Question for the ladies...

[Vanessa Valentine]

This could very well turn into a debate between the sexes. Not my intention, just curious to hear the working ladies opinions on something that comes up from time to time...

What are your views/ thoughts/ opinions on having a boyfriend/ significant other while escorting. To tell or not to tell, etc?

Terb is full of opinionated people (a good thing), so please share-boys too if you must ;-P

Vanessa

 

[MuffinMuncher]

I dont mind knowing about an SPs personal situation, but I dont expect her to share it. I prefer reality over fantasy, it limits the mindf*cking opportunities. However, dont be a Nyyla and go on and on and on and on and on about every last detail either.

Conversely, if I was dating an SP I would expect her to be honest about her work and not hide it. I'd rather make the call on whether or not I can handle it rather than date her under false pretenses.

 

[Alucard]

there isn't really any doubt about it, you need to be up front about it 100%

 

[luv4lust]

i would tell him before i even started seeing him. if it got serious i would quit working, only because i am totally faithful in a relationship. i wouldn't be a prude either, if he wants we can have sex with others girls or guys as long as it is together lol

 

[Vanessa Valentine]

Um...

Thank you gentlemen...Ladies???

 

[wrong hole]

Vanessa

I took your question to be- whether or not to tell the person you are dating, that you are a SP vs telling your clients that you are in a relationship.

Not sure if the question is for your own personal situation or just in general - but I will write my reply as if it's for your own personal situation

So from that stand point, it's really difficult to say since each person is different. But generally speaking, most people can't separate a SP's job (like any other job) from the individual that they are. More then any pofession, SP's are defined by their job b/c of society's views, some view them as a second rate human being. So with that in mind, the person that you would tell, would have to be totally open minded and understanding. I think what it comes down to.... is 'trust'. Do you trust that person to be open minded and understanding enough as well as not treating you like a posession. If you trust him or her (in my mind it's a her, please don't wreck the fantasy) enough, then tell him/her.


APF

when you are dating a women, do you tell her about the vibrator, red hair and stockings

 

[elaine]

I have done both, told right straight on and hid it well.

I will say the one where i hid it, we had a great fun relationship, never did we get into moral arguements of what I do, or his weird opinion of what I do. We broke up and are good friends now and he still doesn't know, but he doesn't need to now.

The one I told, we developed into a deeper truthful relationship, but it always came up, he couldn't let it go, nor could I when I finally retired to be true to him. We broke up and everytime we discuss our relationship it's always the reason!

Now I am dating a guy who kinda knows, he says "I see it, I read it, it makes no f*cking sense, so I'm fine with it until I do" He's made a few comments though that have made me think, 'hmmm he's just rude!"

I say if its a fly in the night couple month relationship don't tell, if you think he's a potential lover, then yes tell him, but you do have the right to have him fall in love with you first before you tell him so that he wont be so easy to freak out and be a bit more understanding.

It's your choice, this is your privacy. I have also dated some that think "oh yah right on, blow job time" and others think "ummm to freaky for me"

 

[Snake Pliskin]

if you think he's a potential lover, then yes tell him, but you do have the right to have him fall in love with you first before you tell him so that he wont be so easy to freak out and be a bit more understanding.

You have got to be kidding!!!!!

Wait until someone falls in love with you before dropping a bomb like that on him!?! Then you expect him to be understanding? How do you figure that you have that as a "right"?

Even if he doesn't run for the hills because of your choice of career, he may never trust you for not being honest with him in the first place! If he does hang around, like you said, it may be just for some free booty.

Elaine, I'm not trying to flame you here, but honestly, have you really thought this through? Maybe you have a strategy that escapes my comprehension.

 

[elaine]

No, no I don't think your flaming me, but does a lawyer want a girlfriend cause he's a lawyer or a good catch? I bet there's a lot of specialists who feel people latch on to them because of their carrer choices.

i've had men tell me they were consultants cause they felt there real jobs would be to boring, another told me he was a forklift driver lol. I did end up admiring the man and not the job title.

As a sexworker and there being so many public opinions that were all ten minute walk-ups in Soho, that I think it's no problem to have the man fall for the real lady before telling him that she has a double part time in her life. And yes I do feel I have that right. i aint telling some one night stand just so i can be morally truthful. It's my privacy, either he could have his one night stand and tell everyone in the bar that I know, or that one night stand may develope into something that down the road I may trust him with that bit of information.

That's how I figure I have that right. And it isn't that big of a bomb, unless your one who believes we are the ten minute walk-ups in Soho.

 

[Snake Pliskin]

No, no I don't think your flaming me

Whew! (I can put the Nomex suit away)

Princess:

You explained your right to not describe your work to a “one night stand”. I agree with you 100%!

In your case, you would rather not have every one in the bar know what you do. If you were a fork lift operator would you tell him? If you were a consultant would you tell him? Because you are a sexworker, you choose not to tell him. I agree with you because who knows what kind of reaction he’ll have: “Woohooo!” Or “Yikes!” Or worse: “Hey guys, come over here!”

I’m confident you wouldn’t wait until your honeymoon to tell him, so the question is this: When do you tell him what you do? I think you’re waiting too long if you wait for him to fall in love. After all, we’re talking about a man who isn’t necessarily into the hobby, yes? Perhaps someone you met at random, or on a boat cruise or something? It may be a real big deal to him! Even if he handles it real cool in the beginning.

Once you feel there’s a chance of the relationship blooming into something special, its gotta be time to come clean. The longer you wait, the greater the chance you’ll break his heart (and maybe yours too). Its only partly because of your profession; its mostly to do with having honesty and openness in your relationship. Without those elements, the likelihood of long term success is remote.

But hey, that’s just my opinion! I could be wrong!

 

[elaine]

Snake now I would almost believe what you say but, I think you are impostering. is Snake Pliskin not from Alaska and is now stationed between Zanzibar Land and Shadow Moss Island? Not much sled doggin' to be had in Toronto no?

lol

But yes I guess I will adhere to your thoughts of 'it blooming into a relationship' instead of 'have him fall in love' but I think most men are in love by the time we begin to consider it blooming into something.

 

[Vanessa Valentine]

Wrong Hole-

I publicly asked this question because I am curious to hear how some escorts approach this situation with their significant other.

I quit the business last year, shortly after I began, as a result of falling inlove with someone (not a client).

Every situation is different, every relationship is different. Some ladies lead a double life, some escort openly...

 

[wrong hole]

Vanessa

Congrads!!!!

I hope you find happiness in whatever you are doing now.

But am I mistaken -did you say you quit last year?

I thought you were with Pleasures earlier this year, then went to Roommates, then went back as an Indie....you had an ad in the announcement section less then a month ago and I thought I saw a review of you recently(within the last 6 months).

Or do I have the wrong person?

No matter what, best of luck to you.

 

[Vanessa Valentine]

No, silly...

I've been back since, lol.

Sometimes things don't work out...

Vanessa

 

[wrong hole]

Oh!!!!

Then I hope you find someone else then

that will make you happy

cheers

 

[The Baroness]

I think that with this profession and /or dating someone in this profession comes special/unique risks and I think that amn should be able to choose whether he wants to take them or not just as we make that decision.

Obviously the health/std concerns,but also the risk of a bad date,arrest,etc.
All these things would affect a man involved with a woman almost ,if not,as much as they would affect the woman herself

 

[aka Danielle]

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. It is an individual choice. Personally, I could not carry on a relationship with someone while escorting, because I don’t think it would be right. But that is my opinion, and everyone has their own.

I think that hiding the fact one is an escort would not only be stressful, but almost impossible.

Perhaps someone that could accept that I used to do this, would be the right guy for me. But for sure, someone that can accept me doing this job while I am with him? Not the guy for me!

***************************************************

Miranda,
Glad to see you are feeling better!
Take some time and rest up for the halloween bash!
D

 

[zar]

IMHO Honesty is the still the best policy. I can not speak for other people but it would just tear me apart if I had to lie and make up excuses all the time especially with someone who I care so much about.

 

[twinkle]

Interesting topic!

My 2 cents...........

I tell absolutely no one in my life what I do. And that includes family and friends and a SO. The ONLY people who know I escort part time (I have a straight day job, and at the moment mainly see repeat clientele) are my clients and other escorts. BTW I have never been in a serious relationship when I have been in this biz. If something serious develops I quit the biz.

At first I naively believed 'honesty is the best policy'...........but after I heard sooooooooo MANY horror stories from other SPs about what happened to them AFTER the relationship ended or there was a bad break up........ I learned that REALISTICALLY, telling MOST people will result in possible negative consequences. Remember people can be very VINDICTIVE when they are angry at you. Ask any one who has gone through divorce court!

(****BTW who watched the 2020 special on Friday that followed a couple going through the divorce, custody process, who had been married for 9 years and had a child together. WOW, OMG, scared the living hell out of me, in terms of getting married one day! How is it that two people who were at one time so MADLY in love, shared a bed every night for a decade, and conceived another life togther, can be so mean, vicious and vindictive to one another, is mind boggling to me!)

Sharing that knowledge IMO is giving the other party POWER over me because if that info is released it would cause serious negative consequences in my personal and other professional life.

*****A comment about the statement....HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY......
I was watching a special on SEX TV about 'infedility'
and the a psychologist/relationship on the program made a great statement.
She said that, " in a relationship/marriage your DUTY is not to be totally HONEST about everything.... your DUTY is NOT TO CAUSE HARM!!!!!!!!! For example..... if your wife gained 40 pounds after the birth of your child and stretch marks, or if your husband looks 9 months pregnant, and lost all his hair and has wrinkles, you should not be honest and tell them exactly what you feel and think, that "you are ugly and I am not attracted to you anymore because you look like a slob, etc. "......honesty WOULD NOT be the best policy because it would cause your S.O. HARM!
Just a thought

 

[kwong_1978]

Honestly & IMHO, the decision whether to reveal your occupation or not depends strictly on the individual. So, ladies I am sure most of you know within a few months how far a relationship will go. If you strongly feel a future is in the cards, I say tell him and let his love for you decide. Having said that, if you truely love him and him you, be prepare to choose.