Some times it is useful to step back from the rush of "appointment" sex and remember a few basics that make the experience more enjoyable for all. These thoughts cribbed from a recent article from Psychology Today.
Let it Happen
You can’t force sex to happen, great sex must be allowed to happen. The act of pursuing orgasm breeds performance anxiety, which then undermines sexual arousal. The idea of goal-oriented sex flies in the face of letting it happen; you end up faking orgasms or having problems with sexual function. So relax and enjoy the process.
Adopt the Right Attitude
Give yourself permission to completely experience sex and its pleasures. That means you must let go of guilt, self-consciousness, judgments and personal hang-ups. Also, forget about your to-do list and be prepared to “fully experience the moment,” says Goldman. In short, “be here now.”
Connect, Communicate, Trust
To feel safe and secure in your relationship, you’ll have to open up and communicate how you feel. Going hand in hand with a sense of safety is feeling empathy toward your partner. It allows you to understand, embrace and communicate more easily. If you want something, you can ask for it.
Love Your Body
“My penis is too small.” “My breasts are too flat.” “I’ve gained 10 pounds.” Body image hinders intimacy. You can’t have great sex if you’re self-conscious about your body. Learn to like yourself and all your curves. From there, tap into your sensuality by thinking about what makes your body feel good.
Be Adventurous
“You want to do what?” What is inhibiting you from exploration? Now is the time to let go of shame and embarrassment. People are often too serious in the bedroom. You may need to rethink sex and see that it’s actually fun. Share your fantasies with your partner and discover how you can carry them out. Take risks, perhaps by being creative and doing things a little differently. “It’s about learning and experimenting, and if it doesn’t turn you on, that’s OK,” says Goldman.
Let it Happen
You can’t force sex to happen, great sex must be allowed to happen. The act of pursuing orgasm breeds performance anxiety, which then undermines sexual arousal. The idea of goal-oriented sex flies in the face of letting it happen; you end up faking orgasms or having problems with sexual function. So relax and enjoy the process.
Adopt the Right Attitude
Give yourself permission to completely experience sex and its pleasures. That means you must let go of guilt, self-consciousness, judgments and personal hang-ups. Also, forget about your to-do list and be prepared to “fully experience the moment,” says Goldman. In short, “be here now.”
Connect, Communicate, Trust
To feel safe and secure in your relationship, you’ll have to open up and communicate how you feel. Going hand in hand with a sense of safety is feeling empathy toward your partner. It allows you to understand, embrace and communicate more easily. If you want something, you can ask for it.
Love Your Body
“My penis is too small.” “My breasts are too flat.” “I’ve gained 10 pounds.” Body image hinders intimacy. You can’t have great sex if you’re self-conscious about your body. Learn to like yourself and all your curves. From there, tap into your sensuality by thinking about what makes your body feel good.
Be Adventurous
“You want to do what?” What is inhibiting you from exploration? Now is the time to let go of shame and embarrassment. People are often too serious in the bedroom. You may need to rethink sex and see that it’s actually fun. Share your fantasies with your partner and discover how you can carry them out. Take risks, perhaps by being creative and doing things a little differently. “It’s about learning and experimenting, and if it doesn’t turn you on, that’s OK,” says Goldman.
