If you could do it all over again, would you NEVER marry?

[4pack]

Asking this question on this forum might be a bad place but I'd like to get the experience of married guys.

Where I work I see a fair share of divorces from the co-workers. I also have customers I deal with tell me about their divorces. This regular couple who I've known for years just filed for separation last week. I thought they were a happy couple but the guy tells me he's been miserable for years and happy to cut it.

Do you think love usually dies and is replaced with resentment and regret?

 

[Aardvark154]

While I should not have married the woman I did, it was the triumph of hope and expectation over what I could see and should have paid attention to, absolutely I believe in marriage and if I meet the right woman would marry again.

 

[burt-oh-my!]

I think most of us dont know who is right for us when we are 25 - 30. Or maybe that person changes.

I read recently about the idea of agreeing to be married for the duration of raising kids, then opening the whole thing up to discussion at that point.

 

[lickrolaine]

Do you think love usually dies and is replaced with resentment and regret?

no


it works for some but not all,,,,it has its ups and done,,,but after 28yrs,there has been more ups,,,,

 

[MayDay Malone]

Maybe not NEVER, but if I could do it all over again, and children were not a factor, I would not marry my wife again. But, miserable as I am, I would not trade my children for anything, so I don't regret marrying her and would do so all over again to have my kids.

 

[afterhours]

Maybe not NEVER, but if I could do it all over again, and children were not a factor, I would not marry my wife again. But, miserable as I am, I would not trade my children for anything, so I don't regret marrying her and would do so all over again to have my kids.

If children were not a factor why marry at all?

 

[james t kirk]

I've never been married.

But I lived with a woman for 7 years - so maybe that counts. I've also had many steady girlfriends (pretty much from the time I was 19 till now I've never gone that long without a GF - some more serious than others.)

I've been IN LOVE 4 times in my life. Once insanely so. (First time.)

The thing I've learned about myself is that usually after about 3 years - things start to go south. So, knowing myself, I don't think it a good idea getting married prior to dating a woman for at least 3 years, if not more. (I was almost going to marry the one I lived with (though interestingly of the 4 women I was in love with - she was No. 4) but thank Christ I did not. It was disasterous enough as it was and cost me over 80 grand to get out of.)

I'm rambling.

Anyway, in my case, I've been bitten a few times and that has taught me to be cautious about getting married. A long courtship works for me because it always falls apart at some point after 3 years. I truly believe that the one BIG mistake people make is that they get married too quickly. They rush into it, then they're trapped. If people dated for longer periods, you would see a lot less marriages ending up in divorce.

As to marriage, well, I look at ALL MY MARRIED FRIENDS and none of them are what I would classify as ""happy". At best, most are just content in the familiarity of it all to be honest. Some have divorced, many are just misearble in their marriages for one reason or another.

The big problem I see in marriage is how fucking hard it is to get out of without getting financially clobbered. The divorce laws are just insane in this country. It should be you leave with what you came in with and it's hands off all personal assets accumulated during a marriage.

 

[fmahovalich]

Does it ever really 'cost' you to split up. I mean its not liek the lady is TAKING your money...

Are you not just dividing equity?

 

[escortsxxx]

Marriage and Biz

Not married, but I have observed that the couples that seem to be happy in marriage are the ones that take the old school approach to marriage: that is as much as an economic union as it is "love" union. I ve know couples that where happy living together and avoiding common law, but then, for the convience of economic issues , got married. With Hapers new laws, there will be enen more ecnomic reasons to get married since you can transfer taxes from one spouse to another.
That being said, both parnters have to be coming in with goals that are worth the commitment. I am a romantic so marrige proably would not work for me.

 

[capncrunch]

People think that "love" is a state of being, a feeling if you will.

It's not.

Love is a decision.

If you and your partner can go into the state of marriage knowing that love is a decision, then you'll do fine.

But if either of you think that love basically equates to happiness, a feeling of warmth and contentment and all the rest, then you're doomed.

 

[afterhours]

Does it ever really 'cost' you to split up. I mean its not liek the lady is TAKING your money...

Are you not just dividing equity?

If you are prepared to marry somebody as attractive as you are then I guess it can happen the way you describe it.

If however you marry somebody more attractive than you are then usually it so happens that you have and make more money than she does and you will be punished accordingly.

 

[afterhours]

People think that "love" is a state of being, a feeling if you will.

It's not.

Love is a decision.

If you and your partner can go into the state of marriage knowing that love is a decision, then you'll do fine.

But if either of you think that love basically equates to happiness, a feeling of warmth and contentment and all the rest, then you're doomed.

Love is as much a decision as a disease of mind is.

 

[fuji]

I am happy I got married, and if I ever get divorced I will be happy to get married again.

 

[sidebanger]

While I should not have married the woman I did, it was the triumph of hope and expectation over what I could see and should have paid attention to, absolutely I believe in marriage and if I meet the right woman would marry again.

Could you avoid it next time given similar circumstances?

 

[simon482]

the only thing i regret is having kids and then it breaking up. a broken family ain't cool. would i do it again, yeah if the right girl came along. i wasn't married but it was 2 weeks before the wedding, she told me to move out, i left on a friday, saturday her new guy moved in, sunday they were engaged and my daughter told me about new daddy on monday. my reaction to that almost got me jailed for a while.

 

[red]

is the real question whether any of the women you married, ever marry again?

 

[Libra]

I like to get laid on a very regular basis, so yes, I would do it again.

... and the companionship and romance is pretty good too.

 

[spacyfoil]

.......A long courtship works for me because it always falls apart at some point after 3 years..........

Everytime I mention this I get a Heartless Tittle You see scientists now have a more precise term for LOVE: obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

Yes it may sound harse and makes the "Lover" sound like an insane person. But over and over when I ask someone "in Love" I always get 2-3 years love period.

Which is OCD. Anyways, what do I know, never been in love.

You see I have this super philosophy. If I don't get close to someone, I will never get hurt
Souce : Will Hunting

 

[simon482]

Guess how much CASH you're going to have to come up with to split?

more than it was worth (the marriage not the business)

 

[afterhours]

Ok, how about this.

You meet a woman that doesn't work. You have a business or are otherwise a professional with a great income. You work, you pay for everything and she stays at home, shops, keeps the house and oh yeah.. shops.

After five years you break up.

Your net worth was say $2m before but say it was simply the book value of your business, now the book value is say $4m when you split. But you don't sell your biz so don't have the cash, just the book value.

Guess how much CASH you're going to have to come up with to split?

two things that I find to be the most amazing:
1. the longer the girl is living like a parasite the more money you owe to her, and
2. I am not aware of any courses teaching girls to live like this, even though it is clear that marrying up and living like a parasite makes way more sense than doing almost any other job out there