I was watching Sex TV on City TV last night. They had a great episode on 'sex surrogates'. The surrogates help you improve your sex life both mentally and physically. It was interesting, did anyone else see it.
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Sex Surrogates
- Thread starter wrong hole
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You miss the beginning than, they were interviewing sex surrogates both male and female and how they differentiate themselves from SP's.
lmao too funny hope you have better dreams tonight slfElfGoneBad said:Yes I watched that... half asleep on my couch. When I opened one eye I saw a couple of fags, when I opened the other eye I again saw a couple of fags... turned off the TV and went to bed. Had bad nightmares all night.
Dave in Phoenix
Well-known member
I don't think there are licensed surrogates in Canada but someone can correct me if wrong.
In the U.S. I understand only California has legal sex surrogates (Pennsylvania may also I am not sure).
BUT you never go direct to them, they only work via referral. A sex surrogate can only work under the direction of a licensed sex therapist, and are paid by the therapist who is paid by the client. If you see ads for them you know they are fake. The restrictions on sex surrogacy (only legal in CA) are very strict which makes the service expensive.
Actually the topic of sex surrogacy is dear to my heart. While it is often misunderstood and misused (only legal in CA under very controlled circumstances) back in the 80s I read Dr. Dehaan's book, Reaching Intimacy about his life as a sex surrogate, which moved me and very much inspired me in my interest of more intimate sexuality not just "having sex". Later I met him (introduced him at some workshops) and even more appreciated what he did for women. He is now retired and his book is out of print. Back in the 80s it was used as a textbook in some Calf University sex ed courses.
Here is an short article I wrote about sex surrogacy which may interest some:
A surrogate is a deputy, someone who acts for another. In the context of a sexual surrogate. this is a person who is trained to be your lover until you have learn the skills to become a successful lover yourself. This sounds like a great idea. Good loving sexuality is a learned skill. But in our puritanical culture with the ideal of virgin till marriage and then only with your spouse, where are we to learn good sexual skills.
Many people do not know how to date or initiate a relationship with any prospect of success. A surrogate will advise you about your clothes, deportment, how to read your partner's body language, and how you are appearing to a potential lover. They will also work intensively on questions of what is blocking any ability to be intimate, and empathic with one's lover.
Often the client will have emotional blocks that interfere with good sex. For example, the idea that sex is dirty, a wives duty, and only for procreation results in very unsatisfactory sexual relationships for many women who don't understand how sex should be so enjoyable.
Also a surrogate often teachings touch and intimacy skills. Very little time is usually spent on actual intercourse. Many touch and intimacy ideas used by surrogates should be learned by everyone such as sensate focusing and learning how to enjoy and give sensual touch. Sexuality is so much more than just penis in vagina sex, but that is all most men know in our culture.
Before a surrogate starts working with a client a contract is drawn up which deals with the attraction that can develop between client and surrogate. Questions of dependency, how long the relationship may last, anxieties concerning "falling in love,etc.," need to be aired, and resolved as far as possible before work starts.
Continued Part 2
In the U.S. I understand only California has legal sex surrogates (Pennsylvania may also I am not sure).
BUT you never go direct to them, they only work via referral. A sex surrogate can only work under the direction of a licensed sex therapist, and are paid by the therapist who is paid by the client. If you see ads for them you know they are fake. The restrictions on sex surrogacy (only legal in CA) are very strict which makes the service expensive.
Actually the topic of sex surrogacy is dear to my heart. While it is often misunderstood and misused (only legal in CA under very controlled circumstances) back in the 80s I read Dr. Dehaan's book, Reaching Intimacy about his life as a sex surrogate, which moved me and very much inspired me in my interest of more intimate sexuality not just "having sex". Later I met him (introduced him at some workshops) and even more appreciated what he did for women. He is now retired and his book is out of print. Back in the 80s it was used as a textbook in some Calf University sex ed courses.
Here is an short article I wrote about sex surrogacy which may interest some:
A surrogate is a deputy, someone who acts for another. In the context of a sexual surrogate. this is a person who is trained to be your lover until you have learn the skills to become a successful lover yourself. This sounds like a great idea. Good loving sexuality is a learned skill. But in our puritanical culture with the ideal of virgin till marriage and then only with your spouse, where are we to learn good sexual skills.
Many people do not know how to date or initiate a relationship with any prospect of success. A surrogate will advise you about your clothes, deportment, how to read your partner's body language, and how you are appearing to a potential lover. They will also work intensively on questions of what is blocking any ability to be intimate, and empathic with one's lover.
Often the client will have emotional blocks that interfere with good sex. For example, the idea that sex is dirty, a wives duty, and only for procreation results in very unsatisfactory sexual relationships for many women who don't understand how sex should be so enjoyable.
Also a surrogate often teachings touch and intimacy skills. Very little time is usually spent on actual intercourse. Many touch and intimacy ideas used by surrogates should be learned by everyone such as sensate focusing and learning how to enjoy and give sensual touch. Sexuality is so much more than just penis in vagina sex, but that is all most men know in our culture.
Before a surrogate starts working with a client a contract is drawn up which deals with the attraction that can develop between client and surrogate. Questions of dependency, how long the relationship may last, anxieties concerning "falling in love,etc.," need to be aired, and resolved as far as possible before work starts.
Continued Part 2
Dave in Phoenix
Well-known member
Continued
Wise words from "G2"on a public sexworker discussion board in response:
I'm really glad this question was asked for three reasons 1. because the number of people that suffer sex problems (or even just concerns) in silence is very diesheartening. 2. The stigma for men especially to talk about their concerns re. sex prevents them from seeking help. And unlike women, men have no support group of friends to share with because men just keep that sort of thing to themselves. 3. People are still very judgmental re. surrogates and the valuable service they (and other providers for that matter) perform.
Many of us on this site love sex and have enjoyed great sex and relationships with wonderful women. Some of us may be here to find like-minded individuals for recreational encounters. But those of us for whom sex is natural and wonderful can't appreciate the pain endured by those who have problems- Surrogates and many of the providers on this site see that side too. People who have had truly unfortunate experiences, usually not of their own making, relating to their enjoyment of sex. As the quote from the sex worker you referenced said, sometimes it just brings tears to your eyes. My friend had many such stories as well; a forty eight y.o. virgin who didn't know how to relate to women in even the most fundamental way, fear of vaginas (I'm serious), fear of touching or being touched, fear of ejaculating, the list goes on and on.
But the point is nearly all of these things can be helped if you just realize help is available and there's nothing wrong with seeking it. And your concerns don't have to be as major as the ones above to merit a little fine-tuning. We can all benefit.
And finally, to all the judgemental types out there- You live in a world of ignorance. You have no idea the pain and suffering that is out there re. sexual issues. You also can't imagine what surrogates and other providers deal with in helping these people get through life. Surrogates and many of the providers that post on this site are the salt of the earth and I just don't know where such giving people come from. I'm only grateful they exist.
Dave replies:
Outstanding wisdom G2! Part of my motivation of trying to educate and be so vocal about the positive side of sexwork is for those that oppose it to realize that it can have very positive benefits...and that is why I enjoy finding SP that are more in tune with the human emotional needs via intimacy etc than just mechanical sex machines.
There are many sexworkers that could be and want to act as surrogates and even if untrained in Psy just natural human intimacy and being understanding is what many people need. This is why I am so upset with the laws in the U.S. that make such compassionate providers have to be "criminals" (other than if legal sex surrogates in CA), in order to serve "mankind".
Even without deep emotional sexual issues, so many suffer from painful...loneliness for a caring sensual interaction. Even if its paid and for the moment it still can be a meaningful human interaction in a word where even hugging in schools between students is often viewed as unacceptable behavior (as in a recent case in a Minnesota school).
But we are also preaching to the choir for the most part on this board. Although some folks view the emotional side of sexwork as silly and sissy and just want a hot time with a sexy women, many others enjoy more the human interaction that is more than just mechanical sex. And in the outside world that is afraid of sexuality and insists on laws to represses sexual freedoms, the loneliness and problems of sexuality is often the greatest.
Wise words from "G2"on a public sexworker discussion board in response:
I'm really glad this question was asked for three reasons 1. because the number of people that suffer sex problems (or even just concerns) in silence is very diesheartening. 2. The stigma for men especially to talk about their concerns re. sex prevents them from seeking help. And unlike women, men have no support group of friends to share with because men just keep that sort of thing to themselves. 3. People are still very judgmental re. surrogates and the valuable service they (and other providers for that matter) perform.
Many of us on this site love sex and have enjoyed great sex and relationships with wonderful women. Some of us may be here to find like-minded individuals for recreational encounters. But those of us for whom sex is natural and wonderful can't appreciate the pain endured by those who have problems- Surrogates and many of the providers on this site see that side too. People who have had truly unfortunate experiences, usually not of their own making, relating to their enjoyment of sex. As the quote from the sex worker you referenced said, sometimes it just brings tears to your eyes. My friend had many such stories as well; a forty eight y.o. virgin who didn't know how to relate to women in even the most fundamental way, fear of vaginas (I'm serious), fear of touching or being touched, fear of ejaculating, the list goes on and on.
But the point is nearly all of these things can be helped if you just realize help is available and there's nothing wrong with seeking it. And your concerns don't have to be as major as the ones above to merit a little fine-tuning. We can all benefit.
And finally, to all the judgemental types out there- You live in a world of ignorance. You have no idea the pain and suffering that is out there re. sexual issues. You also can't imagine what surrogates and other providers deal with in helping these people get through life. Surrogates and many of the providers that post on this site are the salt of the earth and I just don't know where such giving people come from. I'm only grateful they exist.
Dave replies:
Outstanding wisdom G2! Part of my motivation of trying to educate and be so vocal about the positive side of sexwork is for those that oppose it to realize that it can have very positive benefits...and that is why I enjoy finding SP that are more in tune with the human emotional needs via intimacy etc than just mechanical sex machines.
There are many sexworkers that could be and want to act as surrogates and even if untrained in Psy just natural human intimacy and being understanding is what many people need. This is why I am so upset with the laws in the U.S. that make such compassionate providers have to be "criminals" (other than if legal sex surrogates in CA), in order to serve "mankind".
Even without deep emotional sexual issues, so many suffer from painful...loneliness for a caring sensual interaction. Even if its paid and for the moment it still can be a meaningful human interaction in a word where even hugging in schools between students is often viewed as unacceptable behavior (as in a recent case in a Minnesota school).
But we are also preaching to the choir for the most part on this board. Although some folks view the emotional side of sexwork as silly and sissy and just want a hot time with a sexy women, many others enjoy more the human interaction that is more than just mechanical sex. And in the outside world that is afraid of sexuality and insists on laws to represses sexual freedoms, the loneliness and problems of sexuality is often the greatest.
Dave in Phoenix
Well-known member
INTERNATIONAL PROFESSIONAL SURROGATES ASSOCIATION a non-profit education corporation
The IPSA training includes coursework in the following areas:
Sexual Dysfunctions
Overview of Modern Treatment Modalities
Behavior Modification Theory
Sensate Focus Philosophy
Sensate Focus Experiential Exercises
Anatomy and Physiology of the Sexual Response Cycle
Communication Skills for the Professional
Couple Interview and History-Taking Procedures
Body Imagery: Its Effect on Physical and Emotional Intimacy
Relaxation Methods
Client Resistance: How and Why It Manifests
Surrogate and Client Emotional Attachment
Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Contraception
The Triadic Relationship of Therapist
Surrogate and Client Intimacy Issues
Developing a Healthy Relationship
Sex and Disability
The Ethics of a Responsible Surrogate Partner
Business Issues for the Surrogate Partner
Trainees who successfully complete the 60-hour didactic and experiential course are recommended for Internship. IPSA helps the intern find an appropriate initial case. Ideally this would be a case: (a) with a client who has fairly straightforward problems that the training prepared the intern to work with, and (b) with an experienced therapist who understands the surrogate therapy process and is willing to facilitate the intern's learning by engaging in additional hours of consultation and supervision. Each IPSA sponsored intern is also supervised by an experienced surrogate partner (a "buddy") who has extensive and frequent conversations with the intern about the specific case and the surrogate partner process.
IPSA receives periodic evaluations of the interns progress from the therapist, the buddy, and the intern. Internships last until the IPSA training coordinator is satisfied that the intern is ready to operated as a surrogate partner without the extra supervision from therapists and buddy.
Books on the Subject written by Surrogate Partners: Reaching Intimacy Jerry DeHaan. 1986. St. Martin's Press
Touching for Pleasure Adele Kennedy and Susan Dean. 1986 Chattsworth Press
Documentary or documentary-type films on the subject of Surrogate Partners:
Private Practice (Kirby Dick producer) ($29-95; Kirby Dick 2711 Angus St. LA, CA 90039)
Intimate Profiles: profiles of sex surrogates Arnold Shapiro producer purchased by Showtime
Probably the best dissertation written on the subject is: Some Current Practices in Sex Therapy With Surrogates. David Ross Johnston. 1978.
There are a number of books that we recommend to individuals who are experiencing the sexual dysfunction’s:
Male Sexuality. Bernie Zilb6rgeld.
P.E. The Treatment of Premature Ejaculation. Helen Singer Kaplan,
For Yourself and For Each Other by Lonnie Barbach
These books have proven to be very useful for many individuals and couples. INTERNATIONAL PROFESSIONAL SURROGATES ASSOCIATION a non-profit education corporation P.O. Box 74156 Los Angeles, CA 90004 (213) 469-4720
The IPSA training includes coursework in the following areas:
Sexual Dysfunctions
Overview of Modern Treatment Modalities
Behavior Modification Theory
Sensate Focus Philosophy
Sensate Focus Experiential Exercises
Anatomy and Physiology of the Sexual Response Cycle
Communication Skills for the Professional
Couple Interview and History-Taking Procedures
Body Imagery: Its Effect on Physical and Emotional Intimacy
Relaxation Methods
Client Resistance: How and Why It Manifests
Surrogate and Client Emotional Attachment
Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Contraception
The Triadic Relationship of Therapist
Surrogate and Client Intimacy Issues
Developing a Healthy Relationship
Sex and Disability
The Ethics of a Responsible Surrogate Partner
Business Issues for the Surrogate Partner
Trainees who successfully complete the 60-hour didactic and experiential course are recommended for Internship. IPSA helps the intern find an appropriate initial case. Ideally this would be a case: (a) with a client who has fairly straightforward problems that the training prepared the intern to work with, and (b) with an experienced therapist who understands the surrogate therapy process and is willing to facilitate the intern's learning by engaging in additional hours of consultation and supervision. Each IPSA sponsored intern is also supervised by an experienced surrogate partner (a "buddy") who has extensive and frequent conversations with the intern about the specific case and the surrogate partner process.
IPSA receives periodic evaluations of the interns progress from the therapist, the buddy, and the intern. Internships last until the IPSA training coordinator is satisfied that the intern is ready to operated as a surrogate partner without the extra supervision from therapists and buddy.
Books on the Subject written by Surrogate Partners: Reaching Intimacy Jerry DeHaan. 1986. St. Martin's Press
Touching for Pleasure Adele Kennedy and Susan Dean. 1986 Chattsworth Press
Documentary or documentary-type films on the subject of Surrogate Partners:
Private Practice (Kirby Dick producer) ($29-95; Kirby Dick 2711 Angus St. LA, CA 90039)
Intimate Profiles: profiles of sex surrogates Arnold Shapiro producer purchased by Showtime
Probably the best dissertation written on the subject is: Some Current Practices in Sex Therapy With Surrogates. David Ross Johnston. 1978.
There are a number of books that we recommend to individuals who are experiencing the sexual dysfunction’s:
Male Sexuality. Bernie Zilb6rgeld.
P.E. The Treatment of Premature Ejaculation. Helen Singer Kaplan,
For Yourself and For Each Other by Lonnie Barbach
These books have proven to be very useful for many individuals and couples. INTERNATIONAL PROFESSIONAL SURROGATES ASSOCIATION a non-profit education corporation P.O. Box 74156 Los Angeles, CA 90004 (213) 469-4720
