Luv found on TERB Personals!

[duMaurierguy]

Well, with all the pending nuptials that has been happening as of late, there were suggestions that perhaps Fred could set up a 'Personals' section on TERB.

I thought it would be a fun exercise to hear what you would have in you own personal 'ad'. I'm sure it would give Fred an idea of what to expect *lol*. This is open to all the gents and ladies out there. HINT-you'd probably would want your's to stand out, so be imaginative. It could be sexy, silly, funny, it's really up to you. So let's hear them!

 

[RollingStone]

I KNOW you're out there

Seeking a nubile 18 yo GFE - 5'2" 36D-22-32 103pds girl with a yearning to please an introverted smelly slug shaped sweaty overweight 54 year old man. Must enjoy house work and restraints.

Apply on knees with resume.

 

[elaine]

Attention past iron man competers

To take on such a task of involving me in your life, you will learn you will require much upper body strength. The weight on your shoulders can become overwhelming otherwise.

My man would be well into his fifties, or atleast look it. Meaning you will require a questionable look at the words BMX/Skateboard/Sony Playstation.

You will need atleast one broken heart experience behind you,

Your use of the English language does not need to be perfect but must be able to use all superlatives, in atleast three different languages. Complete sentances not required. BUT,

Must have good editing skills, and grammer, and a high yearn to edit my stuff.

My man would be organized, and complete, have a knack for sorting out my clutter, and put thngs back where they belong, even if it was me that left it out, that must come natural to you.

You do not have a desire for more then two consecutive mistress' each one fullfilling different needs, and understands not to blend the acts of us into the acts of them.
Yet, your sexuality will change to my desires, my fantasies are never 'to far out' or questioned.

Has to be able to camp outdoors and is not affraid of wildlife, yet is not to over-protective where even squirrels get the axe.

A true believer that wednesday nights are to be spent in the bingo hall, and that scratch tickets is not gambling

He must be good at lawndarts, and the egg toss, coming in second at the legion picnic is not good enough. lol

And more importantly then all of above, he must know and enjoy folding my clothes, the rest can be taught with age.

 

[Cool Dude]

Complete sentences are not required but you must have good editing skills, excellent grammar, and a willingness to edit my stuff.

There, that sounds better now.

 

[train]

You forgot to mention that the twins must be from Alabama or have otherwise exhibited incestful tendencies .

 

[MuffinMuncher]

Correction

within 5 lbs of medically ideal weight

You may want to rethink this.... medically ideal weight is significantly heavier than the male perception of ideal weight!

Its scary that even Canadians pick on Alabama. But here in Georgia, there is a joke that says, "be thankful for Alabama... its the only thing standing between us and Mississippi".

And although they are not twins, they are sisters:
www.ultrasisters.com

 

[diva631]

Re: Attention past iron man competers

Your use of the English language does not need to be perfect but must be able to use all superlatives, in atleast three different languages. Complete sentances not required. BUT,

Must have good editing skills, and grammer, and a high yearn to edit my stuff.



Damn and here i thought i had a chance

 

[eyeofthedragon]

looking for love in all the wrong places

Looking for a smart, sassy lady who is ultra sexy. She must embrace technology and support my electronics addiction. I appreciate sarcasm as a fine form of humour. Oh my god ! I am looking for Sasha Jones!

 

[Sansabelt]

Bitter, disillusioned Thornhill area man lately rejected by longtime fiancee seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of whining hatchet-faced bitches.

PM okay.

Slackman

 

[Captain Bly]

I'm your man Angie, PM me for details of the church and reception!

 

[wet and waiting]

ISO Best friend and lover

Looking for male equivalent of me. Must accept that love and sex are two different things. Loving my best friend forever and growing old together does not mean never sleeping with anyone else. Swingers, fetish and couples parties will be a standard part of our social life together. Must like dogs, cats, kids, and assorted reptiles that I may bring home without notice. Must like to cook or expect to starve. Must accept that I would rather play than clean and if he helps with the housework Saturday morning we can spend the rest of the day in bed together. Must accept that all body openings are meant to be used for sex play with this woman. Must also understand that premenopausal women need to get it every day to keep them happy and the home nag-free. If he is unable to accommodate, buy batteries or accept that I will go out for the evening, but I will always come home. Must also accept the fact that given the choice between sweating in the gym or sweating between the sheets, I prefer the sheets and so do not comment on that spare tire around my middle. Accept that you are no longer perfect either and don't expect me to be.

In summary, sex drive, humor and patience are the necessary prerequisites to fill this position.

 

[Goober Mcfly]

What I Want:

A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frog
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden, classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.

Oh, wait, you misread it... please read only lines 1,3 and 5.

 

[Pistol Pete]

Brilliant Goober!
I'd like to be selfish and ask you to stay on Terb forever but your talents are wasted here. You and Ref should do a cross country tour, sponsored by Terb of course.

 

[Bboy]

we can embelish these like a bit right?

Independently wealthy neurosurgeon and part time underwear model seeks soul mate to worship! Must have flexible schedule as I'm also often called upon as a test pilot for various western governments....at least that's my covert cover story, but I can't talk further about that. This does entail frequent travel to exotic locals on full expenses...but I hear the shopping is fantastic! Loves are good food and good wine...cooking good food and making good wine...cleaning up after cooking good food and making good wine! Enjoy rainy days, sunny days, partly cloudy days, and cloudy days with sunny breaks at the beach, log cabin, chalet curled up by the fire, on the balcony, in our king size bed, Jacuzzi, sauna, hot tub! Other hobbies include skydiving, deep sea diving, race car driving, skiing, downhilling on my mountain bike, white water kayaking and any other peaceful soul cleansing activity. Haven't tried knitting yet - looks too dangerous!
Especially love volunteering on Sundays after non denominational church with my Firemen buddies as we rescue orphaned, sick or injured, lost puppies from condemned puppy mills that are usually engulfed in flames, and then give them to orphaned, sick or injured, lost children living in condemned orphanages that are usually engulfed in flames...as we struggle to place them in loving foster homes.

You - Highly resemble Barbie and have the sex drive of a minx and your own car.

 

[PayITForward]

TERB personals?

I know I really should support any ideas of expanding the TERB community... but I'm having trouble with this one. How many women are posting on TERB? How many of these women work in the sex industry? Our subject lines may as well be as follows:

Seeking a dancer/escort.
Seeking an intimate massage.

Before you all start in on me, I have no problem with anyone that works in the industry. I dated a dancer for three years. I've been around the industry more than I've ever wished to be. But back to the idea of adding a personals section to TERB... try it! *shrug* no harm in that I suppose.

 

[sara@select]

PayitForward, this thread is meant to be tongue in cheek in response to some recent "real love" pairings between clients and providers! So go on, make up your own dream personal and have fun with it!

 

[sara@select]

Ok, time for my personal...

Looking for a male that likes things spicy! Can whip together a gourmet meal in the kitchen and keep things cooking in the bedroom. If he supports my shoe habit and has a tongue stud even better ~ but he must know how to use it! He also must be very physically active and look the part~ and if he can mix a mean martini then we're set! OOh, and he must like purple...

Sara

 

[Goober Mcfly]

Re: Ok, time for my personal...

OOh, and he must like purple...

badnick?