Taoism: Shit happens.
Buddihism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. Pay no mind.
Shintoism: Shit is everywhere.
Confusianism: Confucius says "shit happens."
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
And, if shit falls in the woods, does it make a sound? Shit is, and is not.
Monasticism: You don't need any of that shit.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Ba'ha'i: We are all shit together.
Iraqi Baathist: Oh, shit!
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, shit happens, happens, happens, shit, shit, rama, rama.
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time. Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
Early Egyptian: Shit happens, the world is a microcosm of the universe; therefore, the universe is shit.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives?
Hasidism: Shit never happens the same way twice.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. because you are bad.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Unitarianism: When shit happens, form a committee to study it. Maybe shit happens; let's have coffee and donuts. Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Anglicanism: Shit doesn't happen; defecation may occur on such occasions as are meet and right.
Lutheranism: Shit happens through private interpretation. If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Baptists: Only total immersion in shit will suffice.
Mormon: 10% of my shit belongs to God.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Oral Roberts: Send me money or shit will happen.
Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays.
Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon. May we have a moment of your
time to share shit with you? Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
Quaker: Let's not fight over this shit.
Christian Science: It's not shit, and it's not happening. Shit is in your mind. When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Agnosticism: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not. Did someone shit? I'm not sure if shit happens or not. Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Atheism: Shit does not happen. I can't believe this shit. I haven't smelt, seen, touched or tasted it, but I know it's shit. Shit happens, therefore, there is no God.
Scientology: Shit can happen to you too. Shit happens if you're on our shit list.
Dianetics: Why does shit happen? See page 157 in Dianetics.
Moonies: Only happy shit really happens.
Raelians: A space ship will come and take all the shit away to paradise.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
New Age: If shit happens, honor and share it. That's not shit, it's feldspar. This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate. Visualize shit not happening.
EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.
Mysticism: What weird shit!
Shamanism: Shit is a fertilizer.
Wicca: Mix this shit together and make it happen! As it harm none, let shit happen.
Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen - somebody dumped it on you. Hey, that shit looks just like you!
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Masonic: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.
Charismatic: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad.
Discordianism: Some funny shit happened to me today.
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Democratic: Shit should be provided by the government to all people.
Republican: If you remove government restrictions, shit will happen by itself.
Naderism: Shit is dangerous at any speed.
Communism: It's everybody's shit. Equal shit happens to all people.
Fascism: Shit makes the trains run on time.
Marxism: Workers are alienated from their shit.
Leninism: The people have a right to shit.
Stalinism: If we work hard, shit will happen within five years.
Nazism: Sheist über alles
Nationalism: Our shit, right or wrong.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Descartes:
1. Shit happens, therefore I am.
2. I am, therefore shit happens.
3. Cogito ergo defecato.
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is. What is shit, anyway?
Solopsism: If there is no shit, it doesn't happen.
Logicians: Is this shit sound and complete?
Mathematicians: Is this shit continuous? Is this shit everywhere dense?
Psychoanalysis: Shit happens because of your toilet training.
Theosophy: You don't know half of the shit that happens.
Nihilism: Who needs this shit?
Vedanta: Shit happening is an illusion.
Politically correct: Defecated biomass waste occurs.
Feminism: Shit isn't funny.
Radical Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us.
Materialism: I really do need all of this shit.
Hedonism: Shit is fun. There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Obsessivism: I can never get enough shit.
Masochism: Go ahead, give me more shit, I love it.
Marketing: Package shit right and everyone will want some.
Celtic Folklore: At the end of every rainbow is a pot of shit.
Magnetism: Shit is attractive.
N.O.R.M.L.: Like gee, have ever looked really closely at a shit?
National Rifle Association: Shit doesn't happen, people do.
Yuppie: It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it
beautiful?
Red Cross: Shit happens - send money.
Optimism: That's the best damn shit that ever happened.
Pessimism: It's all shit.
Deconstructionalism: What makes you think that's shit?
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
Shakepeare: To "pu" or not to "pu", that is the question.
Ronald Reagan: I don't recall shit happening.
Foster Hewitt: He shits, he scores!
Ben Johnson: I have never knowingly taken a shit.
Paris Hilton: Shit. That's hot.
50 Cent: Shit, dat's happenin'.
Bob Dylan: Shi' hap'ns.
Britney Spears: Shit me baby, one more time.
Bruce Springsteen: Back home, back home in, uh, Asbury Park, y'know, there was, like, I guess, a lot of shit happening at the time, wasn't there, Big Man?
Lawyer: The party in the first part did knowingly part with the party in the second part, hitherto known as "the shit".
12-Step: I am powerless to cut the shit.
Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens. Deal with it one day at a time.
Buddihism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit. Pay no mind.
Shintoism: Shit is everywhere.
Confusianism: Confucius says "shit happens."
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
And, if shit falls in the woods, does it make a sound? Shit is, and is not.
Monasticism: You don't need any of that shit.
Hinduism: This shit happened before.
Ba'ha'i: We are all shit together.
Iraqi Baathist: Oh, shit!
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, shit happens, happens, happens, shit, shit, rama, rama.
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half the time. Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.
Early Egyptian: Shit happens, the world is a microcosm of the universe; therefore, the universe is shit.
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Reform Judaism: Got any laxatives?
Hasidism: Shit never happens the same way twice.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it. because you are bad.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Unitarianism: When shit happens, form a committee to study it. Maybe shit happens; let's have coffee and donuts. Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Anglicanism: Shit doesn't happen; defecation may occur on such occasions as are meet and right.
Lutheranism: Shit happens through private interpretation. If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Baptists: Only total immersion in shit will suffice.
Mormon: 10% of my shit belongs to God.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Oral Roberts: Send me money or shit will happen.
Seventh Day Adventist: No shit on Saturdays.
Jehovah's Witnesses: No shit happens until Armaggedon. May we have a moment of your
time to share shit with you? Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Televangelism: Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.
Quaker: Let's not fight over this shit.
Christian Science: It's not shit, and it's not happening. Shit is in your mind. When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Agnosticism: It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether its shit or not. Did someone shit? I'm not sure if shit happens or not. Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Atheism: Shit does not happen. I can't believe this shit. I haven't smelt, seen, touched or tasted it, but I know it's shit. Shit happens, therefore, there is no God.
Scientology: Shit can happen to you too. Shit happens if you're on our shit list.
Dianetics: Why does shit happen? See page 157 in Dianetics.
Moonies: Only happy shit really happens.
Raelians: A space ship will come and take all the shit away to paradise.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
New Age: If shit happens, honor and share it. That's not shit, it's feldspar. This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate. Visualize shit not happening.
EST: If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.
Mysticism: What weird shit!
Shamanism: Shit is a fertilizer.
Wicca: Mix this shit together and make it happen! As it harm none, let shit happen.
Voodoo: Shit doesn't just happen - somebody dumped it on you. Hey, that shit looks just like you!
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Masonic: Shit happens, but we can't discuss it during Lodge.
Charismatic: This is not shit and it doesn't smell bad.
Discordianism: Some funny shit happened to me today.
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Democratic: Shit should be provided by the government to all people.
Republican: If you remove government restrictions, shit will happen by itself.
Naderism: Shit is dangerous at any speed.
Communism: It's everybody's shit. Equal shit happens to all people.
Fascism: Shit makes the trains run on time.
Marxism: Workers are alienated from their shit.
Leninism: The people have a right to shit.
Stalinism: If we work hard, shit will happen within five years.
Nazism: Sheist über alles
Nationalism: Our shit, right or wrong.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Descartes:
1. Shit happens, therefore I am.
2. I am, therefore shit happens.
3. Cogito ergo defecato.
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit is. What is shit, anyway?
Solopsism: If there is no shit, it doesn't happen.
Logicians: Is this shit sound and complete?
Mathematicians: Is this shit continuous? Is this shit everywhere dense?
Psychoanalysis: Shit happens because of your toilet training.
Theosophy: You don't know half of the shit that happens.
Nihilism: Who needs this shit?
Vedanta: Shit happening is an illusion.
Politically correct: Defecated biomass waste occurs.
Feminism: Shit isn't funny.
Radical Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us.
Materialism: I really do need all of this shit.
Hedonism: Shit is fun. There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Obsessivism: I can never get enough shit.
Masochism: Go ahead, give me more shit, I love it.
Marketing: Package shit right and everyone will want some.
Celtic Folklore: At the end of every rainbow is a pot of shit.
Magnetism: Shit is attractive.
N.O.R.M.L.: Like gee, have ever looked really closely at a shit?
National Rifle Association: Shit doesn't happen, people do.
Yuppie: It's my shit! All mine! Isn't it
beautiful?
Red Cross: Shit happens - send money.
Optimism: That's the best damn shit that ever happened.
Pessimism: It's all shit.
Deconstructionalism: What makes you think that's shit?
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
EMACS: Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.
Shakepeare: To "pu" or not to "pu", that is the question.
Ronald Reagan: I don't recall shit happening.
Foster Hewitt: He shits, he scores!
Ben Johnson: I have never knowingly taken a shit.
Paris Hilton: Shit. That's hot.
50 Cent: Shit, dat's happenin'.
Bob Dylan: Shi' hap'ns.
Britney Spears: Shit me baby, one more time.
Bruce Springsteen: Back home, back home in, uh, Asbury Park, y'know, there was, like, I guess, a lot of shit happening at the time, wasn't there, Big Man?
Lawyer: The party in the first part did knowingly part with the party in the second part, hitherto known as "the shit".
12-Step: I am powerless to cut the shit.
Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens. Deal with it one day at a time.
