Need advice?

[The Mechanic]

Greetings all, I’m asking for help in how would you handle this situation? I have retired a year and ½ ago and everything is peachy, the problem is with one of my past coworkers. He was let go from the company approximately a year ago according to him no reason was given. He’s been looking for work for the last year and is pointing fingers at me, for his dismissal totally BS. I have given him help and advice on his resume but there are clear signs of danger for example you wrote your C of Q and failed that was in 2007 he does state that he did not pass. Anyone looking on the resume would say what 18 years and you have not obtain certification. Earlier on in the year I’ve invited him over for a barbecue and a few beers, but now he shows up unannounced and the sender some grand illusion that every time he shows up it’s free food free beer. He’s also under the impression that since I’m no longer working the tools that I have collected over my lifetime he thinks I will pass it down to him. I don’t know what he’s been smoking or what medication he’s on to a show up uninvited and be passing my tools down to them. Never going to happen I would be much happier to pass my tools onto the high school rather than someone bitching about not getting work. Yes I have a nice nest egg downtown, pension from the union and other sources. I was stop by my parents look after yourself roof over your head food on the table and the rest they didn’t give a crap about. The two things that are common to every member of this board one we popped out between our mommy legs and to we all go 6 feet under, what you do between start and finish is up to you! I told him the facts of life that you’re always combative with people and it’s always your way and when it doesn’t go your way, you take shit fit. I feel sorry for the guy I mean times are tough you’re getting older but if you don’t plan for the future you only got the person in the mirror to blame. So in closing I would you correct this problem?

 

[BigRed77]

So, my first question is why would you have someone over for a BBQ that blames YOU for being let go? This was your first BIG mistake (unless it was before that, but doesn't sound like it). Did you feel guilt (legit or not)? So just an outsider reading this, that's the "root" of the problem and how it started I think. You can feel bad for someone, but don't invite them over and treat them like a friend (especially when he clearly doesn't see you as one, and that shows by his actions, ie blames you being fired, "expects" free food now, use of your tools, just a Leetch to me). As far as "fixing it" now...slowly cut off contact and communication and "get over" any personal feelings you might have over it lol (ie don't feel guilty or bad). If he calls, don't always answer. If he shows up unexpectantly, don't let him in or let him stay. Example you can be polite still but say something like "Oh hi, I wasn't expecting you, I'm just heading out" and get in your car and go somewhere (even if nowhere to go). Or say "sorry I'm busy right now, can we talk another time?"

 

[Jenesis]

It is going to be hard but you have to stop the drop-bys.

When he shows up, “sorry dude - I was just heading out”. “Sorry dude - was just planning a night in” “Next time call”. Rinse and repeat. He will stop just showing up.

When he does show up and you do let him in “sorry man - haven’t hit the beer store yet” or only have 1-2 beers left in the fridge. Let him grab them and see there is not many there.

The tools - ignore. You don’t need to tell him they are not going to him.

If you need to - be blunt and just cut contact. In this case, the grass will be greener on the other side. The sooner you do it, the better you will feel and the less aggravation you will have.

You already know that everyone is responsible for themselves so stop feeling bad for the guy. He is not your responsibility.

 

[barnacler]

I kinda suspect I know the type of guy you are talking about.

Is he loud? Especially when drunk? Blabberring all sorts of nonsense that he thinks is wisdom about every topic known to man?

You will not change this guy, I suspect that everything he does is a cover , not just for others, but for himself, to explain why he is effectively a loser.

Either do like the posters above mentioned, or better still, be straight with him. Tell him it is just not a good time right now, or that you don't want to do that right now, then FEEL NO NEED TO ELABORATE IF ASKED.

People always feel they need to give an explanation in these difficult circumstances - you don't!

 

[unassuming]

 

[Mr Deeds]

Your going to have to be forceful with him and make sure he understands he can't just come over uninvited. He's going to be angry and you may feel bad for a bit but if you don't do this asap it will get harder to do down the road

 

[unassuming]

Your going to have to be forceful with him and make sure he understands he can't just come over uninvited. He's going to be angry and you may feel bad for a bit but if you don't do this asap it will get harder to do down the road

@The Mechanic , keep at least a baseball bat handy.

 

[jeff2]

Is he close to retirement? He could get the GIS if he has very little in the pension.

 

[LTO_3]

Good points made already. IMO the next time you see him, unless you prefer to call or txt him, tell him point blank that his unannounced appearances are not welcome because they often ruin plans already made. Tell him to call or txt to meet and you'll let him know. And if he can't or doesn't, tell him not to show up at all. Yes, it's harsh but you'll have to put the right spin on it so he gets the message since you know him.

LTO_3