*** The Goodtimes Email Virus ***
Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but
it will scramble any disks that are even close to your
computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness
setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will
demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up
the tracking on your television and use subspace field
harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It
will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your
beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when
there's company coming over. It will put a dead kitten in
the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car
keys when you are late for work.
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will
give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar
in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while
dating your current girlfriend behind your back and billing
the dinner and hotel room to your Visa card.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't
find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous
messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is
insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to
behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the
toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in
your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while
it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new
snowblower.
That is all. Consider yourselves warned.
