Opening a Conversation: Men’s Mental Health and the Industry 💚

[@madelineklaire]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to open a genuine conversation around men’s mental health, especially within our industry.

I help with administration at The Hush Lounge, and through that role I’ve seen how much emotional labour, quiet pressure, and unspoken struggle can exist on all sides, clients, colleagues, and staff alike.


This isn’t a promo or anything like that. It’s simply a space to share thoughts, experiences, and resources on how we can do better at supporting one another.


If you have suggestions for what you wish more clubs or agencies would do, what has helped you personally, or any local resources worth sharing, please feel free to add them below.


With care,


Madeline (The Hush Lounge)

 

[@madelineklaire]

I know this can feel like a heavy or personal topic, so please don’t feel pressured to share details. Even a small thought or resource could help someone who needs it. If you’d prefer to share something privately, you’re always welcome to send me a PM.

 

[BBBJsuperman]

This is a really great ask, and I thank you for it!

I will give my feedback, and will end with a question myself:

The biggest one for me off the top of my head is: being body shamed sucks. I'm...a hairy guy. I'm already very self conscious of it (I'm the guy who won't take his shirt off at the pool). I've had more than one MA comment on it, and one straight up describe it as "gross".

My question: aside from being polite, courteous, and non-pressuring, what can I do to make the money experience as calm and comfortable as possible for the MA?

I feel like it must go with the territory that these women cross paths with many "unsavory" men, and I never, ever want to be remembered in a negative light.

I introduce myself, I ask before touching, I ask if I can be touched, I always offer to help with cleanup of the towels/table, and I tip.

Is there anything missing? How can I ensure I'm not "the guy being talked about in the break room"?

 

[NadiaLovechanko]

This is a really great ask, and I thank you for it!

I will give my feedback, and will end with a question myself:

The biggest one for me off the top of my head is: being body shamed sucks. I'm...a hairy guy. I'm already very self conscious of it (I'm the guy who won't take his shirt off at the pool). I've had more than one MA comment on it, and one straight up describe it as "gross".

My question: aside from being polite, courteous, and non-pressuring, what can I do to make the money experience as calm and comfortable as possible for the MA?

I feel like it must go with the territory that these women cross paths with many "unsavory" men, and I never, ever want to be remembered in a negative light.

I introduce myself, I ask before touching, I ask if I can be touched, I always offer to help with cleanup of the towels/table, and I tip.

Is there anything missing? How can I ensure I'm not "the guy being talked about in the break room"?

Firstly thank you for taking the time to post this!
Secondly I am so sorry that happened to you

I think taking a couple min to chat at the start of a session goes a long way, jumping right into spicier things can make it feel more mechanical and not as fluid.

From what you have mentioned I think you sound like an absolute lovely client! And probably have the girls bragging about the gentleman they just had in the break room

The biggest thing I think is making sure you find someone you connect with, who actually likes this line of work & takes the time to engage with you too.

It’s not always about making us comfortable, it should be about making sure you feel comfortable too! This is definitely a luxury, and you work hard for your money, you should feel like you are treated well too

 

[ralph613]

I've seen a cuddler before in the past for my mental health.

Sometimes I want just a purely non-sexual experience, but with human touch and cuddling. The sessions are clothed, and I find them very mentally therapeutic.

I've always wondered if those in the industry would also offer that service as well, but at the same price point similar to cuddlers. At times I've wished my cuddler would offer more than just cuddling. And there are SPs that I wished would offer cuddling at a more affordable rate than SP or MA prices.

Just a thought.

 

[HoopyFrood]

Such a great post, and an important conversation. As someone who's passionate about increasing resources for men's mental health, anytime and anywhere that guys take even a moment to think about whether they're doing okay is a great step!

Also, guys, do more yoga! It's a great way to increase strength and flexibility, while also taking a bit of time to focus internally (and not all yoga is all chakras and inner eye stuff! There are some awesome apps you can download free that have alt-rock and punk yoga, etc.) It's been a huge help for me !

Hi everyone,

I wanted to open a genuine conversation around men’s mental health, especially within our industry.

I help with administration at The Hush Lounge, and through that role I’ve seen how much emotional labour, quiet pressure, and unspoken struggle can exist on all sides, clients, colleagues, and staff alike.


This isn’t a promo or anything like that. It’s simply a space to share thoughts, experiences, and resources on how we can do better at supporting one another.


If you have suggestions for what you wish more clubs or agencies would do, what has helped you personally, or any local resources worth sharing, please feel free to add them below.


With care,


Madeline (The Hush Lounge)

 

[Jimmy_Jones]

this is a great topic, I'm surprised more aren't chiming in on this. I'm happy with my own mental health even if it's not perfect so I'm good.
I can suggest to everyone, sw's and clients both that respecting who you're with is the first ingredient to success. Don't be stingy on both sides and enjoy the moment.
For some sw's appreciate the pay a guy brings in to your business and try a little harder if you need to.
For many guys don't be so stingy. Especially the ones who are lucky to have any chick get naked in front of them for chump change. I know some of the reviewers in person who chop a girl up here in terb and destroy a rep cuz they weren't treated like a god for their low rate choice and their bad personalities at the door.
Everyone just needs to give some lovin' and stop the hate.

 

[prettypennyc]

I don’t know if I’m keeping on topic here but people see SWers for many different reasons. YES generally it’s to form some sort of sexual connection - however there could be so many things that lead up to that. Widowers, men coming out of abusive relationships - with the isolation we all experienced during COVID our social skills definitly took a hit. Some of my clients were trying to overcome anxiety and social awkwardness that stemmed from that isolation. Im a naturally extroverted person - not overly - but enough that I can take up hold the space in the room and take the light if someone who doesn’t want it shined on them. A true SWer will create a safe space for your clients - charged with sexual energy for sure - a place for you to be yourself.

 

[Annapurna01]

I don’t know if I’m keeping on topic here but people see SWers for many different reasons. YES generally it’s to form some sort of sexual connection - however there could be so many things that lead up to that. Widowers, men coming out of abusive relationships - with the isolation we all experienced during COVID our social skills definitly took a hit. Some of my clients were trying to overcome anxiety and social awkwardness that stemmed from that isolation. Im a naturally extroverted person - not overly - but enough that I can take up hold the space in the room and take the light if someone who doesn’t want it shined on them. A true SWer will create a safe space for your clients - charged with sexual energy for sure - a place for you to be yourself.

Thanks for raising this important topic. I guess, when you strip down the most important elements of what would be beneficial for this space is that someone would need an environment/relationship where there is: trust, consistency and understanding over a period of time. Humans and their relationships are complicated. All three of these elements could be present and things could go very well; or, the opposite could happen; or personal dynamics could create helpful or unhelpful linear or non linear progression. Communicating a need for one or all these elements isn't always easy, but it is a good start. Sometimes a good start in the right direction is all that we need on the pathway to good mental health.

 

[KittyCaterina]

I don’t know if I’m keeping on topic here but people see SWers for many different reasons. YES generally it’s to form some sort of sexual connection - however there could be so many things that lead up to that. Widowers, men coming out of abusive relationships - with the isolation we all experienced during COVID our social skills definitly took a hit. Some of my clients were trying to overcome anxiety and social awkwardness that stemmed from that isolation. Im a naturally extroverted person - not overly - but enough that I can take up hold the space in the room and take the light if someone who doesn’t want it shined on them. A true SWer will create a safe space for your clients - charged with sexual energy for sure - a place for you to be yourself.

I absolutely love your post, especially the last sentence.

For me, it's always a special experience when a client feels safe enough in my presence to share personal stories, details and thoughts that they don't feel comfortable sharing with anyone else.

 

[OttawaZugZug]

I will say something that might be unpopular, but I feel it needs to be said.

It is not the responsibility of women, be they SW or not, to be responsible for fixing the mental issues of men. That puts a burden on women that they do not need, and it has an unfortunate side effect of spreading a sense of entitlement amongst men (especially young men who may not be fully emotionally matured) to intimacy (be it sexual or otherwise) about getting it from women. 35+ years ago, when I was an immature teen, I had an attitude that would be close to that of an incel if it had been today. Luckily, I grew out of it.

Now to the main topic.

What can SW do to help the mental health of men? For me, due to a dead bedroom, it is intimacy. Hugs when I walk in the door. "Bisous" on the cheek (if the SW is francophone). Small talk and not rushing the encounter to the slippy/slidey bits. I enjoy reverse massage a lot, and I really enjoy seeing/hearing a SW clearly enjoy themselves with what I am doing to them.

Post-act, I like cuddling. Some small talk. @Theredmilf is AMAZING at that the one time I saw her. I had lots of fun with her (or, to be precise, her with me) but it is the relaxing, cuddling and light caresses afterwards that really, really stuck in my mind.

This is a really great ask, and I thank you for it!

I will give my feedback, and will end with a question myself:

The biggest one for me off the top of my head is: being body shamed sucks. I'm...a hairy guy. I'm already very self conscious of it (I'm the guy who won't take his shirt off at the pool). I've had more than one MA comment on it, and one straight up describe it as "gross".

As a fellow dude who is closer to the hairiness of a gorilla than a human, I feel your pain.

If you are interested, I can give you the name of a worker who is turned on by hairy dudes.

 

[johnnyonthespot]

The last year plus has been tough for me, dealing with a family medical situation. As a result, I’ve spent a lot of time travelling the 401 and 416 - like, a lot. Amidst all the travel, I’ve made it a priority for myself to try to find ways to destress, whether that’s a good book or movie when I’m settled into a hotel room, a familiar meal, or taking the time to meet one of the lovely MAs in Ottawa who I’ve been fortunate to encounter. Almost without fail, the last thing I’ll do before I leave town to head home is book a massage. I can’t even begin to explain the difference it’s made in my mindset on those five-hour drives back to Toronto. When I’m reliving the hand sliding its way up my leg or the lips that softly touched mine, the jackass who’s blocking me doing 110 in the left lane just means I get to spend more time alone with those memories.

Most of all, it’s reminded me that this thing we do is not just about the fun stuff. Sure, that’s important, and it’s fun. But it’s so much more than that. It’s the touch of another person, both receiving and giving. It’s the conversations, sometimes about absolutely nothing and sometimes about the really important things. It’s meeting people who I wouldn’t have the chance to otherwise in my day-to-day. It’s being held. It’s being cared for. It’s being seen. It’s that stress leaving my body, both via the massage and the release. And with the MAs who really get it, I’m taken to a place where there’s nothing else but me and her and that time we’re spending together. Everything else is boxed out, just for a little while.

Most of the best experiences I’ve had in this world have been in Ottawa establishments over the last fourteen months, and I have been in and out of this world for longer than the average MA’s been alive. I’ve been lucky to meet some very, very special women there, and they’re not limited to just one or two places. Check my +1s and you’ll see the range.

So, @@madelineklaire, what do I wish clubs/spas in Ottawa would do? As simple as it sounds, keep doing the things that you’re doing in Ottawa way better than almost all the places in Toronto. Hire a diverse selection of women - body types, looks, ages, backgrounds, personalities. Train them well. Treat them with respect, and cultivate a client base that does likewise. Brook no fools. And celebrate them, because they hold a very special power in their hands.

And guys, if there’s anyone out there who needs to hear this, don’t be afraid to talk. Talk to a professional. Talk to your friends. Talk to your family. Heck, talk to a different kind of professional, sure. But just don’t be afraid to talk. The best way to fight against being one of the mass of men who lead lives of quiet desperation (apologies to Thoreau) is to simply stop being quiet.

 

[BBBJsuperman]

I would like to bring up an ask advice on a rather troubling situation I experienced at a massage parlour a little over a year ago.

However I have to stress I will not be using names (of the MA or the parlour).

But it scared the daylights out of me, and I would appreciate some advice or info.

If this is the wrong place for this, just let me know.

 

[@madelineklaire]

I would like to bring up an ask advice on a rather troubling situation I experienced at a massage parlour a little over a year ago.

However I have to stress I will not be using names (of the MA or the parlour).

But it scared the daylights out of me, and I would appreciate some advice or info.

If this is the wrong place for this, just let me know.

Hi there, I’m really sorry to hear you went through something that left you feeling scared that’s never how anyone should feel. I think your experience deserves its own space so it can get the full attention and advice it needs. This particular thread was meant more as a place for sharing resources, awareness, and ways we can support positive mental health in the community.if you make a new thread for your situation, I’m sure a lot of people here would want to help.

 

[BBBJsuperman]

Hi there, I’m really sorry to hear you went through something that left you feeling scared that’s never how anyone should feel. I think your experience deserves its own space so it can get the full attention and advice it needs. This particular thread was meant more as a place for sharing resources, awareness, and ways we can support positive mental health in the community.if you make a new thread for your situation, I’m sure a lot of people here would want to help.

Appreciate it. I'd rather not, as I honestly fear retribution.

 

[@madelineklaire]

This is a really great ask, and I thank you for it!

I will give my feedback, and will end with a question myself:

The biggest one for me off the top of my head is: being body shamed sucks. I'm...a hairy guy. I'm already very self conscious of it (I'm the guy who won't take his shirt off at the pool). I've had more than one MA comment on it, and one straight up describe it as "gross".

My question: aside from being polite, courteous, and non-pressuring, what can I do to make the money experience as calm and comfortable as possible for the MA?

I feel like it must go with the territory that these women cross paths with many "unsavory" men, and I never, ever want to be remembered in a negative light.

I introduce myself, I ask before touching, I ask if I can be touched, I always offer to help with cleanup of the towels/table, and I tip.

Is there anything missing? How can I ensure I'm not "the guy being talked about in the break room"?

Thank you for being so open and sharing your perspective. I know that probably wasn’t easy to write, and I’m really sorry you’ve ever been made to feel self-conscious or uncomfortable. No one should ever have that experience, and hopefully you know there are a lot of women in this line of work who are genuine and empathetic.

Speaking personally, one of the most unexpected positives about this work for me has been how much it’s helped me let go of my own insecurities. Connecting with people from all walks of life has made me appreciate confidence, kindness, and emotional awareness over anything surface level.

I think it goes both ways. Clients and providers both step into a space that asks for vulnerability and trust. Like you said, being kind, respectful, and intentional already makes all the difference. Most of the time, the only clients we ever talk about negatively are the ones who are truly disrespectful or harmful.

You sound like someone who’s doing everything right, and that doesn’t go unnoticed.

 

[@madelineklaire]

I've seen a cuddler before in the past for my mental health.

Sometimes I want just a purely non-sexual experience, but with human touch and cuddling. The sessions are clothed, and I find them very mentally therapeutic.

I've always wondered if those in the industry would also offer that service as well, but at the same price point similar to cuddlers. At times I've wished my cuddler would offer more than just cuddling. And there are SPs that I wished would offer cuddling at a more affordable rate than SP or MA prices.

Just a thought.

That’s such an insightful post, and I really appreciate you sharing it. Human touch is one of the most grounding things we have, and it’s amazing how something as simple as closeness or presence can make such a difference mentally and emotionally.

I think a lot of people underestimate how healing that kind of connection can be, even when it’s completely non-sexual. It’s definitely something more providers are open to now, especially those who focus on comfort and calm over intensity.

Thank you for bringing this upl, it’s such a healthy reminder that intimacy doesn’t have to mean anything more than safety, warmth, and being seen.

 

[@madelineklaire]

Such a great post, and an important conversation. As someone who's passionate about increasing resources for men's mental health, anytime and anywhere that guys take even a moment to think about whether they're doing okay is a great step!

Also, guys, do more yoga! It's a great way to increase strength and flexibility, while also taking a bit of time to focus internally (and not all yoga is all chakras and inner eye stuff! There are some awesome apps you can download free that have alt-rock and punk yoga, etc.) It's been a huge help for me !

Thank you so much for this! I completely agree, just taking a moment to check in with yourself or others can make such a huge difference. It’s really nice seeing people talk about it so openly.

And yes, yoga is such a great reminder that slowing down, breathing, and reconnecting with your body can do wonders mentally too. I’ve also been hearing more and more people getting into recreational or team sports lately, and I think that’s amazing. It’s such a healthy way to stay active while also forming connections and friendships outside of work or your usual circles. It gives you something to look forward to; a passion beyond the day-to-day.

Really appreciate you adding your voice to the conversation.

 

[@madelineklaire]

I will say something that might be unpopular, but I feel it needs to be said.

It is not the responsibility of women, be they SW or not, to be responsible for fixing the mental issues of men. That puts a burden on women that they do not need, and it has an unfortunate side effect of spreading a sense of entitlement amongst men (especially young men who may not be fully emotionally matured) to intimacy (be it sexual or otherwise) about getting it from women. 35+ years ago, when I was an immature teen, I had an attitude that would be close to that of an incel if it had been today. Luckily, I grew out of it.

Now to the main topic.

What can SW do to help the mental health of men? For me, due to a dead bedroom, it is intimacy. Hugs when I walk in the door. "Bisous" on the cheek (if the SW is francophone). Small talk and not rushing the encounter to the slippy/slidey bits. I enjoy reverse massage a lot, and I really enjoy seeing/hearing a SW clearly enjoy themselves with what I am doing to them.

Post-act, I like cuddling. Some small talk. @Theredmilf is AMAZING at that the one time I saw her. I had lots of fun with her (or, to be precise, her with me) but it is the relaxing, cuddling and light caresses afterwards that really, really stuck in my mind.



As a fellow dude who is closer to the hairiness of a gorilla than a human, I feel your pain.

If you are interested, I can give you the name of a worker who is turned on by hairy dudes.

I completely understand where you’re coming from, and I want to clarify that my original post wasn’t suggesting it’s the responsibility of women or providers to “fix” anyone’s mental health. That’s definitely not what I meant.

The intention behind the post was more about encouraging awareness, support, and community care simple, human gestures that remind people they’re not alone. Things like sharing resources, promoting wellness practices, or even small acts of mindfulness in how we interact.

At Hush, we’ve been trying to lead more with humanity and intention, not by taking responsibility for anyone else’s healing, but by standing beside people and creating spaces that feel thoughtful and safe. Especially around this time of year, these conversations really matter.

 

[OttawaZugZug]

I completely understand where you’re coming from, and I want to clarify that my original post wasn’t suggesting it’s the responsibility of women or providers to “fix” anyone’s mental health. That’s definitely not what I meant.

The intention behind the post was more about encouraging awareness, support, and community care simple, human gestures that remind people they’re not alone. Things like sharing resources, promoting wellness practices, or even small acts of mindfulness in how we interact.

At Hush, we’ve been trying to lead more with humanity and intention, not by taking responsibility for anyone else’s healing, but by standing beside people and creating spaces that feel thoughtful and safe. Especially around this time of year, these conversations really matter.

My comment wasn't meant to imply that is what you were saying, and I apologize if my comment, which was made post-3 hours of playing ARC Raiders, was unclear.