Representing yourself in Custody Negotiations?

[ShawnBoy]

Obviously not as wise as having a crackerjack lawyer, but is it possible to represent yourself when negotiating a separation agreement? Given that I have no charges, drug use, abuse or violence history, etc.. and that the courts work in the best interest of the children, can one not negotiate on his own behalf, and leave anything that can't be agreed upon to the judge?

Likewise with dividing assets.. if it's simply a matter of mathematical calculation of assets and what was brought into the marriage, is there *really* any great benifit to having a lawyer argue my case for me, if all I (and she) are trying to get is our fair 50%?

Clearly, if money were not an issue I would prefer to simply have a lawyer do it, but as it is, how much trouble would I find myself in if I tried to do it myself?

Thanks in advance.

 

[papasmerf]

beg, borrow or steal...get twice the lawyer you can afford.

 

[DistantVoyeur]

He who represents himself is represented by an idiot.

You think it will be a friendly debate, think again. You will be portrayed as the biggest piece of crap to ever walk the planet. Without a good lawyer you will be lucky to walk out with the same clothes.

Trust me, friends have been there. They got good lawyers, they still have clothes.

 

[colt]

Obviously, as you stated having a lawyer is better than not. Having said that, if she does not have a lawyer, and things are relatively amicable there is no reason not to take a shot at working things out yourselves. Find a Family Law Information Clinic (FLIC) where they dispense free family law advice to familiarize yourself with the right documents and paperwork to fill out. If she decides to get a lawyer though you will definitely want one - especially if you are going to be the payor. Because all of a sudden simple calulations of child support based on income are going to involve "extraordinary expenses" and applications for support outside the guidelines because of extrordinary circumstances. Its worth taking a shot to do it sans lawyer (better chance it will stay amicable) but make sure it stays fair and that you don't find yourself arguing against a lawyer.

 

[Oldedawg]

Consider arbitration, some of my clients in the States have had success with it. Also be sure the court appoints a law guardian to represent the childrens' interests

 

[bestillmehard]

There is no being nice when you are separating. You may think you all can but believe me it will get nasty. Id go with thrice the lawyer you can afford.

 

[marcus aurellis]

Obviously not as wise as having a crackerjack lawyer, but is it possible to represent yourself when negotiating a separation agreement? Given that I have no charges, drug use, abuse or violence history, etc.. and that the courts work in the best interest of the children, can one not negotiate on his own behalf, and leave anything that can't be agreed upon to the judge?

Likewise with dividing assets.. if it's simply a matter of mathematical calculation of assets and what was brought into the marriage, is there *really* any great benifit to having a lawyer argue my case for me, if all I (and she) are trying to get is our fair 50%?

Clearly, if money were not an issue I would prefer to simply have a lawyer do it, but as it is, how much trouble would I find myself in if I tried to do it myself?

Thanks in advance.

As someone who had the grave misfortune to knock up a stripper 12 years ago, I feel I can answer your question. Yes, you can do it WITHOUT a lawyer.

It took years, but I did end up getting custody of my sons. I fought like hell through the courts and it looked bleak at times, but it definitely can be done.

A couple of points:

1) In my opinion, family court lawyers are the bottom of the food chain. There the lawyers who couldn't make in the criminal or corporate world. I cant remember how many times her useless lawyer was reprimanded by the judge (missed filing dates, inappropriate language etc).

2) In todays information age, Everything you need is online (precedents, procedures, forms, fees etc). I found the Duty Counsel also to be quite knowledgable and helpful.

3) Most judges are fairly forgiving if you make errors in your claim. Some, I found, actually seemed like they cared.

4) If your claim is ONLY about custody/support/access, it costs NOTHING to file or respond to a claim. I even found the court clerks VERY helpful in advising the proper forms to file, how to serve motions etc.

5) If you actually are a good parent and provider, have the time to prepare your claim and have the confidence to stand up for yourself in court (it is a touch nerve-wracking, I must admit), then go for it!!

Remember, their your kids as well. It can be done!

marcus aurellis
"what we do in life, echoes in eternity"

 

[Sexy_Dave]

1) is it possible to represent yourself when negotiating a separation agreement?
2)that the courts work in the best interest of the children,

3)leave anything that can't be agreed upon to the judge?

4)if it's simply a matter of mathematical calculation of assets and what was brought into the marriage, is there *really* any great benifit to having a lawyer argue my case for me, if all I (and she) are trying to get is our fair 50%?

5)Clearly, if money were not an issue I would prefer to simply have a lawyer do it,
Thanks in advance.

1)Yes. Advisable, NO!!!!! (see all above for reasons why)

2)The phrase "best interests of the children" is undefinable, created by lawyers for lawyers. Quite simply it is a double edged sword. Your claim for the children will include things like the time you spend with them, the money you spend on them, etc, etc. Her lawyer will turn everything you claim as being in the best interests of the children into debilitating abuse of the children and your ex. The courts in Canada give custody to women 85 % of the time, regardless of the father's case. You need a lawyer to argue on yuour behalf because you will be overwhelmed.

3)the judge does not do that...the lawyers do that.

4)you aren't entitled to 50% you have to fight for it

5)Get legal aid if you have to...

On a final note, it takes at least a year to get to the trial phase if not longer. As such judges admonish lawyers to settle the claims of parties before it can get to that stage. Your lawyer will pressure you to settle her lawyer will pressure you to settle, the judge is going to look down on any attempts you make to get to the trial phase. Any attempts by you to force the issue will be construed as your obvious intractability that led to the breakdown of the relationship, you will be viewed as the control freak her lawyer makes you out to be, playing right into his hands. "How can anyone, your Honour, so concerned with being right, getting their share, or condeming of his children's mother be anything close to being in the best interests of the children?"

I am not advising you to roll over, but be prepared for the most harrowing experience you have ever had. For your kid's sake fight!!!! GET A LAWYER!!!!

Dave