Hello All,
A friend of mine (SDPaulie) put this together and sent it to me.
He doesn't have an account on review boards so I figured I'd share it with all the pooners.
Knowledge is power they say.. Happy New Year, enjoy fucking and play safe!
"There's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual.
A step by step booklet for you to get your game on track".
Please note: This valuable booklet can be applied to ALL forms of cheating.
Now the case at hand
"When I got home, my SO said to me "what's that smell? Is that perfume on you?" Inside I just died. But I did my best acting job and told her I stopped by my mothers and perhaps it was her hairspray. I also pretended a back problem and slept in the guest room as I didn't have time to take a shower and it was late and my SO was pressuring me to come to bed with her. Well this morning, everything is hunky dory, thank God!"
This dude is a retard and is fucked down the line. Unless his mother will lie for him about his hobbying, for sure his SO will call her to find out in an innocuous way, if he visited her. Bad move. His lame excuse for visiting his mom is what gave it away and sleeping away from her that night.
What would you have done son?
The key is to show absolutely no fear and make absolutely no poor excuses. All that shit makes you look weak, and weak makes you look guilty. Always confront your SO strongly and blaming somebody else is particularly poor technique. Don't act different than normal towards her and remember: When somebody's acting nice it generally means they want something from you.
Answers from the experts suggest one of the two following:
1) Explain to her that you were walking through the Bay/store and a girl at the cologne counter sprayed that shit on you.
2) Say something like you ran into an old friend at lunch. Make sure you pick a person that you'll never run into and is someone that your SO doesn't know about or cannot call and ask. Say something like a high school friend from years ago. You hugged. Problem solved.
The 12 Cheaters Commandments –
The booklet on how to be a 'Proper Shyster'
1) Rule one: Get a hobby phone with pay-as-you-go (which is as low as $10/month).
Always lock your computer/phone and keep it in a secret location (preferably at work). Some girls have replied to calls days later so LEAVE this phone away from home if possible. Always lock it with a password or PIN, and if you get caught with it, pretend it's not yours and throw it away.
2) Number two: Never fuck where you rest at.
I don't care if she wants it Greek for a Week – tell her BOUNCE.
3) Number three: Never trust no-pus-sy.
Bring exact change and no valuables cuz she can set your ass up for that fast buck.
They can be waiting in the next room or sitting on the shitter to light your ass up.
4) Number four: Always try to shower before going home and air out the perfume/soap smell.
For Sportsman: It is a good idea to only hobby before you play hockey or any sports. That way you shower at the hobby visit but also after playing sports from all the sweating. Same could be done by hobbying before going to the gym. Also, roll the windows all the way down, even if it's -15C in the middle of January. Always use a lot of hand sanitizer and liberally "wash" face, neck and hands with it.
5) Number five: Mask the smell.
Go to Tim Horton's and order a small black coffee (no cream/milk). Dip your fingers in it and rub it on your face, behind your ears and neck. Or you can carry your OWN cologne/axe/soap in a gym bag. That way if you have to wash your face/neck at Timmy’s/Gas Station on the way home, you'll smell the same way you always do...
** Good practice would be to >>> Keep two cans of AXE spray – one in the car and one in your room. Before you leave for an appointment, spray it on yourself in front of SO and then when you get back home, use the AXE in the car again so that you smell the same way as when you left.
** In the worst case scenario >>> Fill up the car with gas after hobbying, and get some on you. Stop by a gas station after the session/before going home. Add some gas even if its $10 and handle the nozzle carelessly to get some of the stink of gas on hands. Even after washing your hands you won't get the scent off. The gasoline will mask any smell.
6) Number six: Use cream instead of oil and go light on the soap.
Not only do you have to worry about the perfume. You have to be careful with the scented body wash. One guy almost got caught when taking a shower at home and SO wanted to jump in. He just finished a session and didn't want her to jump in as the oils were still on his nut sack. It would be tough to make an excuse why he had all this oil all over his lower body. Many have been sniffed walking in the house just from using different soap in the shower, so go light on the amount of soap used and thoroughly rinse hands. ** For the massage part, opt to use cream instead of oil because oil takes forever to wash off.
7) Number seven: Clean your PC browser history.
Regarding your browser history - Install a different browser - don't use the same one you and your SO use for banking/email, etc. Install Opera/Safari/Chrome and HIDE it - don't pin it on your desktop or on the quick bar on the left, open it through the programs tab. When you use the browser, learn how to delete ALL history and then close it. It will become a habit. Chrome has an "Incognito window" that doesn't store your history or any cookies.
8) Number eight: Clean your Phone browser history.
If you look up such sites on your phone, especially right before a session - do the same. Install Opera for your android/blackberry (there's number of other browsers as well). Make sure you HIDE the browser/app icon so it's not easy to open. Even if you forget to clean the memory of the browser your SO won't be able to find it. **NEVER operate a SP related website when too tired to give a shit about cleaning your history. IF you are in this condition wait until you can clean up after yourself. This rule is so underrated, keep your personal phone clean or find your balls completely separated.
9) Number nine, shoulda been number one to me. If you can't play smart stay the fuck away from pussy.
Have a separate email SO doesn't know about and always lock your phone before/after meeting the girl.
Be smart - don't say you're going to the grocery store to buy milk and return home 2 hours later with no milk.
10) Number ten: Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Look for lipstick marks on face and neck, and always make sure collars are on straight and hair isn't sticking up before leaving from an appointment.
Make sure your zipper is on as well these simple mistakes happen to the best of us.
11) Rule eleven: Grab something to eat.
If you hobby after work and you're going straight home afterwards grab something to eat.
It is a good idea to pick up a pizza with anchovies (or anything strong) so there's a strong competing whiff when you walk in the door.
12) Number twelve: Play at breakfast or lunch if you can.
Try to make use of "Morning Wood" specials before going to work or "Nooners" (lunch time) to get the deed done. This way your balls will not be drained when you get home. Also, put your damn undies on the right way after each visit. There was a scrub that wore it inside out and was questioned by SO when he got home... easy enough to explain but still a slip-up.
Needless to say don't fuck with no hat on.
Follow these rules; you'll have mad girls to break up.
If not, 18 years of alimony on the wake up!
A friend of mine (SDPaulie) put this together and sent it to me.
He doesn't have an account on review boards so I figured I'd share it with all the pooners.
Knowledge is power they say.. Happy New Year, enjoy fucking and play safe!
"There's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual.
A step by step booklet for you to get your game on track".
Please note: This valuable booklet can be applied to ALL forms of cheating.
Now the case at hand
"When I got home, my SO said to me "what's that smell? Is that perfume on you?" Inside I just died. But I did my best acting job and told her I stopped by my mothers and perhaps it was her hairspray. I also pretended a back problem and slept in the guest room as I didn't have time to take a shower and it was late and my SO was pressuring me to come to bed with her. Well this morning, everything is hunky dory, thank God!"
This dude is a retard and is fucked down the line. Unless his mother will lie for him about his hobbying, for sure his SO will call her to find out in an innocuous way, if he visited her. Bad move. His lame excuse for visiting his mom is what gave it away and sleeping away from her that night.
What would you have done son?
The key is to show absolutely no fear and make absolutely no poor excuses. All that shit makes you look weak, and weak makes you look guilty. Always confront your SO strongly and blaming somebody else is particularly poor technique. Don't act different than normal towards her and remember: When somebody's acting nice it generally means they want something from you.
Answers from the experts suggest one of the two following:
1) Explain to her that you were walking through the Bay/store and a girl at the cologne counter sprayed that shit on you.
2) Say something like you ran into an old friend at lunch. Make sure you pick a person that you'll never run into and is someone that your SO doesn't know about or cannot call and ask. Say something like a high school friend from years ago. You hugged. Problem solved.
The 12 Cheaters Commandments –
The booklet on how to be a 'Proper Shyster'
1) Rule one: Get a hobby phone with pay-as-you-go (which is as low as $10/month).
Always lock your computer/phone and keep it in a secret location (preferably at work). Some girls have replied to calls days later so LEAVE this phone away from home if possible. Always lock it with a password or PIN, and if you get caught with it, pretend it's not yours and throw it away.
2) Number two: Never fuck where you rest at.
I don't care if she wants it Greek for a Week – tell her BOUNCE.
3) Number three: Never trust no-pus-sy.
Bring exact change and no valuables cuz she can set your ass up for that fast buck.
They can be waiting in the next room or sitting on the shitter to light your ass up.
4) Number four: Always try to shower before going home and air out the perfume/soap smell.
For Sportsman: It is a good idea to only hobby before you play hockey or any sports. That way you shower at the hobby visit but also after playing sports from all the sweating. Same could be done by hobbying before going to the gym. Also, roll the windows all the way down, even if it's -15C in the middle of January. Always use a lot of hand sanitizer and liberally "wash" face, neck and hands with it.
5) Number five: Mask the smell.
Go to Tim Horton's and order a small black coffee (no cream/milk). Dip your fingers in it and rub it on your face, behind your ears and neck. Or you can carry your OWN cologne/axe/soap in a gym bag. That way if you have to wash your face/neck at Timmy’s/Gas Station on the way home, you'll smell the same way you always do...
** Good practice would be to >>> Keep two cans of AXE spray – one in the car and one in your room. Before you leave for an appointment, spray it on yourself in front of SO and then when you get back home, use the AXE in the car again so that you smell the same way as when you left.
** In the worst case scenario >>> Fill up the car with gas after hobbying, and get some on you. Stop by a gas station after the session/before going home. Add some gas even if its $10 and handle the nozzle carelessly to get some of the stink of gas on hands. Even after washing your hands you won't get the scent off. The gasoline will mask any smell.
6) Number six: Use cream instead of oil and go light on the soap.
Not only do you have to worry about the perfume. You have to be careful with the scented body wash. One guy almost got caught when taking a shower at home and SO wanted to jump in. He just finished a session and didn't want her to jump in as the oils were still on his nut sack. It would be tough to make an excuse why he had all this oil all over his lower body. Many have been sniffed walking in the house just from using different soap in the shower, so go light on the amount of soap used and thoroughly rinse hands. ** For the massage part, opt to use cream instead of oil because oil takes forever to wash off.
7) Number seven: Clean your PC browser history.
Regarding your browser history - Install a different browser - don't use the same one you and your SO use for banking/email, etc. Install Opera/Safari/Chrome and HIDE it - don't pin it on your desktop or on the quick bar on the left, open it through the programs tab. When you use the browser, learn how to delete ALL history and then close it. It will become a habit. Chrome has an "Incognito window" that doesn't store your history or any cookies.
8) Number eight: Clean your Phone browser history.
If you look up such sites on your phone, especially right before a session - do the same. Install Opera for your android/blackberry (there's number of other browsers as well). Make sure you HIDE the browser/app icon so it's not easy to open. Even if you forget to clean the memory of the browser your SO won't be able to find it. **NEVER operate a SP related website when too tired to give a shit about cleaning your history. IF you are in this condition wait until you can clean up after yourself. This rule is so underrated, keep your personal phone clean or find your balls completely separated.
9) Number nine, shoulda been number one to me. If you can't play smart stay the fuck away from pussy.
Have a separate email SO doesn't know about and always lock your phone before/after meeting the girl.
Be smart - don't say you're going to the grocery store to buy milk and return home 2 hours later with no milk.
10) Number ten: Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Look for lipstick marks on face and neck, and always make sure collars are on straight and hair isn't sticking up before leaving from an appointment.
Make sure your zipper is on as well these simple mistakes happen to the best of us.
11) Rule eleven: Grab something to eat.
If you hobby after work and you're going straight home afterwards grab something to eat.
It is a good idea to pick up a pizza with anchovies (or anything strong) so there's a strong competing whiff when you walk in the door.
12) Number twelve: Play at breakfast or lunch if you can.
Try to make use of "Morning Wood" specials before going to work or "Nooners" (lunch time) to get the deed done. This way your balls will not be drained when you get home. Also, put your damn undies on the right way after each visit. There was a scrub that wore it inside out and was questioned by SO when he got home... easy enough to explain but still a slip-up.
Needless to say don't fuck with no hat on.
Follow these rules; you'll have mad girls to break up.
If not, 18 years of alimony on the wake up!
