music is meaningful :( HUGE DISAPPOINTMENT thinking of RETIRING....

[CyberGoth]

had a bad nite. actually, a really crappy nite, am seriously depressed and thinking seriously of retiring from the hobby....

the following lyrics come to mind for my headspace....


The paths that I once tread
have all but gone.
Only embers now smoulder
where bridges once burned.
I feel alive and yet I fear
what may happen now.
I know I can't return.

And I hear me say again
'oh let me not return'.
Damn the illusion of redemption
and the hopes that held me here.
I will oppose all that would befall me.
With this rage inside of me
I will defy what I would become.

The solitude and anger
that do battle inside me
will always guide me to the answers
that I know I may not see.
They are the bonds that hold me tighter.
They are the chains that weigh on me.
One day I know they will be gone.

Can I start again and erase this pain
by casting doubts into the waters,
asking judgement of the sea.
Though fortune may guide to the fools
I have no wish to be free
until I am gone.

 

[submissivedave]

I am sorry for whatever happend to you tonight ...

Must be serious if it has made you to decide upon retiring ...

Whatever your decision is, I know it will be a good one for you.

 

[CyberGoth]

I'm cancelling my birthday booking .... and I'm extremely disappointed and somewhat ANGRY right now

I payed alot of money for this????

I should have called bobbi......

 

[The Fruity Hare]

Can you share with us what happened?
Hopefully after the anger wears off you will make an informed and rational decision.

 

[CyberGoth]

not saying who or what just right now. but it is absolutely NOT what i was paying for and I'm definately not a happy camper.

fuck I wish I could sleep

 

[submissivedave]

Calm down Cyber !!!
Do not let your feelings take over ...

Calm down, take a shower and head to bed ... you got to go to work tomorrow man.

 

[CyberGoth]

sexually frustrated, stressed beyond ability to cope.

I own the company, I set my own hours. and I already took a shower...

I dont respond well to being used or exploited or humiliated and I've just utterly had it with all the BS.

stress does bad things to me....

 

[WhOiSyOdAdDy?]

If its any consolation, CG I had a really, really shitty night as well.

 

[CyberGoth]

i should not have bothered at all

its not but I understand the sentiment. thankyou.

sniffle.

 

[peeler_feeler]

Time ALWYAS heals.....your emotions WILL recover!

In the meantime it does you good to vent and I think this is a great place to do just that.

 

[CyberGoth]

right now I wish I had no emotions, the world would be less irritating if that was the case.

it really hurts to find out that you have so little sex appeal that its simply not worth bothering at all.



welcome to humiliation 101.

talks cheap boys and girls... and yes, I'm pissed.

 

[duMaurierguy]

CG, sorry to hear about your shitty night and it not being what you had hoped. Take a step back, regroup and, focus on your work. Simplifing your life at this point will help bring things into focus. Then you'll be able to see everything much more clearly. Then again, if you want to get over someone, get under someone...

 

[CyberGoth]

I cant get under someone, I already wasted my "relaxation money" on someone who decided they'd rather talk.

the agency in question seemed to be under the impression that I was paying for something more fun, ie: ooh. SEX.

nothing even remotely erotic happened. [clothes stayed on...]

I feel rather highly ripped off right now... so I'd like that agency to fix this problem please.

because I CANNOT AFFORD TO JUST THROW AWAY $450.

and no, I still havent slept yet.

 

[Goober Mcfly]

Have you contacted the agency yet? If not, I suggest you do. If you did, and they won't help you out, post the name here.

That's what this board is all about.

P.S. Sorry about your bad experience...

 

[CyberGoth]

yes, I've contacted them.

I'd prefer not to embarass them in public but ... argh...

 

[La Contessa]

Re: sexually frustrated, stressed beyond ability to cope.

I dont respond well to being used or exploited or humiliated and I've just utterly had it with all the BS.

[/B]

Making a mental note to take CG off her potential Terbite client list, for my new ProDomme career.

MrsW

 

[CyberGoth]

I'm not into pro-dommes. sorry, I like sex way too much.

 

[CyberGoth]

revised note 2 self

note to self. be a great deal more cautious about who you let into the house and why.

 

[Berlin]

CG, being let down by a trusted one is never a good feeling. Having someone taking advantage of your kindness sucks. If not all, I think most of us have experienced similar in life.

Being able to open up and to trust are wonderful things, things that can better onself as a person. Try to look at it this way, CG :

These bad episodes in life will only make you stronger. And when shit like that happens again, you will be more prepared, and more focus to deal with it and the irritating frustrations it entails. You will be stronger and better than ever.

Don't waste your time dwelling on the bad experience, it is not worth it.
Instead , think of all the positive, happy things that you can do in the near future e.g. new car, hardware you can buy, that crazy tats you always want to get, may be a short getaway to MTL and fark silly, or a trip down south in the Carribean, the new friends you gonna make....

Life is wonderful and challenging, but never smooth sailing all the way. To make up for the bad experience, plan an even wilder party or nite out for yourself, and enjoy it.... the best revenge.

Get some rest CG, while a beautiful and crazy tomorrow awaits you.

 

[CyberGoth]

I'm not dwelling on anything right now. just finished arranging my Birthday adventures with someone else who I am much happier and more comfortable with who can cope with my idiosyncratic personality. [and sometimes finds it cute and fuzzy]

I'm sorry things worked out the way they did last nite. [everyone remained fully clothed while SP was in talk mode and never got around to anything fun etc]

disappointing? yes. frustrating? yes. am I partially to blame for being a social clutz? yes. but when my neighbors came over and found me afterwards, they knew that I was upset and they were the lovely compassionate people that they are.

I'm still waiting for the agency in question to respond to my message and I greatly appreciate the words of wisdom and support thus far.

thankyou terbland.