I guess I'd differentiate like this (I didn't think it was needed but assumptions are funny sometimes):
#1. Kissing on the lips
#2. Light French Kissing -- some tongue contact ( along the lines of light pussy-eating )
#3. Deep French Kissing -- tonsil hockey as you said
You seem to be missing the entire possibility of #2 being part of the fun. In other words, you can work up to full-on tongue assaults by starting with simple cautionary how-do-you-do tongue explorations.
Many SPs for me have been cool with #2 (me with mouthwash and/or appropriate gum before appointment). Pink Kitty's Rain was an SP who would definitely engage in DFK where we could map out each other's taste buds. For me, she's the only one I can recall who did it to that level. It was fun, anyway!!!