Joke Of The Day

[alexxxis]

THE CREATION OF PUSSY

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.
First was a butcher,
with smart wit,
using a knife,
he gave it a slit,
Second was a carpenter,
strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel,
he gave it a hole,
Third was a tailor,
tall and thin,
by using red velvet,
he lined it within,
Fourth was a hunter,
short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur,
he lined it without,
Fifth was a fisherman,
nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,
Sixth was a preacher,
whose name was McGee,
he touched it and blessed it,
and said it could pee,
Last was a sailor,
dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it,
and called it a xxxx.

 

[530marcus]

welllll excuse meeeee!
hilarious buplar!

Girl, you gots to pay your (play) memership for your www.site.cum
i am dying to see that pretty face n bod!
donations!

 

[Alger]

Okay, here is another one!

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.


Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I
decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul
it home.'


The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides
she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no
less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her
sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph
office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her
that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer
to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'


The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then
adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull,
the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one
word.


After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send
her the word 'comfortable.'


The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to
haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word
'comfortable?'


The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read
it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'

 

[alexxxis]

A lone cowboy is riding along the plains, when he's suddenly surrounded by a band of natives...They take him as prisoner back to their village...

Before killing him, the Chief looks at him and says, "I will grant you one last wish before you die, Cowboy. What is it?"

"Well", the cowboy says, "I'd REALLY like to talk to my horse..."

The chief orders the horse to be brought over...the cowboy gently whispers in it's ear and slaps it in the ass to send him on his way....

"My horse will be back with my final request"

...A few hours later the horse appears with a beautiful naked blonde on its back...the cowboy looks distraught.

"Please Chief, allow me another word with my horse....it seems he missunderstood me..."

"I'll be leniant today", replies the Chief.

So, again, the Cowboy whispers in the horse's ear, slaps it and sends it off.

...A few more hours later, the horse returns. But this time, he's got a striking redhead aboard, jst as naked as the blonde!

The cowboy shakes his head.

"please, oh please kind chief, let me have ONE last word with my horse. It seems he's as stubborn as a mule"

"This will be your last chance Cowboy, my patience is wearing thin"

So again, the cowboy whispers in the horse's ear, slaps it and sends it off.

Day has turned into night, and the horse returns once again with buck-naked brunnette bouncin on his back.

The Cowboy has just about had it.
He walks over to the horse and starts yelling:

"YOU IDIOT! HERE I AM ABOUT TO LOSE MY LIFE AND YOU CAN'T FULFILL ME ONE SIMPLE REQUEST? I SAID POSSE, NOT PUSSY!"

 

[Cowboy Kenny]

Naww that's another good cowboy joke! Here's another...

a cowboy walks into a bar and sees a nice looking woman at the bar, he walks over and asks if he could buy her a drink, she says ' what! i dont deal with your cowboy types, i know you have sex with all the animals cows, sheep, horses, chickens whatever,'

cowboy says 'WHAT,CHICKENS?'

 

[Alger]

Molly the Camel...

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in The Afghanistan Desert During his first inspection of the outfit, he Noticed a
camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, 'Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men Here on
the post and no women. And, sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'.

That's why we have Molly The Camel.'

The Captain says, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about
urges, so the camel can stay .'

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own urges. Crazy with
passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel.
When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'

'No, not really, sir..They usually just ride the camel into town......
where the girls are.'

 

[Porto Lover]

Another one for you Terbite, especialy for SP and MP...

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker, 'How much do you charge?'

Hooker replies, 'It starts at $500 for a hand-job.'

Guy says, '$500 dollars?! For a hand-job! No hand-job is worth that kind of money!'

The hooker says, 'Do you see that Denny's on the corner?'

'Yes.'

'Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?'

'Yes.'

'And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?'

'Yes.'

'Well,' says the hooker, smiling invitingly, 'I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500.'

Guy says, 'What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try.'

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, worth
every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, 'I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?'

The hooker replies, '$1,500.'

'I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!'

The hooker replies, 'Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright.. And I own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500.'

The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific h and-job, decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, 'Sign me up.'
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but he feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker,'How much for some pussy?'

The hooker says, 'Come over here to the window, I want to show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before
us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?'

'Damn!' the guy says, in awe, 'You own the whole city?'

'No,' the hooker replies, 'but I would if I had a pussy.'

 

[Erica Skye]

From a Girl's Point of View

A guy dies whilst making love to his wife. A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?" The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!" The undertaker does as he is told. On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"

 

[hotn_1]

The Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral...I'm a gynecologist."

The proctologist promptly fainted.

 

[rep_pot]

GOLFING ON A WINDY DAY:


The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. 'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivees?' Ole demanded. 'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.' The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'


Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. 'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?' She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.' Patrick reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'


Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. 'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?' She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.' The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, 'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit woman!

 

[Hornee]

WalMart

A man has finished his shopping at WalMart and is checking out. There is a beautiful big, black lady as the cashier and she asks him "Did you get everything you wanted at WalMart today?"

He answered "No I did not, I was looking for condoms but I did not know what size I was."

She replies "Well drop your drawers and I will tell you." He proceeds to drop his drawers and she reaches over, grabs hold of him, gives him a little squeeze and picks up the microphone and announces in a loud voice "Could I have a box of large condoms delivered to aisle 5 please." Somebody brings up the box of condoms, she finishes ringing the guy through and off he goes.

Well the next guy in line has been watching this and he figures what the hell! He gets up in line and she asks him "Did you get everything you wanted at WalMart today?"

He answered "No I did not, I was looking for condoms but I did not know what size I was."

She replies "Well drop your drawers and I will tell you." He proceeds to drop his drawers and she reaches over, grabs hold of him, gives him a little squeeze and picks up the microphone and announces in a loud voice "Could I have a box of medium condoms delivered to aisle 5 please." Somebody brings up the box of condoms, she finishes ringing the guy through and off he goes.

Well the next guy in line is a young 18 year old kid and he is a virgin, never been touched & never been fondled. He has been watching all of this and is very excited as this is his big chance and he figures what the hell!

He gets up in line and she asks him "Did you get everything you wanted at WalMart today?"

He answered "No I did not, I was looking for condoms but I did not know what size I was."

She replies "Well drop your drawers and I will tell you." The kid's heart begins to beat faster, his breathing increases and he proceeds to drop his drawers and she reaches over, grabs hold of him, gives him a little squeeze and picks up the microphone and announces in a loud voice "Could I have a clean up to aisle 5 please."