To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note; placing a paw print in the middle of my plate/food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your plate/food.
I do not find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR nor is it a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this.. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
to ensure your comfort.. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out at the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm..
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, get your paw
under the edge or try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --
Canine or feline attendance is not required.
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1 They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture..
(That's why they call it "fur"nature.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids
because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug -using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note; placing a paw print in the middle of my plate/food
does not stake a claim for it becoming your plate/food.
I do not find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR nor is it a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very
sorry about this.. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch
to ensure your comfort.. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each
other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out at the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm..
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, get your paw
under the edge or try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --
Canine or feline attendance is not required.
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following
message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1 They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture..
(That's why they call it "fur"nature.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids
because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug -using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
