Tuesday Morning Lawyer Jokes

[scubadoo]

Just so we avoid any undo harm to anyone please read this declaration. "Please note that the following are jokes. There are no hidden meanings, no points to be made!!"


Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving?

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of horse manure?
A: The bucket.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather and a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't refuse nor understand.


Since I was brought to my attention that maybe I have been less than kind to our American friends I offer you this, these jokes were found on an Amercian website.

 

[onthebottom]

Another One

What do you call a 1,000 lawers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

OTB

 

[Goober Mcfly]

s'more

Q What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A A tick falls off of you when you die.

Q Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A The caterer.

Q Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

 

[wop]

and...

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One is a scum sucking bottom feeder, and the other one is a
fish

 

[Chivas Regal]

Lawyer's

A blonde and her husband are having a wondeful passionate evening.

After a few drinks they get a little experimental, and have Anal sex. The blonde thoroughly enjoys this, however, is quite concerned in the morning that she might get pregnant- [ they wore no protection].

She secures an appointment with her GP that day and she relays her fears to him. After a quick examination the Doc listens to her story and chuckles to himself.

The blonde asks if she she be concerned about not wearing any protection.

The Doc, in the most serious face he can muster, tells her that indeed her husband and her should wear condoms! Afterall, where do you think little Lawyer's come from?

A collective Groan..........

Chivas

 

[keeferz]

How about....

It was so cold yesterday, the lawyers were walking around with their hands in their OWN pockets.