OK, so we have the Do Not Call List, but sometimes I just like to have a little fun with the telemarketers.
Usually I just make up stuff on the spot but some of my favourites are below.
Window guys - I usually say "Yes, I'd love to get new windows, my old ones are really bad. But do you have doors, too? I don't even have any doors! I really need doors! The cops kicked down the last ones I had. I covered it over with plywood and it was OK for a while, but this last time they sent the fuckers in through the back door, too. Now I have to go in and out through the window. Can you get someone here as soon as possible?"
Phone/Cable/Internet provider
"Hello Mr. xxxxx, Do you have any computers in your home?"
No
How many televisions do you have?
None.
And who is your current telephone provider.
I don't have one.
You don't have a phone provider?
No.
So you use your internet for telephone?
No, I don't have any internet.
What kind of telephone are you using now?
I'm not using a phone.
But, sir, how is this possible?
Well, I found a way to modify the frequency of the smoke signals I create, using the sun. I call it Solarphonic Mediation. Would you like to hear about it?
Other - sometimes, if they're really talkative and the kids are in the pool, I just throw the floating pool phone in the water and let them ramble until they realize there's no one there.
Now, I don't do this to any of the reputable charities that call. But I would like to hear some other ideas.
Usually I just make up stuff on the spot but some of my favourites are below.
Window guys - I usually say "Yes, I'd love to get new windows, my old ones are really bad. But do you have doors, too? I don't even have any doors! I really need doors! The cops kicked down the last ones I had. I covered it over with plywood and it was OK for a while, but this last time they sent the fuckers in through the back door, too. Now I have to go in and out through the window. Can you get someone here as soon as possible?"
Phone/Cable/Internet provider
"Hello Mr. xxxxx, Do you have any computers in your home?"
No
How many televisions do you have?
None.
And who is your current telephone provider.
I don't have one.
You don't have a phone provider?
No.
So you use your internet for telephone?
No, I don't have any internet.
What kind of telephone are you using now?
I'm not using a phone.
But, sir, how is this possible?
Well, I found a way to modify the frequency of the smoke signals I create, using the sun. I call it Solarphonic Mediation. Would you like to hear about it?
Other - sometimes, if they're really talkative and the kids are in the pool, I just throw the floating pool phone in the water and let them ramble until they realize there's no one there.
Now, I don't do this to any of the reputable charities that call. But I would like to hear some other ideas.
