Too Busy 4 Love?

[kwong_1978]

I've recently met someone (I wasn't looking but it just happened). But as head of a major project at work (the success of this project will be a major boost to my career,) I've been putting in 10-12hrs days (including Saturdays)-All the time spent at work drain me of all energy to get involve in a relationship.

What should I do?:
1) Concentrate on work and risk losing her?
2) Concentrate on her and risk blowing the project?
3) Try to juggle work/life and get a nervous breakdown?
4) Keep her in the hopper and wait for the project to end (Not til well into April)?

 

[gala]

kwong... nobody can answer this but you... it depends on a lot of thigns: (1) how easily you could find another girl like her; (2) how big a deal this project is to yoru career; (3) how much you value your career; (4) how much you value being in a relationship; (5) how much self control you have to be able to work effectively if the relationship sours and you find yourself in an emotional crisis.

If it were me, and my values are totally different than yours, I'd tell her what the deal is and offer her a day a week of my life plus a couple of hours through the rest of the week for quick dinners or phone calls--but make it clear that due to my current work situation that was all I could afford to give, and I would stick to that.

 

[Alucard]

life is juggling things, just don't drop the ball

 

[Berlin]

Kwong, a friend of mine was in a similar situation. He decided to take the issue to that girl, and with all sincerity, he proclaimed his love for her, and honestly discussed the possibility of maintaining the relationship , with him focusing on handling his then career hurdles.

He knew he was taking a gamble by being so open with the girl. She , somehow, chose to continue ,and stayed with him. It was 10 years ago, and now they are still together, living happily in NYC.

I don't know how special that someone is to you, maybe you can use the above case for reference.

Listen to your heart, and best of luck.

 

[Flower]

I agree with the above!

It is the quality of the time spent together that counts.

 

[happygrump]

kwong, this is a delicate question to me personally because I've been there. I was involved in a similar position with my career and a young lady I was with for a while. I did what Berlin suggested: be honest and upfront, and my sexy young friend agreed.

For a while, things were fine. But after about 5 or 6 weeks, she began to get impatient. The 3-month project was about half done, so I took a little time just for her (long weekend) to re-establish the foundation of the relationship. This time, however, she tried to force me into a choice: career or her. Her logic was that this might be a precursor of things to come, where her needs were put aside for the sake of my career.

I did my best to explain to her that if she wanted all the "goodies" that come with being with a successful man (nice house, tropical vacations, new car every 3 yrs, etc. etc.) then she would have to accept the fact that doing so comes at a price.

End result: she and I split, I lost the job due to a re-org.

But I'm MUCH better now since I'm on medication lah-lah-lah...

Moral of the story: wimmen change their mind. They say it's their right. Whatever...

 

[wrong hole]

I think you should clone yourself

 

[happygrump]

Amen to that, Ross. All learning comes at a price, and lemme tell ya I learned plenty.

...but who's bitter?

 

[booboobear]

If it were me, and my values are totally different than yours, I'd tell her what the deal is and offer her a day a week of my life plus a couple of hours through the rest of the week for quick dinners or phone calls--but make it clear that due to my current work situation that was all I could afford to give, and I would stick to that.

I agree , if she's the one then she will understand. I also agree with Mysty we should also try to find time for love.

 

[kwong_1978]

Thank you all-A lot of very sound advise.

After much thought-it's really my fault-I could've should've answered the phone everytime she calls. I could've should've spare a couple of hours for a brief dinner or drink. Bottom line, I am not putting in the same effort as she is. Why? I am not gaga over her (Seinfeld idiom).

Now the question is: She I let her go? Or hope that someday gaga will come my way?

 

[Flower]

I'm a big Seinfeld fan!

Thank you all-A lot of very sound advise.

After much thought-it's really my fault-I could've should've answered the phone everytime she calls. I could've should've spare a couple of hours for a brief dinner or drink. Bottom line, I am not putting in the same effort as she is. Why? I am not gaga over her (Seinfeld idiom).

Now the question is: She I let her go? Or hope that someday gaga will come my way?

I believe in allowing all things to follow their natural course.

You should be honest with yourself regarding what you want/expect out of this relationship and then follow your instincts.

I don't believe in staying in a relationship hoping that "gaga" will someday come but I do believe that in relationships built on deep friendship and trust that "gaga" can come and hit you out of the blue when you least expect it.

Go with your gut feeling.

 

[tompeepin]

Lend her to us; we will take care of her until you get the time.

Seriously you just met her. Relationships come and go so focus on your career. If you were married or had kids I give you the opposite advice. But for the risk of a possible relationship that might work out? Stick with the career.

---

Oh, I am a bit late with this post ...

Honesty is the best policy. Be open and honest. Unless you are a "playa".

 

[healer677]

IMHO only an idiot would play the carpe diem card on this. Remember people do not plan to fil - they fail to plan.

Think priorities.....is it?......

work, family, love then self?

Arrange it and the picture will be more clear.
Ask yourself this question for each subject..."Will _____ matter to me in 10 minutes?".....will it matter in an hour.....a day....a week....a month....a year? This should prioritize things for you.

Good Luck.

 

[Berlin]

I am not gaga over her (Seinfeld idiom).

Kwong, you said it yourself there.

I suppose , to begin with, she didn't sweep your off your feet and made your tumbling head over heels for her

Fair enough, I think you should focus on your work first until that other someone, whoever she will be, comes along and makes you feeling gaga all over.

 

[kwong_1978]

Ross:
Yes, she is physically attractive
Smart enough? Depends on how one define smart-No for me.
Funny? Not really or she just don't get my sense of humour.
You are correct, gaga is more than just physicality.

Flower:
Yep-I feel ya-shouldn't stay in a relationship hopin gaga will come along.

Peepin:
Sure-Relationship does come and go. It's really time to focus on my career.

Healer:
Right now priority is career.

Berlin:
Deep inside, that's exactly what I was feeling.

Thanks again all-I will be honest with her and let her know exactly how I feel and what my priorities are. If she doesn't like, so be it-At least I will feel much better.

 

[canucklehead]

If you have to question it you have your answer........ just whatever you decide never regret it no matter what the choice is.