The best bar

[LadyTY2Uall]

The Best Pub.

“As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at me local pub in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in me favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true.

"Did this actually happen to you?" asked the Englishman.

"Not me self, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

 

[Questor]

Very good. I didn't see the punch line coming.

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

> A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a
> very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very
> little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a
> ranch hand.
>
> Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
>
> She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided
> to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house
> than the drunk.
>
> He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot
> about ranching.
>
> For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
>
> Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a
> really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick
> up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one
> Saturday night.
>
> One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
>
> Two o'clock and no hired hand.
>
> Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found
> the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting
> for him.
>
> She quietly called him over to her..
>
> "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
>
> Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
>
> He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
> He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
>
> "Now take off my skirt."
>
> He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
>
> "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told
> and dropped it to the floor.
>
> Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town
> again, you're fired."
>
> (P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either)

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

All the ladies will love this one...

​

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual
information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc. ​

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew
take you safely to Afghanistan ' ​

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,
'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? ' ​

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'
'Yes,'! said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'

'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think
with only women up there in the cockpit.' ​

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member,
'We No Longer Call It The Cockpit' ​

'It's The Box Office.' ​

Quote of the day:
'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'​

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

Hey,,,,,,what's with the red exes????

 

[Deviant]

The Last Few Jokes went Right Over my Head.

 

[LadyTY2Uall]