My best friend is an idiot........

[healer677]

Here's a brain teaser for everyone....I'm just wondering if I'm wrong on this.

A couple of years ago a friend decided to get married because we turned 35 (????). The odd part was thet he nevr had any troubles meeting women. He's tall, smart, blond, educated, good looking and a nice guy. Not too talkative or friendly, but a nice guy.

He had just broken up with a girl when he came up with this plan.
Now the problem begins.......

-meets a girl, but; she had a fiancee - so he was just being polite.
-she asks him out on a date
-she breaks up with her fiancee 3 weeks later (3months before the wedding)
-they end up dating for 8 months
-they get married *sigh*
-he gets hurt at work, then laid off for a year.
-they break up - she cites that she has intimacy issues
-he draws up divorce papers.
-they split up.

A year later
-she sees him at a gym
-she calls him, he's not home - he just started seeing a new girl
-new girl is nice - everything a man would want.
-he returns her call, he's not impolite.
-she cries, they go for coffee.

Today
-he shows up to dinner with her( the ex)
-everybody is shocked!
-she declares they're back together - no divorce

My thoughts now.....
I'm disappointed in my friend. We almost slapped him and most of the guys have a serious problem with his ex.

Just out of principle and for my own self respect, I would never do that (all of it, starting with dating a girl with a boyfriend or husband).

Why in Gods holy Earth would someone go back to a situation like this? Any comments?

 

[big dogie]

I've been there a second time wasted 8 good years of my life only top break up again due to the same issues. History repeats it self.
that's... Mr Idiot ....to you

 

[thecoolguyms72]

Re: Other people

You can't judge anybody else's relationships, because nobody outside of it really has any idea what two people really do for each other in terms of emotions and sex too. It may seem as weird as anything from the outside, but obviously something about it works for them.

-Anya

Time will tell, but if it worked for them, wouldn't they have stayed together the first time? Especially the way it seemed to happen by this guy's account.

 

[incognito]

No doubt about it...he's an idiot. But then aren't we all at one time or another?

 

[The_Jaded_One]

1) The heart wants what it wants.

2) The mind has no say in matters of the heart.

 

[happygrump]

Re: Other people

You can't judge anybody else's relationships, because nobody outside of it really has any idea what two people really do for each other in terms of emotions and sex too. It may seem as weird as anything from the outside, but obviously something about it works for them.

-Anya

Sorry, Anya, but with great respect, I don't buy it. People tend to have a fear of the unknown, and sometimes that fear is more powerful than returning to pain. How many times have we heard stories of battered wives going back to their men? How many times have we heard stories of men hanging on to gold-digging women?

From this vantage point, the only thing "working" for him is that he is back where he was.

This fellow seems to be filtering his own chances for happiness through a clouded lens of low self-esteem. He doesn't need a kick in the ass (though that's sure tempting). He may need counselling.

 

[[ALIMEISTER]]

He's an idiot.

 

[sweet guy]

Like the banned Jack "bum" shake used to sing like a parrot...and I quote from him "he's a tool of the week".

Obviously he's still confused.

 

[sweet guy]

No doubt about it...he's an idiot. But then aren't we all at one time or another?

It is true when one is still blindly in love with his ex, hoping things will work out again.

Still it's better than a few who refuse to admit he's no better than anybody and instead making fun on those who admit on their foolishness.

 

[SaveFerris]

This is slightly off topic - although you mentioned that your friend got hurt at work and that seemed to start all their problems...it reminded me of a story that deeply affected me...a friend of mine is a counsellor...and a couple of months ago he mentioned a new client who's in a wheelchair, as he's paralyzed from the waste down. He's in his early 30's. He had owned a thriving construction company, was married to a gorgeous woman, they owned a cottage up north where they'd go every summer weekend and were very active with water sports...everything was perfect in his life. Then one day in a diving accident, he hurt himself. Well...soon after the diagnosis, she left him, he couldn't manage his company any more so he sold it for whatever he could get, and today he's all alone, and let's face it, the chances of finding love must be pretty slim for him. What a cruel world we live in...and how sad that some people proclaim their love for another as long as things are going good....

 

[Flower]

Yes Ferris that is SAD!

I agree with Anya that we don't know what makes their relationship tick but also with Happygrump regarding the "fear of the unknown"! All too long we stay within our "comfort zones" whether it be at a job, in a marriage.

Alas, if she left him when he was down .. he is an idiot!

 

[canucklehead]

I have done the same thing and i say i was always will be an idiot for going back............ let me put money on the tall blonde for he is an idiot.

 

[Berlin]

Why in Gods holy Earth would someone go back to a situation like this?

Why ? I think the following answered it well.

1) The heart wants what it wants.

2) The mind has no say in matters of the heart.

That crazy thing called love, be it one sided or multi sided...

Whether he is an idiot or not, if you are his best friend, ask him if that's what he really wants, respect his choice, and wish the best for him , and 'stand by' him when/if he ever needs you in future.

One who is clouded by love or obsession is almost impossible to reason with.

I don't know him , but will sincerely wish him the best.

 

[anon1]

Your friend is not an idiot, he's a true Romantic.
He loves this woman and that's all that matters to him.
I applaud him!

 

[xarir]

From the limited details provided, it seems that she left him. Undoubtedly he still has feelings for her so he's just acting on them - it's not too often we get second chances.

While I wish your friend all the best, I too think he's an idiot. She left him when he was down & out. Maybe she feels bad about that, maybe she doesn't. But her intentions have been demonstrated by actions, not by mere words. At the very least, your friend needs to proceed with great caution.

Having said all that, I sympathize with your friend. If I had a second chance with my former special lady, I would be sorely tempted to take it. Mom always told me that when it comes to love, men can be stupid. I guess she's right.

 

[james t kirk]

This is slightly off topic - although you mentioned that your friend got hurt at work and that seemed to start all their problems...it reminded me of a story that deeply affected me...a friend of mine is a counsellor...and a couple of months ago he mentioned a new client who's in a wheelchair, as he's paralyzed from the waste down. He's in his early 30's. He had owned a thriving construction company, was married to a gorgeous woman, they owned a cottage up north where they'd go every summer weekend and were very active with water sports...everything was perfect in his life. Then one day in a diving accident, he hurt himself. Well...soon after the diagnosis, she left him, he couldn't manage his company any more so he sold it for whatever he could get, and today he's all alone, and let's face it, the chances of finding love must be pretty slim for him. What a cruel world we live in...and how sad that some people proclaim their love for another as long as things are going good....

Man, that's a tough break. Funny just tonight I was thinking about diving accidents because I just finished opening my dad's pool. When the old man had it built, he paid extra for an enlarged deep end and installed a diving board. I was thinking that if I ever built a pool, I wouldn't install a diving board for this very reason regardless.

That guy's ex is a real piece of work. I only hope he finds someone else. There are undoubtedly females in similar straights. Hopefully something works out for him.

 

[healer677]

I think the "victims" always know.

Although he was forewarned - certain people within the group will tolerate mistakes.....done once.....and never repeated again.

I told him "fool me once, shame on you: fool me twice, shame on me."

I guess it wouldn't be so bad, if: she didn't leave him while he was down. Theres no romanticism here - just pure self concern on her behalf.

And on an unrelated note.....for Save Ferris - just as a note.....

a patient at work....the wife has been bedridden for 15 years from Alzheimers and her husband took care of her the whole time. They didn't have kids and despite his own failing health he vowed to take care of her. He was in his late 70s and she was slightly younger. A few of us at work took a special interest in this couple and tried to help as much as possible.

She passed away last year and he soon after. Through 50 years of marriage or so....he stuck around.

That is love, that is romance and that deserves praise. Not some self concerned person who is willing to leave when it gets tough.

 

[sweet guy]

And on an unrelated note.....for Save Ferris - just as a note.....

a patient at work....the wife has been bedridden for 15 years from Alzheimers and her husband took care of her the whole time. They didn't have kids and despite his own failing health he vowed to take care of her. He was in his late 70s and she was slightly younger. A few of us at work took a special interest in this couple and tried to help as much as possible.

She passed away last year and he soon after. Through 50 years of marriage or so....he stuck around.

That is love, that is romance and that deserves praise. Not some self concerned person who is willing to leave when it gets tough.

Those people are going to be on the "endangered" spcies list. Maybe that will still happen to your parents time but for my generation, count your blessing and call me if you find one.

This kind of unconditional Love has no meaning to people nowadays. People are too willing to leave when it gets tough.

Guess we now achieve the same level of "equality" when both men and women bail out when there is a slice of tough situations.

You could pretty tell fast when you are laid off. Your usefulness as a human being is questioned when you can no longer be able to "bring home the bacon" or "bring the same quantity of bacon like your mate".

 

[kwong_1978]

That is love, that is romance and that deserves praise. Not some self concerned person who is willing to leave when it gets tough.

True love at its purest. Isn't it what everyone seek, but few actually find.

 

[sweet guy]

True love at its purest. Isn't it what everyone seek, but few actually find.

I have given up long time ago with the "civilian" chicks.

Maybe she will take the shit on this idea only when she sees something she wants from me and she's willing to give me something I want as the "cost".