Thank you Gents for your advisements as per my earlier thread on "MILF Pick 'em Up Bars". Rest assured your hard work has not gone unnoticed. Thought I might provide an update with some real life experience. Hence, I locked up the barn, loaded up the pickup for a night out on Durham ,,,,away from the damn farm.
And without further adieu,,,
Havana Nights
85 Kingston Road East Suite 5, Ajax
South west corner of Salem Rd & Hwy 2
Friday, 10:00pm,,,,
,,,,and as I’m approaching the entrance to Havana Nights, four surly bouncers are giving Lil’Head and me the evil-eyed once over. These guys even made the sheep nervous in the back of me pickup. Lil'Head was anxiety ridden too,,, expecting to be frisked/groped on the way in (in the past he has been mistaken for a gun in the pocket). Quickly whisked past them when they suddenly became curiously distracted with a jittery sounding "baaa baaa" from the back of my pickup.
Décor inside mimics a resort in ,,,,well,,,Havana. Looks fresh and maintains a certain contemporary Spanish charm. Mens room is also modernized; albeit, could use a visit from Molly Maid service. Dress code must be in effect as everyone was adorned in their Sunday finest.
Place was only 3/4 full primarily 19-30 yr old stock with the odd 40-50ish something. The majority of ladies were escorted by a swinging dick of some sort (husband, boyfriend, dad). DJ spun music up to 10:30pm; thereafter, a latin band played till 11:00pm. Good music and fun to watch the Salsa experts in action. Unfortunately for yours truly,,,my feet are all thumbs; hence, difficult to make an impression on the ladies when you’re dancing with all the grace of a bull in a china shop.
I left shortly thereafter, as the hunt was going nowhere fast. The best looking of the fluff were barely out of diapers and with hints of Pablum stains on their cheeks. On a side note,,,,could not help notice some subtle lesbo action happening out there on the dance floor. And why is it the best lookers in the house are always the female pussy-lickers? Sheessh!
Stats:
Beer - $6ish ?
Cover - $0
Ladies – 7.5/10
Ratio (Fem:guy) – 40/60
Repeat – lets try a Saturday night
Best accessory – feet that know how to Salsa
Excuses
504 Simcoe St S, Oshawa
Simcoe and 401
Same Friday, 11:20pm,,,,
,,,finds me stepping through the front entrance only to be hit squarely in the face with a heady flavour of testosterone and tattooes everywhere,,,,,and I ain't talking about the guys here. Questioned my sanity for going inside as the vast majority of chicks were beefy or burly enough to kick start a 440. Even Lil’Head was cringing at the thought of taking a poke at some of these "sweeties". Spidey senses suspect it must have been Porky Ladies Night Out. Décor ,,,,,errr,,,,what décor? A roadhouse, biker bar of sorts in a questionable neck of town.
A rough ‘n tough around the edges sort of crowd greeted my arrival. Then again, it is the Shwa ,,,,what was one to expect out here on the fringe of civilization? Lots of wear and tear on this joint and its participants. Felt enormously outta place amongst a majority of 20somethings. One inebriated oversized,,,,errr,,,I mean rubenesque Zaftig Milf with a delightful case of halitosis made an off-the-cuff remark about me wanting to get lucky? Replied, “Yes,,,,but only with earthlings.” Spent the rest of the evening attempting to remove her size 11 pump from my sphincter.
Definitely a dress down atmosphere. Knew I should have skipped Tip Top mens wear earlier in the day and hit the local tattoo shop for more appropriate evening attire. As well, an ever persistent fear that a wanton flying beer bottle would graze the side of my head at any moment accompanied my thoughts. Never braved an adventure to the washroom in case I had the misfortune of being carried off by some dinosaur-sized roach like animal yet to be scientifically named. Pool tables were located at the back and there appears to be an outdoor lounge area on the roof for that romantic “Night Out on the Fringe” sensation. Pip squeak that I am,,,I never partook in case the aforementioned Miss Milf Heffer took another nasty notion and toss me over the edge like a dismembered Ken doll.
Music was horrendous and it was painfully obvious I wasn’t going to find any treasures here. Quaffed my ale quickly and fled unscathed after 20 minutes.
Beer - $4.50
Cover - $0.00
Ladies – 4/10
Ratio (Fem:guy) 60/40
Repeat – one more attempt but never a Friday night
Best accessory – something in ink that reads ‘MOTHER’ on your forearm and a cologne preferably made by Raid House Fly and Bug Killer.
Closing Remarks:
Success was not mine. Sexiest thing I took home last night was a headache and a gut muscle full of beer. In hindsight – should’ve stuck it out at Havana in case the action improved later in the evening. Woe is me.
Stay tuned for tonight’s misadventures and the forthcoming Late Night MILF Report.
And without further adieu,,,
Havana Nights
85 Kingston Road East Suite 5, Ajax
South west corner of Salem Rd & Hwy 2
Friday, 10:00pm,,,,
,,,,and as I’m approaching the entrance to Havana Nights, four surly bouncers are giving Lil’Head and me the evil-eyed once over. These guys even made the sheep nervous in the back of me pickup. Lil'Head was anxiety ridden too,,, expecting to be frisked/groped on the way in (in the past he has been mistaken for a gun in the pocket). Quickly whisked past them when they suddenly became curiously distracted with a jittery sounding "baaa baaa" from the back of my pickup.
Décor inside mimics a resort in ,,,,well,,,Havana. Looks fresh and maintains a certain contemporary Spanish charm. Mens room is also modernized; albeit, could use a visit from Molly Maid service. Dress code must be in effect as everyone was adorned in their Sunday finest.
Place was only 3/4 full primarily 19-30 yr old stock with the odd 40-50ish something. The majority of ladies were escorted by a swinging dick of some sort (husband, boyfriend, dad). DJ spun music up to 10:30pm; thereafter, a latin band played till 11:00pm. Good music and fun to watch the Salsa experts in action. Unfortunately for yours truly,,,my feet are all thumbs; hence, difficult to make an impression on the ladies when you’re dancing with all the grace of a bull in a china shop.
I left shortly thereafter, as the hunt was going nowhere fast. The best looking of the fluff were barely out of diapers and with hints of Pablum stains on their cheeks. On a side note,,,,could not help notice some subtle lesbo action happening out there on the dance floor. And why is it the best lookers in the house are always the female pussy-lickers? Sheessh!
Stats:
Beer - $6ish ?
Cover - $0
Ladies – 7.5/10
Ratio (Fem:guy) – 40/60
Repeat – lets try a Saturday night
Best accessory – feet that know how to Salsa
Excuses
504 Simcoe St S, Oshawa
Simcoe and 401
Same Friday, 11:20pm,,,,
,,,finds me stepping through the front entrance only to be hit squarely in the face with a heady flavour of testosterone and tattooes everywhere,,,,,and I ain't talking about the guys here. Questioned my sanity for going inside as the vast majority of chicks were beefy or burly enough to kick start a 440. Even Lil’Head was cringing at the thought of taking a poke at some of these "sweeties". Spidey senses suspect it must have been Porky Ladies Night Out. Décor ,,,,,errr,,,,what décor? A roadhouse, biker bar of sorts in a questionable neck of town.
A rough ‘n tough around the edges sort of crowd greeted my arrival. Then again, it is the Shwa ,,,,what was one to expect out here on the fringe of civilization? Lots of wear and tear on this joint and its participants. Felt enormously outta place amongst a majority of 20somethings. One inebriated oversized,,,,errr,,,I mean rubenesque Zaftig Milf with a delightful case of halitosis made an off-the-cuff remark about me wanting to get lucky? Replied, “Yes,,,,but only with earthlings.” Spent the rest of the evening attempting to remove her size 11 pump from my sphincter.
Definitely a dress down atmosphere. Knew I should have skipped Tip Top mens wear earlier in the day and hit the local tattoo shop for more appropriate evening attire. As well, an ever persistent fear that a wanton flying beer bottle would graze the side of my head at any moment accompanied my thoughts. Never braved an adventure to the washroom in case I had the misfortune of being carried off by some dinosaur-sized roach like animal yet to be scientifically named. Pool tables were located at the back and there appears to be an outdoor lounge area on the roof for that romantic “Night Out on the Fringe” sensation. Pip squeak that I am,,,I never partook in case the aforementioned Miss Milf Heffer took another nasty notion and toss me over the edge like a dismembered Ken doll.
Music was horrendous and it was painfully obvious I wasn’t going to find any treasures here. Quaffed my ale quickly and fled unscathed after 20 minutes.
Beer - $4.50
Cover - $0.00
Ladies – 4/10
Ratio (Fem:guy) 60/40
Repeat – one more attempt but never a Friday night
Best accessory – something in ink that reads ‘MOTHER’ on your forearm and a cologne preferably made by Raid House Fly and Bug Killer.
Closing Remarks:
Success was not mine. Sexiest thing I took home last night was a headache and a gut muscle full of beer. In hindsight – should’ve stuck it out at Havana in case the action improved later in the evening. Woe is me.
Stay tuned for tonight’s misadventures and the forthcoming Late Night MILF Report.
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