The Art of the Steal (Trump’s Desperate Plea to President Xi)
Is this a real deal?
Is this just fantasy?
Stuck in a trade war,
Lost all my strategy…
Open my eyes,
Look up to Beijing and see—
I’m just a rich boy, I need some sympathy,
’Cause the stocks fall high, polls low,
Tweets fast, facts slow,
Anyway the trade blows,
Doesn’t look good for me…
Mama… made a loan,
Had a billion in my hand,
Built some towers on the sand.
Mama… the market’s down,
Now my bigly deal’s just blown away…
Mama… ooooh…
Didn’t mean to start this fight,
If I can’t get a handshake come tomorrow,
Carry on, carry on,
My tariffs don’t seem to matter…
President Xi, my friend,
Please pick up the phone again,
The Dow just dropped—oh man, oh man.
Goodbye, strong dollar, I’ve got to pay,
Gotta leave these deficits and pray today!
Mama… ooooh (please don’t tank my polls),
I just wanna cry,
Sometimes wish I’d never sent that tweet at all…
Xi, can you hear me? (Please make a deal!)
I need your markets, your soybeans, your steel!
Tariff bolts and lightning—
This is so frightening—help me!
(Trade war’s killing me, killing me, killing meeee!)
So you think you can ghost me and leave me to fail?
So you think I can’t bluff through another detail?
Oh, baby—just sign something, baby!
Just gotta get Xi—just gotta get Xi to say yes!
Oooh yeah… oooh yeah…
The art of the steal’s gone,
It slipped out of my hand,
The art of the steal’s gone,
And I don’t… understand.
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