elmufdvr said:
most men can't be trusted... look around this site...how many are here and how many are in realationships.
Ummm.... I don't think that the Demographics of this site in particular & the hobby in general is particularly useful in determining which genders are more trustworthy.
In general, average females can get laid with much less effort & capitol expenditure than the average male. Odds are very good that the unfaithful in this hobby will be overwhelmingly male. That is not to say however that All adulterers are overwhelmingly male. In general it could be fair to say that the practice is quite comparable.
My advice to the suspicious party is always: Know yourself, Know your partner, Trust your instincts. If you know yourself to be the overly suspicious type, take that into account. Odds are good though, that if you are a reasonable person & you suspect something, then you should seek to either prove or disprove them conclusively to maintain trust. Barring extraordinary advantages that make the relationship indespensible, lack of 100% trust should be the end of it.
I've never been married, but in relationships if I feel the rare nagging suspicion the lady isn't 100% on the up-&-up I end it. When I'm in a committed relationship I never even give the appearance of impropriety or cause for suspicion to a reasonable person out of respect to my partner. I expect the same in return. There are Lots of faithful decent ladies out there that won't give you cause for concern.
That being said... if you simply cannot do without a particular person & there seem overwhelming external temptation the only truly honorable thing to do is agree upon an open relationship with fair rules. This allows for fufilling needs whilst maintaining trust.
Talk to her about your suspicions & if you feel comfortalbe mention the concession explaining that trust is the major objective & Must be mintained one way or the other. Either she will adjust her behavior to ease your discomfort, such as arrange future meetings to be in public to as to appear less sordid, or she will get angry with a percieved accusation, in which case you should try to determine if it is out of true hurt of suspicion or fer of discovery. Great care must be used to ensure that the conversation is absolutely Not an accusation, simply an explaination of how you feel & why you feel it. It should be a meaningful dialogue that examines feelings & thier causes.
