Looking for some advice here from older folk that have been in a long term relationship.
(long read ahead)
Currently 27, and about a year and a half ago got into a relationship with my first real gf.
I have seen escorts since I was 20, but stopped for the first time since I got into my relationship. It was love at first sight for both of us- more so because she was the first girl that made me feel loved, appreciated and she looks up at me like a king. We work in the same field, one that is very specific, and I am definitely further along the career path and more successful since she’s only 22. I guess that’s also why she looks up to me so much.
Before her, I had a few situationships and went on many dates where I had little to no emotional connection,- they were just hot women I wanted to sleep with. I new that finding a gf would be hard for me, not because I can’t find a girl who is hot and attractive, but to find one who is also smart, kind and has an emotional connection to me because we have so much in common regarding our career, upbringing, interests, passions, intelligence etc.
So by the time I met her, I was so desperate for this emotional and spiritual connection that for the first couple months of us dating, I sort of overlooked the physical stuff. It’s almost like my brain just forgot about it. Don’t get me wrong, she is stunningly pretty, tall and looks like a model; however she is very skinny for her frame, just barely in the normal BMI weight category. The more months went on, the more I realized that the sex simply doesn’t satisfy me. Maybe it’s in part that around the age I got into a relationship with her my brain fully developed and I realized that,( shocker) , I’m into more curvy women. I had always had a suspicion that curvy women are my type, but I guess it wasn’t solidified in my brain until after I got into a long term regular sexual relationship with Gf who is very much a skinny/ spinner type. I’ve tried everything in the last year to spice up our sex life from role play to lingerie, but nothing really helps much. The idea of asking her to change her body and gain weight for me literally makes me cringe because first, that’s a really unhealthy and toxic thing to expect of someone- to change their body and potentially destroy their self confidence for someone, and second, it would sound real rich coming from me as I am not in great shape and she is in considerably better shape than me.
Anyways it got to a point where for several weeks I was literally depressed after having sex every time. In order to get mental clarity, I booked an escort that I had been eying for quite some time- a girl that from the pics looked like my ideal type. I don’t even consider this cheating because I don’t give a flying fuck about getting into any relationship with another woman or seeing SP’s regularly while in a committed relationship. I just needed to know: was the sex really this unsatisfying for me or was it just looking at the past and my whoring days with rose coloured glasses?
So the appointment came. The SP’s personality was meh, but doesn’t matter, it was the sex I was concerned about. I thought that fucking a girl exactly my type would give me an epiphany of some sorts, but it didn’t, it rather confirmed what I had already known. Although, a very scary thought came across my mind while I was having sex with her which I was not ready for: I thought man, if the sex with my girl at home felt like this, I would have married her by now…
I love my gf and she loves me to death literally, I don’t know how I ever managed to get the upper hand in this relationship but she literally treats me like her everything. So me leaving her because of unsatisfied sexual desire is truly a last resort. She also knows about my past with escorts, and we joke about it from time to time.
Any thoughts on how to deal with this situation and advice are appreciated. Going to be starting 1on1 sexual therapy as well to help improve my situation
(long read ahead)
Currently 27, and about a year and a half ago got into a relationship with my first real gf.
I have seen escorts since I was 20, but stopped for the first time since I got into my relationship. It was love at first sight for both of us- more so because she was the first girl that made me feel loved, appreciated and she looks up at me like a king. We work in the same field, one that is very specific, and I am definitely further along the career path and more successful since she’s only 22. I guess that’s also why she looks up to me so much.
Before her, I had a few situationships and went on many dates where I had little to no emotional connection,- they were just hot women I wanted to sleep with. I new that finding a gf would be hard for me, not because I can’t find a girl who is hot and attractive, but to find one who is also smart, kind and has an emotional connection to me because we have so much in common regarding our career, upbringing, interests, passions, intelligence etc.
So by the time I met her, I was so desperate for this emotional and spiritual connection that for the first couple months of us dating, I sort of overlooked the physical stuff. It’s almost like my brain just forgot about it. Don’t get me wrong, she is stunningly pretty, tall and looks like a model; however she is very skinny for her frame, just barely in the normal BMI weight category. The more months went on, the more I realized that the sex simply doesn’t satisfy me. Maybe it’s in part that around the age I got into a relationship with her my brain fully developed and I realized that,( shocker) , I’m into more curvy women. I had always had a suspicion that curvy women are my type, but I guess it wasn’t solidified in my brain until after I got into a long term regular sexual relationship with Gf who is very much a skinny/ spinner type. I’ve tried everything in the last year to spice up our sex life from role play to lingerie, but nothing really helps much. The idea of asking her to change her body and gain weight for me literally makes me cringe because first, that’s a really unhealthy and toxic thing to expect of someone- to change their body and potentially destroy their self confidence for someone, and second, it would sound real rich coming from me as I am not in great shape and she is in considerably better shape than me.
Anyways it got to a point where for several weeks I was literally depressed after having sex every time. In order to get mental clarity, I booked an escort that I had been eying for quite some time- a girl that from the pics looked like my ideal type. I don’t even consider this cheating because I don’t give a flying fuck about getting into any relationship with another woman or seeing SP’s regularly while in a committed relationship. I just needed to know: was the sex really this unsatisfying for me or was it just looking at the past and my whoring days with rose coloured glasses?
So the appointment came. The SP’s personality was meh, but doesn’t matter, it was the sex I was concerned about. I thought that fucking a girl exactly my type would give me an epiphany of some sorts, but it didn’t, it rather confirmed what I had already known. Although, a very scary thought came across my mind while I was having sex with her which I was not ready for: I thought man, if the sex with my girl at home felt like this, I would have married her by now…
I love my gf and she loves me to death literally, I don’t know how I ever managed to get the upper hand in this relationship but she literally treats me like her everything. So me leaving her because of unsatisfied sexual desire is truly a last resort. She also knows about my past with escorts, and we joke about it from time to time.
Any thoughts on how to deal with this situation and advice are appreciated. Going to be starting 1on1 sexual therapy as well to help improve my situation
