn't last 2 yrs. In fact, one couple were living together for 2 yrs prior to getting married and once they tied the knot, it only lasted 6 months......
As for a gift voucher, how the heck is that different than cash? The only thing you did was limit how they spend it. As for the vouchers and gift card: companies LOVE people like you because about 60% never use them so the company has basically took your money and printed a piece of paper worth about 12 cents. I believe the cash cards that you can buy from various retailers have had their expiry date removed due to a change in the laws. For a while there the cards were good only for a year from date of purchase which is basically the company saying: here, give me your money but if you don't spend it when I say you should, it's MINE.....
As for first class tickets to italy: what if they don't want to ever GO? Then you've basically thrown your money out the window. If this is the case you could have bought them an expired can of tuna and it would have had the same value.
I know one of the many couples whose wedding I attended really needed a car but didn't come out and say it. So a group of us got together and put in a little more than usual and all put it in one big card with a picture of a nice compact car. Now if a couple needs a car, or a stove, or a fridge, how is a airplane ticket going to help them?
OH, one more thing on this topic: I used to work in an office and they were always coming around to collect for something. Someone was pregnant, getting married, whatever. I know this one girl who got married, divorced and then was engaged again within 18 months and when they came around again collecting I said simply: Here's a quarter, have her call a marriage counsellor.....In fact, of the 10 or 12 I attended over a 4 yr period 10 of them didn't last 2 yrs. In fact, one couple were living together for 2 yrs prior to getting married and once they tied the knot, it only lasted 6 months......
Gee...
...what happened to just picking something off the registry list?
Maybe I'd feel different if they were really, REALLY close, and I knew they really, REALLY needed the money.
But I've never been to the wedding of a close family member (perhaps because I have no siblings), and when my No. 1 best friend got married 20+ years ago, I was so broke that HE had to rent my tux so I could stand up as his best man.
If I feel "close" to friends....I pick a few things off the registry. If it is just a political sort of thing (some guy invites me to his wedding because I'm his boss, and I attend to avoid insulting him, for example), I just pick something...whatever I like...from the registry. But in neither case would I be so presumptuous as to give people money...as in "I know you need this". And I would agree...asking for it...except directly...and only from the MOST CLOSE friends and family...is pretty crass. I mean...it would be one thing for someone VERY close to me to come by my place one day and say "hey MLAM...you know...man...with this wedding...kids on the way...you know...hey...if you were thinking of getting us a gift....well...you know...maybe we might get more use out of the money". but to say that on the invitation? I'm staying at home you tactless bastards...
BTW...best wedding gift ever (and I have had two shots at it)...best friend No. 1A picked up the tab for everyone who came to my (our? different gal though) second wedding. It was a small affair...the reception was held at a 4 star restaurant, in one of the board rooms. Everyone appreciated it, since the individual tabs would have probably average about $200 each....for him it was about $5000 total...nice.
...what happened to just picking something off the registry list?
Maybe I'd feel different if they were really, REALLY close, and I knew they really, REALLY needed the money.
But I've never been to the wedding of a close family member (perhaps because I have no siblings), and when my No. 1 best friend got married 20+ years ago, I was so broke that HE had to rent my tux so I could stand up as his best man.
If I feel "close" to friends....I pick a few things off the registry. If it is just a political sort of thing (some guy invites me to his wedding because I'm his boss, and I attend to avoid insulting him, for example), I just pick something...whatever I like...from the registry. But in neither case would I be so presumptuous as to give people money...as in "I know you need this". And I would agree...asking for it...except directly...and only from the MOST CLOSE friends and family...is pretty crass. I mean...it would be one thing for someone VERY close to me to come by my place one day and say "hey MLAM...you know...man...with this wedding...kids on the way...you know...hey...if you were thinking of getting us a gift....well...you know...maybe we might get more use out of the money". but to say that on the invitation? I'm staying at home you tactless bastards...
BTW...best wedding gift ever (and I have had two shots at it)...best friend No. 1A picked up the tab for everyone who came to my (our? different gal though) second wedding. It was a small affair...the reception was held at a 4 star restaurant, in one of the board rooms. Everyone appreciated it, since the individual tabs would have probably average about $200 each....for him it was about $5000 total...nice.
